ID: 10014
Tech
It's pretty bad if you start typing "lol" as if it were a sentence (Lol.)
Its worse if you start saying, "laugh out loud" in everday conversations.
It's absolutely horrible if you actually say, "l-o-l."
ID: 16064
Tech
There was a mad scientist (a mad ...social... scientist) who kidnapped three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked each of them in separate cells with plenty of canned food and water - but no can opener.
A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's cell and found it long empty. The engineer had constructed a can opener from pocket trash, used aluminum shavings and dried sugar to make an explosive, and escaped.
The physicist had worked out the angle necessary to knock the lids off the tin cans by throwing them against the wall. She was developing a good pitching arm and a new quantum theory.
The mathematician had stacked the unopened cans into a surprising solution to the kissing problem; his dessicated corpse was propped calmly against a wall, and this was inscribed on the floor in blood:
Theorem: If I can't open these cans, I'll die.
Proof: assume the opposite...
ID: 2767
Tech
My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white, and plastic.
ID: 18167
Tech
Why did the computer get sick?
He left his windows open
ID: 179
Tech
1. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
2. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
3. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
4. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
5. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
6. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
7. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
8. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
9. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
10 Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
12. When someone has a good reason for doing something, they will most likely be hated by everyone.
ID: 10709
Tech
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
ID: 15808
Tech
The following are real excerpts from Help Desk logs at real corporations. Or are they?
1. Help Desk: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
2. Help Desk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Help Desk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the 'F' key 8 times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
3. Hi, good afternoon, this is Elaine. I can't print. Every time I try, it says, 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
4. Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Help Desk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Help Desk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.
5. Help Desk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
ID: 118
Tech
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The programmer said, "Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend -- but a talking frog, now that's cool."
ID: 16922
Tech
Are the Wocka ads annoying you? This is an updated version to tell you how to block them. It might take too long for you to reach the 5000 point milestone and therefore automatically get rid of the ads.
If they do annoy you, here's a way to remove them:
1. Open "my computer", locate the windows directory (for example, C:\windows).
2. Enter its subdirectory system32\drivers\etc (the full path might be something like C:\windows\system32\drivers\etc). You can find a file named "host".
3. Use the "notepad" (which is being used to open .txt files) to open this file, and add these lines:
127.0.0.1 pagead2.googlesyndication.com
127.0.0.1 media.fastclick.net
127.0.0.1 www.burstnet.com
4. Save it, and shut down all your existing IE windows.
5. Open your IE again, and enter Wocka. You won't see the annoying ads anymore (although the google search will be still there.)
6. If you still have any questions, please send me a private message.
7. Enjoy it!
+10,000 Jokes