TECH

ID: 16822

Tech

Apple IPhone

A woman named Denise couldn't read her book. Her daughter Kelly was clicking away on the computer, but this time she was talking in a strange voice.
Denise decided to go check on what Kelly was doing. "Kelly," she said in a stern tone, "I told you no talking on the computer when I'm trying to read!"
Her daughter looked confused. "What? It was just the man with the Apple iPhone."
The next day the Apple iPhone arrived, but Kelly was grounded from her computer for a month. Denise tried to read, but yet again Kelly was talking in that strange voice. She said the same thing to Kelly, but she simply responded, "What? It's just the man with the Wii."
The Wii arrived the next day and Kelly was now grounded from every electronic system there ever was. But Kelly was still talking in that voice! Denise was steaming now and threatened to ground Kelly for a year. "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?" Denise yelled.
Kelly was trembling, but calmly she said, "It's Dad. He's been talking right next to me every day."

ID: 12132

Tech

Answering Machine Message 214

I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.

ID: 17780

Tech

Remote

How dod the person take over the remote?

ID: 10433

Tech

Greatest Invention

Scientists gathered three musicians together and asked them to name the greatest invention of the 20th century. The guitarist said the "wah-wah pedal" was the greatest invention.

After that, they asked the drummer and he said the "bass pedal" was the greatest invention.

Then finally, when asking the bass player, he said the "Stanley thermos" was the greatest invention.

Confused, they asked him how he figured that, and he said:

"Hot or cold how does it know, HOW DOES IT KNOW!?!?!?!"

ID: 10516

Tech

Things You Learn From Video Games

Things You Learn from Video Games

There is no problem that cannot be overcome by force.

If it moves, DESTROY IT!

Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.

One lone "good guy" can defeat an infinite number of "badguys."

Make sure you eat all food lying on the ground.

You can break things and get away with it.

You can push other vehicles off the road and get away with it.

If someone dies, they disappear.

If you get mad enough, you can fight even better.

You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.

You can operate all weapons without training.

No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.

Death is reversible (only for you!)

Ninjas are common, and frequently fight in public.

Whenever big fat mean guys are about to croak, they begin flashing red or yellow.

You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.

All women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.

Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was bad.

Don't worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.

A thousand-to-one odds against you is NOT a problem.

ID: 17265

Tech

Fireworks

A special kind of firework with very bright colors and little smoke was accidentally discovered when a man tried to make the atomic bomb safer.

That defeats the original purpose.

ID: 16042

Tech

Digits of Zero

Is zero a 1-digit number or a 0-digit number, or neither?

You may think that 0 is a 1-digit number. However, this will make 00 a 2-digit number, 000 a 3-digit number, and so on. Leading zeros do not count towards the digits, and 0 itself is a leading zero.

If you think that 0 is a 0-digit number, you're still wrong. 100 is a 3-digit number, 10 is a 2-digit number, 1 is a 1-digit number, and therefore, .1 is a 0-digit number, .01 is a -1-digit number, and so on. Therefore, the number of digits of a real number x is 1+int(lgx). Since lg0 is meaningless, the number of digits of 0 can't be defined.

ID: 15210

Tech

C-Nile Virus Alert

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: SYSTEM'S ADMINISTRATOR

SUBJECT: WARNING! C-NILE VIRUS ... MUST READ:

Just learned about this from a reliable source. It seems that there is a computer virus out there called the "C-Nile Virus" that even the most advanced programs from Norton cannot take care of, so be warned. It appears to affect those of us who were born before 1958.

Symptoms of the C-Nile Virus:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to send e-mail to other listed persons who received the e-mail from the person who sent it to you.

6. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

7. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the

ID: 9426

Tech

Funny UNIX Csh/sh Commands:

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist]

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go? ^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. >

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce? man::
Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

The following are not csh but sh :

$ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found

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