ID: 17148
Tech
For those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best.
Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.
ID: 16922
Tech
Are the Wocka ads annoying you? This is an updated version to tell you how to block them. It might take too long for you to reach the 5000 point milestone and therefore automatically get rid of the ads.
If they do annoy you, here's a way to remove them:
1. Open "my computer", locate the windows directory (for example, C:\windows).
2. Enter its subdirectory system32\drivers\etc (the full path might be something like C:\windows\system32\drivers\etc). You can find a file named "host".
3. Use the "notepad" (which is being used to open .txt files) to open this file, and add these lines:
127.0.0.1 pagead2.googlesyndication.com
127.0.0.1 media.fastclick.net
127.0.0.1 www.burstnet.com
4. Save it, and shut down all your existing IE windows.
5. Open your IE again, and enter Wocka. You won't see the annoying ads anymore (although the google search will be still there.)
6. If you still have any questions, please send me a private message.
7. Enjoy it!
ID: 18054
Tech
I think my smartphone is broken. I keep pressing the Home button, but I'm still working.
ID: 16217
Tech
The following is a list of undocumented Windows 95 error codes which somehow got overlooked when printing the documentation.
---------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------
WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger [Purchased Win95?]
WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside
WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside
WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?
WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old Windows licence is not valid anymore.
WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
WinErr 01A: Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.
WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available
ID: 17022
Tech
What's purple and commutes?
An Abelian grape.
ID: 18173
Tech
Long ago I gave my kid an iPod.
Last year he talked me into buying him an iPhone.
This year he said he needed an iPad.
I asked what the i- means and he said that's the way Apple name their products.
Now he's asking for an i7 laptop. My goodness, Apple have made so many things they've now run out of names!
ID: 17772
Tech
Attempting to enter a case-sensitive password with caps-lock on.
Not checking to ensure that the computer is indeed plugged in.
Clicking Yes on message boxes without reading them properly and deleting important files.
Forgetting to plug an ethernet cable into their laptop's network card when in the office.
Allowing sessions to timeout when using a web application.
Erroneous data entry.
ID: 14636
Tech
Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."
Pause.
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."
I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.
Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."
Pause.
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled "BANG HEAD HERE."
ID: 17426
Tech
A mathematician, an engineer and a chemist are at a conference. They are staying in adjoining rooms. One evening they are downstairs in the bar. The mathematician goes to bed first. The chemist goes next, followed a minute or two later by the engineer. The chemist notices that in the corridor outside their rooms a rubbish bin is ablaze. There is a bucket of water nearby. The chemist starts concocting a means of generating carbon dioxide in order to create a makeshift extinguisher but before he can do so the engineer arrives, dumps the water on the fire and puts it out. The next morning the chemist and engineer tell the mathematician about the fire. She admits she saw it. They ask her why she didn't put it out. She replies contemptuously "there was a fire and a bucket of water: a solution obviously existed."
+10,000 Jokes