ID: 17337
Tech
A boy named Ronald bought a Xbox for Christmas. 7 months later, the Xbox broke. He knew he needed to replace it with a new one, but the shop where he bought it was closed down in favor for a shoe store.
He went to the new console shop which was just a kilometer away. He saw an Xbox and he knew he got enough money for it, so he said he wanted an Xbox and the cashier said: "Your Xbox will be delivered in 2 or 3 days." In 2 days, the doorbell rang. He knew it is the Xbox he ordered. Outside was a man with glasses, holding a box where Ronald thought inside was an Xbox, but when he opened it, he was shocked.
It was a box marked with an X on the cover and inside was a game for Xbox only. Thus a bad discussion went through:
"I said I want an Xbox!"
"That is your Xbox with a game for Xbox also!"
"But it's a box with an X marked on it. I want the Xbox!"
"But that's your Xbox!"
"The digital type!"
"Ohhhh! I will call the president of our company. Maybe he can fix the problem."
After 2 weeks, he got another box but this time, the man with glasses didn't appear. The box was just sitting there, on the rocky path to the door. He picked it up. It seemed to be heavy. When he opened it, a letter with an Anvil said:
Dear Ronald
I know you wanted an Xbox but the one you might have seen in the store, the digital one, was reserved for someone else before you asked for it. Send me a letter back if you want to know who owns it.
So Ronald sent a letter to the president. After a while, the reply came to Ronald. It was a very rude letter:
Dear Ronald
The Xbox belonged to me, because I was really poor and just stole money to buy the store and Xbox. It's busted now, so you can never have it!
Ronald was very angry. Then he told the police to put a "pretend" bill to the president for breaking the Xbox.
ID: 12134
Tech
- You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your E-mail on the way back to bed.
- You name your children Eudora, AOL and dotcom.
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap and your child in the overhead compartment.
- You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
- You laugh at people with 14.4 band modems.
- You start using smileys in your snail mail.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
- You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.
- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
- You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral screennames and you never bothered to ask.
- You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you Landscape
- You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.garden/house/brick.html
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
- After reading this, you immediately e-mail it to your friends.
ID: 118
Tech
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The programmer said, "Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend -- but a talking frog, now that's cool."
ID: 6824
Tech
1. You don't suffer from insomnia... you enjoy every minute of it.
2. Your pupils are dialated 24/7
3.*You don't have time for a girlfriend and would rather have a talking frog instead.
4. L337 is a common word in your household.
5. The targeting reticle from halo is permanently burned onto your retina... and you love it.
6. You know the correct pronunciation of MJOLNIR.
7. You have a microwave in your room.
8. Your dog can beat your friends at halo.
9. Your pug, 30 pounds over weight can physically kick your butt.
10. You've memorized the entire halo soundtrack.
ID: 121
Tech
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
ID: 115
Tech
I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"
I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
"Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
"A little. What's wrong?"
"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
"How did you load the sheet?"
"It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote control door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think that store would have a battery for this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the keys and manually unlocked the door, I said, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries? It's a long walk."
Tech Support: What does the screen say now?
Caller: It says 'Hit ENTER when ready.'
Tech Support: Well?
Caller: How do I know when it's ready?
A man moved to New Mexico and called his credit company to change his address. When he told the girl where he was moving, she told him that she couldn't help him since they didn't issue cards outside of the United States!
My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"
Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day, he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," she told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named "i386."
He started to type it and paused, asking me, "Where's the key for that line thing?"
I asked what he was talking about, and he said, "You know, that one that looks like an upside-down exclamation mark."
I replied, "You mean the letter 'i'?"
And he said, "Yeah, that's it!"
I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like it had been an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, and then went in back to make a sandwich.
ID: 395
Tech
Is your computer male of female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!" Recently a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusions follow:
1. No one but the creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists (all female) claim that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:
1. They have lots of data but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realise that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
ID: 175
Tech
How is a computer like an air conditioner?
When you open Windows it won't work!
ID: 2141
Tech
My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.
After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.
Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help. She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"
+10,000 Jokes