TECH

ID: 2860

Tech

Computer Pops

How do you know, your computer hates you?

When it grows and pop ups.

ID: 15210

Tech

C-Nile Virus Alert

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: SYSTEM'S ADMINISTRATOR

SUBJECT: WARNING! C-NILE VIRUS ... MUST READ:

Just learned about this from a reliable source. It seems that there is a computer virus out there called the "C-Nile Virus" that even the most advanced programs from Norton cannot take care of, so be warned. It appears to affect those of us who were born before 1958.

Symptoms of the C-Nile Virus:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to send e-mail to other listed persons who received the e-mail from the person who sent it to you.

6. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

7. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the

ID: 14211

Tech

A Chatroom Poem

I was sitting in chat room,
Feeling mildly amused,
When I saw something strange,
That left me all confused.

Someone typed a word,
(As far as I could tell)
But I had never seen it.
What is an LOL?

Then the plot got thicker,
More words I didn't know,
A person started typing,
The word LMAO.

I sat there in amazement,
I felt like a dumb toad.
Could it be, these people,
Were speaking in a code?

That's when I looked closer.
And found the subtle clue.
I figured out this code
And I'll share it now, with you.

LOL is three little words,
That seem, to me, quite shady.
Why would someone ever write
The words, "Lean Over Lady"?

LMAO, was more obscure,
It made me sweat my socks!
LMAO is a command,
Meaning, "Leave Me Alone, Ox!"

ROFL was harder still,
I found it rather sickening.
It's a discreet way to say,
"Ready Only For Licking!"

I can't believe that AOL,
Would let this code exist!
To them I say, YOMSL
Meaning, "You're On My Shit List!"

ID: 13346

Tech

As Good As It Gets

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949.

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." - The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what ... is it good for?" - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" - Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

ID: 14725

Tech

Pizza, Anyone?

From Harper's Magazine:

Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75.

ID: 6882

Tech

You Might be a Linux User If...

(Linux is a server far superior to windows. It's logo is Tux the digital penguin.)
1. Your favorite movie was Kill Bill.
2. Your favorite animal is a penguin.
3. You think micro and soft describe Bill Gates.
4. You would like to "server" Gates head.
5. Your desktop picture is of tux burning the windows flag.
6. Your motto is "W1ND0W$ 1$ 7H3 root 0F @LL 3V1L"
7. You can read the above statment.
8. You think XBOX was Microsoft's first success.
9. You would rather have a computer from Hasbro than Microsoft.
10. Your computer can play solitaire.


For you Windows users #6 means "Windows is the root of all evil".

ID: 368

Tech

Signs You're Watching Too Much TV

The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would Dawson Do?"
In the middle of an exam, you tell the professor you want to use a lifeline.
You need to be tranquilized when the cable goes out.
In the late evening, you look forward to sitting back and catching the latest informercial.
If you're a witness to an argument, you instinctually shout, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!"
You try to impress the opposite sex by saying, "Hey, I get 120 channels!"
Your entire CD collection consists of "Greatest Hits" albums by the decade.
You have a gold-plated "clicker."
Your intellectual discussions all stem from The Discovery Channel.
After 15 minutes of work, you need a two-minute break.

ID: 15735

Tech

2 Car Jokes

Q: Why do Hondas and Hyundais have standard rear-window defoggers?

A: So your hands don't get cold when you're pushing them.


Q: What is the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine?

A: With a Porsche, the pricks are on the inside.

ID: 14766

Tech

Worm Overload Recreational Killer

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

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