ID: 10014
Tech
It's pretty bad if you start typing "lol" as if it were a sentence (Lol.)
Its worse if you start saying, "laugh out loud" in everday conversations.
It's absolutely horrible if you actually say, "l-o-l."
ID: 17780
Tech
How dod the person take over the remote?
ID: 114
Tech
Tech Support
Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article:
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
9. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer". The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
13. Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
14. In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from it's cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.
As Ripley would say, believe it or not!
ID: 2166
Tech
The following are new Windows messages that are under
consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
10. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
11. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
12. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
14. CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
20. User Error: Replace user.
21. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
22. Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
23. If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and
all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?
24. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.
ID: 773
Tech
"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem (S) = Solution
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for
(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious
(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
ID: 13771
Tech
All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and services, but they (obviously) didn't think their domain names through.
Some of them are prime candidates for the "What was I thinking?" Award....
ALL these websites actually exist, selling something totally benign (and work-safe, in case you're wondering).
1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is: www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at:
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at:
www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company: www.powergenitalia.com
6. We have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always: www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church and their website: www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then of course, there's these brainless art designers at Speed of Art and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com
10. Want to go on holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at: www.gotahoe.com
ID: 2860
Tech
How do you know, your computer hates you?
When it grows and pop ups.
ID: 16121
Tech
Believe it or not, Windows95 is not a virus, as many (millions) have claimed. You want proof? Look no further!
What's the difference between Windows95 and a virus?
Quality
Replicates Quickly
Virus: Yes
Windows95: Yes
Uses up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so
Virus: Yes
Windows95: Yes
Occasional hard disk destruction
Virus: Yes
Windows95: Yes
Usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems
Virus: Yes
Windows95:Yes
Will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow and the user will buy new hardware
Virus:Yes
Windows95:Yes
Occasional meltdown of vital components
Virus:Yes
Windows95:Yes
Until now it seems Windows is a virus, but there are several fundamental differences.
Viruses:
1.are well supported by their authors
2.are running on most systems
3.have fast, compact and efficient source code
4.become more sophisticated as they mature
ID: 755
Tech
With the daily time taken working on computers, avoiding things like RSI and any strain related illnesses is crucial to maintaining a healthy working environment. The following excercise has been devised by medical experts in the field of RSI research to ensure that if performed, will place the exerciser in a position of minimal risk. Simply follow the on-screen instructions.
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