ID: 17974
Tech
A Windows customer said when he closes his windows, they disappear.
ID: 10014
Tech
It's pretty bad if you start typing "lol" as if it were a sentence (Lol.)
Its worse if you start saying, "laugh out loud" in everday conversations.
It's absolutely horrible if you actually say, "l-o-l."
ID: 13344
Tech
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."
ID: 10433
Tech
Scientists gathered three musicians together and asked them to name the greatest invention of the 20th century. The guitarist said the "wah-wah pedal" was the greatest invention.
After that, they asked the drummer and he said the "bass pedal" was the greatest invention.
Then finally, when asking the bass player, he said the "Stanley thermos" was the greatest invention.
Confused, they asked him how he figured that, and he said:
"Hot or cold how does it know, HOW DOES IT KNOW!?!?!?!"
ID: 121
Tech
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
ID: 10516
Tech
Things You Learn from Video Games
There is no problem that cannot be overcome by force.
If it moves, DESTROY IT!
Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
One lone "good guy" can defeat an infinite number of "badguys."
Make sure you eat all food lying on the ground.
You can break things and get away with it.
You can push other vehicles off the road and get away with it.
If someone dies, they disappear.
If you get mad enough, you can fight even better.
You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
You can operate all weapons without training.
No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.
Death is reversible (only for you!)
Ninjas are common, and frequently fight in public.
Whenever big fat mean guys are about to croak, they begin flashing red or yellow.
You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.
All women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was bad.
Don't worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.
A thousand-to-one odds against you is NOT a problem.
ID: 10746
Tech
What is the similarity between Einstein and Newton?
Neither of them ever had a mobile phone!
ID: 1636
Tech
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
ID: 10730
Tech
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.
He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."
+10,000 Jokes