ID: 10724
Tech
Never trust google!
why?
follow the instruction below and you'll get what I mean
Please do it right now and see the blunder made by google.
1. Open google
2. Click 'language tools' link.
3. Write "Linda's mom is very nice" in 'Translate text:' textbox.
4. Select "English to Spanish" in the below combo.
5. Press Translate and wait for translation.
6. Now copy the translated text from the above text and paste it in the 'Translate text:' textbox.
7. Select "Spanish to English" in the below combo.
8. Press Translate and wait for translation.
9. Enjoy.
Copy paste below's URL to go to translator page of google:
http://www.google.com/language_tools?hl=en
ID: 13438
Tech
Google Products We'll Never See
11. Google Hitman Assistant - Find, schedule, and collect on all your assassinations with this suite of products.
10. Googlearchy - Tired of democracy? Install the government that everyone loves without annoying pop-up ads.
9. Google Smite - An extension of Google Earth uses laser beams attached to the satellites to exact revenge or just have some fun for paid subscribers.
8. Google Carnage - Use real-time satellite images to zoom in and see car, train, or plane crashes and other disasters.
7. Google Ogle - The hottest unsecured webcams on the Internet.
6. Googlebator - Used with Google Ogle, it's our first attempt at hardware.
5. Google Alibi - Paid service that will provide you with a credible account for your whereabouts.
4. Google Telegraph - Dash-Dot, Dash-Dash-Dash, Dash.
3. Google Gaggle - The only search engine for geese.
2. Google Invading Force - Some pesky third world country got you down? Send in the troops with Google's new troop management tool.
1. Gogoel - Search, for dyslexics.
ID: 2139
Tech
I half a spelling checker,
It came with my pea sea;
It plainly marks four my revue,
Mistakes I kin not sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your please two no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
ID: 16213
Tech
A pilot's flying a small, single-engined charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board. He's coming into Seattle airport, only there is thick fog, less than 10ft of visibility, and his instruments are out. So he circles around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he's pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. At last, in a small opening in the fog, he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.
The pilot banks the plane around and winds down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hi! Where am I?", to which the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane". The pilot winds up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple," replies the pilot. "The answer he gave me was 100% correct, but absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft's Support Office and from there the airport is just 5 miles away on a course of 87 degrees! Any questions?"
ID: 2767
Tech
My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white, and plastic.
ID: 6785
Tech
Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quicky turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
ID: 7669
Tech
Perhaps the Most Truthful: on Microsoft marketing:
"There won't be anything we won't say to people to try and convince them that our way is the way to go."
Not on his mind while developing Win9X..circa 1981...
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
On the solid code base of Win9X... thanks WPW!
"If you can't make it good, at least make it look good."
from "OS/2 Programmer's Guide" (forward by Bill Gates):
"I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possibly program, of all time. As the successor to DOS, which has over 10,000,000 systems in use, it creates incredible opportunities for everyone involved with PCs."
Bill Gates, Free Market and the LA Times Thanks GC!
"There are people who don't like capitalism, and people who don't like PCs. But there's no-one who likes the PC who doesn't like Microsoft"
From the back of an old Digitalk Smalltalk/V PM manual, 1990:
"This is the right way to develop applications for OS/2 PM. OS/2 PM is a tremendously rich environment, which makes it inherently complex. Smalltalk/V PM removes that complexity and lets you concentrate on writing great programs. Smalltalk/V PM is the kind of tool that will make OS/2 the successor to MS/DOS".
from "OS/2 Notebook", Microsoft Press, (c) 1990 - an excerpt from an interview with Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino, p. 614:
Developer: Does the announcement [of the OS/2 joint development agreement between IBM and Microsoft] mean that Microsoft is curtailing any plans for future development of Windows?
Gates: Microsoft has not changed any of its plans for Windows. It is obvious that we will not include things like threads and preemptive multitasking in Windows. By the time we added that, you would have OS/2.
There's a reason they threw it away...
from "Programmers at Work" by Microsoft Press, interview with Bill (found on comp.os.os2.advocacy),
Interviewer: Is studying computer science the best way to prepare to be a programmer?
Gates: No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, and to study great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their operating system.
Only the finest Microsoft marketing! (submitted by BarryB):
"If you don't know what you need Windows NT for, you don't need it."
On the Box of Windows 2.11 for 286 (submitted by GLDM)
"New interface closely resembles Presentation Manager, preparing you for the wonders of OS/2!"
On code stability, from Focus Magazine (submitted by Benedikt Heinen Microsoft programs are generally bug-free. If you visit the Microsoft hotline, you'll literally have to wait weeks if not months until someone calls in with a bug in one of our programs. 99.99% of calls turn out to
be user mistakes.
[...]
I know not a single less irrelevant reason for an update than bugfixes. The reasons for updates are to present more new features.
Unconfirmed quotes:
Microsoft's GUI innovations... 1983 (thanks E.R.)
"Imagine the disincentive to software development if after months of work another company could come along and copy your work and market it under its own name...without legal restraints to such copying, companies like Apple could not afford to advance the state of the art."
Even more 1984 predictions (thanks Scott Renyen)
"The next generation of interesting software will be made on a Macintosh, not an IBM PC."
ID: 10773
Tech
10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
9. Its celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
7. Its slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
ID: 354
Tech
How do you know if a dummy has been sending e-mail?
You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.
+10,000 Jokes