ID: 17265
Tech
A special kind of firework with very bright colors and little smoke was accidentally discovered when a man tried to make the atomic bomb safer.
That defeats the original purpose.
ID: 15210
Tech
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: SYSTEM'S ADMINISTRATOR
SUBJECT: WARNING! C-NILE VIRUS ... MUST READ:
Just learned about this from a reliable source. It seems that there is a computer virus out there called the "C-Nile Virus" that even the most advanced programs from Norton cannot take care of, so be warned. It appears to affect those of us who were born before 1958.
Symptoms of the C-Nile Virus:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to send e-mail to other listed persons who received the e-mail from the person who sent it to you.
6. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
7. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the
ID: 16126
Tech
Microsoft's new "Cool User" Program
REDMOND, WASHINGTON - In order to calm growing impatience among PC users concerning the repeated delays of its new Windows 95 operating system, Microsoft Corporation announced what it cal ls the "Cool User Program for Windows 95." To participate in this offer, a user pays US$10,000 at which time he or she will be placed in a cryogenic suspension. The user will then remain in a state of hibernation until about a week before the Windows 95 ship date.
"We expect that the users will need a few days to recuperate and acquaint themselves with the changes that will occur in society between the onset of cold sleep and the release of Windows 95," explained a Microsoft spokesman. These may include "the OJ Simpson trial ending, another m omentous Congressional election, faster-than-light travel and possible leaps in human evolution."
Because Microsoft expects a large response to this offer, a vast area will be needed for the s torage facility. "We have chosen the state of Utah," stated Microsoft, "because nobody lives there anyway."
Spokespeople for Novell and WordPerfect were reached for comment on this remark, but their words were not suitable for publication.
IBM Corporation, which has previously responded to Microsoft promotions with competing offers for their OS/2 Warp said they would not be matching Microsoft's "Cool User" program. "Freeze people? What for? Warp has already been shipping for months," said a source who asked not to be identified.
Some industry analysts have wasted no time hailing Microsoft's plan as a "bold, innovative" move. In columnist Michael S. Brown's opinion column "M.S. Brown Knows" which appears in PC Weak, Brown claims, "IBM has missed the boat again with their failing OS/2 strategy. Users clearly want to be frozen in liquid nitrogen and sealed in coffin-like units for an indeterminate period of time.
Michael S. Brown made national headlines three years ago when he claimed that if "Windows NT didn't completely replace DOS in six months," he would chain himself to grating comedian Gilbert Godfried. Today he clarifies that; "I didn't say which six months."
The cryogenic facility in Utah is expected to be on line April 1, 1995, but users wishing to b eta test the system may do so for a reduced fee of US$3,000.
ID: 9032
Tech
What is a robot's favorite food?
Nuts and bolts!
ID: 15404
Tech
E-Mail Screw-ups.
Many Universities, colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the begining or end to make up an e-mail address, i.e. Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may cause when you have a large and diverse pool of people to choose from. Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses (probably not funny to the individual involved).
Some examples follow:
Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University)
eatonshit@dku.edu
Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University)
cumminme@fu.edu
George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.)
blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania)
dickinme@iup.edu
Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University)
kissinfk@lvu.edu
Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating)
beeranbj@myplace.com
Amanda Sue Pickering (Perdue University)
aspicker@pu.edu
Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University)
ibballin@bsu.edu
Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada)
btkisser@bendover.com
Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us)
ihadcock@tru.com
See what I mean?
ID: 16042
Tech
Is zero a 1-digit number or a 0-digit number, or neither?
You may think that 0 is a 1-digit number. However, this will make 00 a 2-digit number, 000 a 3-digit number, and so on. Leading zeros do not count towards the digits, and 0 itself is a leading zero.
If you think that 0 is a 0-digit number, you're still wrong. 100 is a 3-digit number, 10 is a 2-digit number, 1 is a 1-digit number, and therefore, .1 is a 0-digit number, .01 is a -1-digit number, and so on. Therefore, the number of digits of a real number x is 1+int(lgx). Since lg0 is meaningless, the number of digits of 0 can't be defined.
ID: 13125
Tech
This was set up by Google. Enjoy!
Please do the following:
1. Open Google.
2. Type "failure".
3. Click: I'm Feeling Lucky.
4. Enjoy!
ID: 10433
Tech
Scientists gathered three musicians together and asked them to name the greatest invention of the 20th century. The guitarist said the "wah-wah pedal" was the greatest invention.
After that, they asked the drummer and he said the "bass pedal" was the greatest invention.
Then finally, when asking the bass player, he said the "Stanley thermos" was the greatest invention.
Confused, they asked him how he figured that, and he said:
"Hot or cold how does it know, HOW DOES IT KNOW!?!?!?!"
ID: 118
Tech
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The programmer said, "Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend -- but a talking frog, now that's cool."
+10,000 Jokes