ID: 3675
Sports
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked the second, "What's your handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with such a strong player.
"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!
ID: 1330
Sports
Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day." Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball; you look over there," he says to Sid. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces triumphantly.
Sid looks at him forlornly, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?"
"What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!"
"And a liar, too!" Sid says with amazement. "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!"
ID: 1586
Sports
Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?
She kept running away from the ball!!
ID: 4863
Sports
What is the name of the baseball player who sits under a tree?
Babe Root!
ID: 4825
Sports
This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins, and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend.
The priest says, "Oh, okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue.
"Well, father, I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church."
The priest says, "And you got upset over that, and swore?"
The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees."
The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree."
The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"
The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away."
The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"
The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole."
The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the fucking putt!"
ID: 2464
Sports
Bumper sticker: BE KIND TO ANIMALS. HUG A HOCKEY PLAYER.
ID: 4609
Sports
A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer.
When the first golfer gets to his ball he is greeted by his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss.
"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore," says the first golfer.
"That's funny" replies the second, "you had plenty of time to yell 'SHIT!'"
ID: 1328
Sports
Dick brings a friend to play golf with two of his buddies to complete a foursome. His buddies ask him if his friend can play golf. Dick says that he is very good.
This guy hits the ball on the first hole in the bush, so his buddies look at him and say, "You said your friend was a good golfer." Dick says "Yes, he is watch him play." They see the ball come out of the bush on the green. This guy takes two putts to make par.
Second hole is par 3. This guy hits the ball into the lake. The two buddies looks at Dick again and say "You said this guy was good" Dick replies that this guy was a great player.
So the guy walks into the the lake. Three minutes later they can't see the guy. All of a sudden they see a hand come out of the water. They tell Dick to dive in the lake to go get his friend, he's drowning. Dick replies "No, that means he wants a 5 iron".
ID: 1331
Sports
The worst (and wealthiest) member of Augusta approached Ben Crenshaw after the Master's Tournament. He challenged him to a match - double or nothing the prize money he had just one. Crenshaw was hesitant but, hey, who doesn't need more money, right?
To make it fair he offered the guy any handicap he wanted. The member requested two gottcha's. Crenshaw wasn't sure what a gottcha was but since the man was insistent, he agreed.
They went out to the first tee and the member took a swing at his ball and sliced mightily. Crenshaw got up and teed up his ball. The guy came up behind Crenshaw and swung his driver hard between Crenshaw's legs. "GOTTCHA!" he screamed.
Crenshaw squirmed in agony, fell to the floor clutching his groin with tears streaming down his face. "That's one gottcha gone" said his challenger. Crenshaw took quite some minutes to compose himself again and played on.
At the end of the round the people couldn't believe that Crenshaw had lost. His only comment, "Ever play a round of golf waiting for the second "gottcha?"
+10,000 Jokes