ID: 1326
Sports
Four men, well along in years, had played golf as a foursome every Sunday morning, until one of them passed away. The other three asked the club pro if he could find them a compatible gentleman to fill out the foursome again. "No problem," answered the pro.
"But, you have to understand," one of the guys, named George, explained, "that Moe, who died, was like our eyes. We're all getting some cataracts, and have trouble seeing the ball. Moe's eyesight was perfect, and he was our spotter."
The pro promised to see what he could do, and, when the others returned the following Sunday, he introduced them to a truly ancient looking gentleman, named Gary.
"How old are you?" George asked.
"I'm ninety-four," Gary responded.
"Fabulous," said George. "But how's your eyesight?"
At this, Gary blew up. "Don't insult my eyes," he yelled. "I may be old, but I've got 20-20 vision. I have eyes like an eagle. Don't insult me!"
"Okay, okay," the others said. "Let's play golf."
George was first on the tee, and he hit a long, low drive, that faded significantly after about 200 yards. He turned to Gary.
"Did you see where it went?" he asked the ancient one.
"Did I see where it went? I told you not to insult my eyesight. Of course, I saw where it went. I've got eyes like an eagle!" Gary yelled.
"Okay, I'm sorry," said George. "Where did it go?"
Gary dropped his head, and muttered, "I forgot."
ID: 11955
Sports
The Americans and the Russians had a car race, in which the car from America won.
However, the report in the newspapers of Russia, read as follows –
"In a recent motor race, the Russian car finished in second place, while the American car finished next to last."
(There were only two cars involved!)
ID: 8698
Sports
Q: Did you hear the joke about the jump rope?
A: No, I skipped it!
ID: 1331
Sports
The worst (and wealthiest) member of Augusta approached Ben Crenshaw after the Master's Tournament. He challenged him to a match - double or nothing the prize money he had just one. Crenshaw was hesitant but, hey, who doesn't need more money, right?
To make it fair he offered the guy any handicap he wanted. The member requested two gottcha's. Crenshaw wasn't sure what a gottcha was but since the man was insistent, he agreed.
They went out to the first tee and the member took a swing at his ball and sliced mightily. Crenshaw got up and teed up his ball. The guy came up behind Crenshaw and swung his driver hard between Crenshaw's legs. "GOTTCHA!" he screamed.
Crenshaw squirmed in agony, fell to the floor clutching his groin with tears streaming down his face. "That's one gottcha gone" said his challenger. Crenshaw took quite some minutes to compose himself again and played on.
At the end of the round the people couldn't believe that Crenshaw had lost. His only comment, "Ever play a round of golf waiting for the second "gottcha?"
ID: 6588
Sports
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one."
ID: 177
Sports
20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It's a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He's got great hands.
ID: 3915
Sports
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously, it won't work -- and both are expensive.
ID: 1586
Sports
Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?
She kept running away from the ball!!
ID: 6442
Sports
Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon: a Patriots fan, a Falcons fan, an Eagles fan, and a Steelers fan. They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them was the most "die-hard" fan.
Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Patriots fan proclaimed to the other three... "This is for the New England Patriots!" and promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice.
Not to be outdone by a Patriots fan, the Falcons fan jumped up and said... "This is for the Atlanta Falcons!" and then threw himself off the mountain, again as a form of sacrifice.
Refusing to be outdone by the Patriots and Falcons fans, the Steelers fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs, "This is for the Pittsburgh Steelers!" and without hesitation, pushed the Philadelphia Eagles fan off the mountain.
+10,000 Jokes