ID: 14581
Religious
How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?
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54. Two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.
What is the difference between a large pizza and a Jew?
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The large pizza won't scream when you put it in the oven.
ID: 7335
Religious
Did you hear about the new muslim air mattress?
It blows itself up.
ID: 17600
Religious
An old Jewish man riding on a train begins to moan: "Oy, am I thirsty; oy, am I thirsty", to the annoyance of the other passengers. Finally, another passenger gets a cup of water from the drinking fountain and gives it to the old man, who thanks him profusely and gulps it down. Feeling satisfied, the other passenger sits down again, only to hear "Oy, was I thirsty; oy, was I thirsty".
ID: 17566
Religious
Q: Is one permitted to ride in an airplane on the Sabbath?
A: Yes, as long as your seat belt remains fastened. In this case, it is considered that you are not riding, you are wearing the plane.
ID: 17601
Religious
A rabbi and a Catholic priest are having lunch in a restaurant. The priest's food arrives, a scrumptious-looking ham entrée. The priest attacks his lunch, savouring every bite of the ham. Noticing the rabbi eyeing him, he asks, "So tell me, Rabbi Goldblum, have you ever had any pork before?"
The rabbi hesitates. "Well, it's not for me to say..."
The priest pushes on. "Oh, c'mon, Rabbi. We're both men of God here. We can tell each other our sins. Nothing to it."
"Umm... well, yes, as a matter of fact, I did have pork once."
Smugly the priest teases him, "And a fine meat it was, wasn't it? Heheh."
"Yeah, I'll say."
A few moments pass. The rabbi asks the priest: "Tell me Father, have you ever had sex with a woman before?"
"Why of course... well, before I took holy orders, that is."
The rabbi smirks, "Sure beat the taste of pork, didn't it?"
ID: 17569
Religious
The town of Chelm decided to build a new synagogue. So, some strong, able-bodied men were sent to a mountaintop to gather heavy stones for the foundation. The men put the stones on their shoulders and trudged down the mountain to the town below. When they arrived, the town constable yelled, "Foolish men! You should have rolled the stones down the mountain!" The men agreed this was an excellent idea. So they turned around, and with the stones still on their shoulders, trudged back up the mountain, and rolled the stones back down again.
ID: 17838
Religious
Man- "Jesus Christ! I can't open this hard drive."
Jesus- "Use the torx, Luke."
ID: 15089
Religious
One day, God was talking to St. Peter.
God said, "I am not very happy with all the sinners in the world. I should send a letter to each of them and tell them what they are doing wrong and they must stop, or they will not come to Heaven when they die."
"I have a better idea," St. Peter said. "We should send letters to all the people who are doing good things and congratulate them on being accepted into Heaven when they pass on."
God agreed, so they sent out the letters. Do you know what the letters said?
What, you mean you didn't get one?
ID: 17783
Religious
God said "Let there be light."
Chuck Norris said "Say please."
+10,000 Jokes