ID: 1735
Religious
One very loooooong summer day, not so long ago, a guy was driving down a long and never-ending road, when he noticed a sign that said
Ten miles ahead Sisters of Mercy brothel.
The guy really confused by somewhat intrigued decides that it is weird but if it were true he might check it out.
Later down the road he finds the same sign but it reads five miles ahead the Sisters of Mercy brothel.
So now the guys decides that he is definitely going to stop at the brothel five miles down the road.
FIVE MILES LATER...
He drives into a parking lot in front of a small windowless building with one door that says entrance to the Sisters of Mercy brothel.
He gets up to the door and on the doorknob "Knock three times" is inscribed on it.
So the guy filled with intrigue knocks three times, and immediately after the third knock an extremely old nun opens the door and says.
"Hello, are you looking for a few good nuns."
"Yes, yes I've been on the road all week and I'm pent up like hell, god I am."
As the nun gives the guy a cold look she tells him to come inside and follow the winding path.
So the guy goes through about fifteen hallways and finally comes across a door that says "WAIT"
And after a five minute wait the biggest butch of a nun comes and says high you came for a nun.
After having the shit scared out of him by the big nun she tells him that the nun of his dreams is on the other side of that door, but she tells him he has to strip naked right here and bend over facing the door keeping his eyes closed.
After doing those two tasks he feels the door in front of him swing open, and suddenly a sharp pain in his ass, he was kicked outside and the door slam shut and lock behind him.
As he walked around the long building buck naked, he gets back to the parking lot realizing that his car is missing, and the front door is locked. As he turns around he notices a card on the ground and opens it up and he reads
!CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY!
ID: 1896
Religious
A son walks into the living room and asks his dad to borrow the car because he has a hot date. The dad says, ''Sure, as soon as you cut your long hair.''
The boy smiles and thinking he has outsmarted his dad replies, ''Dad, Jesus had long hair...''
And the dad replied, ''Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went too, didn''t he?''
ID: 4256
Religious
Three ministers are talking over lunch and before long find themselves discussing how much of the weekly offering is appropriate to keep and how much to give to the Lord.
The first minister says, "I just draw a line on the floor, put one foot on each side, and throw the money into the air. Whatever lands on the right side of the line is God's and whatever lands on the left is mine."
The second minister notes that he uses a similar method, but "I use a small coffee table when I throw the money in the air and whatever lands on the table goes to the Lord and whatever lands on the floor is mine."
They both contemplate each other's answer and finally turn to the third minister who is sitting there without saying anything. "Well, how do you do it?" asks the first to the third.
"Well, I do as you both do and throw the money into the air, but I figure whatever the Lord wants, he'll grab, and I keep whatever hits the floor."
ID: 3694
Religious
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked,
"Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"
To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management."
ID: 15530
Religious
Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The nun answered, "That would be good, but I'd be uneasy about purchasing it." The 1st nun said she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look on her face, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."
ID: 10916
Religious
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong"?
The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church".
The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.
Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".
ID: 12829
Religious
Q: What was Jesus when he was resurrected?
A: A Born Again Christian
ID: 13057
Religious
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the rabbi asked; "How come after all these years we don't see you at services any more?"
The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105, so I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
ID: 14289
Religious
A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there, two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning, Sisters," and they reply, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
This stuns the priest, who thought he had been very polite, but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says, "Good morning, Brother." The Brother replies, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The priest was very confused at this and goes on.
He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, "Good morning, Father." The priest replies, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dining hall not saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, "Father ..." The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop. He looks at the bishop and says, "No, I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The bishop looks at him stunned and says, "What?" The priest realised his mistake and said, "I am sorry, your holiness, what is it you want?" The bishop looks at him and says, "I was only going to ask you why you had on Sister Ann's shoes?"
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