ID: 17574
Religious
During World War II, a sergeant gets a telephone call from a woman. "We would love it," she said, "if you could bring five of your soldiers over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner."
"Certainly, ma'am," replied the sergeant.
"Oh... just make sure they aren't Jews, of course," said the woman.
"Will do," replied the sergeant. So that Thanksgiving while the woman is baking, the doorbell rings. She opens her door and, to her horror, five black soldiers are standing in front of her.
"Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "I'm afraid there's been a terrible mistake!"
"No ma'am," said one of the soldiers. "Sergeant Rosenbloom never makes mistakes!"
ID: 14142
Religious
There was a atheist and his son dicussing religion.
The young man later brought up the discussion with his friends, who explained to him the concept on the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
That day the man went home and told his father that there were three gods and explained to him what his friends had said.
The father stared at his son and said, "No, son, there is only one god, and we don't believe in him."
ID: 9745
Religious
A nun walks into a liquor store and asks to buy a fifth of whiskey. She says it's for Mother Superior's constipation, so the owner says ok. She buys the booze and leaves. Two hours later, the owner closes store and walks through the park on his way home. As he's walking, he spots the same nun sitting on a park bench, roaring drunk. "Shame on you, Sister", he says, "I thought that whiskey was for Mother Superior's constipation." "It is," she slurrs. "When she sees me, she'll crap!"
ID: 7624
Religious
A blonde was telling her priest a Polack joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?"
ID: 9065
Religious
A cowboy an indian and a muslim were in an airport waiting for their flight.
After some silence the indian says. "Once my people were many, now we are few."
Then the muslim says, "My people were many, we are still many," he turns to the cowboy, "Why do you think that is?"
The cowboy says, "Maybe that's 'cause we haven't played cowboys 'n' muslims yet.
ID: 11077
Religious
One day Billy is pulling some bottles to the recycling plant in his wagon to get some spending money, he is cursing up a storm while he is pulling the wagon.
He comes around a corner and sees Jenny standing on the path in front of him.
"Billy you shouldn't swear like that!"
"Why the hell not?"
"Because God will hear you" Jenny replies.
"So what if he does" Billy replies.
"Well if God hears you swearing you will go to hell." Jenny explains.
"Well He can't hear me. He is not here!"
"Yes He can hear you Billy. God is everywhere!"
Billy thinks a minute than says, "You mean to say God is under that tree over there right now?"
"Yes Billy He is there, but you can't see him because He is invisibe." replies Jenny.
"God is over behind those bushes too?" asks Billy.
"Yes. He is behind the bushes too. I told you he is everywhere!" Jenny exclaims.
"Is God in my wagon right now?"
"Yes Billy, God is in your wagon right now!" Jemmy replies.
Billy thinks about this a minute then yells, "WELL TELL HIM TO GET OUT AND PUSH THIS SON OF A BITCH. IT'S HEAVY!"
ID: 10561
Religious
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied!!
ID: 11568
Religious
Our house, in the middle of my feet,
Our house, which smells of cheesy feet,
Our house, will always get defeat,
Our house, will never eat those feet.
That was a song I made up
ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!!!
ID: 7566
Religious
During the Irish Potato famine, a young Irish-Catholic woman was worried about the poverty of her family. She told her parents that she was going to America to seek her fortune. With many tears, they let her go.
Years passed, and the woman returned home. She arrived in a private jet, dressed in a gorgeous designer gown, with dazzling, expensive jewelry. Her family was stunned by their daughter's wealth, and a more than a little curious at how she had come by it. The daughter finally confessed. "I hate to tell you this, but the reason I became so rich was because I became a prostitute."
Her father immediately collapsed in shock. The doctor was called, and he began to help the man. As the daughter wept at her father's bedside, she sobbed, "I didn't realize he would be so disappointed to hear I became a prostitute!"
The father sat bolt upright. "Prostitute?!" he exclaimed. "I thought you said 'Protestant'!"
+10,000 Jokes