ID: 2461
Religious
How do you get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it!
ID: 639
Religious
Why is it that when we talk to God we call it
praying, yet when God talks to us we are schizophrenic?
-Lily Tomlin
ID: 9125
Religious
What do the letters "INRI" at the top of Jesus' cross stand for?
I'm Nailed Right In.
ID: 14491
Religious
A priest was assigned a small church in the Alaskan backwoods.
After a couple of years, the bishop stopped by to see how he was doing.
"Ah, Bishop, it's really lonely here. I couldn't have made it without my Rosary and two martinis a day."
The bishop replied, "You know, a martini would taste good right now."
The priest agreed and yelled into the kitchen, "Hey, Rosary! Fix us a couple of martinis, will ya!?"
ID: 11629
Religious
Why did God make man first?
Because he didn't want to be interrupted by woman!
ID: 10028
Religious
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
ID: 13006
Religious
There are four people on a plane. a guy from england, a guy from france, a guy from texas, and a guy from mexico, all of a sudden the plane starts falling out of the sky. The pilot says "We a losing altitude we need to get rid of some weight. So they throw everything out of the plane, but its still falling. So the english guy says" for the queen" and jumps out, the french guy says" vi va la france" and jumps out. The texan say "for the alamo" he grabs the mexican and throws him out.
ID: 11696
Religious
The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her.
Jesus raised his hand and spake, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone."
From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward the poor victim.
Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I was just trying to make a point!"
ID: 14272
Religious
A preacher, who shall we say, was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit, and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.
The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
+10,000 Jokes