ID: 7656
Religious
Why was the cemetary so crowded?
Everyone was dying to get in!!!!
ID: 13267
Religious
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.
"You may pass through the Pearly Gates," Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the Pearly Gates."
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's underwear.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carols."
ID: 17577
Religious
An Orthodox, a Conservative, and a Reform rabbi are each asked whether one is supposed to say a brokhe (blessing) over a lobster (non-kosher food, normally not eaten by religious Jews).
The Orthodox rabbi doesn't know what a "lobster" is. The Conservative rabbi doesn't know what to say. The Reform rabbi says, "What's a brokhe?"
ID: 10691
Religious
Bob was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove Joe crazy. "Don't you understand?!? We're going to die!!"
Bob replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week."
Joe looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!!"
Bob answered, "You just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. My pastor will find me!"
ID: 61
Religious
One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.
"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."
"Can I see one?"
"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom . . " All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.
"What? What does it say?"
"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"
ID: 10561
Religious
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied!!
ID: 2114
Religious
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
ID: 7233
Religious
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger.
"You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board," said the minister.
"I know," said the man. "If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him."
ID: 9065
Religious
A cowboy an indian and a muslim were in an airport waiting for their flight.
After some silence the indian says. "Once my people were many, now we are few."
Then the muslim says, "My people were many, we are still many," he turns to the cowboy, "Why do you think that is?"
The cowboy says, "Maybe that's 'cause we haven't played cowboys 'n' muslims yet.
+10,000 Jokes