ID: 5458
Religious
Q. Why was Moses the most wicked man?
A. He broke all 10 Commandments at once.
Q. What animal could Noah not trust?
A. The cheetah.
Q. What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
A. Flood lights.
ID: 18142
Religious
Little Katie was at Sunday school one day. The teacher asked the class "Who is someone in your life that worships God by always speaking His name?"
Little Katie raised her hand and said "The fifth grade teacher at my school! Every time we pass by her room on the way to art I hear her say "I swear to God I have the worst behaved class in the world!"
ID: 16168
Religious
The minister's car wouldn't start, so he called the garage.
When the tow truck driver arrived, the minister says, "I hope you go easy on me. You know I'm only a poor preacher."
"Yep," replied the tow truck driver, "I've heard you preach."
ID: 15063
Religious
Attending her first confession, the new nun tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.
"Sister Dominique," the priest says, your secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional."
"Father," she says, "I never wear underwear under my habit."
With a little chuckle, the priest says, "That is not too serious, Sister Dominique. For penance, say three Hail Marys, three Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."
ID: 639
Religious
Why is it that when we talk to God we call it
praying, yet when God talks to us we are schizophrenic?
-Lily Tomlin
ID: 15244
Religious
Abraham wanted to put Windows Vista on his computer, but Isaac was concerned: "But father, we don't have enough memory for that!"
"Don't worry, son, God will provide the RAM."
ID: 18025
Religious
A man, trying to understand the nature of God, asked Him, "God, how long is a million years to you?" God answered, "A million years is like a minute." Then the man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars to you?" And God replied, "A million dollars is like a penny." Finally, the man asked, "God, could you give me a penny?" And God said, "In a minute."
ID: 61
Religious
One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.
"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."
"Can I see one?"
"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom . . " All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.
"What? What does it say?"
"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"
ID: 17615
Religious
An elderly man refuses to leave for the air raid shelter until he can find his dentures. His wife yells at him, "What, you think they are dropping sandwiches?"
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