ID: 17673
Religious
A man, standing before a censor, is about to testify, whether he has a wife. The censor asks:
-Do you have, in all your honesty, a wife?
-I surely do, but not in all my honesty.
ID: 5458
Religious
Q. Why was Moses the most wicked man?
A. He broke all 10 Commandments at once.
Q. What animal could Noah not trust?
A. The cheetah.
Q. What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
A. Flood lights.
ID: 4116
Religious
Two Hindu swamis were in conversation.
One said to the other, "How did you like my latest book, 'The Art of Levitation'?"
His companion replied, "It kept me up all night."
ID: 4467
Religious
A teacher asked her children just before they were about to leave class for Mass,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet during Mass?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
ID: 1578
Religious
Three ministers were talking about their common problem with bats in the belfry of the church.
The first minister said, "I shot at them with a shotgun, but it only spoiled the woodwork."
The second said, "I tried a more humane approach, netting them and releasing them 100 Km away. But they beat me back to the church!"
The third (who was looking pretty smug) said, "I caught them, and baptized and confirmed each one. I haven't seen them since."
ID: 15064
Religious
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
He gave the organist a copy of the service and asked her if she could come up with some kind of inspirational music to play, after he made the announcement about the finances, to help put the congregation in a giving mood.
"Don't worry, I'll come up with something," she said.
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and sisters, we find ourselves in great difficulty. The cost of the roof repairs is twice as much as we expected, and we need $4000 more. Any of you who are able to pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the organist began playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."
ID: 17512
Religious
Why are there so many bananas in the West? Because the Westerners are descended from apes.
ID: 124
Religious
One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
ID: 4239
Religious
Sherlock Holmes stood at the Gates of Heaven pulling at his pipe awaiting his turn. "I'll let you in," said St. Peter, gesturing toward the heavenly throngs behind him, "if you'll tell me who among these was the first mortal."
"Elementary, my dear St. Peter," said the great detective, "he's the one without a bellybutton."
+10,000 Jokes