ID: 8248
Religious
Q.) Why do homeless people love to go to church?
A.) There is always free water.
ID: 8577
Religious
>God made mud,<<<<
>>God made dirt,<<<<
>>>God made guys,<<
>>>>So girls can flirt!<
ID: 8507
Religious
A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian ways. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!!
One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief says "You taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!"
The missionary replies says, "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - an albino. Look to the field. See a flock of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief pauses for a moment then says, "Tell you what, you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white kid."
ID: 10623
Religious
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'
'Yes,' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'
'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'
'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered.
'I am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'
ID: 7566
Religious
During the Irish Potato famine, a young Irish-Catholic woman was worried about the poverty of her family. She told her parents that she was going to America to seek her fortune. With many tears, they let her go.
Years passed, and the woman returned home. She arrived in a private jet, dressed in a gorgeous designer gown, with dazzling, expensive jewelry. Her family was stunned by their daughter's wealth, and a more than a little curious at how she had come by it. The daughter finally confessed. "I hate to tell you this, but the reason I became so rich was because I became a prostitute."
Her father immediately collapsed in shock. The doctor was called, and he began to help the man. As the daughter wept at her father's bedside, she sobbed, "I didn't realize he would be so disappointed to hear I became a prostitute!"
The father sat bolt upright. "Prostitute?!" he exclaimed. "I thought you said 'Protestant'!"
ID: 11351
Religious
It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
ID: 11696
Religious
The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her.
Jesus raised his hand and spake, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone."
From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward the poor victim.
Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I was just trying to make a point!"
ID: 13102
Religious
A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked.
"No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained.
A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again.
"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again.
A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."
ID: 9126
Religious
Jesus sees a woman being assaulted by an angry crowd and steps in front of her and says, "let he who hath no sin cast the first stone."
From the crowd comes a rock flying at the woman. Jesus looks over and says, "Damn it mother, sometimes you really piss me off."
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