ID: 655
Religious
Two guys are sitting there enjoying the Saturday night baseball game. It is the top of the 2nd inning when suddenly they notice two Nuns arrive at the game. Lo and behold the Nuns enter the row in front of them and make there way along, of course sitting directly in front of them.
Well, their disgust was overwhelming... Nuns... at a baseball match!!! One of them immediately comes out with the comment "Go to a basketball game, ya wouldn't find Nuns there now would ya!?".
A little while on, the other of the two comments "Go to a football game, ya wouldn't find Nuns there now would ya!?".
Again, not more than five minutes later, the first one mentions "Go to a Ice Hockey game, you wouldn't find Nuns there now would ya!?".
Well that was obviously the breaking point and immediately one of the Nuns turned to the two men, bellowing "Go to hell! Ya won't find Nuns there either!!!"
ID: 17392
Religious
A man was kneeling by his bed, praying.
His wife walks in and asks "Whatcha doin'?"
The man - once finishing - says "Praying."
"Whatcha prayin for?" says the lady. "Guidance."
"Don't pray for guidance, pray for stiffness and I'll guide it myself!"
ID: 4288
Religious
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."
ID: 3393
Religious
"When I see a monk's ass I just grab it."
Said the lazily amorous abbot.
"Although it's more fun,
To have sex with a nun,
It's so hard to get into the habit!"
ID: 3454
Religious
A father knelt with his son to hear his prayers. The three-year-old boy began in all seriousness: "Our Father who Art in Heaven, how do You know my name?"
ID: 124
Religious
One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
ID: 1238
Religious
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''
''No, I guess not,'' says God.
The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.
Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''
To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''
ID: 2461
Religious
How do you get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it!
ID: 60
Religious
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."
The sky darkens and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So with the stone he bashes the life out of the chief. Standing above the lifeless body, breathing heavily looking at 100 angry natives...
The voice booms out again, "Okay... NOW you're screwed."
+10,000 Jokes