ID: 5375
Redneck
How do you know if you're a redneck?
If you go to a cousin's wedding looking for a girlfriend.
ID: 2676
Redneck
A man had just moved from his big apartment in NYC, to a big farm way out in the country side.
Just days after he moved, he realized he was out of chicken feed, so he went down to the nearest store. (a good 2-hour drive away). "Can I get me some chicken feed?" the man asked. "Yup, but ya can't have none unless you can prove to me you actually got chickens. Don't want no one eatin' it or nothin' an' gettin' sick," the clerk responded. He argued with her a bit, but finally gave in and took a two hour drive back and forth once again, this time with the chicken. "Here's my chicken. Now get me the chicken feed." He got his feed and drove home.
The next day he ran out of dog food for his dog. Once again, he drove down to the store, foolishly not thinking about bringing his dog. It was the same case. He had to present his dog to the stubborn clerk. He went back home and retrieved his dog, and got his dog food. The next day, he went down to the store again, this time with a shoe box with a lid on it that had a hole in the top. He walked into the store and said to the clerk, "Smell this."
"That smells like... crap!" she said with a look of surprise on her face. "Oh... toilet paper."
ID: 6342
Redneck
Artery: Study of paintings
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: Punctuation Mark
Congenital: Friendly
D & C: Where Washington is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Fester: Quicker
Genital: Non-Jewish
Hang Nail: Coat Hook
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labor pain: Hurt at work
Morbid: Higher offer
Nitrate: Cheeper than day
Node: Was aware of
Outpatient: Person fainted
Post op: Letter Carrier
Recovery Room: Place to apholster
Rectum: Dang near Killed Him
Rheumatic: Amorous
Secretion: Hiding something
Tablet: Small table
Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport
Tibia: Country in North Africa
Tumor: More than One
Urine: Opposite of 'you're out'
Varicose: Nearby
Vein: Conceited
ID: 7070
Redneck
1.Your tires cost more than your car.
2.You have a motor hanging out of your tree.
3.Your trailer house tires work but your car tires don't.
5.You write the girl of your dreams name on the tower and then the sheriff makes you take your sisters name off of it.
6.You call your undies britches.
7.The whole town is related to you.
8.You got more trailers than cars.
9.You kill your sisters boyfriends because they're trying to take her away from you.
10. Your haven't had "School learning" because you don't now how to count.
(You missed that there was no number 4.)
Credit to BLUE COLLAR TV
ID: 1206
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers!"
ID: 6377
Redneck
If your dog farts and YOU claim it... you might be a redneck.
ID: 2819
Redneck
A redneck couple had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, the man took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
The woman said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam," replied the bellman.
"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
ID: 6406
Redneck
If the most common phrase in your house is "Somebody go jiggle the handle!"... you might be a redneck.
ID: 10346
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you answer to more than one nickname.
+10,000 Jokes