REDNECK

ID: 7975

Redneck

Redneck Special Forces

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists:

1. The season opened today
2. There is no limit
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don't like beer, pickups, Harley Davidson's, country music or Jesus
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt




This mess in Iraq should be over IN A WEEK

ID: 12286

Redneck

Redneck Fitness

You know you're a redneck when your stair master has an ashtray!

ID: 3162

Redneck

You Might Be A Redneck If...

1.Your richest relative buys an "expensive" house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

2.You refer to the sixth grade as graduation.

3.Your wife's new hairdo gets destroyed by the ceiling fan.

4.Your front porch collapses and hurts more than three dogs.

ID: 6398

Redneck

Redneck Vacation

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again!"
Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."

ID: 5797

Redneck

Barbie Doll

Did you here about the new redneck Barbie doll?





It comes with twelve kids, aids, and a welfare check.

ID: 8340

Redneck

You are a Redneck If... #22

You are a redneck if:

you've ever held a lifelong grudge over a spelling bee.

ID: 743

Redneck

You Know You're A Redneck If...

You hear crack is illegal and you pull up your pants.
Someone yells "Hoe Down" at a dance and your wife falls to the floor.
You use newspapers for more than 3 uses in your home.
Your family tree is a wreath.
If your home is mobile but the 4 cars in your yard are not.
Your father gave you this advice, "If you can't keep it in your pants, at least keep it in the family."
The last thing relatives say before they die is, "Hey Ya'll! Watch this!"

ID: 9531

Redneck

Wireless Security System

How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like, "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the pit bulls. They've just been wormed and they are a little edgy."

ID: 8210

Redneck

You are a Redneck If... #4

You are a redneck if:

Directions to your house include ''Turn off the paved road...''

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