ID: 6980
Redneck
"Hard drive" --
Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" --
1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em.
"Window" --
Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" --
When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" --
1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)
"ROM" --
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" --
First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" --
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" --
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" --
1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.
"LAN" --
To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" --
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" --
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" --
What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" --
What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
"Tab" --
The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.
"Space bar" --
Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.
"Backspace" --
The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.
"Alt" --
Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now."
"Delete" --
The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy delete one."
"My Briefcase" --
What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you.
"Shift" --
What you must do when blue lights come on.
"Disc" --
What you do before you plow, to level the ground.
"Ram" --
1. Dodge pick up truck.
2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work.
"Rom" --
Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round"
"Refresh" --
Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.
"Browser" --
Bowser's name when you're drunk.
"Web" --
DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.
"Edit" --
Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite.
"Gig" --
Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.
"Internet" --
Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).
"Buddy list" --
Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.
"Tab" --
Ancient soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.
"Computer Chips" --
What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.
The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck).
"Shift" --
What you do to get that truck to go.
"Ins" --
To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go".
The following were contributed by Sonovabic.
"Scanner" --
1. What you do to a good lookin' woman.
2. What you listen to the police band on.
The following were taken from Net Dummy Humor.
"Log On" --
Making da wood stove hotter.
"Log Off " --
Don't add wood.
"Monitor" --
1. Keep an eye on da wood stove.
2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin. (from Tweetheart86chic)
"Megahertz" --
When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.
"Floppy Disk" --
What you get from piling too much wood.
"Drive" --
Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.
"Prompt" --
What you wish da mail was during the snow season.
"Enter" --
Come on in.
"Windows" --
What you shut when it gets 10 below.
"Screen" --
What is a must during black fly season.
"Chip" --
What you munch during Wildcat's games.
"Microchip" --
What's left in da bag when da chips are gone.
"Dot Matrix" --
Eino Matrix's wife.
"Laptop" --
Where da grandkids sit.
"Software" --
Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.
"Mainframe" --
Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.
"Port" --
Where da commercial fishin boats dock.
"Random Access Memory" --
Whan you can't remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.
This is from an unknown source.
"Fonts" --
That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.
"Laptop" --
Where the stripper sits.
ID: 29
Redneck
You know you're a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister and he only has to shake one hand.
ID: 10661
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
...your porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.
...you see your family reunion as a way to meet girls.
...you marry three times and still have the same in-laws.
ID: 5980
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you list your dog or cat as a dependent on your taxes.
You might be a redneck if you have never been on a main road.
You might be a redneck if you drive a minivan to the prom.
You might be a redneck if the most expensive jewelery you have came from Dollar General.
ID: 15766
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are.
ID: 89
Redneck
What do you call 32 rednecks in a room? A full set of teeth!
ID: 4168
Redneck
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Milby's.
The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."
ID: 10494
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you wear a tube top to a funeral!
ID: 5981
Redneck
You have more than three first names.
You drove a monster truck to the prom.
You are marrying your brother-in-law.
You go out, get drunk, and come home with a tatoo of your momma's name.
Your last name is your first name spelled backwards
You are readiing these jokes!!!
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