ID: 10858
Redneck
You think "Going the extra mile" means using toothpaste.
You take a bar of soap to your local pool.
Your dentures have fillings.
Your idea of conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday night.
Your wife has ever burnt out an electric razor.
Your medical plan is not to get sick.
ID: 15162
Redneck
A detachment of paratroopers was practicing in a rural area. One jumper landed on the property of an old mountain man and his very large family.
One of the kids saw the chute floating down and yelled out to his father, "Pa, bring your shotgun. The stork is bringing 'em full grown now!"
ID: 13992
Redneck
A couple are getting married in a big fancy church with all of the relatives and friends in attendance.
The priest is going through the nomal procedure and when he comes to the part "If anyone objects to the union of these two people in Holy Matrimony let them speak now or for ever hold their peace".
A redneck in the back row jumps up and hollers "I object, I am in love with her and she's carrying my baby!"
As the gathering gasps in surprise the redneck runs up the aisle, shoves the groom aside and rips off the brides veil.
After a moment of silence the redneck exclaims, "Hey you ain't my sister!"
ID: 10970
Redneck
If you met your wife on a hunting trip you just might be a redneck.
ID: 12610
Redneck
Rainch - A big cow farm.
Rat - Do it rat now!
Rench - Rench the soap yourself.
Roont - She plum roont her shoes.
Salary - A stringy vegetable.
Soardeens - Small canned fish.
Shar - A light rain.
Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain.
Toad strangler - A heavy rain Sody.
Pop - A soft drink.
Sprang - Water out'n the ground.
Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail.
Storch - This here aprn has too much storch in it.
Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death.
Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart.
Tho - Tho me the ball.
Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat.
War - A bobbed war fance.
Worsh - Go worsh your face.
Warter - What you worsh your face in.
Yurp - A continent overseas.
ID: 10843
Redneck
You are a legal heir to a fireworks stand.
ID: 14325
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you carry more than two extra tires in the back of your truck.
ID: 10657
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your honeymoon was at the family farm.
ID: 10849
Redneck
Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding.
+10,000 Jokes