REDNECK

ID: 17825

Redneck

What Did the Farmer Say?

What did the farmer say when his truck disappeared?

Where's my truck?

ID: 4168

Redneck

REDNECK BEER

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Milby's.

The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and each put a label on their forehead.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."

ID: 7684

Redneck

You Might Be...

You might be a redneck if when someone says: "Do you have any duct tape?" And you say: "I don't have any ducks on tapes but I've got some on my wall."

ID: 82

Redneck

Redneck State Form

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION


Name:
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)

Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Unemployed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?
(Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know

ID: 10425

Redneck

#10 Redneck

You know you're a redneck if you have season tickets for the tractor pull.

ID: 8310

Redneck

You are a Redneck If... #10

You are a redneck if:

you have the same number of teeth as you have fingers.

ID: 2133

Redneck

Starship Captain

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...


your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
he says, "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
he says, "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
he paints the starship John Deere green
he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
he sets phaser to "Cajun"

ID: 10656

Redneck

Redneck Joke 2

You might be a redneck if your limo at your wedding was a tractor and trailer.

ID: 9761

Redneck

Redneck Holiday

Redneck Christmas Shopping

You know you're a redneck when...
you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift.

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