ID: 14971
Redneck
Chapters In The "Nascar For Dummies" Book: How To Read
It's Impossible to Own Too Much Dale Earnhardt Memorabilia
Jumpin', Hollerin' & Other Ways to Make Sure Your Favorite Driver Sees You When He Goes By at 230 Miles An Hour
Roll Down Yer Winder First, *Then* Spit
So You Wanna Be A Crew Chief? Remember - Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosy
Better Places to Put the Grill Than Next to the Winnebago's Propane Tank
Brakes Are For Sissies
Advanced Technical Terms - "Yeeeehaww!" "Whoooodoggie!" and "Golldurn!"
How To Say "Dick Trickle" Without Snickering
Quick Prayers for Those Upside-Down Moments
How to Drive in a Circle 500 Times Without Getting Dizzy
Them Cars Are Fast - And LOUD!
ID: 10816
Redneck
"Rusty Bed Spings" by I.P Nitely
"Fell off a Cliff" By Ilene Dover
"Bounce of a Brick Wall" by Rick O'Shey
"Mini Skirts" by Seymour Buttz
"Race to the Outhouse" By Willie Makit"
and last but not least
"Guide to One Night Stands" by Juan Teboneya"
ID: 13476
Redneck
There were two guys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing.
They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off for up there. The lakes were frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick."
So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the the guy left. In about an hour, he was back. "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."
ID: 13842
Redneck
You might be a redneck if all of your good clothes have come from cases of beer!
ID: 13802
Redneck
You're probably a redneck if....................
During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your John Deere hat fell off.
ID: 10846
Redneck
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.
ID: 7684
Redneck
You might be a redneck if when someone says: "Do you have any duct tape?" And you say: "I don't have any ducks on tapes but I've got some on my wall."
ID: 13452
Redneck
An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.
The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded yes, so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down, and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke?"
He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "and put it on my bill."
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of backflips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the redneck. The redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me! I'm drawin' disability!"
ID: 8343
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you've ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.
+10,000 Jokes