ID: 10846
Redneck
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.
ID: 8335
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
You've ever bought steel-toed boots, only to remove the steel to patch a hole in your trailer.
ID: 7088
Redneck
Two redneck airplane mechanics named Jim Bob and Jeb work at the Atlanta airport.
Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Jim Bob and Jeb have nothing to do.
After work Jim Bob and Jeb usally have a drink on their way home, so Jim Bob says to Jeb, "I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel." Since they have nothing better to do, they decide to try it.
The next morning Jim Bob calls Jeb and asks, "How are you feeling?"
Jeb says, "Fine, never felt better."
Jim Bob asks, "Do you have a hangover?"
Jeb says "no." Then he says, "Wow this is great! We can drink all we want and not get a hangover."
Then Jim Bob says, "Well, there is one side effect, have you farted yet?"
Jeb says, "No, why?"
Jim Bob says, "I'm calling you from Detroit!"
ID: 414
Redneck
Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone's gonna lose a trailer.
ID: 743
Redneck
You hear crack is illegal and you pull up your pants.
Someone yells "Hoe Down" at a dance and your wife falls to the floor.
You use newspapers for more than 3 uses in your home.
Your family tree is a wreath.
If your home is mobile but the 4 cars in your yard are not.
Your father gave you this advice, "If you can't keep it in your pants, at least keep it in the family."
The last thing relatives say before they die is, "Hey Ya'll! Watch this!"
ID: 10844
Redneck
Local cops know you by your nickname.
ID: 14331
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you think that "home security" means taking the front steps to your trailer with you when you leave the house.
ID: 2675
Redneck
One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. His father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch me some chickens.' The father said, 'Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.' But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing.
Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand. The father thought, 'I guess he knows what he's doing.' The next morning, the son got up and was leaving the house with some duck tape. The father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch some ducks.' The father yelled, 'You can't catch ducks with duct tape!' The son insisted that he knew what he was doing.
Awhile later, the son came home with two ducks under each arm. The father thought, 'Shoot, I guess he does know what he's doing!' The next morning the son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of pussywillows. The father said, 'Hold up, son, let me put on my shoes!'
ID: 15252
Redneck
Redneck Threats:
- I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtalk style.
- This'll jar your preserves.
- Don't you be making' me open a can o' whoop-ass on yaw!
+10,000 Jokes