ID: 8487
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your dad bought you a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for Christmas.
ID: 15656
Redneck
You Know You Are in a Redneck Church When...
People wonder, when Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale".
Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
Baptism is referred to as "branding".
People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy.
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, yah hear?"
ID: 10848
Redneck
You used a cheat sheet during your hunter's safety test.
ID: 15252
Redneck
Redneck Threats:
- I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtalk style.
- This'll jar your preserves.
- Don't you be making' me open a can o' whoop-ass on yaw!
ID: 17283
Redneck
Someone approaches you to say hi and your immediate response is, "You bet I am!"
ID: 10860
Redneck
You know your a redneck if...
You tell your kids the facts of life and they interrupt you with corrections.
You've ever given your date flowers from a cemetery.
You proposed at Denny's.
The biggest compliment you got at your wedding was how cute your baby was.
You had a marriage license before you had a drivers license.
You've ever reused wedding invitations.
The last thing your ex-wife ever said to you was "It's me or them dogs."
If your wedding invitations ever said "same time same place."
At your wedding reception you put Alka-Seltzer in cheap wine to get "Champagne."
ID: 15791
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
ID: 7089
Redneck
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
Do you think my hair is too big?
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
The tires on that truck are too big.
I've got it all on a floppy disk.
Do you think this baseball cap goes with this shirt?
Damned if that politician ain't honest!
We're vegetarians. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
You can't feed that to the dog.
Trim the fat off that steak.
I just love the opera.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
Wrasslin's fake.
ID: 2676
Redneck
A man had just moved from his big apartment in NYC, to a big farm way out in the country side.
Just days after he moved, he realized he was out of chicken feed, so he went down to the nearest store. (a good 2-hour drive away). "Can I get me some chicken feed?" the man asked. "Yup, but ya can't have none unless you can prove to me you actually got chickens. Don't want no one eatin' it or nothin' an' gettin' sick," the clerk responded. He argued with her a bit, but finally gave in and took a two hour drive back and forth once again, this time with the chicken. "Here's my chicken. Now get me the chicken feed." He got his feed and drove home.
The next day he ran out of dog food for his dog. Once again, he drove down to the store, foolishly not thinking about bringing his dog. It was the same case. He had to present his dog to the stubborn clerk. He went back home and retrieved his dog, and got his dog food. The next day, he went down to the store again, this time with a shoe box with a lid on it that had a hole in the top. He walked into the store and said to the clerk, "Smell this."
"That smells like... crap!" she said with a look of surprise on her face. "Oh... toilet paper."
+10,000 Jokes