ID: 10858
Redneck
You think "Going the extra mile" means using toothpaste.
You take a bar of soap to your local pool.
Your dentures have fillings.
Your idea of conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday night.
Your wife has ever burnt out an electric razor.
Your medical plan is not to get sick.
ID: 6687
Redneck
Recently, my redneck neighbors invited me to a party. Here was our conversation:
"Hey dude! Where are you man? We're having a great party over here. Why don't you come on over and join us?"
I replied, "Man, I'm not feeling so good. I think I'm gonna stay right here."
"Well, hey. What'cha got?" they asked.
"I got a case of diarrhea," I responded.
"Well heck, bring it along. These fools will drink anything!"
ID: 2133
Redneck
Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...
your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
he says, "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
he says, "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
he paints the starship John Deere green
he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
he sets phaser to "Cajun"
ID: 3162
Redneck
1.Your richest relative buys an "expensive" house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
2.You refer to the sixth grade as graduation.
3.Your wife's new hairdo gets destroyed by the ceiling fan.
4.Your front porch collapses and hurts more than three dogs.
ID: 10426
Redneck
You know you're a redneck if you would rather your son have his own hunting show than become a doctor.
ID: 1923
Redneck
How did the redneck die drinking milk?
The cow sat on him!
ID: 9322
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
You think the following is funny
You haven't read the joke "You are a Redneck If... #900".
ID: 3813
Redneck
Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that is true."
"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries ... is that true, mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"
"Cause I was thinkin' .... maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with!"
ID: 8382
Redneck
You should have no doubt in your mind that
you are in a redneck family.....
When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs "Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it's a good thing I used a condum.
And walks off slowy, mumbling. "Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when she's pregnant........"
And in disbelief, you look around to find your mom.
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