ID: 91
Redneck
Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president some day.)
Name the four seasons.
Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
How is dew formed?
The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
What is a planet?
A body of earth surrounded by sky.
What causes the tides in the oceans?
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
In a democratic society, how important are elections?
Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
What are steroids?
Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
What happens to your body as you age?
When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
Premature death.
How can you delay milk turning sour?
Keep it in the cow.
How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
What is the Fibula?
A small lie.
What does "varicose" mean?
Nearby.
What is the most common form of birth control?
Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
What is a seizure?
A Roman emperor.
What is a terminal illness?
When you are sick at the airport.
Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
What does the word "benign" mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
What is a turbine?
Something an Arab wears on his head.
What is a Hindu?
It lays eggs.
ID: 11333
Redneck
If you work without a shirt on, and so does your husband, you might be a redneck.
ID: 15250
Redneck
Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He
takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sitting on the porch swing, talking bout the good old days when Maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.
Paw raises up; "Get my gun, Maw."
Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG..BANG..BANG...BANG! The monster-size bird continues to sail silently over the treetops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of old Zeek!"
ID: 10843
Redneck
You are a legal heir to a fireworks stand.
ID: 10661
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
...your porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.
...you see your family reunion as a way to meet girls.
...you marry three times and still have the same in-laws.
ID: 11038
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you wore a jumper to your prom.
ID: 10970
Redneck
If you met your wife on a hunting trip you just might be a redneck.
ID: 10962
Redneck
If you name your kids after dead family pets you just might be a redneck!
ID: 10742
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your dog is in your bed more than your wife.
+10,000 Jokes