ID: 13080
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
On stag night, you take a real deer.
You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
ID: 10494
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you wear a tube top to a funeral!
ID: 1206
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers!"
ID: 9322
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
You think the following is funny
You haven't read the joke "You are a Redneck If... #900".
ID: 3484
Redneck
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected. Some will say 10:00 pm. Others might say "Monday"; if the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. In the reception line, kissing the bride for more than 3 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in your sights.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
ID: 8443
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
You've ever carved a gunstock out of a bedpost.
ID: 10424
Redneck
You know you're a redneck if your fence doubles as your clothesline
ID: 7975
Redneck
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists:
1. The season opened today
2. There is no limit
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don't like beer, pickups, Harley Davidson's, country music or Jesus
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt
This mess in Iraq should be over IN A WEEK
ID: 1599
Redneck
Signs you're a redneck Jedi;
-You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
-Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
-You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
-At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
-You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
-You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
-The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
-Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
-You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
-You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
-Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
-You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
-You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
-You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
-You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
-Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
-You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
-You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
-You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
-If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."
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