ID: 15162
Redneck
A detachment of paratroopers was practicing in a rural area. One jumper landed on the property of an old mountain man and his very large family.
One of the kids saw the chute floating down and yelled out to his father, "Pa, bring your shotgun. The stork is bringing 'em full grown now!"
ID: 6507
Redneck
One day there is a well-educated man sitting in a redneck bar reading a book. A Redneck happens to wander over to him and asks, "Whatcha there reading Mister?"
The educated man replies, "It's a book about logic".
Confused, the redneck replies "Logic? What's logic?"
The educated man explains to the man, "Logic is the ability to come to a conclusion knowing only one fact. For example, do you own a weed whacker?"
The Redneck shouts, "Hell yeah I own a weed whacker!"
So the educated man continues, "Well, if you have a weed whacker, and I know you have a weed whacker, I know you have a lawn. If I know you have a lawn I know you have a house. If you have a house, demographically speaking I can deduce that you are a white male, 35-50 yrs old, and a heterosexual. Therefore, by knowing that you have a weed whacker I know that you are straight. Am I correct?"
The redneck responds flabbergasted "Hell yeah you're right! I'll be damned". So the redneck runs back to his friends to tell them about this crazy logic thing. His friend asks "Logic, what's logic?"
The redneck says, "Here, I'll show ya... Do you own a weed whacker?"
The friend replies "No, I don't"
The redneck screams, "FAGGOT!!!"
ID: 9761
Redneck
Redneck Christmas Shopping
You know you're a redneck when...
you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift.
ID: 90
Redneck
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight."
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
"Well, I'll tell you," replied the man, "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this here sack I'll give them both to you."
ID: 8207
Redneck
You're a redneck if:
The only thing you swing a bat at is a mailbox.
ID: 6342
Redneck
Artery: Study of paintings
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: Punctuation Mark
Congenital: Friendly
D & C: Where Washington is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Fester: Quicker
Genital: Non-Jewish
Hang Nail: Coat Hook
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labor pain: Hurt at work
Morbid: Higher offer
Nitrate: Cheeper than day
Node: Was aware of
Outpatient: Person fainted
Post op: Letter Carrier
Recovery Room: Place to apholster
Rectum: Dang near Killed Him
Rheumatic: Amorous
Secretion: Hiding something
Tablet: Small table
Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport
Tibia: Country in North Africa
Tumor: More than One
Urine: Opposite of 'you're out'
Varicose: Nearby
Vein: Conceited
ID: 1923
Redneck
How did the redneck die drinking milk?
The cow sat on him!
ID: 8343
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you've ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.
ID: 8249
Redneck
You Are A Redneck If:
You light a match in your bathroom and it blows your house off its wheels!
+10,000 Jokes