ID: 7088
Redneck
Two redneck airplane mechanics named Jim Bob and Jeb work at the Atlanta airport.
Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Jim Bob and Jeb have nothing to do.
After work Jim Bob and Jeb usally have a drink on their way home, so Jim Bob says to Jeb, "I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel." Since they have nothing better to do, they decide to try it.
The next morning Jim Bob calls Jeb and asks, "How are you feeling?"
Jeb says, "Fine, never felt better."
Jim Bob asks, "Do you have a hangover?"
Jeb says "no." Then he says, "Wow this is great! We can drink all we want and not get a hangover."
Then Jim Bob says, "Well, there is one side effect, have you farted yet?"
Jeb says, "No, why?"
Jim Bob says, "I'm calling you from Detroit!"
ID: 12607
Redneck
Aig - What a hen lays.
Aints - He's got aints in his paints.
Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a morning.
Arn - Ma's tard of arnin.
Bag - He bagged her to marry him.
Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence.
Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
Bub - the light bub burned out.
Cheer - What you set in.
Crick - A small stream.
Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon.
Chiny - country over in Asia.
Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes.
Core - He got hisself a new Ford core.
Cyow - Animal on Farm.
Deppity - He helps out the shurf..
Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt.
Dainz - Satidy night social.
Ellum - A graceful tree.
Fanger - What you put your rang on.
Faince - Whats round the hawg lot.
ID: 10849
Redneck
Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding.
ID: 11112
Redneck
You Might Be a Redneck if you have a pond full of gasoline and a car wreck in the bottom of it.
ID: 10843
Redneck
You are a legal heir to a fireworks stand.
ID: 10847
Redneck
Your parrot can say, "Open up, it's the police!"
ID: 15776
Redneck
...a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
ID: 10816
Redneck
"Rusty Bed Spings" by I.P Nitely
"Fell off a Cliff" By Ilene Dover
"Bounce of a Brick Wall" by Rick O'Shey
"Mini Skirts" by Seymour Buttz
"Race to the Outhouse" By Willie Makit"
and last but not least
"Guide to One Night Stands" by Juan Teboneya"
ID: 15248
Redneck
Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick
you up."
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened.
He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened.
As he plummeted to the ground, he said to himself, "I'll bet that truck won't be there either!"
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