ID: 17793
Redneck
Two hillbillies just come out of a divorce court.
The ex-wife is crying her eyes out.
Her ex-husband comes over and says:
"There, there Missy, you're still my sister!"
ID: 743
Redneck
You hear crack is illegal and you pull up your pants.
Someone yells "Hoe Down" at a dance and your wife falls to the floor.
You use newspapers for more than 3 uses in your home.
Your family tree is a wreath.
If your home is mobile but the 4 cars in your yard are not.
Your father gave you this advice, "If you can't keep it in your pants, at least keep it in the family."
The last thing relatives say before they die is, "Hey Ya'll! Watch this!"
ID: 92
Redneck
How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".
ID: 6398
Redneck
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again!"
Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."
ID: 1700
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you think fast-food is hitting a dear at 65mph.
ID: 7975
Redneck
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists:
1. The season opened today
2. There is no limit
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don't like beer, pickups, Harley Davidson's, country music or Jesus
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt
This mess in Iraq should be over IN A WEEK
ID: 6687
Redneck
Recently, my redneck neighbors invited me to a party. Here was our conversation:
"Hey dude! Where are you man? We're having a great party over here. Why don't you come on over and join us?"
I replied, "Man, I'm not feeling so good. I think I'm gonna stay right here."
"Well, hey. What'cha got?" they asked.
"I got a case of diarrhea," I responded.
"Well heck, bring it along. These fools will drink anything!"
ID: 10432
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you've ever been fired for shooting spitballs.
ID: 8314
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you've ever had to towel dry after a fart.
+10,000 Jokes