ID: 16825
Redneck
This is a collection of a few of the Redneck lines I've heard (and can remember) over the years . . .
You know you're a redneck when:
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
Your wife weighs more than your refrigerator.
Your shopping list only has beer on it.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
Your "pet" eats more than you.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
You refer to sixth grade as "your senior year".
You refer Chuck Norris as: God, Santa Claus, and the Harvest Man.
ID: 14332
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your bar tab has page numbers.
ID: 15776
Redneck
...a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
ID: 15786
Redneck
...if you refer to the fifth grade as, "your senior year".
ID: 13476
Redneck
There were two guys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing.
They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off for up there. The lakes were frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick."
So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the the guy left. In about an hour, he was back. "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."
ID: 14971
Redneck
Chapters In The "Nascar For Dummies" Book: How To Read
It's Impossible to Own Too Much Dale Earnhardt Memorabilia
Jumpin', Hollerin' & Other Ways to Make Sure Your Favorite Driver Sees You When He Goes By at 230 Miles An Hour
Roll Down Yer Winder First, *Then* Spit
So You Wanna Be A Crew Chief? Remember - Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosy
Better Places to Put the Grill Than Next to the Winnebago's Propane Tank
Brakes Are For Sissies
Advanced Technical Terms - "Yeeeehaww!" "Whoooodoggie!" and "Golldurn!"
How To Say "Dick Trickle" Without Snickering
Quick Prayers for Those Upside-Down Moments
How to Drive in a Circle 500 Times Without Getting Dizzy
Them Cars Are Fast - And LOUD!
ID: 10816
Redneck
"Rusty Bed Spings" by I.P Nitely
"Fell off a Cliff" By Ilene Dover
"Bounce of a Brick Wall" by Rick O'Shey
"Mini Skirts" by Seymour Buttz
"Race to the Outhouse" By Willie Makit"
and last but not least
"Guide to One Night Stands" by Juan Teboneya"
ID: 15250
Redneck
Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He
takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sitting on the porch swing, talking bout the good old days when Maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.
Paw raises up; "Get my gun, Maw."
Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG..BANG..BANG...BANG! The monster-size bird continues to sail silently over the treetops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of old Zeek!"
ID: 13802
Redneck
You're probably a redneck if....................
During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your John Deere hat fell off.
+10,000 Jokes