ID: 13476
Redneck
There were two guys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing.
They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off for up there. The lakes were frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick."
So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the the guy left. In about an hour, he was back. "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."
ID: 10846
Redneck
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.
ID: 12582
Redneck
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over.
"You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked.
"'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.
ID: 12607
Redneck
Aig - What a hen lays.
Aints - He's got aints in his paints.
Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a morning.
Arn - Ma's tard of arnin.
Bag - He bagged her to marry him.
Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence.
Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
Bub - the light bub burned out.
Cheer - What you set in.
Crick - A small stream.
Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon.
Chiny - country over in Asia.
Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes.
Core - He got hisself a new Ford core.
Cyow - Animal on Farm.
Deppity - He helps out the shurf..
Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt.
Dainz - Satidy night social.
Ellum - A graceful tree.
Fanger - What you put your rang on.
Faince - Whats round the hawg lot.
ID: 11112
Redneck
You Might Be a Redneck if you have a pond full of gasoline and a car wreck in the bottom of it.
ID: 13992
Redneck
A couple are getting married in a big fancy church with all of the relatives and friends in attendance.
The priest is going through the nomal procedure and when he comes to the part "If anyone objects to the union of these two people in Holy Matrimony let them speak now or for ever hold their peace".
A redneck in the back row jumps up and hollers "I object, I am in love with her and she's carrying my baby!"
As the gathering gasps in surprise the redneck runs up the aisle, shoves the groom aside and rips off the brides veil.
After a moment of silence the redneck exclaims, "Hey you ain't my sister!"
ID: 10661
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
...your porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.
...you see your family reunion as a way to meet girls.
...you marry three times and still have the same in-laws.
ID: 11035
Redneck
you've ever called the towtruck on yourself because you couldn't afford gas.
ID: 14330
Redneck
You might be a redneck if there is a four-wheeler parked in your bedroom.
+10,000 Jokes