ID: 29
Redneck
You know you're a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister and he only has to shake one hand.
ID: 5797
Redneck
Did you here about the new redneck Barbie doll?
It comes with twelve kids, aids, and a welfare check.
ID: 10656
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your limo at your wedding was a tractor and trailer.
ID: 743
Redneck
You hear crack is illegal and you pull up your pants.
Someone yells "Hoe Down" at a dance and your wife falls to the floor.
You use newspapers for more than 3 uses in your home.
Your family tree is a wreath.
If your home is mobile but the 4 cars in your yard are not.
Your father gave you this advice, "If you can't keep it in your pants, at least keep it in the family."
The last thing relatives say before they die is, "Hey Ya'll! Watch this!"
ID: 1923
Redneck
How did the redneck die drinking milk?
The cow sat on him!
ID: 3532
Redneck
#1 rule of a redneck-
If duck tape don't fix it (doubt it), mount it on the wall instead.
ID: 8310
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you have the same number of teeth as you have fingers.
ID: 8314
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you've ever had to towel dry after a fart.
ID: 117
Redneck
WINDERS 98
MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done done
Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:
tiperiter................A word processor
colering book............a graphics program
addin mershene...........calculator
scratch paper ...........notepad
jupe-box ................CD Player
inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
pichers..................A graphics viewer
IRS......................M/S accounting software
IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog.................American kennel club records
fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA......................National Rifle Association
shot gun ................Remington Arms price list
riffel...................Winchester price list
pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list
truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records..............usually an empty file
shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck
Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc .....................veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
+10,000 Jokes