ID: 10347
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you have orange road cones in your living room!
ID: 7088
Redneck
Two redneck airplane mechanics named Jim Bob and Jeb work at the Atlanta airport.
Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Jim Bob and Jeb have nothing to do.
After work Jim Bob and Jeb usally have a drink on their way home, so Jim Bob says to Jeb, "I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel." Since they have nothing better to do, they decide to try it.
The next morning Jim Bob calls Jeb and asks, "How are you feeling?"
Jeb says, "Fine, never felt better."
Jim Bob asks, "Do you have a hangover?"
Jeb says "no." Then he says, "Wow this is great! We can drink all we want and not get a hangover."
Then Jim Bob says, "Well, there is one side effect, have you farted yet?"
Jeb says, "No, why?"
Jim Bob says, "I'm calling you from Detroit!"
ID: 1700
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you think fast-food is hitting a dear at 65mph.
ID: 88
Redneck
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
ID: 82
Redneck
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name:
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?
(Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know
ID: 250
Redneck
There once was a redneck and his redneck wife. The wife didn't want another child, and asked the redneck husband to get surgery so he can't impregnate his wife.
The redneck goes to a very expensive doctor. The doctor who is in a hurry and is sure the redneck can't pay for his operation, just hands the redneck a firecracker and says, "Light this, hold it, count to 10." The redneck is confused but the doctor seems to know what he's doing.
The redneck goes home and lights the firecracker. He starts counting with the aid of his fingers... "1...2...3...4...5..." The redneck pauses, puts the firecracker between his legs and resumes counting on the other hand....
ID: 11038
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you wore a jumper to your prom.
ID: 6406
Redneck
If the most common phrase in your house is "Somebody go jiggle the handle!"... you might be a redneck.
ID: 743
Redneck
You hear crack is illegal and you pull up your pants.
Someone yells "Hoe Down" at a dance and your wife falls to the floor.
You use newspapers for more than 3 uses in your home.
Your family tree is a wreath.
If your home is mobile but the 4 cars in your yard are not.
Your father gave you this advice, "If you can't keep it in your pants, at least keep it in the family."
The last thing relatives say before they die is, "Hey Ya'll! Watch this!"
+10,000 Jokes