ID: 10657
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your honeymoon was at the family farm.
ID: 2626
Redneck
A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked.
"I reckon so," replied the farmer.
The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface, the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!"
"Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"
ID: 88
Redneck
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
ID: 10432
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you've ever been fired for shooting spitballs.
ID: 5981
Redneck
You have more than three first names.
You drove a monster truck to the prom.
You are marrying your brother-in-law.
You go out, get drunk, and come home with a tatoo of your momma's name.
Your last name is your first name spelled backwards
You are readiing these jokes!!!
ID: 8312
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you've ever searched for gold in your grandpa's chest and had your fingers taken off by the booby trap within.
ID: 7088
Redneck
Two redneck airplane mechanics named Jim Bob and Jeb work at the Atlanta airport.
Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Jim Bob and Jeb have nothing to do.
After work Jim Bob and Jeb usally have a drink on their way home, so Jim Bob says to Jeb, "I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel." Since they have nothing better to do, they decide to try it.
The next morning Jim Bob calls Jeb and asks, "How are you feeling?"
Jeb says, "Fine, never felt better."
Jim Bob asks, "Do you have a hangover?"
Jeb says "no." Then he says, "Wow this is great! We can drink all we want and not get a hangover."
Then Jim Bob says, "Well, there is one side effect, have you farted yet?"
Jeb says, "No, why?"
Jim Bob says, "I'm calling you from Detroit!"
ID: 8382
Redneck
You should have no doubt in your mind that
you are in a redneck family.....
When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs "Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it's a good thing I used a condum.
And walks off slowy, mumbling. "Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when she's pregnant........"
And in disbelief, you look around to find your mom.
ID: 6686
Redneck
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
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