ID: 13802
Redneck
You're probably a redneck if....................
During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your John Deere hat fell off.
ID: 3813
Redneck
Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that is true."
"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries ... is that true, mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"
"Cause I was thinkin' .... maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with!"
ID: 93
Redneck
The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
Hire yew - noun. Greeting - How are you - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Howdy. How are you."
Bard - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
Jawjuh - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Atlanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
Munts - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
Ignert - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
Ranch - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
All - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
Far - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
Bahs - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"
Tar - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
Tire - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
Retard - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
Tarred - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
Fat - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.
Ar - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.
Rats - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
Farn - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."
Did - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
Ear - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"
Bob war - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
Jew - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
Haze - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."
Saw - verb, past tense.
View - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
Heavy dew - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
Gummit - noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."
ID: 8487
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your dad bought you a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for Christmas.
ID: 8418
Redneck
You might just be a redneck if your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
ID: 8315
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you have a glass eye collection.
ID: 4212
Redneck
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Mobile, Alabama to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
ID: 10425
Redneck
You know you're a redneck if you have season tickets for the tractor pull.
ID: 2514
Redneck
Q:What do you call a 500 pound Russian that can bend you like a bendy straw?
A:Sir
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