ID: 9531
Redneck
How to install a wireless security system:
Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like, "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the pit bulls. They've just been wormed and they are a little edgy."
ID: 6489
Redneck
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go huntin'?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"
ID: 4794
Redneck
You Just Might Be A Redneck If...
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You can't get married to your sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.
You dated one of your parents' current spouse in high school.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
ID: 9299
Redneck
If you haven't read this joke
ID: 5375
Redneck
How do you know if you're a redneck?
If you go to a cousin's wedding looking for a girlfriend.
ID: 3938
Redneck
ID: 8210
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
Directions to your house include ''Turn off the paved road...''
ID: 9421
Redneck
Q: How does a redneck take a bubble bath?
A: He farts in a puddle
ID: 384
Redneck
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
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