ID: 7888
Redneck
Only a redneck visits a trailer park to look for home decorating ideas.
ID: 8214
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.
ID: 8315
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you have a glass eye collection.
ID: 6507
Redneck
One day there is a well-educated man sitting in a redneck bar reading a book. A Redneck happens to wander over to him and asks, "Whatcha there reading Mister?"
The educated man replies, "It's a book about logic".
Confused, the redneck replies "Logic? What's logic?"
The educated man explains to the man, "Logic is the ability to come to a conclusion knowing only one fact. For example, do you own a weed whacker?"
The Redneck shouts, "Hell yeah I own a weed whacker!"
So the educated man continues, "Well, if you have a weed whacker, and I know you have a weed whacker, I know you have a lawn. If I know you have a lawn I know you have a house. If you have a house, demographically speaking I can deduce that you are a white male, 35-50 yrs old, and a heterosexual. Therefore, by knowing that you have a weed whacker I know that you are straight. Am I correct?"
The redneck responds flabbergasted "Hell yeah you're right! I'll be damned". So the redneck runs back to his friends to tell them about this crazy logic thing. His friend asks "Logic, what's logic?"
The redneck says, "Here, I'll show ya... Do you own a weed whacker?"
The friend replies "No, I don't"
The redneck screams, "FAGGOT!!!"
ID: 14325
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you carry more than two extra tires in the back of your truck.
ID: 9403
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your baby stroller consists of a potato sack and a wheelbarrow.
ID: 386
Redneck
40 Things Never Said By Southerners
40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
ID: 10347
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you have orange road cones in your living room!
ID: 6980
Redneck
"Hard drive" --
Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" --
1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em.
"Window" --
Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" --
When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" --
1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)
"ROM" --
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" --
First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" --
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" --
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" --
1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.
"LAN" --
To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" --
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" --
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" --
What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" --
What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
"Tab" --
The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.
"Space bar" --
Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.
"Backspace" --
The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.
"Alt" --
Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now."
"Delete" --
The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy delete one."
"My Briefcase" --
What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you.
"Shift" --
What you must do when blue lights come on.
"Disc" --
What you do before you plow, to level the ground.
"Ram" --
1. Dodge pick up truck.
2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work.
"Rom" --
Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round"
"Refresh" --
Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.
"Browser" --
Bowser's name when you're drunk.
"Web" --
DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.
"Edit" --
Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite.
"Gig" --
Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.
"Internet" --
Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).
"Buddy list" --
Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.
"Tab" --
Ancient soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.
"Computer Chips" --
What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.
The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck).
"Shift" --
What you do to get that truck to go.
"Ins" --
To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go".
The following were contributed by Sonovabic.
"Scanner" --
1. What you do to a good lookin' woman.
2. What you listen to the police band on.
The following were taken from Net Dummy Humor.
"Log On" --
Making da wood stove hotter.
"Log Off " --
Don't add wood.
"Monitor" --
1. Keep an eye on da wood stove.
2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin. (from Tweetheart86chic)
"Megahertz" --
When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.
"Floppy Disk" --
What you get from piling too much wood.
"Drive" --
Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.
"Prompt" --
What you wish da mail was during the snow season.
"Enter" --
Come on in.
"Windows" --
What you shut when it gets 10 below.
"Screen" --
What is a must during black fly season.
"Chip" --
What you munch during Wildcat's games.
"Microchip" --
What's left in da bag when da chips are gone.
"Dot Matrix" --
Eino Matrix's wife.
"Laptop" --
Where da grandkids sit.
"Software" --
Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.
"Mainframe" --
Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.
"Port" --
Where da commercial fishin boats dock.
"Random Access Memory" --
Whan you can't remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.
This is from an unknown source.
"Fonts" --
That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.
"Laptop" --
Where the stripper sits.
+10,000 Jokes