ID: 3484
Redneck
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected. Some will say 10:00 pm. Others might say "Monday"; if the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. In the reception line, kissing the bride for more than 3 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in your sights.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
ID: 10351
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you've never stayed in a hotel without stealing something
ID: 13467
Redneck
You know you are a redneck when you do not speak your first word until your 18th birthday and that word is WELFARE!.
ID: 8207
Redneck
You're a redneck if:
The only thing you swing a bat at is a mailbox.
ID: 8316
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
Your pet groundhog has ever bitten more than one of your thumbs off.
ID: 89
Redneck
What do you call 32 rednecks in a room? A full set of teeth!
ID: 5069
Redneck
You know you're a redneck when you go to a family reunion to find a girlfriend.
ID: 10430
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you've ever watched a tornado from a lawn chair.
ID: 3813
Redneck
Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that is true."
"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries ... is that true, mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"
"Cause I was thinkin' .... maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with!"
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