ID: 1136
Redneck
A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.
"Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"
"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."
"Wow! Thanks!" says the redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies.
So he goes back to the Frenchman. "I'm sorry to bother you again," he says, "but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl."
"Okay," says the Frenchman, "I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way."
"Thanks!" says the guy, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can't take it any more and goes back to the Frenchman.
"Look," he says, "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach-- and still nothing! What more can I do?"
"Well," says the Frenchman, "maybe I can help you a leetle beet. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee sweeming suit?"
ID: 15766
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are.
ID: 8311
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
you've ever killed someone over a "kick me" sign.
ID: 9531
Redneck
How to install a wireless security system:
Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like, "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the pit bulls. They've just been wormed and they are a little edgy."
ID: 10346
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you answer to more than one nickname.
ID: 10429
Redneck
You may be a redneck if your burglar alarm is a vacuum cleaner plugged into a motion detector.
ID: 7684
Redneck
You might be a redneck if when someone says: "Do you have any duct tape?" And you say: "I don't have any ducks on tapes but I've got some on my wall."
ID: 8382
Redneck
You should have no doubt in your mind that
you are in a redneck family.....
When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs "Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it's a good thing I used a condum.
And walks off slowy, mumbling. "Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when she's pregnant........"
And in disbelief, you look around to find your mom.
ID: 8210
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
Directions to your house include ''Turn off the paved road...''
+10,000 Jokes