ID: 10962
Redneck
If you name your kids after dead family pets you just might be a redneck!
ID: 7975
Redneck
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists:
1. The season opened today
2. There is no limit
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don't like beer, pickups, Harley Davidson's, country music or Jesus
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt
This mess in Iraq should be over IN A WEEK
ID: 10424
Redneck
You know you're a redneck if your fence doubles as your clothesline
ID: 8209
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
Your mother has ammo on her Christmas list!
ID: 386
Redneck
40 Things Never Said By Southerners
40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
ID: 15767
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
You are having marital problems because your wife never lets you win at arm wrestling.
ID: 10429
Redneck
You may be a redneck if your burglar alarm is a vacuum cleaner plugged into a motion detector.
ID: 10842
Redneck
You know you're a Redneck if.....
1. Your child's night-light is a neon beer sign.
2. The only running water in your house comes through the ceiling.
3. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
4. All your kids toys came free with a Happy Meal.
5. When you fill your car with gas, it's worth doubles.
6. You start a fight in a bar and your wife finishes it.
7. Your kids favourite bedtime story is "Curious George and the Electric fence"
8. You and your wife's family reunions are one and the same.
9. The Glamour Shots people give you your money back.
and last of all....
You know you're a redneck if
10.The FBI has more pictures of your family than you do.
ID: 10657
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your honeymoon was at the family farm.
+10,000 Jokes