ID: 7064
Redneck
One time there was 2 rednecks Bob and John. They were best friends. Bob had just gone bankrupt so he asked John if he could move in with him. Now John didn't have a big house like Bob use to have but agreed to let him stay there till he got out of bankruptcy. The next day when Bob moved in, while at dinner Bob said: "John you know what?" John said:"What is it Bob?" "I thought my house was shitty. Then i came to yours."
ID: 1923
Redneck
How did the redneck die drinking milk?
The cow sat on him!
ID: 120
Redneck
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, ''If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' With even greater emphasis he said, ''And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' And then finally, he said, ''And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced, "And today we will let someone in the crowd pick our closing song." A Alabama man raised his hand and said, "Fer are closin song, we gonna sing dat one Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River.'''
ID: 8249
Redneck
You Are A Redneck If:
You light a match in your bathroom and it blows your house off its wheels!
ID: 8210
Redneck
You are a redneck if:
Directions to your house include ''Turn off the paved road...''
ID: 10656
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your limo at your wedding was a tractor and trailer.
ID: 93
Redneck
The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
Hire yew - noun. Greeting - How are you - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Howdy. How are you."
Bard - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
Jawjuh - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Atlanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
Munts - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
Ignert - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
Ranch - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
All - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
Far - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
Bahs - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"
Tar - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
Tire - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
Retard - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
Tarred - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
Fat - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.
Ar - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.
Rats - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
Farn - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."
Did - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
Ear - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"
Bob war - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
Jew - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
Haze - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."
Saw - verb, past tense.
View - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
Heavy dew - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
Gummit - noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."
ID: 10494
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you wear a tube top to a funeral!
ID: 10556
Redneck
How do you confuse a redneck
Ask him a question that is not about NASCAR.
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