ID: 3484
Redneck
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected. Some will say 10:00 pm. Others might say "Monday"; if the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. In the reception line, kissing the bride for more than 3 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in your sights.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
ID: 10937
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you think cauliflower is a phone dating service for flowers.
ID: 14329
Redneck
You might be a redneck if both you and your wife wore ponytails on your wedding day.
ID: 10742
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your dog is in your bed more than your wife.
ID: 12608
Redneck
Far - What get the brandin arn hot.
Furred - He got furred from his job.
Flar - A rose is a purdy flar.
Frash - Them aigs ain't frash.
Furiners - All non-'bamans.
Further - Hits ten miles further to town.
Grain - She was grain with envy.
Hail - Where bad folks go.
Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n.
Hilbilly - People in the next county.
Hollar – What's between the hills.
Hard - Got a brend new hard.
Tar - His core blew a tar.
Laymun - A sour fruit.
Laig - Most folks have two of them.
Lather - What you climb up.
Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin.
Mailk - what you get from cyows.
Mere - What you see yourself in.
ID: 10661
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
...your porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.
...you see your family reunion as a way to meet girls.
...you marry three times and still have the same in-laws.
ID: 12610
Redneck
Rainch - A big cow farm.
Rat - Do it rat now!
Rench - Rench the soap yourself.
Roont - She plum roont her shoes.
Salary - A stringy vegetable.
Soardeens - Small canned fish.
Shar - A light rain.
Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain.
Toad strangler - A heavy rain Sody.
Pop - A soft drink.
Sprang - Water out'n the ground.
Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail.
Storch - This here aprn has too much storch in it.
Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death.
Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart.
Tho - Tho me the ball.
Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat.
War - A bobbed war fance.
Worsh - Go worsh your face.
Warter - What you worsh your face in.
Yurp - A continent overseas.
ID: 15790
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
ID: 14332
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your bar tab has page numbers.
+10,000 Jokes