ID: 16827
Redneck
Got some more Redneck lines . . .
You know you're a Redneck when:
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You have a Ku Klux Klan uniform somewhere in your trailer.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your amount of children is more than the amount of Oompa Loompas in Willy Wonka's factory.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of DDT on the kitchen table.
You've smashed a computer once, claiming it was a "scary robot from the future".
You've used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
You've ever been arrested for loitering.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You've mistaken your wife for a bear.
You've attended a shotgun wedding.
ID: 14333
Redneck
You might be a redneck if you constantly call the feed and seed store to see if the cat has had her kittens yet.
ID: 14332
Redneck
You might be a redneck if your bar tab has page numbers.
ID: 15792
Redneck
You might be a redneck if...
You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
ID: 16997
Redneck
They're fat
ID: 6398
Redneck
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again!"
Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."
ID: 90
Redneck
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight."
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
"Well, I'll tell you," replied the man, "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this here sack I'll give them both to you."
ID: 14971
Redneck
Chapters In The "Nascar For Dummies" Book: How To Read
It's Impossible to Own Too Much Dale Earnhardt Memorabilia
Jumpin', Hollerin' & Other Ways to Make Sure Your Favorite Driver Sees You When He Goes By at 230 Miles An Hour
Roll Down Yer Winder First, *Then* Spit
So You Wanna Be A Crew Chief? Remember - Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosy
Better Places to Put the Grill Than Next to the Winnebago's Propane Tank
Brakes Are For Sissies
Advanced Technical Terms - "Yeeeehaww!" "Whoooodoggie!" and "Golldurn!"
How To Say "Dick Trickle" Without Snickering
Quick Prayers for Those Upside-Down Moments
How to Drive in a Circle 500 Times Without Getting Dizzy
Them Cars Are Fast - And LOUD!
ID: 15785
Redneck
...you cut the grass and find a Car.
+10,000 Jokes