ID: 8382
Redneck
You should have no doubt in your mind that
you are in a redneck family.....
When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs "Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it's a good thing I used a condum.
And walks off slowy, mumbling. "Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when she's pregnant........"
And in disbelief, you look around to find your mom.
ID: 90
Redneck
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight."
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
"Well, I'll tell you," replied the man, "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this here sack I'll give them both to you."
ID: 6377
Redneck
If your dog farts and YOU claim it... you might be a redneck.
ID: 15060
Redneck
Bubba finally agreed to take his wife, Sue Ellen, to a play. They had hardly sat down when he jumped up and said "Sue Ellen, we gotta go!"
With Sue Ellen in tow, Bubba stomped out to the foyer, demanded his money back, and they left the theater.
When they got out onto the sidewalk, Sue Ellen said, "Now you tell me what's wrong, Bubba Leroy, and you tell me right now, or I ain't goin' another step."
Bubba said, "Sue Ellen, I ain't no fool and I'm an only child. We done paid $20 of egg money for this here play and I heard somebody say that the second act was 10 years later! We ain't got that kinda money to be wastin' on play actin' when we ain't even sure where we gonna be in 10 years."
ID: 10985
Redneck
If you have more pets than relatives you just might be a redneck.
ID: 7070
Redneck
1.Your tires cost more than your car.
2.You have a motor hanging out of your tree.
3.Your trailer house tires work but your car tires don't.
5.You write the girl of your dreams name on the tower and then the sheriff makes you take your sisters name off of it.
6.You call your undies britches.
7.The whole town is related to you.
8.You got more trailers than cars.
9.You kill your sisters boyfriends because they're trying to take her away from you.
10. Your haven't had "School learning" because you don't now how to count.
(You missed that there was no number 4.)
Credit to BLUE COLLAR TV
ID: 6686
Redneck
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
ID: 6659
Redneck
A redneck taped toilet paper to his television.
He said, "Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!"
ID: 4794
Redneck
You Just Might Be A Redneck If...
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You can't get married to your sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.
You dated one of your parents' current spouse in high school.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
+10,000 Jokes