ID: 6259
Puns
What did the clock say to the wristwatch?
"I enjoyed tocking with you, but now you're starting to tick me off."
ID: 5951
Puns
A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail.
"Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked.
The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice. Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow and none for your horse, either."
ID: 8338
Puns
Do you know how old hags tell time?
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A witch-watch!
ID: 4537
Puns
Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while watching fireworks heard their small son say, "Oh, God!"
The father quickly cautioned his son, "Please don't speak the Lord's name in vain."
The boy nodded but obviously mis-heard, because he asked quietly, "Is it OK if I speak his name back in Minnesota?"
ID: 1409
Puns
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "Call it a day."
ID: 6407
Puns
What is more peculiar than watching a catfish?
Watching a goldfish bowl.
ID: 6260
Puns
Vegetable: "Hey, lets get married."
Fruit: "I'm sorry."
Vegetable: "We could secretly get married."
Fruit: "No, we couldn't."
Vegetable: "Why?"
Fruit: "Because we can't elope."
Can't elope = cantelope
ID: 13482
Puns
One day an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.
The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did ya hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Then why in God's name did ya think she's gonna kill ya?" asked the exasperated police officer.
"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.
The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh out loud.
The immigrant became indignant and said, "What's so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle says 'Polish Remover'?"
ID: 5585
Puns
What monster was created on April 1?
Pranken-stien
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