PUNS

ID: 14833

Puns

You Turkey!

As the plane was flying low over hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"

"Just snow," replied the stewardess.

"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

ID: 12087

Puns

Hippopotamus Hide

Three Indian women are sitting side by side. The first, sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 170 pounds. The second, sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 130 pounds. The third, seated on a hippopotamus hide, weighs 300 pounds. What famous theorem does this illustrate?


The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides!

ID: 11743

Puns

The Party III

A man goes to a fancy dress party, dressed from head to toe in green, carrying a woman on his back.
The host asks, "What have you come as?"
He replies, "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!"
The host says, "Why have you a woman on your back?"
"Oh, that's Michelle," he replies.


(My shell)

ID: 12318

Puns

Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

- A day without sunshine is like...night.

- On the other hand, you have different fingers

- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Remember, half the people you know are below average.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

ID: 6312

Puns

The Worst Names to Have

This is a list of the worst names to have


Dick Hurtz

Hary Paratesticles

Mike Hunt

Mike Rotch

Anitta Manwhore

Anitta Johnson

Fuk Yao

Ike Anblow

Peter Pecker

I.C. Weiner

I.P. Freely

Seimore Butts

Bo Oobless

Dick Less

Issac Less

Tits McGee (ok, that was off Anchorman)

Ima Hornibusterd

Ima Uglibech

Ima Dick

ID: 12094

Puns

It is Inevitable

The three stages of sex in marriage:

Tri-weekly, Try-weekly, Try-weakly.

ID: 11338

Puns

Where's the Sun?

Bloke stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone; then it dawned on him.

ID: 201

Puns

Two Buzzards...

Two buzzards were eating a dead clown. One said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

ID: 11147

Puns

Texan's New Car

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."

"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

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