PUNS

ID: 13494

Puns

Long Service Medal

Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday.
The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn," to which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"

ID: 6537

Puns

A Spanish Man

What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?
Answer: Roberto.

ID: 3565

Puns

Peek-A-Boo

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,

"Picabo, ICU".

ID: 8

Puns

Antenna

I went to a wedding the other day. Two antennas were getting married. It wasn't much of a wedding ceremony, but it was one heck of a reception!

ID: 10

Puns

Rain

Joel: "How's the progress on new house that you are building Pete?"
Peter: "Things are really slow at the moment."
Joel: "Yeah, I guess all this rain would be putting a dampener on things..."

ID: 8089

Puns

The Downfall of the World

It is obvious. The downfall of the world is here. It is 2005 and we have lived on this earth for ages. I suppose it is about time for the end.
Proof? You want proof? I have all the proof you will need:

They let Brittney Spears reproduce.

Ohh that poor poor child!!

ID: 7098

Puns

Rise and Shine

A mother complained to a doctor about her daughter's
strange eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed
and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?"

"Don't worry," said the doctor. "Eventually, she'll
rise and shine.

ID: 5939

Puns

Milk

CAT 1- So how'd that milk drinking contest go?

CAT 2- Oh, I won by six laps.

ID: 7381

Puns

Mozart Beyond the Grave

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

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