ID: 16541
Puns
Woman: I did something special today.
Man: What?
Woman: I rode on a hippo.
Man: Surely you musn't be kidding.
Woman: Yes I'm not kidding and don't call me Shirley.
ID: 10005
Puns
Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study?
He wants to show them his executive branch.
ID: 6084
Puns
Goldilocks was walking along one sunny afternoon when she found a beautiful house in the woods. The door was open, so she walked right in. There she found a table set with three bowls of steaming porridge. "Hello?" she called out, but no one was home. She tried the first bowl, but it was too hot. She tried the second bowl, but it was too cold. Then she tried the third bowl, and it was just right.
"Wow," she said, once she had finished the meal. "Now I'm feeling very sleepy." So she wandered around looking for a bed. She couldn't find one anywhere on the bottom floor.
Finally, she found a staircase at one end of the house. She climbed up the steps and went into the first room. There was a great big bed in the middle of the room, so Goldilocks jumped right in. "Yikes!" she exclaimed. "This one's too hard!"
She wandered to the next room. There she found another bed, and hopped right in it. But it was too soft.
By this time, Goldilocks was very tired. She went into the third room, and yelled out in surprise. There were three pink pigs cowering in the corner of the room. "Wait a second," she said. "You guys are in the wrong fairy tale."
"No, we're not," answered one of the pigs. "Don't you know this is a two-story house?"
ID: 6664
Puns
A newlywed couple was walking together, and needed to cross a busy street. They saw Officer Ed. He was controlling traffic, so he said to them in a sarcastic and nasty voice, "Oh, so you just want me to clear traffic so you snots can get across? Oh, sure, I'll do that!"
So the couple starts to thank him, when he says, "I don't know why you're walking on this nasty day, anyway! It's just about to rain!"
The couple looked up in the sky, but didn't see a cloud in sight. They decided not to say anything, and went across the walkway as Officer Ed stopped the traffic.
Although, sure enough, it started to rain as soon as they had crossed. It just so happens that the man and the woman were songwriters, and they wrote a classic Christmas tune.
Oh, don't you know it? It goes like this:
"Rude Officer Ed knows the rain, dear..."
ID: 6312
Puns
This is a list of the worst names to have
Dick Hurtz
Hary Paratesticles
Mike Hunt
Mike Rotch
Anitta Manwhore
Anitta Johnson
Fuk Yao
Ike Anblow
Peter Pecker
I.C. Weiner
I.P. Freely
Seimore Butts
Bo Oobless
Dick Less
Issac Less
Tits McGee (ok, that was off Anchorman)
Ima Hornibusterd
Ima Uglibech
Ima Dick
ID: 7872
Puns
Why did the white girl go have sex with a Mexican?
Because her teacher told her to do an ESE.
ID: 7185
Puns
Q: How can you tell when a bucket gets sick?
A: It becomes a little pale.
ID: 7162
Puns
Q: Why are hairdressers always on time?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!
ID: 7326
Puns
Why are there no phone books in China?
Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.
+10,000 Jokes