PUNS

ID: 1252

Puns

Terrorist Alert

At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

ID: 15229

Puns

The Local

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"

He said, "It depends where you're calling from."

ID: 12087

Puns

Hippopotamus Hide

Three Indian women are sitting side by side. The first, sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 170 pounds. The second, sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 130 pounds. The third, seated on a hippopotamus hide, weighs 300 pounds. What famous theorem does this illustrate?


The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides!

ID: 11474

Puns

The Rare Hedgehog

Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect.

This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this abnormality.

One peculiarity of his family was the way that he slept; curled up in a ball, lying on his back, and it was while taking a nap one day that he felt a terrible pain in the genital region.

He jumped up to see his penis disappear down the throat of a large cat.

"What the HELL are you playing at?" shouted Tommy; "I'm awfully sorry," replied the cat, "it's just that I'm a four-point tool eater jaguar."

ID: 12318

Puns

Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

- A day without sunshine is like...night.

- On the other hand, you have different fingers

- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Remember, half the people you know are below average.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

ID: 13397

Puns

Definition

What is a definition of a " suicide bomber"?
Answer: "martyr-dumb"

ID: 11087

Puns

What Do You Call...

What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard?

A: A liquor cabinet!

ID: 17784

Puns

Pokemon Trainer

A Pokemon Trainer walks into a STD help center.
The nurse there says "Sorry, but it looks like you've caught 'em all"

ID: 14844

Puns

Sperm Bank

How does a sperm bank treat its donors?

On a first come, first serve basis.

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