ID: 12766
Puns
Q: What type of storage units do underwater computers use?
A: Trilo-bytes
ID: 605
Puns
"Are you sure you don't want some Novocain?" asked the dentist.
"I'm sure," replied the maharishi. "I wish to transcend dental medication."
ID: 3217
Puns
Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub and Fred gets the first pint in and says, "I'll have a pint for me and a pint for Donkey."
The two guys drink their pints and Fred says, "Right donkey your round; I'll have a pint of Guiness."
Donkey walks up to the bar and says, "2 p p p p pints of g g g g Guiness p p p please."
While donkey gets the pints, Fred goes to the toilet and the barman says, "Say, you shouldn't let him call you that stupid nickname."
Donkey replies, "I know. He aw.. he aww... he awwwwww, he always calls me 'Donkey.'"
ID: 676
Puns
Anyone remember Roy Clark, host of TV's "Hee Haw"?
Once, cohost Buck Owens was visiting Roy's home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Roy was upset because he had just bought a beautiful new pair of genuine leather boots that were completely destroyed by a mountain lion the night before when Roy had left them on the back porch.
Roy was bound and determined to get the animal, so he and Buck, and several townspeople, took up arms and searched the hills. The group searched for hours to no avail. Then suddenly, Buck heard a feline wail.
Buck turns to his friend and sings:
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
ID: 17394
Puns
Two bulls are in a locker room when one guy notices the other dude has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"
The other bull says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, 'I am Tonto, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.'
And I said, 'No bullshit!'"
ID: 15460
Puns
America is a land of untold wealth.
- Internal Revenue Service.
ID: 8161
Puns
Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking female flies. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of horse manure and dives down toward her. "Pardon me," he says, turning on his best charm, "...but is this stool taken?"
ID: 7222
Puns
There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why?
Because the little moron was a little more on.
ID: 6458
Puns
A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses..."
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