ID: 12766
Puns
Q: What type of storage units do underwater computers use?
A: Trilo-bytes
ID: 9608
Puns
It's 3 a.m. and a couple is sleeping, when suddenly someone knocks on its door. The husband wakes up and goes to see who is disturbing them in the middle of the night.
He then sees a young man and when he asks him what he wants, he says furiously, "Please, it's an emergency! I really, really, really need a push!!! Please can you come to help me?"
The husband, still angry from his brutal awakening, answers in a very rude way and slams the door on the poor man's face. On his way to his bed he thinks, "Why did I react in such a way? I am a good person and this man could be in a lot of trouble without his car. Maybe I should have helped him...". However, he goes back to sleep.
At 4 a.m. another knock is heard on the couple's door, this time even louder. Both the husband and the wife wake up and the husband says, "Honey, why don't you go see who it is and if it's a man asking for a push, help him because I didn't and I feel bad."
The wife agrees and goes to open the door. Now, the young man knees and says: "Please madam, you can't imagine how important it is to me! I need a push, I really, really, really do! It's a matter of life and death, can you pleaaaaaaaaaaase help me?"
The wife says, "OK, just let me put on a coat!". She goes inside to get the coat, but when she returns nobody's there. She shouts: "I can't see you mister! Where are you?"
"OVER HERE, AT THE SWING!!!!!"
ID: 8177
Puns
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
ID: 9789
Puns
A wealthy man had a falling out with his two sons. It was serious enough that he decided to change his will.
At his lawyer's office, he threw his will on the table and said, "This needs an heircut."
ID: 8408
Puns
While on a game show, Justins had to identify a number of sounds. When she heard this: *laughter then plop, plop, plop* she identified it correctly right away. What did she say?
An audience laughing it's head off
ID: 8965
Puns
The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be assigning some of their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills sales that occur on the black market.
The agents will be called "Pseudo Feds."
ID: 1655
Puns
A length of Rope went into a bar, sat on a stool, and ordered a beer. The Bartender said, "We don't serve Ropes here." Dismayed and disappointed, the Rope went out and then got an idea. He stopped a man and asked, "Will you please tie a knot in me and separate my strands at both ends?". The man obliged, and with this done, the Rope went back into the bar and again ordered a beer. The Bartender looked him over and said, "Say, aren't you the same rope who was in here before?!" "No," was the reply, "I'm a frayed knot."
ID: 9417
Puns
There once was an American Indian whose given name was "OneStone". He was so named because he had only one testicle.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him OneStone. After years and years of torment, OneStone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me OneStone again, I will kill them!"
Word quickly spread and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named BlueBird forgot and said, "Good morning, OneStone."
He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. Then he made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. Word got around that OneStone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named YellowBird returned to the village after being away for many years. YellowBird, who was BlueBird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw OneStone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, OneStone."
OneStone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, and made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, and made love to her all the next night, but YellowBird just wouldn't die!
The Moral of this story:
"You can't kill two Birds with OneStone."
ID: 10780
Puns
Two Potatoes are standing on a street corner. How do you know which one is a hooker?
It's the one stamped I-da-Ho (Idaho potato)
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