ID: 11474
Puns
Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect.
This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this abnormality.
One peculiarity of his family was the way that he slept; curled up in a ball, lying on his back, and it was while taking a nap one day that he felt a terrible pain in the genital region.
He jumped up to see his penis disappear down the throat of a large cat.
"What the HELL are you playing at?" shouted Tommy; "I'm awfully sorry," replied the cat, "it's just that I'm a four-point tool eater jaguar."
ID: 9417
Puns
There once was an American Indian whose given name was "OneStone". He was so named because he had only one testicle.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him OneStone. After years and years of torment, OneStone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me OneStone again, I will kill them!"
Word quickly spread and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named BlueBird forgot and said, "Good morning, OneStone."
He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. Then he made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. Word got around that OneStone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named YellowBird returned to the village after being away for many years. YellowBird, who was BlueBird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw OneStone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, OneStone."
OneStone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, and made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, and made love to her all the next night, but YellowBird just wouldn't die!
The Moral of this story:
"You can't kill two Birds with OneStone."
ID: 7220
Puns
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!
ID: 8161
Puns
Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking female flies. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of horse manure and dives down toward her. "Pardon me," he says, turning on his best charm, "...but is this stool taken?"
ID: 10869
Puns
Jack and Jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with $2.50. They didn't go up for water!
ID: 6458
Puns
A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses..."
ID: 7872
Puns
Why did the white girl go have sex with a Mexican?
Because her teacher told her to do an ESE.
ID: 5939
Puns
CAT 1- So how'd that milk drinking contest go?
CAT 2- Oh, I won by six laps.
ID: 7189
Puns
A general store owner hired a young female clerk who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man entered the store, glanced at the clerk and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man said.
The clerk nodded and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which was located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.
Once she descended the ladder he mused that he really should get two loaves as he was having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieved the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers noticed what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requested his own loaf of raisin bread so he could continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the ladder the young lady seemed to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.
After many trips she was tired, irritated, and thinking that she should really try this bread for herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stopped and fumed, glaring at the men standing below.
She noticed an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells, "Is yours raisin, too?"
"No," croaked the old man, "but it's startin' to twitch."
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