ID: 11458
Puns
101 Hot 'n' Spicy Meals by Tung Payne
ID: 3779
Puns
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says it cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in!"
ID: 3750
Puns
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took many pictures of the Dwarves and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch, she took the film to be developed. After a week or so, she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Snow White was so disappointed that she started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said kindly, "Don't worry, someday your prints will come."
ID: 1439
Puns
When ice skating, never judge a brook by its cover.
ID: 8799
Puns
One day a duck walked into a drugstore and bought some lipstick. She walked up to the clerk and said, "Put it on my bill!"
ID: 636
Puns
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with
stealing several paintings from the Louvre.
However, after planning the crime, and getting
in and out past incredible security, he was
captured only two blocks away when his Econoline
ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime
and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!
ID: 4980
Puns
I hear some rich guy wants to build a tavern at the top of Mount Everest. Talk about raising the bar high!
ID: 2422
Puns
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Ferraro 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Ferraro dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
ID: 6312
Puns
This is a list of the worst names to have
Dick Hurtz
Hary Paratesticles
Mike Hunt
Mike Rotch
Anitta Manwhore
Anitta Johnson
Fuk Yao
Ike Anblow
Peter Pecker
I.C. Weiner
I.P. Freely
Seimore Butts
Bo Oobless
Dick Less
Issac Less
Tits McGee (ok, that was off Anchorman)
Ima Hornibusterd
Ima Uglibech
Ima Dick
+10,000 Jokes