ID: 16338
Puns
There were some kids playing hopscotch and they were allowed to skip so when the winner was on 8 it went straight to 10
ID: 13987
Puns
How does a rodeo star get around?
With a cattle-act.
ID: 11412
Puns
There was a family of gnus, and one day, Mr Gnu went out to get some food but was ambushed and eaten by a pride of lions.
Next salute, a poacher shoots Mrs Gnu, leaving poor Baby Gnu to starve to death.
Well, that's the end of the gnus; here's the weather . . .
ID: 12516
Puns
There were two high school friends, Artie and Dominick, who did everything together, and were the absolute best of friends. Then they went off to different colleges and were separated for several years.
One day, however, Artie was sitting and a bar and looks over and sees his old friend Dominic.
"Dominic?" he shouts.
"Artie?" Dominic replied.
Obviously they were happy to see each other again, and spent a long time catching up on old times. Along the course of the conversation, Artie asked Dominick what he did as a career.
"I'm an inventor," Dominic said.
"Wow," said Artie, "you must be loaded!"
"Well, I would be, except my wife spends all my money. I really hate her and wish she were dead!"
"Well, hey," Artie said, "I'm a hit man! I can knock her off for ya!"
Dominick was pleased with this idea, and offered Artie a great deal of money to do this. Artie, however would not take it, saying that it would be free for his best friend. Dominick felt bad about this, and kept trying to pay SOMETHING to Artie, but he refused. Finally Dominic said, "Listen, let me pay you, all right? Just a dollar, okay? A dollar to say that I paid you. Please?" Finally, Artie agreed to the cost of one dollar, and the plans were made.
Later, while Dominic was away, Artie went to his house and strangled his wife. Just as she died, the butler walked into the room, so Artie strangled him as well. Seconds after his death, in walked the maid, so once again, he was forced to strangle another person. Finally, after she was dead, he raced out of the house and down the street, but was caught by the police.
Next day the headlines read:
ARTIE CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR!
ID: 6047
Puns
FOREST WARDEN: "Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down?
CAMPER: "Only the chain saw."
ID: 50
Puns
Did you know diarhea is part of your inheritence?
Ya, it flows in our genes.
ID: 11683
Puns
Girl 1: "This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!"
Girl 2: "I bet you were angry with him!"
Girl 1: "Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!"
ID: 12651
Puns
What did the bald man say when he was given a comb for his birthday?
"Oh, thank you! I'll never part with it!"
ID: 12409
Puns
If it weren't for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for everybody.
+10,000 Jokes