ID: 7949
Puns
There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer.
Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in poultry science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask." In the book, Hing finds a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards and examines the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.
So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese farmer. Ming says, "As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion of gum tree leaves make feathers stick to chickens." Hing agrees, saying "Studies show that infusions of gum tree leaves alleviate feather loss in chickens." The influential Chinese farmer is ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town are of a single mind. He decides to follow their recommendation, but it does not work.
Moral of the Story: "All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."
ID: 10869
Puns
Jack and Jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with $2.50. They didn't go up for water!
ID: 6407
Puns
What is more peculiar than watching a catfish?
Watching a goldfish bowl.
ID: 6265
Puns
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
ID: 10005
Puns
Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study?
He wants to show them his executive branch.
ID: 10000
Puns
Did you hear Bill Clinton gave up playing his sax-a-phone?
He now plays his whore-monica.
ID: 8408
Puns
While on a game show, Justins had to identify a number of sounds. When she heard this: *laughter then plop, plop, plop* she identified it correctly right away. What did she say?
An audience laughing it's head off
ID: 8176
Puns
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
ID: 9608
Puns
It's 3 a.m. and a couple is sleeping, when suddenly someone knocks on its door. The husband wakes up and goes to see who is disturbing them in the middle of the night.
He then sees a young man and when he asks him what he wants, he says furiously, "Please, it's an emergency! I really, really, really need a push!!! Please can you come to help me?"
The husband, still angry from his brutal awakening, answers in a very rude way and slams the door on the poor man's face. On his way to his bed he thinks, "Why did I react in such a way? I am a good person and this man could be in a lot of trouble without his car. Maybe I should have helped him...". However, he goes back to sleep.
At 4 a.m. another knock is heard on the couple's door, this time even louder. Both the husband and the wife wake up and the husband says, "Honey, why don't you go see who it is and if it's a man asking for a push, help him because I didn't and I feel bad."
The wife agrees and goes to open the door. Now, the young man knees and says: "Please madam, you can't imagine how important it is to me! I need a push, I really, really, really do! It's a matter of life and death, can you pleaaaaaaaaaaase help me?"
The wife says, "OK, just let me put on a coat!". She goes inside to get the coat, but when she returns nobody's there. She shouts: "I can't see you mister! Where are you?"
"OVER HERE, AT THE SWING!!!!!"
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