PUNS

ID: 12421

Puns

Loooonnnngggg John

Q: Why could Long John Silver never find an aspirin?

A: 'Cause his parrots ate them all.

ID: 14219

Puns

WHY???

Why did Tom throw butter outside the window?

Because he wanted to see the butter-fly.

ID: 12565

Puns

Where Is It, Then?

Two blond labourers looking for work arrive at a railway station, and ask for one-way tickets. The ticket-seller looks through his schedule, but can't find the place the blonds are seeking.

"But you must be able to find it," says one.

"We read in the papers that there are thousands of jobs in Jeopardy!"

ID: 16499

Puns

Brake! I Said Brake!

My pal is addicted to brake fluid - but he says he can stop any time he wants.

ID: 12316

Puns

More Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

- OK, . . . . so what's the speed of dark?

- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

- Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

- Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

- Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

ID: 11230

Puns

Unlawful vs Illegal

What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is a sick bird.

ID: 11459

Puns

Fortune Teller

A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.

ID: 3676

Puns

Two Vultures Board an Airplane...

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

ID: 12104

Puns

50 Cent

What was 50 Cent's daughter named?

Penny!

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