ID: 16379
Puns
Teacher: Jackie, please use the word "climate" in a sentence
please.
Jackie: Sure, I have a cherry tree in my backyard, but my parents won't let me "climate"
Teacher: That's correct!
Teacher: Now, Luis use the word "arrest" in a sentence.
Luis: Sure, after running a mile I need "arrest"
ID: 11140
Puns
Why don't elephants smoke?
Their butts don't fit in the ash tray
ID: 12624
Puns
Joseph, a rather religous man with a rather large sweet-tooth, had voleentered at the church bake sale. Business was booming, at least around noon, but by two o'clock, it was practically barren. While no one was looking he took a donut from the table.
On his way home he started to feel guilty. "It was just one donut," he told himself "just one dollar, thats all."
"But it was a dollar that the church should have." Another side told him. It continued this was for the rest of drive.
When he got home his wife was setting dinner on the table. It was a beatiful Sunday ham. After dinner she took out a heavenly fresh cherry pie. He refused to eat it. He couldnt even look at another pastry and simply ran up to bed.
It took him another hour to fall asleep. His mind was spinning.
The next day he woke up still feeling guilty. He wouldn't touch his wife's corn muffins, he didn't sneak pie when his wife wasnt looking, even the donuts in conference room B seemed to taunt him.
Again that night he took an hour to fall asleep.
By the next day he couldn't take it anymore on his lunch break he drove right for the church. He parked his car and went to the coffessional.
"Hello, my son" The priest said in an old wise voice. The man replied, "Good afternoon father, its been 48 hours since my last confection..."
ID: 11768
Puns
I went out to buy a new television, and wanted to buy a locally-made set.
The salesman showed me a set I quite liked, and he assured me it was made locally, but I saw through that - clearly printed on the box was "Built in Antenna."
ID: 13369
Puns
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
Editor's note: Mean can mean both not nice but another definition is average.
ID: 11087
Puns
What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard?
A: A liquor cabinet!
ID: 12421
Puns
Q: Why could Long John Silver never find an aspirin?
A: 'Cause his parrots ate them all.
ID: 11525
Puns
If I were to be pun-ish-ed
For every little pun I shed
I'd hide me to a punny shed
And there I'd hang my punnish head.
ID: 12211
Puns
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head, I'll just hang around.
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