ID: 1905
Puns
From: [langalist] LangaList Standard Edition 2003-07-24
Just For Grins
1. Coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v), to give up hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation when drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), an olive flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n), a humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Frisbeetarianism (n), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
15. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.
ID: 6667
Puns
Q: What's weirder than a talking dog?
A: A spelling bee!
ID: 201
Puns
Two buzzards were eating a dead clown. One said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
ID: 17028
Puns
Gene Pitney dies, and his widow is told that the coffin would take a week if it was made from Oak -
but only 24 hours from Balsa!
ID: 640
Puns
Did you see that movie about the pirate?
It's rated Arrr!
ID: 702
Puns
Mama Skunk had two children named In and Out.
The two were always on the go, but rarely in one place at the same time. Whenever In was in, Out was out. Whenever In was out, Out was in.
One day at dinner time, Out was home, but In was no where to be seen. Mama Skunk sent Out out to bring In in for dinner. Out quickly returned with In and Mama was amazed.
"However did you find In so quickly in all the vast forest?" asked Mama.
"Easy," said Out. "Instinct!"
ID: 10954
Puns
Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
ID: 802
Puns
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in a mud puddle.
ID: 2207
Puns
A man went to his dentist because he has a strange feeling in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "That's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
+10,000 Jokes