PUNS

ID: 652

Puns

Kidnapping in the Woods...

Hey, have any of you heard of the kidnapping in the woods?

Yeah, well, it all turns out OK, though, since he woke up...

ID: 14833

Puns

You Turkey!

As the plane was flying low over hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"

"Just snow," replied the stewardess.

"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

ID: 12211

Puns

A Tie and A Hat

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on a head, I'll just hang around.

ID: 12256

Puns

The Elephant and the Turtle

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. He ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory!" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall."

ID: 11400

Puns

Arithmetic

Q: What did one arithmetic book say to the other?

A: I have a lot of problems.

ID: 12565

Puns

Where Is It, Then?

Two blond labourers looking for work arrive at a railway station, and ask for one-way tickets. The ticket-seller looks through his schedule, but can't find the place the blonds are seeking.

"But you must be able to find it," says one.

"We read in the papers that there are thousands of jobs in Jeopardy!"

ID: 13369

Puns

Middle Of The Road

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.


Editor's note: Mean can mean both not nice but another definition is average.

ID: 12442

Puns

But 2 Wrights Made a Plane

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three rights make a left.

ID: 11094

Puns

Carrots and Peas

Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas?

Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.

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