ID: 8600
Puns
A young man worked at an aquarium feading the animals, cleaning the tanks and the like. One day his boss came to him and said, "We have a group of second-graders coming for a field trip in about thirty minutes and the dolphins are getting 'playful'. The only thing that will make the dolphins behave is baby seagull meat. I want you to take this bag and go down to the beach and get some baby seagulls, but be careful because a lion has escaped from the zoo. They say it's been shot with a tranq gun so it shouldn't be a problem."
So, the young man took the bag, made his way down to the beach and got the seagulls with no problem. He decided to take the short cut through the woods on his way back. Suddenly, as he rounded a bend in the path, he saw the escaped lion laying across the path ahead of him, apparently sleeping.
The bushes were rather thick at this point, so he had only two choices: go past the lion or back the way he came. He decided he didn't have enough time to go back. He got up his nerve and very,very carefully stepped over the lion. He did so without waking it and was breathing a sigh of relief when a police officer stepped out of the woods and told him he was under arrest.
"But, Officer, what's the charge?" he queried.
"Transporting young gulls across a sedate lion." (Transporting youing girls across state lines)
ID: 652
Puns
Hey, have any of you heard of the kidnapping in the woods?
Yeah, well, it all turns out OK, though, since he woke up...
ID: 1389
Puns
What do you call a bear who's into gardening?
A Hairy Potter!
ID: 2080
Puns
A test-tube baby has a womb with a view.
ID: 1816
Puns
There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.
But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off singing -
"I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"
ID: 1439
Puns
When ice skating, never judge a brook by its cover.
ID: 13548
Puns
"Transportation in the Middle Ages" by Orson Cart.
"Growing up in the Balkans" by Hugo Slavia.
"The Outboard Motor Died" by Rhoda Shaw.
"Answering the Questions of the Universe" by Howard I. Know.
"Our Son, Russell, the Chef" by Mr. & Mrs. Upsumgrub.
"How to Write a Mystery Novel" by Paige Turner.
"The Great English Breakfast" by Chris P. Bacon.
"Vacation Spots in the Tropics" by Sandy Beech.
ID: 11298
Puns
A complex is a phobia.
A complex is a large building.
A complex is another word for complicated.
So if you have a phobia about complicated large buildings, you might be said to have a complex complex complex.
ID: 13454
Puns
My geometry tutor told me, "A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon."
"What about two sided ones?" I asked.
"They don't exist," was his response.
"I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons."
+10,000 Jokes