ID: 3980
Puns
A backward poet writes inverse.
ID: 13496
Puns
Are part-time band leaders semiconductors?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Do pilots in a hurry take crash-courses?
How do you get off a nonstop flight?
ID: 11683
Puns
Girl 1: "This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!"
Girl 2: "I bet you were angry with him!"
Girl 1: "Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!"
ID: 12624
Puns
Joseph, a rather religous man with a rather large sweet-tooth, had voleentered at the church bake sale. Business was booming, at least around noon, but by two o'clock, it was practically barren. While no one was looking he took a donut from the table.
On his way home he started to feel guilty. "It was just one donut," he told himself "just one dollar, thats all."
"But it was a dollar that the church should have." Another side told him. It continued this was for the rest of drive.
When he got home his wife was setting dinner on the table. It was a beatiful Sunday ham. After dinner she took out a heavenly fresh cherry pie. He refused to eat it. He couldnt even look at another pastry and simply ran up to bed.
It took him another hour to fall asleep. His mind was spinning.
The next day he woke up still feeling guilty. He wouldn't touch his wife's corn muffins, he didn't sneak pie when his wife wasnt looking, even the donuts in conference room B seemed to taunt him.
Again that night he took an hour to fall asleep.
By the next day he couldn't take it anymore on his lunch break he drove right for the church. He parked his car and went to the coffessional.
"Hello, my son" The priest said in an old wise voice. The man replied, "Good afternoon father, its been 48 hours since my last confection..."
ID: 12645
Puns
Two bees in their hive on a lovely summer day, and one says to the other,
"'Swarm in here, isn't it?"
ID: 18151
Puns
Mik and mak are having a pillow fight. Mak whacks mik hard. Mik yells "are you jamaican because ja maican me crazy!"
ID: 13397
Puns
What is a definition of a " suicide bomber"?
Answer: "martyr-dumb"
ID: 13428
Puns
Once there was a man named John Odd. He hated his last name. Since he was little people would make fun of him calling him "the odd man out."
He grew older and fell in love with a girl named Julie. They soon got married and people immediately started calling them "the odd couple."
John was enraged by this. He decided that he should have a talk with his wife.
"I hate my last name! My whole life people have made fun of it. Just recently I realized that people that don't even know me are going to see my tombstone in a grave yard and laugh about it! I want you to promise me that when I die you'll leave my tombstone blank. I want to have more respect than that."
"Okay honey. Whatever you want," she said with a smile on her face.
*
*
*
*
*
Years later, after John passed away, a young couple were walking out of the cemetery after putting flowers on a relative's grave. The wife looked down and saw John's blank tombstone. She got her husband's attention and said,
"Isn't that Odd?"
ID: 12592
Puns
A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.
The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.
The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.
The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"
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