ID: 701
Puns
What happens when the smog clears over southern California?
UCLA
ID: 13541
Puns
"Operator? I'd like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven."
"I can't find a town called 'Woven'? Are you sure?"
"Yes. That's what it says on the label - 'Woven in Scotland'."
ID: 12624
Puns
Joseph, a rather religous man with a rather large sweet-tooth, had voleentered at the church bake sale. Business was booming, at least around noon, but by two o'clock, it was practically barren. While no one was looking he took a donut from the table.
On his way home he started to feel guilty. "It was just one donut," he told himself "just one dollar, thats all."
"But it was a dollar that the church should have." Another side told him. It continued this was for the rest of drive.
When he got home his wife was setting dinner on the table. It was a beatiful Sunday ham. After dinner she took out a heavenly fresh cherry pie. He refused to eat it. He couldnt even look at another pastry and simply ran up to bed.
It took him another hour to fall asleep. His mind was spinning.
The next day he woke up still feeling guilty. He wouldn't touch his wife's corn muffins, he didn't sneak pie when his wife wasnt looking, even the donuts in conference room B seemed to taunt him.
Again that night he took an hour to fall asleep.
By the next day he couldn't take it anymore on his lunch break he drove right for the church. He parked his car and went to the coffessional.
"Hello, my son" The priest said in an old wise voice. The man replied, "Good afternoon father, its been 48 hours since my last confection..."
ID: 11474
Puns
Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect.
This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this abnormality.
One peculiarity of his family was the way that he slept; curled up in a ball, lying on his back, and it was while taking a nap one day that he felt a terrible pain in the genital region.
He jumped up to see his penis disappear down the throat of a large cat.
"What the HELL are you playing at?" shouted Tommy; "I'm awfully sorry," replied the cat, "it's just that I'm a four-point tool eater jaguar."
ID: 11062
Puns
1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
2. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
3. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
6. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
ID: 12265
Puns
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city.
He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits.
He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits.
The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame.
ID: 15360
Puns
Marble is a valuable building material and should not be taken for granite.
ID: 17477
Puns
A foot. (leg-end)
ID: 1439
Puns
When ice skating, never judge a brook by its cover.
+10,000 Jokes