ID: 5657
Puns
The Mexican was finally caught on the borderline of the US by an American cop.
The Mexican begged, "Pleese, siir. I muss stay here in America. I muss!"
But the American still wasn't convinced. So, the Mexican pleaded more and more with very bad English. At last, the cop, assuming the Mexican's English couldn't get any worst, said to the Mexican, "I will let you stay if you can use 3 words in one sentence."
The Mexican thought for a while, and replied, "Is all right. I say. I say."
The cop said, "The words are: Green, pink and yellow."
After a few seconds of consideration, the Mexican responded, "Da phone - it rang: Green, green, green. I pink it up and sez, 'yellow?'"
ID: 3615
Puns
A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band.
Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."
ID: 5595
Puns
A sailor trying to sneak back to his ship about 3 o'clock in the morning was spotted by a chief petty officer who ordered him to explain his tardiness. The lame explanation didn't work. "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you," the chief said. The sailor began to sweep, but a tern landed on the broom handle and he couldn't continue. He yelled at the bird, but it didn't budge. He finally plucked it off the broom and gave it a toss. But the bird came right back and again landed on the handle. Over and over, the same routine was repeated. A toss, one sweep, and the bird was back. When morning came, the chief also was back. "What have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started!" "Honest, chief," said the sailor, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link."
ID: 11087
Puns
What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard?
A: A liquor cabinet!
ID: 13541
Puns
"Operator? I'd like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven."
"I can't find a town called 'Woven'? Are you sure?"
"Yes. That's what it says on the label - 'Woven in Scotland'."
ID: 11834
Puns
I tried to walk into Target one day...
I missed
ID: 14909
Puns
Why did the big knot give the little knot a time-out?
It was being knotty!
ID: 16517
Puns
Maurice has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a glossy magazine opens it, and tries to read.
However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to a rumpus coming from behind one of the doors leading off the reception area. Maurice goes over to the receptionist and asks, "What's going on in there?"
She replies, "It's a partners' meeting." "But why are they shouting at each other?" Maurice asks. "It's a battle of wits," she replies.
Maurice asks: "Who is in there?" and she answers, "Horowits, Lebowits, Rabbinowits and Abramowits."
ID: 15362
Puns
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
+10,000 Jokes