ID: 11632
Puns
Two ships, one carrying lots of red paint, the other carrying lots of purple paint, crashed on a desert island.
The drivers are now marooned.
ID: 5939
Puns
CAT 1- So how'd that milk drinking contest go?
CAT 2- Oh, I won by six laps.
ID: 45
Puns
A polar bear walked into a bar and said
"Can I please have a gin and............................................tonic?"
The bartender replied "Sure, but why the large pause?"
"I don't know, I've always had them!"
ID: 5661
Puns
All the numbers went to a party and numbers being what they are, all
the evens stayed around each other and all the odds did the same and
neither group interacted with each other. Whilst two was chatting to
four he noticed zero was on his own in the corner and suggested to
four that because zero is sort of even he should be encouraged to mix
with even numbers - four agreed. So off went two to invite zero into
their little group. "Would you like to join our little group" enquired
two, to which zero replied "I have nothing to add!"
ID: 2641
Puns
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what?
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
ID: 3615
Puns
A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band.
Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."
ID: 1954
Puns
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''
The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''
''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''
''Yeah, he's my dad.''
''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''
The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''
''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
ID: 2828
Puns
Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker had for Christmas?
A. He felt his presence!
ID: 652
Puns
Hey, have any of you heard of the kidnapping in the woods?
Yeah, well, it all turns out OK, though, since he woke up...
+10,000 Jokes