ID: 11140
Puns
Why don't elephants smoke?
Their butts don't fit in the ash tray
ID: 1127
Puns
The movie producer was planning his next blockbuster - an action docudrama about famous composers. So he set up a meeting with Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger and offered them the chance to select which famous musicians they'd portray.
"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme. "That's the part for me."
"I've always admired Mozart," Stallone said. "I'd love to play him."
The producer turned to Schwarzenegger. "And you, Arnold? Who do you want to be?"
There was a long silence, then he replied, "I'll be Bach."
ID: 5281
Puns
A golf ball is a golf ball, no matter how you putt it.
ID: 6665
Puns
A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars!
The game show host said, "All right, for your final question: 'What are the names of three of Santa's reindeer?'"
The man grinned and said, "Dasher!"
The game show host said, "Correct!"
"Comet!"
"Correct! What is the last name?"
The man yelled, "Olive!"
The game show host was confused and said, "Why Olive?"
The contestent looked at him strangely and said, "Oh, don't you know? 'Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...'"
ID: 5236
Puns
Why is Mississippi River unusual?
Because it has four eyes and can't see!
ID: 10303
Puns
A man's wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man's wife began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't wouldn't, didn't, can't!!"
The man said,"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?!"
The doctor replied, "Nothing. She's just having contractions."
ID: 9894
Puns
Why did the melon jump into the water?
Because it wanted to be a watermelon!
ID: 7319
Puns
Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
ID: 6265
Puns
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
+10,000 Jokes