ID: 13454
Puns
My geometry tutor told me, "A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon."
"What about two sided ones?" I asked.
"They don't exist," was his response.
"I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons."
ID: 13543
Puns
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter said,"I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What do you pick to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks,"Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asketh the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."
ID: 16955
Puns
Route 66 says to the country road: Hey, man, you straight?
Country road says: Heck no, I'm a byway!
ID: 14726
Puns
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes.
She blew her stack.
ID: 15460
Puns
America is a land of untold wealth.
- Internal Revenue Service.
ID: 14700
Puns
Sven was in front of the mall jewellery store when he spied Ole walking past carrying a small, gift-wrapped package.
"So vat did ja buy, Ole?"
Ole replied, "Tomorrow is Lena's birthday and she said she vanted something wit lots of diamonds."
"So vat did you get her?" asked Sven.
"A deck of cards!" replied Ole.
- Editor: Ole's funeral services will be held later this week.
ID: 14995
Puns
Thor: The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.
ID: 14950
Puns
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was exhausted. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do; what is wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know - you left your Injun running!"
ID: 14905
Puns
When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
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