ID: 12651
Puns
What did the bald man say when he was given a comb for his birthday?
"Oh, thank you! I'll never part with it!"
ID: 16517
Puns
Maurice has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a glossy magazine opens it, and tries to read.
However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to a rumpus coming from behind one of the doors leading off the reception area. Maurice goes over to the receptionist and asks, "What's going on in there?"
She replies, "It's a partners' meeting." "But why are they shouting at each other?" Maurice asks. "It's a battle of wits," she replies.
Maurice asks: "Who is in there?" and she answers, "Horowits, Lebowits, Rabbinowits and Abramowits."
ID: 15228
Puns
So I said to the taxi driver, "King Arthur's Close."
He said, "Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights." - Tommy Cooper.
ID: 15306
Puns
Why shouldn't you take a Pokemon in the shower with you?
Answer:
Because it'll Pikachu! (peek at you...)
ID: 11087
Puns
What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard?
A: A liquor cabinet!
ID: 15448
Puns
It was a sweltering August day when the Greenberg brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan offices of the notoriously anti-Semitic car-maker, Henry Ford.
"Mr. Ford," announced Hyman Greenberg, the eldest of the three, "we have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry."
Ford looked skeptical, but their threats to offer it to the competition kept his interest piqued. "We would like to demonstrate it to you in person." After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to enter a black car that was parked in front of the building.
Norman Greenberg, the middle brother, opened the door of the car. "Please step inside Mr. Ford."
"What?" shouted the tycoon, "are you crazy? It must be two hundred degrees in that car!"
"It is," smiled the youngest brother, Max, "but sit down, Mr. Ford, and push the white button."
Intrigued, Ford pushed the button. All of a sudden a whoosh of freezing air started blowing from vents all around the car, and within seconds the automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool!
"This is amazing!" exclaimed Ford. "How much do you want for the patent?"
Norman spoke up. "The price is one million dollars." Then he paused, "And there is something else. We want the name 'Greenberg Brothers Air Conditioning' to be stamped right next to the Ford logo."
"Money is no problem," retorted Ford, "but no way will I have a Jewish name next to my logo on my cars!"
They haggled back and forth for a while and finally they settled. One and one half million dollars, and the name Greenberg would be left off. However, the first names of the Greenberg brothers would be forever emblazoned upon the console of every Ford air conditioning system.
And that is why today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle you will see those three names clearly defined on the air-conditioning control panel:
HI NORM MAX
ID: 12553
Puns
What do you call a black priest?
Holy Shit
ID: 14833
Puns
As the plane was flying low over hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"
"Just snow," replied the stewardess.
"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."
ID: 15389
Puns
If Henry IV were cloned, would he be Henry V, or Henry IV Jr. or,
would he be Henry IV Part II?
(Willy Wagstaff, more usually known as William Shakespeare)
+10,000 Jokes