ID: 9040
Puns
Q. What do you call a cow that gives chocolate milk?
A. An Utter Delight!
ID: 11632
Puns
Two ships, one carrying lots of red paint, the other carrying lots of purple paint, crashed on a desert island.
The drivers are now marooned.
ID: 6890
Puns
Q: Why are cats similar to sentences?
A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has pause at the end of its clause.
ID: 3343
Puns
Next time you start to groan at friend's pun, ask yourself: Am I just being jealous?:
"A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first."
--Oscar Levant
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
--Fred Allen
"A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents."
--G. C. Lichtenberg
ID: 7301
Puns
This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.
ID: 6047
Puns
FOREST WARDEN: "Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down?
CAMPER: "Only the chain saw."
ID: 1905
Puns
From: [langalist] LangaList Standard Edition 2003-07-24
Just For Grins
1. Coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v), to give up hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation when drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), an olive flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n), a humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Frisbeetarianism (n), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
15. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.
ID: 10611
Puns
What do scientists use to freshen their breath?
Experi-mints
ID: 7241
Puns
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils!
+10,000 Jokes