ID: 16862
Puns
A recent immigrant had just completed a training course titled, 'Improve your English' and was taking an oral exam.
The examiner asked him to spell 'cultivate.' Jacob spelled it correctly.
The examiner then asked Jacob to use the word 'cultivate' in a sentence.
Jacob thought about it for a while, then replied, "Last winter, on a very cold day, I was waiting for the bus but it was too cultivate so I walked home."
ID: 11460
Puns
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.
ID: 11094
Puns
Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas?
Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.
ID: 11743
Puns
A man goes to a fancy dress party, dressed from head to toe in green, carrying a woman on his back.
The host asks, "What have you come as?"
He replies, "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!"
The host says, "Why have you a woman on your back?"
"Oh, that's Michelle," he replies.
(My shell)
ID: 11923
Puns
I gave up Thai boxing because I felt the Thais were getting fed up being put in boxes.
ID: 11140
Puns
Why don't elephants smoke?
Their butts don't fit in the ash tray
ID: 12256
Puns
An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. He ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
"What did you do that for?" asked a passing giraffe.
"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."
"Wow, what a memory!" commented the giraffe.
"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall."
ID: 12553
Puns
What do you call a black priest?
Holy Shit
ID: 12547
Puns
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When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded.
"Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'Jose, can you see?'"
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