PUNS

ID: 6259

Puns

Talking With Time

What did the clock say to the wristwatch?

"I enjoyed tocking with you, but now you're starting to tick me off."

ID: 5951

Puns

Mike Howe

A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail.
"Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked.

The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice. Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow and none for your horse, either."

ID: 8338

Puns

Old Hags

Do you know how old hags tell time?
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A witch-watch!

ID: 4537

Puns

The Maine Man

Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while watching fireworks heard their small son say, "Oh, God!"

The father quickly cautioned his son, "Please don't speak the Lord's name in vain."

The boy nodded but obviously mis-heard, because he asked quietly, "Is it OK if I speak his name back in Minnesota?"

ID: 1409

Puns

Hard Work

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."

Angel: "What are you going to do now?"

God: "Call it a day."

ID: 6407

Puns

Peculiarities

What is more peculiar than watching a catfish?

Watching a goldfish bowl.

ID: 6260

Puns

The Fruit and Vegetable

Vegetable: "Hey, lets get married."
Fruit: "I'm sorry."
Vegetable: "We could secretly get married."
Fruit: "No, we couldn't."
Vegetable: "Why?"
Fruit: "Because we can't elope."

Can't elope = cantelope

ID: 13482

Puns

French Polisher

One day an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.
The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did ya hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Then why in God's name did ya think she's gonna kill ya?" asked the exasperated police officer.
"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.
The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh out loud.
The immigrant became indignant and said, "What's so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle says 'Polish Remover'?"

ID: 5585

Puns

Monsters

What monster was created on April 1?


Pranken-stien

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