ID: 12947
Puns
Q: What did one chart say to the other?
A: "My! You're awfully graphic!"
ID: 12318
Puns
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- A day without sunshine is like...night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
ID: 13020
Puns
This summer, I went on a trip to Houston. I needed to go really badly, so I stopped behind a tree. A minute later, I darted out being chased by a hungry squirrel. He wanted some nuts.
ID: 11147
Puns
Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."
"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."
"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"
ID: 13397
Puns
What is a definition of a " suicide bomber"?
Answer: "martyr-dumb"
ID: 13494
Puns
Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday.
The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn," to which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"
ID: 11230
Puns
What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is a sick bird.
ID: 11338
Puns
Bloke stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone; then it dawned on him.
ID: 11743
Puns
A man goes to a fancy dress party, dressed from head to toe in green, carrying a woman on his back.
The host asks, "What have you come as?"
He replies, "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!"
The host says, "Why have you a woman on your back?"
"Oh, that's Michelle," he replies.
(My shell)
+10,000 Jokes