ID: 10006
Puns
What's Bill Clinton's favorite movie ?
Sex lies and video tape
ID: 14795
Puns
My friend and I were in a record store to buy a 45-speed record of his favourite song. After he located it, he realized that he had forgotten his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decided to get a five-finger discount (shoplift) so he put it down his pants.
Well, as we were leaving the store, the cashier stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but is that a record in your pants?"
To this he responded, "It may not be a record, but I'm mighty proud of it."
ID: 11338
Puns
Bloke stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone; then it dawned on him.
ID: 13548
Puns
"Transportation in the Middle Ages" by Orson Cart.
"Growing up in the Balkans" by Hugo Slavia.
"The Outboard Motor Died" by Rhoda Shaw.
"Answering the Questions of the Universe" by Howard I. Know.
"Our Son, Russell, the Chef" by Mr. & Mrs. Upsumgrub.
"How to Write a Mystery Novel" by Paige Turner.
"The Great English Breakfast" by Chris P. Bacon.
"Vacation Spots in the Tropics" by Sandy Beech.
ID: 13988
Puns
What happened when Ray Johnson fell off the Empire State Building?
Now everyone calls him x-ray.
ID: 13264
Puns
What did one earthquake say to another?
Oops! My fault!
ID: 14157
Puns
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez.
ID: 13494
Puns
Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday.
The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn," to which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"
ID: 11147
Puns
Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."
"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."
"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"
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