ID: 1409
Puns
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "Call it a day."
ID: 10003
Puns
What's the new name for the place where Bill Clinton does his business?
The Oral Office.
ID: 908
Puns
Did you hear about the woman who poured margaritas in her birdbath? Enough tequila mockingbird.
ID: 7220
Puns
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!
ID: 6662
Puns
A road crew is making a giant freeway, when they come across a sign and a lever. The sign reads "pull lever and end world". The workers decide not to pull the lever just in case.
One night, a man named Nate is driving home. He does not see the sign, so he gets out of his car, and crosses the road to pull the lever. But, on his way there, he was run over by the car, and was never to be seen again.
The moral of the story?
Better Nate Than Lever!
ID: 17863
Puns
Teacher: So class, in the medieval times, the Puritan's ears were cut off if they didn't attend Catholic services.
Student: I bet they didn't like the sound of that!
ID: 3650
Puns
You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one---a real SWEET POTATO whom they called "YAM".
They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
She said not to worry------no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and even the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said she should watch out for the Indians when going out west because she could get Scalloped.
She told them she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks you see around town that say Frito Lay.
Mr. & Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to "Idaho P.U" - that's Potato University - where the Big Potatoes come from and when she graduated, she'd really be in the Chips.
But one day she came home and said she was going to marry Dan Rather. Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset and said she couldn't marry him because he's just a .... COMMON TATER!!!
(..think about it...)
ID: 11062
Puns
1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
2. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
3. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
6. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
ID: 10002
Puns
Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours?
Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dic"tation.
+10,000 Jokes