ID: 16739
Puns
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people
Who remarked it was a shame the old man
Was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,
So they changed positions.
Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
"What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought
They were stupid to walk when they had a
Decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people
Who shamed them by saying how awful to
Put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man figured they were probably right,
So they decide to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge,
They lost their grip on the animal
And he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone,
You might as well..
Kiss your *** goodbye!
ID: 5156
Puns
This guy walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender, "Got any specials today?"
The bartender replies, "Yes, as a matter of fact, we have a new drink that was invented by a gynecologist who is a patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Smirnoff vodka."
The guy asks, "Geez, what kind of drink is that?"ÂÂ
ÂÂ
The bartender responds, "We call it a Pabst Smir."
ID: 6662
Puns
A road crew is making a giant freeway, when they come across a sign and a lever. The sign reads "pull lever and end world". The workers decide not to pull the lever just in case.
One night, a man named Nate is driving home. He does not see the sign, so he gets out of his car, and crosses the road to pull the lever. But, on his way there, he was run over by the car, and was never to be seen again.
The moral of the story?
Better Nate Than Lever!
ID: 10577
Puns
A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper.
Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. As were his chaps, pants, and even his boots, including the paper spurs. Truth be told, even the saddle, blanket and bridle on his horse were made entirely of paper.
Of course he was soon arrested for rustling.
ID: 10726
Puns
A boy asked to his girl friends:
What does a gay cow eat?
all of his friends failed to answer.
Then he stood up, and with a gay-est falsetto voice he said: Haaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!
ID: 6667
Puns
Q: What's weirder than a talking dog?
A: A spelling bee!
ID: 10659
Puns
The king had a powerful army. He reined for 7 years before clearing the clouds!!!
ID: 636
Puns
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with
stealing several paintings from the Louvre.
However, after planning the crime, and getting
in and out past incredible security, he was
captured only two blocks away when his Econoline
ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime
and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!
ID: 5951
Puns
A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail.
"Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked.
The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice. Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow and none for your horse, either."
+10,000 Jokes