PUNS

ID: 11743

Puns

The Party III

A man goes to a fancy dress party, dressed from head to toe in green, carrying a woman on his back.
The host asks, "What have you come as?"
He replies, "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!"
The host says, "Why have you a woman on your back?"
"Oh, that's Michelle," he replies.


(My shell)

ID: 5594

Puns

A Couple Of Teenagers

A couple of teenagers craving something sweet drove to the nearest Baskin-Robbins. They bought ice cream cones and returned to their car to be comfortable. As they settled back to enjoy themselves, two ravens landed on the front hood and began to caw and flutter, and to peck at the windshield. The young man finally figured out what they wanted. He finished his ice cream, opened the window, and put his empty cone on the hood. The birds immediately settled down to eat. "You're wonderful," said his girlfriend. "How did you ever think of that?"

"Nothing to it," he replied. "It was just a case of stilling two birds with one cone."

ID: 8965

Puns

Black Market Drugs

The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be assigning some of their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills sales that occur on the black market.

The agents will be called "Pseudo Feds."

ID: 3415

Puns

Its a Habit

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

ID: 8408

Puns

Plop Plop Plop

While on a game show, Justins had to identify a number of sounds. When she heard this: *laughter then plop, plop, plop* she identified it correctly right away. What did she say?

An audience laughing it's head off

ID: 3978

Puns

A Will

What's the definition of a will?

(It's a dead giveaway).

ID: 4676

Puns

Why Didn't Cain Please God?

Q: Why didn't Cain please God?

A: Because he just wasn't Able.

ID: 4537

Puns

The Maine Man

Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while watching fireworks heard their small son say, "Oh, God!"

The father quickly cautioned his son, "Please don't speak the Lord's name in vain."

The boy nodded but obviously mis-heard, because he asked quietly, "Is it OK if I speak his name back in Minnesota?"

ID: 9999

Puns

Clinton

Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex.
Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.

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