ID: 10382
Puns
Why does Tigger smell so bad?
Cause he's always hanging out with Pooh.
ID: 15229
Puns
So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said "Is that the local swimming baths?"
He said, "It depends where you're calling from."
ID: 14587
Puns
What do you call a drive-by shooting in Chinatown?
A cappuchino.
ID: 6537
Puns
What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?
Answer: Roberto.
ID: 6749
Puns
When I was in high school I had a friend who had a wooden eye (this was a long time ago). He was very insecure about it. Come senior year he didn't have a date for the Prom. There was a beautiful girl he liked, but had a hairlip (this gave her an extreme lisp) we decided to set them up. He goes up to her and asks her out to the Prom. She said, "Oh, wouldn't I, wouldn't I?" and he said, "Hairlip, hairlip." and they never spoke again.
ID: 5944
Puns
Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit!
He asked how much He owed, but Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor?" Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor."
Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of His Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses.
A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, He happened to walk past the Finkelstein shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein robes.
He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted Him he said: "Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my business! Would you consider a partnership?"
"Certainly," replied Jesus. " 'Jesus & Finkelstein' it is."
"Oh, no, no," said Finkelstein. " 'Finkelstein & Jesus'. After all, I am the craftsman."
The two of them debated this for some time. Their discussion was long and spirited but ultimately fruitful, and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.
A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's shop.
And of course, this shop is still here to this day. Can you guess what it is? Now this may hurt a bit...
Don't say you weren't warned...
LORD & TAYLOR
ID: 6990
Puns
Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
A: Eileen.
Q: What do you call a boy with one foot in the door?
A: Justin.
Q: What do you call a girl who gambles?
A: Betty.
Q: What do you call a girl with one foot on either side of the river?
A: Bridget.
Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
A: Doug.
Q: What do you call a girl with only one pants leg?
A: Jean.
Q: What do you call a man who's a talented painter?
A: Art.
Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack.
Q: What do you call a lady in the distance?
A: Dot.
Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily.
Q: What do you call a man with numbers down his front?
A: Bill.
Q: What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel.
Q: What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?
A: Warren.
Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff.
Q: What do you call a man who steals a lot?
A: Robin.
ID: 6047
Puns
FOREST WARDEN: "Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down?
CAMPER: "Only the chain saw."
ID: 6265
Puns
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
+10,000 Jokes