ID: 13020
Puns
This summer, I went on a trip to Houston. I needed to go really badly, so I stopped behind a tree. A minute later, I darted out being chased by a hungry squirrel. He wanted some nuts.
ID: 13548
Puns
"Transportation in the Middle Ages" by Orson Cart.
"Growing up in the Balkans" by Hugo Slavia.
"The Outboard Motor Died" by Rhoda Shaw.
"Answering the Questions of the Universe" by Howard I. Know.
"Our Son, Russell, the Chef" by Mr. & Mrs. Upsumgrub.
"How to Write a Mystery Novel" by Paige Turner.
"The Great English Breakfast" by Chris P. Bacon.
"Vacation Spots in the Tropics" by Sandy Beech.
ID: 14268
Puns
Then there was the dyslexic robber who held up the bank with a gnu.
ID: 15317
Puns
After Receiving an Invitation to an Inventors' Ball:
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."
ID: 14208
Puns
The other day I was watching the news and there was the strangest story. You see a man went to Huck's gas station and was filling up his red gas holder for emergencies during the winter, and when he put the cap on some sloshed out onto his arm. He didn't think anything of it and went on ahead and got in his car and drove off. Two miles down the road he lit up a cigarette and caught his arms on hands on fire! He pulled off to the side and a cop driving by pulled over by him. And you know what he gave the man a ticket... for illegal use of fire-arms.
ID: 13988
Puns
What happened when Ray Johnson fell off the Empire State Building?
Now everyone calls him x-ray.
ID: 14219
Puns
Why did Tom throw butter outside the window?
Because he wanted to see the butter-fly.
ID: 12605
Puns
A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him
Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
...BUMP,
it goes.. ...BUMP..
...BUMP..
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his house, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him..
Faster..
FASTER..
BUMP..
BUMP..
BUMP!
He runs up to the door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him..
However, the coffin crashes through the door - its lid clapping dementedly.. Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Hot on the heels of the terrified man..
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is mixed with sobs and gasps..
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping towards him..
The man screams and reaches for something, anything...
but all he can find is a bottle of Benylin in the medicine cabinet.. Desperate, he throws the bottle at the coffin..
...the coffin stops!
ID: 13975
Puns
How did Alfo make a quart of juice from 3 oranges?
It was a tight squeeze.
+10,000 Jokes