ID: 11683
Puns
Girl 1: "This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!"
Girl 2: "I bet you were angry with him!"
Girl 1: "Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!"
ID: 2828
Puns
Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker had for Christmas?
A. He felt his presence!
ID: 5951
Puns
A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail.
"Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked.
The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice. Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow and none for your horse, either."
ID: 5471
Puns
Two carrots are walking down the street one day when a car suddenly comes flying around the corner and runs one of them over.
At the hospital, the doctor says to the other carrot, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend is going to live. The bad news is he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
ID: 7872
Puns
Why did the white girl go have sex with a Mexican?
Because her teacher told her to do an ESE.
ID: 3980
Puns
A backward poet writes inverse.
ID: 3652
Puns
First, you get a little hoarse.
Then, you get a little buggy.
ID: 11474
Puns
Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect.
This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this abnormality.
One peculiarity of his family was the way that he slept; curled up in a ball, lying on his back, and it was while taking a nap one day that he felt a terrible pain in the genital region.
He jumped up to see his penis disappear down the throat of a large cat.
"What the HELL are you playing at?" shouted Tommy; "I'm awfully sorry," replied the cat, "it's just that I'm a four-point tool eater jaguar."
ID: 6662
Puns
A road crew is making a giant freeway, when they come across a sign and a lever. The sign reads "pull lever and end world". The workers decide not to pull the lever just in case.
One night, a man named Nate is driving home. He does not see the sign, so he gets out of his car, and crosses the road to pull the lever. But, on his way there, he was run over by the car, and was never to be seen again.
The moral of the story?
Better Nate Than Lever!
+10,000 Jokes