ID: 5661
Puns
All the numbers went to a party and numbers being what they are, all
the evens stayed around each other and all the odds did the same and
neither group interacted with each other. Whilst two was chatting to
four he noticed zero was on his own in the corner and suggested to
four that because zero is sort of even he should be encouraged to mix
with even numbers - four agreed. So off went two to invite zero into
their little group. "Would you like to join our little group" enquired
two, to which zero replied "I have nothing to add!"
ID: 10518
Puns
Question:
What did the frog order at McDonald's?
Answer:
An order of french flies and a diet croak!!
ID: 1630
Puns
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist.
"I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string.
"It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see?
"It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."
ID: 12971
Puns
Have you heard about camping?
It's intense. (In tents!)
ID: 12553
Puns
What do you call a black priest?
Holy Shit
ID: 14268
Puns
Then there was the dyslexic robber who held up the bank with a gnu.
ID: 13568
Puns
El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries.
A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm and sank 65 times.
ID: 11474
Puns
Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect.
This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this abnormality.
One peculiarity of his family was the way that he slept; curled up in a ball, lying on his back, and it was while taking a nap one day that he felt a terrible pain in the genital region.
He jumped up to see his penis disappear down the throat of a large cat.
"What the HELL are you playing at?" shouted Tommy; "I'm awfully sorry," replied the cat, "it's just that I'm a four-point tool eater jaguar."
ID: 11460
Puns
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.
+10,000 Jokes