ID: 4117
Puns
A Hindu devotee asked God, represented by the multi-armed Lord Narayana, this question. "My dear Lord," he said. "I understand that you have innumerable inconceivable potencies, but out of all of them the energy of light seems to be the most amazing. Light pervades the spiritual world, it illuminates the material universes, and life is impossible without it."
He continued, "I would like to know how you make it work."
"Oh, that's easy," was the reply. "Many hands make light work."
ID: 17394
Puns
Two bulls are in a locker room when one guy notices the other dude has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"
The other bull says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, 'I am Tonto, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.'
And I said, 'No bullshit!'"
ID: 12695
Puns
What do you call the planters guy beating up fruit spread?
Peanut battering jelly.
ID: 12971
Puns
Have you heard about camping?
It's intense. (In tents!)
ID: 13482
Puns
One day an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.
The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did ya hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Then why in God's name did ya think she's gonna kill ya?" asked the exasperated police officer.
"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.
The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh out loud.
The immigrant became indignant and said, "What's so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle says 'Polish Remover'?"
ID: 13988
Puns
What happened when Ray Johnson fell off the Empire State Building?
Now everyone calls him x-ray.
ID: 13986
Puns
Why does Tommy run around the school track 98 times every day?
He has a run track mind.
ID: 12553
Puns
What do you call a black priest?
Holy Shit
ID: 14700
Puns
Sven was in front of the mall jewellery store when he spied Ole walking past carrying a small, gift-wrapped package.
"So vat did ja buy, Ole?"
Ole replied, "Tomorrow is Lena's birthday and she said she vanted something wit lots of diamonds."
"So vat did you get her?" asked Sven.
"A deck of cards!" replied Ole.
- Editor: Ole's funeral services will be held later this week.
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