ID: 1389
Puns
What do you call a bear who's into gardening?
A Hairy Potter!
ID: 18184
Puns
Band Class is the only class where you can blow it.
ID: 12605
Puns
A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him
Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
...BUMP,
it goes.. ...BUMP..
...BUMP..
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his house, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him..
Faster..
FASTER..
BUMP..
BUMP..
BUMP!
He runs up to the door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him..
However, the coffin crashes through the door - its lid clapping dementedly.. Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Hot on the heels of the terrified man..
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is mixed with sobs and gasps..
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping towards him..
The man screams and reaches for something, anything...
but all he can find is a bottle of Benylin in the medicine cabinet.. Desperate, he throws the bottle at the coffin..
...the coffin stops!
ID: 13141
Puns
Q: What do you get if you drop a piano on the seventh dwarf?
A: A diminished seventh!
ID: 12697
Puns
In "The Greatest Story Ever Told", John Wayne played a centurion at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
One of his lines was, "Truly he is the Son of God!"
The director felt John W. wasn't putting enough into it, and asked him to deliver the line again, but with a little more emphasis - "to put some awe into it".
"OK," says John, "Awww - truly he is the Son of God!"
ID: 14268
Puns
Then there was the dyslexic robber who held up the bank with a gnu.
ID: 13397
Puns
What is a definition of a " suicide bomber"?
Answer: "martyr-dumb"
ID: 11526
Puns
(to be read aloud)
'Twas in a restaurant they met
Romeo and Juliet
But Romeo couldn't pay the bill
So Romee-owed what Julie ate ("ett").
ID: 11923
Puns
I gave up Thai boxing because I felt the Thais were getting fed up being put in boxes.
+10,000 Jokes