ID: 6749
Puns
When I was in high school I had a friend who had a wooden eye (this was a long time ago). He was very insecure about it. Come senior year he didn't have a date for the Prom. There was a beautiful girl he liked, but had a hairlip (this gave her an extreme lisp) we decided to set them up. He goes up to her and asks her out to the Prom. She said, "Oh, wouldn't I, wouldn't I?" and he said, "Hairlip, hairlip." and they never spoke again.
ID: 12766
Puns
Q: What type of storage units do underwater computers use?
A: Trilo-bytes
ID: 636
Puns
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with
stealing several paintings from the Louvre.
However, after planning the crime, and getting
in and out past incredible security, he was
captured only two blocks away when his Econoline
ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime
and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!
ID: 1409
Puns
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "Call it a day."
ID: 6890
Puns
Q: Why are cats similar to sentences?
A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has pause at the end of its clause.
ID: 6465
Puns
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?"The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
ID: 634
Puns
Mind Over Matter
If you don't mind,
it doesn't matter.
ID: 6407
Puns
What is more peculiar than watching a catfish?
Watching a goldfish bowl.
ID: 3292
Puns
How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
3 - His right ear, his left ear, and his wild front-ear.
+10,000 Jokes