ID: 10004
Puns
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"
ID: 14490
Puns
What's the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives?
In the Library of Congress you're not allowed to lick the pages!
ID: 13541
Puns
"Operator? I'd like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven."
"I can't find a town called 'Woven'? Are you sure?"
"Yes. That's what it says on the label - 'Woven in Scotland'."
ID: 12421
Puns
Q: Why could Long John Silver never find an aspirin?
A: 'Cause his parrots ate them all.
ID: 12409
Puns
If it weren't for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for everybody.
ID: 12442
Puns
Two wrongs do not make a right, but three rights make a left.
ID: 13496
Puns
Are part-time band leaders semiconductors?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Do pilots in a hurry take crash-courses?
How do you get off a nonstop flight?
ID: 13428
Puns
Once there was a man named John Odd. He hated his last name. Since he was little people would make fun of him calling him "the odd man out."
He grew older and fell in love with a girl named Julie. They soon got married and people immediately started calling them "the odd couple."
John was enraged by this. He decided that he should have a talk with his wife.
"I hate my last name! My whole life people have made fun of it. Just recently I realized that people that don't even know me are going to see my tombstone in a grave yard and laugh about it! I want you to promise me that when I die you'll leave my tombstone blank. I want to have more respect than that."
"Okay honey. Whatever you want," she said with a smile on her face.
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Years later, after John passed away, a young couple were walking out of the cemetery after putting flowers on a relative's grave. The wife looked down and saw John's blank tombstone. She got her husband's attention and said,
"Isn't that Odd?"
ID: 12410
Puns
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi!
+10,000 Jokes