PUNS

ID: 7301

Puns

Horse Breeder

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

ID: 18033

Puns

Punny Racoon

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went...
then it dawned on me.

Reading a book on levitation...
couldn't put it down.

I should have been sad when I lost my flashlight...
but I was de-lighted.

I was wondering why the frisbee got bigger as it got closer to me...
then it hit me.

I gave away dead batteries... free of charge!
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.

See more: http://punraccoon.tumblr.com/

ID: 7220

Puns

Numbers

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven ate nine!

ID: 10884

Puns

Tunnels

A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

"Doc," the frustrated commuter complained, "I'm fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week. But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like I'm going to explode."

Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.

"What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?"

"No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more common."

"Tell me! What is it?"

"You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

ID: 8254

Puns

Lion in a Hat

What do you call a lion wearing a hat?

A Dandy Lion.

ID: 6312

Puns

The Worst Names to Have

This is a list of the worst names to have


Dick Hurtz

Hary Paratesticles

Mike Hunt

Mike Rotch

Anitta Manwhore

Anitta Johnson

Fuk Yao

Ike Anblow

Peter Pecker

I.C. Weiner

I.P. Freely

Seimore Butts

Bo Oobless

Dick Less

Issac Less

Tits McGee (ok, that was off Anchorman)

Ima Hornibusterd

Ima Uglibech

Ima Dick

ID: 6261

Puns

Frogs?

Do you know what style of shoes a frog loves most?

Open toad!

ID: 7053

Puns

What Did the Bra Say...

What' did the bra say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.

ID: 7381

Puns

Mozart Beyond the Grave

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

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