PUNS

ID: 9040

Puns

What Do You Call?

Q. What do you call a cow that gives chocolate milk?


A. An Utter Delight!

ID: 11632

Puns

Red & Purple

Two ships, one carrying lots of red paint, the other carrying lots of purple paint, crashed on a desert island.

The drivers are now marooned.

ID: 6890

Puns

Cats

Q: Why are cats similar to sentences?

A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has pause at the end of its clause.

ID: 3343

Puns

About Puns

Next time you start to groan at friend's pun, ask yourself: Am I just being jealous?:

"A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first."
--Oscar Levant

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
--Fred Allen

"A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents."
--G. C. Lichtenberg

ID: 7301

Puns

Horse Breeder

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

ID: 6047

Puns

Who Saw It?

FOREST WARDEN: "Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down?

CAMPER: "Only the chain saw."

ID: 1905

Puns

Their Real Definitions

From: [langalist] LangaList Standard Edition 2003-07-24

Just For Grins

1. Coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v), to give up hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation when drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), an olive flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n), a humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Frisbeetarianism (n), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
15. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.

ID: 10611

Puns

Scientist

What do scientists use to freshen their breath?

Experi-mints

ID: 7241

Puns

Eyes

Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils!

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