ID: 18180
Puns
(I put the pun words in CAPS)
A man was smoking in a no smoking restaurant. Mik went up to him and said "sir, you'll have to leave'. The smoker said to mik "what if I dont wanna, yeah?, what'll ya do then?" Mak walked up to the smoking man's face and said 'leave. this is a no smoking restaurant. no BUTTS about it". The man said "fine" and walked out and jumped on his bike. Mik said to mak " man, has that bike been through a RECYCLING machine"? Word spread, and no smokers smoked in that restaurant ever again.
ID: 13134
Puns
Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
ID: 11474
Puns
Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect.
This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this abnormality.
One peculiarity of his family was the way that he slept; curled up in a ball, lying on his back, and it was while taking a nap one day that he felt a terrible pain in the genital region.
He jumped up to see his penis disappear down the throat of a large cat.
"What the HELL are you playing at?" shouted Tommy; "I'm awfully sorry," replied the cat, "it's just that I'm a four-point tool eater jaguar."
ID: 12409
Puns
If it weren't for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for everybody.
ID: 12592
Puns
A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.
The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.
The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.
The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"
ID: 12411
Puns
I wanted to learn how to make ice cream, so I started attending sundae school.
ID: 11338
Puns
Bloke stayed up all night, wondering where the sun had gone; then it dawned on him.
ID: 12028
Puns
Drink apple juice, because O.J. will kill you.
(O.J. = Orange Juice)
ID: 17356
Puns
Me and my friend were IMing and it was like this...
Me:BRB
Him: kake
Me:heh
Him:I LIKE KAKE
Me:i like 3.1415926535
Him:Pi >:0
+10,000 Jokes