ID: 10639
Puns
What do you get if you cross a rhino and and elephant?
Elepf-ino (pronounced "Hell if I know")
ID: 3496
Puns
What is a plant's favorite school year?
KinderGARDEN!!!
ID: 5661
Puns
All the numbers went to a party and numbers being what they are, all
the evens stayed around each other and all the odds did the same and
neither group interacted with each other. Whilst two was chatting to
four he noticed zero was on his own in the corner and suggested to
four that because zero is sort of even he should be encouraged to mix
with even numbers - four agreed. So off went two to invite zero into
their little group. "Would you like to join our little group" enquired
two, to which zero replied "I have nothing to add!"
ID: 6749
Puns
When I was in high school I had a friend who had a wooden eye (this was a long time ago). He was very insecure about it. Come senior year he didn't have a date for the Prom. There was a beautiful girl he liked, but had a hairlip (this gave her an extreme lisp) we decided to set them up. He goes up to her and asks her out to the Prom. She said, "Oh, wouldn't I, wouldn't I?" and he said, "Hairlip, hairlip." and they never spoke again.
ID: 7301
Puns
This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.
ID: 8913
Puns
Question: What is brown and sticky?
Answer: A stick! Duh.
ID: 3217
Puns
Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub and Fred gets the first pint in and says, "I'll have a pint for me and a pint for Donkey."
The two guys drink their pints and Fred says, "Right donkey your round; I'll have a pint of Guiness."
Donkey walks up to the bar and says, "2 p p p p pints of g g g g Guiness p p p please."
While donkey gets the pints, Fred goes to the toilet and the barman says, "Say, you shouldn't let him call you that stupid nickname."
Donkey replies, "I know. He aw.. he aww... he awwwwww, he always calls me 'Donkey.'"
ID: 7816
Puns
A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted with Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, and Elmo. Still, a job's a job, he thought.
As he went about his route, he stopped and picked up twin girls. These girls were rather portly, and as they entered the bus the first one said, "My name's Patty." The man asked the second twin her name and she said, "My name's Patty also."
Further along, there was a boy who was trying to put on a James Dean-esque cool image. As he got on the bus, he said, "Yo! I'm Leonard T." He sat in the seat right behind the driver, so the driver could see him in his mirror.
They were almost back to the school, and made one last stop. The kid who got on announced, "I'm Ross... and I'm special."
As they made their way back to the school, the driver noticed to his disgust that the kid sitting right behing him had removed one shoe to reveal a horrible case of bunions, which he was picking at.
As soon as they got to school, the man went to the principal's office, threw down the bus keys on his desk, and announced he was quitting. "Is something wrong?" asked the principal?
"I can't take this!" yelled the man. "I've got two all beef Pattys, special Ross, Leonard T. picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus!"
ID: 1870
Puns
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''
''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''
''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''
+10,000 Jokes