ID: 16596
Puns
A wig factory was broken into last night and a large quantity of wigs was stolen.
Police are combing the area.
ID: 6663
Puns
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach.
The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
ID: 2082
Puns
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
ID: 4018
Puns
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.
The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged..."What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She performs a rude act of hygiene and she gets in. Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, "but even in heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
ID: 4240
Puns
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun." answered the other detective.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" asked the first detective.
"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"
ID: 676
Puns
Anyone remember Roy Clark, host of TV's "Hee Haw"?
Once, cohost Buck Owens was visiting Roy's home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Roy was upset because he had just bought a beautiful new pair of genuine leather boots that were completely destroyed by a mountain lion the night before when Roy had left them on the back porch.
Roy was bound and determined to get the animal, so he and Buck, and several townspeople, took up arms and searched the hills. The group searched for hours to no avail. Then suddenly, Buck heard a feline wail.
Buck turns to his friend and sings:
"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
ID: 5657
Puns
The Mexican was finally caught on the borderline of the US by an American cop.
The Mexican begged, "Pleese, siir. I muss stay here in America. I muss!"
But the American still wasn't convinced. So, the Mexican pleaded more and more with very bad English. At last, the cop, assuming the Mexican's English couldn't get any worst, said to the Mexican, "I will let you stay if you can use 3 words in one sentence."
The Mexican thought for a while, and replied, "Is all right. I say. I say."
The cop said, "The words are: Green, pink and yellow."
After a few seconds of consideration, the Mexican responded, "Da phone - it rang: Green, green, green. I pink it up and sez, 'yellow?'"
ID: 3565
Puns
The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
"Picabo, ICU".
ID: 636
Puns
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with
stealing several paintings from the Louvre.
However, after planning the crime, and getting
in and out past incredible security, he was
captured only two blocks away when his Econoline
ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime
and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!
+10,000 Jokes