ID: 5268
Puns
What is 4-2?
two.
What is 8-6?
two.
Who wrote Tom Sawyer?
Twain
Now say the answers altogether.
Two two Twain.
Have a nice twip!
ID: 3652
Puns
First, you get a little hoarse.
Then, you get a little buggy.
ID: 8089
Puns
It is obvious. The downfall of the world is here. It is 2005 and we have lived on this earth for ages. I suppose it is about time for the end.
Proof? You want proof? I have all the proof you will need:
They let Brittney Spears reproduce.
Ohh that poor poor child!!
ID: 3497
Puns
What did the lunch lady say to the boiled egg?
You're in hot water now!!!
ID: 6265
Puns
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
ID: 7241
Puns
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils!
ID: 8297
Puns
In the future, man is exploring the universe. Due to the excessive cost, they can only send out small teams of explorers to search and investigate the millions of planets they come across. One such team lands on a barren planet that seems to be just one big rock. As they investigate, their sensors pick up life signs. They follow the sensor until they come up on a large stone sentinel (guard) crouched down with its arms around its legs. They can detect life signs from it, but it doesn't move, doesn't appear to breathe.
They call back to their commanders on Earth and report this abnormal situation. Because of this, many great scientific minds, military generals, politicians, and technical wizards are sent to try to interact with this leviathan. After many months, every walk of life has come to try to communicate with the sentinel, but nothing happens. It just sits there with its arms around its legs.
Finally, one of the teamsters who sets up the stage occasionally when some big-shot dignitary comes thinking he can do better than the smartest people in the galaxy. He turns to the sentinel and in frustration yells, "Will this thing EVER communicate with us?!?!?!"
Suddenly the sound of stone grinding against stone starts, and the great stone sentinel stands up. It scratches its chin pensively, then blurts out, "No." It then crouches down again and assumes the same position it was in before.
Another teamster who saw this turns to the man who yelled at the sentinel originally and says, "Well, it only stands to reason."
ID: 3565
Puns
The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
"Picabo, ICU".
ID: 10611
Puns
What do scientists use to freshen their breath?
Experi-mints
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