ID: 9999
Puns
Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex.
Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.
ID: 10004
Puns
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"
ID: 6312
Puns
This is a list of the worst names to have
Dick Hurtz
Hary Paratesticles
Mike Hunt
Mike Rotch
Anitta Manwhore
Anitta Johnson
Fuk Yao
Ike Anblow
Peter Pecker
I.C. Weiner
I.P. Freely
Seimore Butts
Bo Oobless
Dick Less
Issac Less
Tits McGee (ok, that was off Anchorman)
Ima Hornibusterd
Ima Uglibech
Ima Dick
ID: 6458
Puns
A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses..."
ID: 9549
Puns
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was caught buttering up his teacher
ID: 6749
Puns
When I was in high school I had a friend who had a wooden eye (this was a long time ago). He was very insecure about it. Come senior year he didn't have a date for the Prom. There was a beautiful girl he liked, but had a hairlip (this gave her an extreme lisp) we decided to set them up. He goes up to her and asks her out to the Prom. She said, "Oh, wouldn't I, wouldn't I?" and he said, "Hairlip, hairlip." and they never spoke again.
ID: 9608
Puns
It's 3 a.m. and a couple is sleeping, when suddenly someone knocks on its door. The husband wakes up and goes to see who is disturbing them in the middle of the night.
He then sees a young man and when he asks him what he wants, he says furiously, "Please, it's an emergency! I really, really, really need a push!!! Please can you come to help me?"
The husband, still angry from his brutal awakening, answers in a very rude way and slams the door on the poor man's face. On his way to his bed he thinks, "Why did I react in such a way? I am a good person and this man could be in a lot of trouble without his car. Maybe I should have helped him...". However, he goes back to sleep.
At 4 a.m. another knock is heard on the couple's door, this time even louder. Both the husband and the wife wake up and the husband says, "Honey, why don't you go see who it is and if it's a man asking for a push, help him because I didn't and I feel bad."
The wife agrees and goes to open the door. Now, the young man knees and says: "Please madam, you can't imagine how important it is to me! I need a push, I really, really, really do! It's a matter of life and death, can you pleaaaaaaaaaaase help me?"
The wife says, "OK, just let me put on a coat!". She goes inside to get the coat, but when she returns nobody's there. She shouts: "I can't see you mister! Where are you?"
"OVER HERE, AT THE SWING!!!!!"
ID: 8338
Puns
Do you know how old hags tell time?
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A witch-watch!
ID: 11087
Puns
What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard?
A: A liquor cabinet!
+10,000 Jokes