ID: 9040
Puns
Q. What do you call a cow that gives chocolate milk?
A. An Utter Delight!
ID: 7241
Puns
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils!
ID: 6047
Puns
FOREST WARDEN: "Which of you saw this rare tree get cut down?
CAMPER: "Only the chain saw."
ID: 14847
Puns
A U.S. Mint spokesperson announced the plans for a new fifty-cent piece that was being issued in the honor of two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt, on the other, Nathan Hale. When questioned by a reporter why two people were going to appear on the same coin, the spokesperson replied, "These two men were selected to simplify life for a vast majority of Americans."
The reporter then asked, "Could you explain how this would simplify life for Americans?"
The official responded, "Certainly, I'd be happy to. Now, when they toss a coin, they can simply call Ted's or Hale's."
ID: 12695
Puns
What do you call the planters guy beating up fruit spread?
Peanut battering jelly.
ID: 12605
Puns
A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him
Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
...BUMP,
it goes.. ...BUMP..
...BUMP..
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his house, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him..
Faster..
FASTER..
BUMP..
BUMP..
BUMP!
He runs up to the door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him..
However, the coffin crashes through the door - its lid clapping dementedly.. Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Hot on the heels of the terrified man..
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is mixed with sobs and gasps..
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping towards him..
The man screams and reaches for something, anything...
but all he can find is a bottle of Benylin in the medicine cabinet.. Desperate, he throws the bottle at the coffin..
...the coffin stops!
ID: 12422
Puns
Do bakers with a sense of humor bake wry bread?
ID: 11458
Puns
101 Hot 'n' Spicy Meals by Tung Payne
ID: 12421
Puns
Q: Why could Long John Silver never find an aspirin?
A: 'Cause his parrots ate them all.
+10,000 Jokes