ID: 10454
Puns
How are opera singers and sailors alike?
They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!
ID: 2828
Puns
Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker had for Christmas?
A. He felt his presence!
ID: 3506
Puns
So there's this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot.
This continued until he put up the following sign:
"This parking space belongs to the Wizard. ... Violators will be toad."
ID: 14726
Puns
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes.
She blew her stack.
ID: 13020
Puns
This summer, I went on a trip to Houston. I needed to go really badly, so I stopped behind a tree. A minute later, I darted out being chased by a hungry squirrel. He wanted some nuts.
ID: 12421
Puns
Q: Why could Long John Silver never find an aspirin?
A: 'Cause his parrots ate them all.
ID: 11474
Puns
Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect.
This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this abnormality.
One peculiarity of his family was the way that he slept; curled up in a ball, lying on his back, and it was while taking a nap one day that he felt a terrible pain in the genital region.
He jumped up to see his penis disappear down the throat of a large cat.
"What the HELL are you playing at?" shouted Tommy; "I'm awfully sorry," replied the cat, "it's just that I'm a four-point tool eater jaguar."
ID: 12592
Puns
A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.
The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.
The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.
The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"
ID: 11913
Puns
There I was, in my car, driving down the road, when my boss rang up and said, "We're making you Chief Area Salesman," and I swerved.
Ten minutes later, he called again, "You're now Deputy Area Manager," and I swerved again.
Another twenty minutes go by, and another phone call, "You're now Vice Chairman," and I swerved right off the road into a ditch.
When the police asked what had happened, I said, "I just careered off the road."
+10,000 Jokes