ID: 45
Puns
A polar bear walked into a bar and said
"Can I please have a gin and............................................tonic?"
The bartender replied "Sure, but why the large pause?"
"I don't know, I've always had them!"
ID: 290
Puns
How do you praise a computer?
Say "Data Boy"!
ID: 1905
Puns
From: [langalist] LangaList Standard Edition 2003-07-24
Just For Grins
1. Coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v), to give up hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation when drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), an olive flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n), a humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Frisbeetarianism (n), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
15. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.
ID: 11094
Puns
Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas?
Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.
ID: 17394
Puns
Two bulls are in a locker room when one guy notices the other dude has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"
The other bull says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, 'I am Tonto, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.'
And I said, 'No bullshit!'"
ID: 12547
Puns
.
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded.
"Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'Jose, can you see?'"
ID: 11459
Puns
A fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.
ID: 12592
Puns
A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.
The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.
The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.
The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"
ID: 12442
Puns
Two wrongs do not make a right, but three rights make a left.
+10,000 Jokes