PUNS

ID: 1846

Puns

Tomato Family

There were 3 tomatoes. A momma tomato, a papa tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato started to fall behind and the papa tomato called over to him and said, "Ketchup!"

ID: 12565

Puns

Where Is It, Then?

Two blond labourers looking for work arrive at a railway station, and ask for one-way tickets. The ticket-seller looks through his schedule, but can't find the place the blonds are seeking.

"But you must be able to find it," says one.

"We read in the papers that there are thousands of jobs in Jeopardy!"

ID: 11087

Puns

What Do You Call...

What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard?

A: A liquor cabinet!

ID: 11460

Puns

Piano

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.

ID: 11923

Puns

Thai Boxing

I gave up Thai boxing because I felt the Thais were getting fed up being put in boxes.

ID: 11683

Puns

Flakes

Girl 1: "This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!"

Girl 2: "I bet you were angry with him!"

Girl 1: "Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!"

ID: 11483

Puns

The Tale of the Dog

The pub landlord was delighted with the little puppy that he'd acquired, and the little puppy was very pleased with his new home.

He'd run around the place, just a bundle of energy - very inquisitive, examining this, looking into that, non-stop all day, until the inevitable happened and he caught his tail in a fast-closing door and lost it!

Time passed, and as one human year equals seven dog years, eventually he went to dog-heaven, for an endless supply of dog biscuits, walks in paradise - well, you couldn't call it a dog's life!

However, he felt incomplete, and one night around midnight, he went back in his ghostly form to ask to be made whole again.

"Sorry," said the landlord, "you know very well I can't retail spirits after hours."

ID: 11529

Puns

The Bank Robber

The masked and armed man entered the bank.

"Nobody move, or you're geography!" shouts the bandit.

One of the tellers says, "Don't you mean 'history'?"

"Don't change the subject!"

ID: 14899

Puns

Frisbee

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting larger.
Then it hit me...

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