ID: 222
One Liners
I'm such an insomniac, the sheep fall asleep before I do.
ID: 638
One Liners
The Romans had to give up their big holidays because of the tremendous overhead. The lions ate up all of their prophets.
ID: 611
One Liners
"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I
should have been more specific."
-Jane Wagner
ID: 1805
One Liners
Courdory pillows--they're making headlines.
ID: 1598
One Liners
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."
ID: 786
One Liners
I recently went to my 30th class reunion from nursery school. I didn't want to go because I've put on maybe 90 or 100 pounds since then.
ID: 17475
One Liners
Italian suppositories. (in-you-end-os)
ID: 14861
One Liners
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
If Denny's is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
ID: 15348
One Liners
Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to fine art.
+10,000 Jokes