ID: 12127
One Liners
Looking for just the right employees? Try this simple personnel test. Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
- If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.
- If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.
- If they are waving their arms and talking aloud, send them to consulting.
- If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them.
- If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, computer information systems is their niche.
- If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the help desk.
- If they mention the good price for the table and chairs, put them in purchasing.
- If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, public relations would suit them well.
- If they are sleeping, they are management material.
- If they are writing up the experience, send them to the technical writing team.
- If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to security.
- If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to marketing.
ID: 13370
One Liners
I use to feel like I was a man trapped in a woman's body, but then I was born.
ID: 15318
One Liners
Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy.
Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"
ID: 11753
One Liners
Never buy a toothbrush at a yard sale.
Never buy a parachute that was used once and never opened before.
Never sell computers for free at your garage sale. Trust me, there are many more ways to demolish your house.
Never put bathroom humor up on the internet.
Never watch American Idol auditions with Coke in your mouth.
Never watch American Idol auditions without a couple of aspirins.
And never, ever catch your grandparents taking a shower.
All of these words of advice were found out by first-hand experience.If you want to meet the guy brave enough to try all of these "stunts" out, go to the Almont Graveyard in Stamfort, Michigan and visit the grave entitled:"Dave 'Daredevil' Deatson". Or visit his grandparents in jail on Alcatraz Prison, California.
ID: 10260
One Liners
Why did the poor dog chase his tail?
He was trying to make ends meet!
ID: 11821
One Liners
What did one glass say to another glass?
Lets have a break.
What did one ghost say to another ghost?
Do you believe in people?
What did one chair say to another chair?
Here comes another bum.
ID: 10013
One Liners
This joke's so old, it has mold on it! HA HA HA!
ID: 11807
One Liners
1. On a mall child's cart bag
Do not put child in bag (Who does?)
2. On food court restaurant counters
Warning: Touching hot surfaces may burn you (Wanna try?)
3a. Bush on war in Iraq
"We're not going to have any casualties." (Where are we now, huh?)
3b. Bush's description of the White House
"It is white." (WOW! Who knew???)
3c. Our future
"The future will look better tommorow." (That settles it, we're all gonna die.)
ID: 10745
One Liners
Why does a cock always close his eyes when he's crowing?
Because he already knows the text!!
+10,000 Jokes