ONE LINERS

ID: 11635

One Liners

The Leg

What's the difference between a leg and an egg?

You can beat an egg up, but you can't beat a leg up!

ID: 7325

One Liners

When I Die...

When I die I want to go peacefully - like my grandfather did - in his sleep.

Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

ID: 10594

One Liners

Questions of the Universe

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

ID: 1796

One Liners

Fool

Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

ID: 13681

One Liners

When Is It My Turn?

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

ID: 14485

One Liners

Jurassic Park

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig?

Jurassic pork!

ID: 3609

One Liners

Ladies' Bumper Stickers

So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me.

God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends.

My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips.

Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog.

Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some Things Are Just Better Rich.

Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would The Queen

Warning: I Have An Attitude And I Know How To Use It.

Of Course I Don't Look Busy...I Did It Right The First Time.

Do Not Start With Me. You Will Not Win.

Sorry If I Looked Interested. I'm Not.

If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen.

ID: 222

One Liners

Insomnia

I'm such an insomniac, the sheep fall asleep before I do.

ID: 14708

One Liners

To Err Is Human

If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!

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