ID: 13358
News / Politics
Two Saudis emigrated to America with their families. On the plane ride over they made a bet about who could become more "Americanized" in their first year.
As agreed, they met exactly one year later. The first guy pulled up in his Hummer and said to the second guy "I win. There's no way you can beat me: I just dropped my son off at Little League, I'm on my way to pick my daughter up from cheerleading practice, and I stopped at McDonalds on my way here."
And the second guy said "Fuck you, towelhead!"
ID: 13984
News / Politics
1) In Illinois, it is illegal to speak English. Well then, what do they speak? Gibberish?
2) In Crete, Illinois, it is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with someone else's dog. First of all, why would anybody attempt to even have sex with a dog? Second of all, is it okay to attempt to have sex with your own dog?
And finally, my favorite one of all. . .
3)In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building is death. Duh! No, we're all going to magically survive a 50 story drop to the concrete below.
ID: 13052
News / Politics
Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
ID: 11831
News / Politics
A merger has been announced between the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) and the California Fish and Game Department.
It will be called Fish and Chips.
ID: 12786
News / Politics
George W. Bush....
that's it
ID: 12883
News / Politics
When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a "portable hand-held communications inscriber", says a Republican senator.
ID: 14033
News / Politics
A few decades from now, George Bush will die (everyone dies eventually). He goes up to Heaven where he sees a bunch of clocks, and he asks God what the clocks do.
"These clocks go forward one minute each time the person tells a lie."
Bush looks for his clock.
"Where's mine?"
"Oh, that one? I use that as a ceiling fan."
"WHAT?"
ID: 17734
News / Politics
The winter's passed,
The summer's here.
For this we thank
Our party dear!
ID: 10965
News / Politics
It is amazing how politicians can fit all their good points in a 30 second TV commercial.
+10,000 Jokes