ID: 17749
News / Politics
Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Applause.) "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud applause.) "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ...A dejected voice in the back: "It was me" (Sobs.) Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!"
ID: 17491
News / Politics
The teacher asks in school: "What is the most important thing in socialism?" The students consider and little Fritz (Fritzchen) answers: "The most important thing in socialism is the human!" The teacher: "That is a good answer, Fritzchen. I will give you a B-grade." Fritzchen is dissatisfied and responds emphatically: "Would you maybe give me an A if I told you what the human's name was?"
ID: 16341
News / Politics
There once was a President who had a law that evryone had to laugh once a hour or they spent an hour in jail.
ID: 9675
News / Politics
One day, about a month ago, the president was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the United States... How much would it cost me to spend some time with you? The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars."
To the brunette he posed the same question, and she replied, "One hundred dollars."
He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied, "Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes... get my panties as low as my wages... get that thing of yours as hard as the times... keep it as high as the gas prices... keep me warmer than my apartment... and... screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me Mr. President, it ain't gonna cost you a cent."
ID: 2827
News / Politics
God says the world is going to end, so he chooses three famous people to tell everyone. So, George Bush, Bill Gates, and Saddam Hussein come to see, him. God tells them that the world is going to end and tells them to tell their people. George Bush goes live on CNN and tells America, "Folks, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you were right all along, there is a God. The bad news is that he is ending the world." Saddam goes to tell all of his people of his encounter, "My people, I have some bad news and some worse news, the bad news is that those damn Americans were right all along, there is a God. The worse news is that he is ending the world." Then Bill Gates writes an e-mail to all of his friends and employees, "Hi people, Iv'e got some great news and even better news. The great news is that God thinks I am one of the most famous people on earth. The even better news is that we don't have to upgrade from Windows XP.
ID: 4274
News / Politics
1. Bush/Cheney '04: We're Gooder!
2. Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no Child a Dime!
3. Bush/Cheney '04: Because the Truth Just isn't Good Enough.
4. Vote Bush in '04: It's a no-brainer!
5. Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism
6. Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no Billionaire Behind
7. Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "con" in conservatism
8. Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for not Paying Attention
9. Bush/Cheney '04: The Last Vote You'll Ever Have to Cast
10. Bush/Cheney '04: This Time, Elect Us!
11. Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars
12. Bush/Cheney '04: Asses of Evil
13. Bush/Cheney '04: Assimilate. Resistance is Futile
14. Bush/Cheney '04: Apocalypse Now!
15. Vote Bush in '04: Because Dictatorship is Easier
16. George W. Bush: A Brainwave away from the Presidency
17. George W. Bush: It Takes a Village Idiot
18. Don't Think. Vote Bush!
19. BU_ _SH_ _!
ID: 761
News / Politics
The eight Saddam body doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and says, 'I have some good news and some bad news.' They ask for the good news first.
Aziz says, 'The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs.'
'And the bad news?' they ask.
Aziz replies, 'He's lost an arm'.
ID: 2863
News / Politics
What exactly does the government do?
They seem to complicate all the simple things while trying to do the opposite.
ID: 17490
News / Politics
Which three great nations in the world begin with "U"? - USA, USSR, and our (German:unsere) GDR (USA, UdSSR, Unsere DDR). (A play on the way official discourse often used the phrase "our GDR", and also often exaggerated the GDR's world status.)
+10,000 Jokes