ID: 3156
News / Politics
A kid was sitting on his lawn with a litter of puppies one morning. George Bush was on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. He kindly asked the boy what kind of puppies they were.
The little boy said, "Republicans."
The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Atta boy!"
A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow. Bush stopped at the boy's house, winked at Dick and said, "Hi little boy, what kind of puppies are those?"
The boy said, "Democrats."
Bush was shocked and crushed. "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Republicans!"
The boy answered, "Well, then the puppies opened their eyes."
ID: 2111
News / Politics
Why did President George W. Bush go into a gorilla's nest in the jungle?
To be with his family!
ID: 17763
News / Politics
Q: What is more useful — newspapers or television?
A: Newspapers, of course. You cannot wrap herring in a TV.
ID: 17718
News / Politics
In America, you can always find a party.
In Russia, the Party finds you.
In America, you listen to man on radio.
In Soviet Russia, man on radio listen to you.
In America, you watch television.
In Soviet Russia, television watches you.
ID: 17744
News / Politics
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage.
Unexpectedly, the train stops. Lenin suggests: "Perhaps we should call a subbotnik, so that workers and peasants fix the problem."
Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does not start moving, the driver will be executed!"
But the train doesn't start moving.
Khrushchev then shouts, "Let's take the rails behind the train and use them to construct the tracks in the front."
But it still doesn't move. Brezhnev then says, "Comrades, comrades, let's draw the curtains, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!"
ID: 17497
News / Politics
Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: "Good morning, dear Sun!"
The sun replies: "Good morning, dear Erich!"
Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: "Good day, dear Sun!"
The sun replies: "Good day, dear Erich!"
In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: "Good evening, dear Sun!"
The sun is silent.
Honecker says again: "Good evening, dear Sun! What's the matter?"
The sun replies: "Kiss my ass. I'm in the West now."
ID: 5934
News / Politics
Good Ev'nin America! I, George Dubya Bush, confess that I wrote the Shakespeare plays. First of all, I'm very intellentifull. I didn't mean to confusinate you, but I'm just that smart. Do not misunderestimate me because I can't prononunce n-n-n-uclar -you know what I mean. Shakespeare was in my axis of evil, so I wrote the plays. I mean, who would write plays like "A Homedy of Terrors, Nothing to Say about Something, The Naming of my Poo, Porklet, and A Late Winter's Ice Cream?" I must also give credit to my Secretary of State, Donald Rumpelstiltskin for playing an interceptun on my fumble.
ID: 5219
News / Politics
As governor, Bush got to act ceremonially as a state trooper for a day. While operating a speed trap, Bush pulled over a farmer. He lectured the farmer about his speed and the necessity of obeying laws made by his superiors, and in general threw his weight around. Finally, he got around to writing the ticket, and as he was doing so he kept swatting at some flies that kept buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some trouble with those circle flies there, are ya, sir?"
Bush stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well, yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer said, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of horses."
Bush said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. After a minute, he stopped and slowly said, "Hey... wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The farmer said, "Oh, no, governor, I have too much respect for you to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
Grinning broadly, Bush says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."
ID: 3293
News / Politics
Bill Clinton and Al Gore went into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu, the waitress came over and asked Clinton, "Are you ready to order, sir?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life, I don't believe that's a good idea. I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the MENU." She walks away.
Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it's pronounced 'Quiche'"
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