ID: 6746
News / Politics
This joke is kind of dated but it's still funny.
Al Gore, Bill, Hilary, and Chelsea Clinton were all riding in the Airforce One. Out of the blue Gore says, "I could throw a hundred, one dollar bills out the window and make a hundred people happy." Bill says, "Well I could throw ten, ten dollar bills out the window, and make ten people very happy." Hilary, not wanting to be left out, says "Well I could throw one, one hundred dollar bill out the window and make one person extremely happy." Chelsea rolled her eyes and said "Well i could throw all three of you out the window and make the whole nation happy!"
ID: 17754
News / Politics
The phone rings, Brezhnev picks up the phone: "Hello, this is dear Leonid Ilyich...".
ID: 17743
News / Politics
Is it true that the Soviet Union is the most progressive country in the world?
Of course! The life was already better yesterday than it's going to be tomorrow!
ID: 17744
News / Politics
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage.
Unexpectedly, the train stops. Lenin suggests: "Perhaps we should call a subbotnik, so that workers and peasants fix the problem."
Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does not start moving, the driver will be executed!"
But the train doesn't start moving.
Khrushchev then shouts, "Let's take the rails behind the train and use them to construct the tracks in the front."
But it still doesn't move. Brezhnev then says, "Comrades, comrades, let's draw the curtains, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!"
ID: 11450
News / Politics
Andy was a staunch Republican, while Mary was Democrat through and through. They met at a political rally, and spent many hours arguing back and forth, until eventually love blossomed, and they got married.
On the wedding night, however, as many of their friends had prophesied, they argued.
Turning their backs on each other, they went to sleep; but about 3 in the morning - "I'm sorry, Andy. There's been a split in the Democrat Party, and if the Republican member stood now, he'd get in with no problem."
"Too late, the Republican member stood as an Independent, and lost his deposit!"
ID: 17746
News / Politics
During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wishing to file a petition. "We have even started eating the grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come on! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey here, and we are not buzzing like bees, are we?"
ID: 3426
News / Politics
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crosswords.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.?
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
ID: 17670
News / Politics
The Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that in Moscow, Mercedes cars are being given to citizens?"
The Armenian Radio answers: "Yes, but it is not Moscow but Leningrad, not Mercedes but Ladas, and not given to but stolen from."
ID: 8544
News / Politics
TOP GEORGE BUSH SLOGANS
1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
3. I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.
4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?
5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.
7. New penal plan: I won't use mine!
8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.
9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers
10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense
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