ID: 5215
News / Politics
At a party, a man came up to a stranger and asked "Have you heard the latest Bush joke?"
The man replies, "I am Bush."
The man said, "Oh. I'll tell it slowly."
ID: 7544
News / Politics
There have been recent terrorist activities in France. Today the had to upgrade their security system from "Run" to "Hide". If things get any worse they'll have to go to "Surrender", and then "Beg for Mercy".
ID: 11911
News / Politics
Recently, Germans conducted some scientific exploration involving their best men. Core drilling samples were taken to a depth of 50 metres, and during these examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered.
After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that 25,000 years ago, ancient Germans had a nationwide telephone network.
The British government was unimpressed, and conducted their own survey. From samples drilled to a depth of 100 meters, they found small pieces of glass, and announced that 35,000 years ago, the ancient Britons had a nationwide optical-fibre network.
The Irish government felt they had to conduct their own survey, their scientists bored to a depth of 200 meters, but found absolutely nothing.
They concluded that, 55,000 years ago, the ancient Irish already had a thriving cell phone network in place.
ID: 17760
News / Politics
A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing and telling political jokes. The fourth one desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, frustrated, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends over an ashtray and says with utter nonchalance: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the conspirator finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge where his neighbors had gone. "Oh, the KGB has arrested them!" she answers. "B-but... but what about me?" asks the guy in terror. "Oh, well, they decided to let you go. You made Comrade Major laugh a lot with your tea joke."
ID: 17185
News / Politics
It was often said that if an African American was
ever voted in to be the President of the United States,
that would be the the day that pigs fly. 100 days after
President Barack Obama is in office, swine flu.
ID: 14562
News / Politics
Does anyone know why I have nightmares?
Because the last man that had a "dream" got shot.
ID: 5260
News / Politics
A little boy goes to his father one day and says, "Daddy, what is politics?"
"Well," his father replied, "let me try to explain it to you this way. Let's say that you're the people. I'm the breadwinner of the family so we'll call me the economy. Your mother is in charge so we'll call her government. Your nanny will be the working class, and your baby brother is the future. Now go think about that and see if you can understand."
The boy thinks about it but doesn't really get it so he goes to bed. He wakes up in the middle of the night and hears his baby brother crying. He goes to check on his brother and sees that he has soiled himself but doesn't know how to change a diaper. He goes to his parents' room to wake them up, but only his mother is there, snoring loudly. He goes to the nanny's room instead and finds the door locked. When he looks through the keyhole, he sees his father in bed with the nanny. Frustrated, he just goes back to bed.
In the morning, the boy goes to his father and says, "I think I understand politics now."
"Good," says the father. "Let's see what you've come up with."
"Well," says the boy, "While the economy is screwing the working class, the government is fast asleep, the people are being ignored, and the future is in deep shit."
ID: 17624
News / Politics
The economy is so bad. . .
if the bank returns your check marked ''Insufficient Funds,'' you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
The economy is so bad. . .
a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
ID: 16067
News / Politics
Bill Clinton dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St.Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Bill replies, "I am Bill Clinton, and I was president of the United States!" St. Peter says, "Ok, I will take you to meet the Lord." So they go to meet the Lord, who says "Who are you and what have you done?" Clinton replies, "I am Bill Clinton and I was president of the U.S.A.!" The Lord then says, "Come Bill, sit on my right hand." Clinton then sits down to the right of the Lord, extremely happy.
Al Gore then dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St. Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Al replies much the same as Bill did, stating that he is Al Gore and was Vice-president of the US. St. Peter then takes him to meet the Lord, who offers Al the seat on his left side. Al accepts, and like Clinton, is ecstatic.
After a while, Hillary dies and gets to the gates. St. Peter asks who she is and what she did, to which she replies, "Hillary Rodham Clinton, wife of the president of the US." Peter then takes her in to meet the Lord who repeats the question, "Who are you and what have you done?" Hillary replies, "I am Hillary Rodham Clinton, and you are in my seat!"
+10,000 Jokes