NEWS / POLITICS

ID: 17726

News / Politics

Sevenassov

A respected merchant Sevenassov wants to change his surname and asks the Tsar for permission. The Emperor writes his resolution: "Allowed to deduct two asses down".

ID: 14640

News / Politics

What's The Drill Here?

The GOP Congress will re-introduce drilling for oil in the Arctic.

Republicans say the environmental effect is minimal; a study shows caribou do not make campaign contributions.

ID: 14566

News / Politics

Dumb Utah Laws

In Utah, the following laws are on the books:

1) Birds have the rightaway on all highways.

2)It's legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.

3) In Tremonton, it is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance.If you are caught doing so the guy is let go and the woman is punished and her name appears in the newspaper.

4) In Trout Creek, pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches.

ID: 16610

News / Politics

Rabies!

A man is bitten by a rabid dog he found wandering in his yard. Frantically, he rushes his computer and begins typing something. His neighbor walks in, and mentions to him that he need not worry, there is a cure for rabies.

He replies, "I know that; I'm finding where George Bush is right now!"

ID: 14900

News / Politics

Headlines I

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

March Planned For Next August

Blind Bishop Appointed To See

Lingerie Shipment Hijacked - Thief Gives Police The Slip

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Patient At Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through

Latin Course To Be Canceled - No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

Diaper Market Bottoms Out

Croupiers On Strike - Management: "No Big Deal"

Stadium Air Conditioning Fails - Fans Protest

ID: 14043

News / Politics

Dumb Oregon Laws.

Beaverton, OR- You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.

Portland, OR- People may not whistle underwater.

ID: 17124

News / Politics

Security Breach

They had quite a scare in Washington, DC, today. Apparently, President Obama was meeting with some potential cabinet nominees and someone noticed a suspicious looking document on the table that no one had ever seen before.

Turns out it was just a tax form, but it gave them quite a fright.

- Jay Leno

ID: 14803

News / Politics

Crime Pays, Eh?

Kenneth Jeffries, 24, was arrested in West Haven, Conn., in August for robbing a convenience store. Police reported that he had first offered the clerk $1 for a pack of gum as a ruse and then taken $40 in the robbery.

However, said police, Jeffries returned a minute later and asked, uncertainly, "Did I pay for the gum?"

By that time the clerk had summoned police, and Jeffries was soon apprehended.

ID: 16075

News / Politics

Bumper Sticker

Seen on a bumper sticker:
"IF CLINTON IS THE ANSWER, THEN IT MUST BE A STUPID QUESTION."

Seen on another bumper sticker:
"CLINTON HAPPENS."

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