ID: 17730
News / Politics
Lenin died, but his cause lives on!
ID: 11429
News / Politics
Many of the trees and rainforests are being cut down.
So in effort the B.H.O.A. made a slogan,
Save a tree
Burn a bush
Bush as in former president
ID: 3459
News / Politics
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise'."
ID: 3311
News / Politics
Soup manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," that will honor one of the nation's most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this year.
When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied: "I don't know, I never had one."
American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of crap he can't fly.
Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom.
Clinton is doing the work of three men: Larry, Curly, and Moe.
Revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
ID: 4252
News / Politics
You may know they've released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parents' home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from the President:
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC
Dear John:
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine.
I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents. I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jody Foster?
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President
ID: 3426
News / Politics
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crosswords.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.?
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
ID: 6105
News / Politics
Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to walk even further back and are happy with the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you used to try and change?"
"Land mines," said the woman.
MORAL: BEHIND EVERY MAN IS A SMART WOMAN
ID: 3599
News / Politics
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country.
Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again, before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again, the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking, "I see the pattern here; just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall". He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction, he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"
ID: 5221
News / Politics
President Bush looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him.
"What is it now?" sighs the president.
"It's this abortion bill," replies the aide. "What do you want to do about it?"
"Go ahead and pay it," says the president.
+10,000 Jokes