ID: 10609
News / Politics
Q: Why were the British fighting us in the war of 1812?
A: Because they were done beating up the French, and they needed someone new to pick on.
ID: 14792
News / Politics
A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper. Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells, "All politicians are assholes."
A man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit says, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a politician?"
"No," he replies, "I'm an asshole."
ID: 6931
News / Politics
One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.
"Go to the theatre."
ID: 7934
News / Politics
Here is a list of some really stupid laws I've seen:
Alaska- You can't wake up a sleeping bear, just to take its picture.
Florida-Unmarried women may not parachute on Sundays.
Idaho- You can't fish from the back of a camel. (Who has a pet camel in Idaho anyway?!?)
Oklahoma-Whaling is illegal. (hint-there aren't any oceans or whales in Oklahoma!)
You also can't sleep on a refrigerator OUTDOORS, although it is perfectly legal to sleep on your refrigerator in public, as long as you are indoors.
Baldwin Park, California- You can't (and why would you?) ride bicycles in swimming pools.
Houston, Texas- You can't sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
Lexington, Kentucky- You can't carry an ice-cream cone in your pocket. (What are the police going to go around checking peoples pockets for ice-cream?)
Marion, Ohio- You can't walk backwards on a city street while eating a donut.
Myrtle Creek, Oregon- No boxing with kangaroos. (Wait, there are kangaroos in Oregon???)
Nashville, Tennessee- You must be at least 18 years old to play pinball.
New Orleans- You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
Whitehall, Montana- You can't drive a car with ice picks attached to the wheels.
Wynona, Oklahoma- You can't wash your clothes in a birdbath. (Be careful...the neighbors are watching!)
ID: 13984
News / Politics
1) In Illinois, it is illegal to speak English. Well then, what do they speak? Gibberish?
2) In Crete, Illinois, it is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with someone else's dog. First of all, why would anybody attempt to even have sex with a dog? Second of all, is it okay to attempt to have sex with your own dog?
And finally, my favorite one of all. . .
3)In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building is death. Duh! No, we're all going to magically survive a 50 story drop to the concrete below.
ID: 11450
News / Politics
Andy was a staunch Republican, while Mary was Democrat through and through. They met at a political rally, and spent many hours arguing back and forth, until eventually love blossomed, and they got married.
On the wedding night, however, as many of their friends had prophesied, they argued.
Turning their backs on each other, they went to sleep; but about 3 in the morning - "I'm sorry, Andy. There's been a split in the Democrat Party, and if the Republican member stood now, he'd get in with no problem."
"Too late, the Republican member stood as an Independent, and lost his deposit!"
ID: 12786
News / Politics
George W. Bush....
that's it
ID: 8544
News / Politics
TOP GEORGE BUSH SLOGANS
1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
3. I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.
4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?
5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.
7. New penal plan: I won't use mine!
8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.
9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers
10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense
ID: 13501
News / Politics
1. Iraqi Head Found With Arms
2. Man Loses Toes in Snow, but Timesheet Submitted
3. Crack found on Governor's Daughter
4. Miners Refuse To Work After Death
5. Eight Arms Found In Octopus
+10,000 Jokes