ID: 17459
News / Politics
U.S. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a poultry farm. During the tour, Mrs. Coolidge inquired of the farmer how his farm managed to produce so many fertile eggs with such a small number of roosters. The farmer proudly explained that his roosters performed their duty dozens of times each day.
"Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge," pointedly replied the First Lady.
The President, overhearing the remark, asked the farmer, "Does each rooster service the same hen each time?"
"No," replied the farmer, "there are many hens for each rooster."
"Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge," replied the President.
ID: 16573
News / Politics
A group of Texans are driving down the road, whooping it up, drinking beer and shooting off their guns when they get into an accident with busload of nuns and orphans, killing everyone. The Texans go straight to Hell. When they arrive the Devil is shocked to see that they are not in agony over the heat and he demands an explanation.
"Well, sir, we're from Texas, and we're used to the heat," says one. This infuriates the Devil and he cranks the thermostat up to its highest setting. The lost souls all over hell start wailing. "I'll check on them in the morning and see how they like THIS." He snorts and disappears in a ball of fire.
The next morning, the Devil shows up at the Texans' camp site, and sure enough they are showing some signs of discomfort. They have taken off their 10 Gallon hats and are fanning themselves. One has even rolled up his sleeves. "Well, sir," explains a Texan, "when you have been on a cattle drive in Lubbock during August, this ain't hardly nothing." The Devil is now so angry he is seeing red.
"Those damn Texans seem immune to heat, let 's see what happens when I turn OFF the heat," he says as he heads to the thermostat. "I'll check on them tomorrow."
So in the morning the Devil arrives at the Texans' campsite, and they are all whoopin' and hollerin' and drinkin' the beers from the ice chest in the back of the pick up, now that they have ice to chill them with. The wail of the lost souls is deafening but the Texans are partyin' like there is no tomorrow.
"I don't get it," the Devil says, completely defeated. "I tried to roast you and it had no effect, and then I tried to freeze you and you are partying. You Texans are made of tough stuff. But why are you celebrating?"
A Texan takes a swig from a Bud in a longneck and replies, "Look around! Hell is frozen over. That's just gotta mean there is another Bush in the White House."
ID: 15104
News / Politics
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He answered it and listened intently. After a brief moment, his face lit up with a smile.
He hung up the phone and immediately called his mother to pass along the good news.
"Ma, the results are in," he shouted joyously. "I won the election!"
"Honestly?" his mother replied.
"Aw, gee, Ma, what a time to bring that up!" he said.
ID: 14901
News / Politics
These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin
Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
Autos Killing 110 a Day - Let's Resolve to Do Better
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
ID: 17624
News / Politics
The economy is so bad. . .
if the bank returns your check marked ''Insufficient Funds,'' you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
The economy is so bad. . .
a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
ID: 16082
News / Politics
One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!" Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll have those mirrors removed right away!"
ID: 16576
News / Politics
3 sharks meet in the ocean. They talk about the people they recently have eaten.
The first one says, "I swallowed the Ayatollah yesterday, but the guy had eaten so much garlic I still feel sick."
The second shark says, "That's nothing pal! I swallowed Boris Yeltsin last week and the old guy had so much vodka in him that I'm still drunk."
The third shark laughs and said, "You lucky guys! I swallowed George W. Bush 3 weeks ago and the guy has so much air in his head, I still can't dive!"
ID: 16575
News / Politics
Asked by his teacher to compare three presidents Johnny thought for a moment and said: "Well, George Washington couldn't tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth. And George W. Bush can't tell the difference."
ID: 17486
News / Politics
How can you use a banana as a compass? Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. East is where a bite has been taken out of it.
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