ID: 17745
News / Politics
To sum up the Russians' experience with political leaders thus far:
Lenin showed how a country can be ruled;
Stalin showed how a country should be ruled;
Khrushchev showed that a moron can rule a country;
Brezhnev showed that not just any moron can rule a country.
ID: 14696
News / Politics
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following
question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your
wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife,
and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do
you do?
........................................................
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
What does the law say about this situation?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway,
and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day
and make this happier, healthier street that would
discourage such behavior.
........................................................
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
..........................................................
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the
Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?
Son: Can I shoot the next one!
Wife: You Ain't Taking That To The Taxidermist!
ID: 16082
News / Politics
One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!" Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll have those mirrors removed right away!"
ID: 17331
News / Politics
The following is a list of the U.S. deaths in certain places.
September 11: 2,752
War on Terror: 4,344
We beat ourselves.
ID: 14566
News / Politics
In Utah, the following laws are on the books:
1) Birds have the rightaway on all highways.
2)It's legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.
3) In Tremonton, it is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance.If you are caught doing so the guy is let go and the woman is punished and her name appears in the newspaper.
4) In Trout Creek, pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches.
ID: 17726
News / Politics
A respected merchant Sevenassov wants to change his surname and asks the Tsar for permission. The Emperor writes his resolution: "Allowed to deduct two asses down".
ID: 14832
News / Politics
Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed "education" as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for "filling fee," "campain work" and "litature."
ID: 18038
News / Politics
The European union has decided the only way to avoid Greece defaulting on its debts is to replace the government and civil service with 300 Spartans !
ID: 17084
News / Politics
. . . they only tell who's left.
+10,000 Jokes