ID: 17735
News / Politics
One old bolshevik says to another: "No my friend, we will not live long enough to see communism, but our children... poor children."
ID: 17753
News / Politics
"Leonid Ilyich!..." / "Come on, no formalities among comrades. Just call me 'Ilyich' ".
ID: 17746
News / Politics
During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wishing to file a petition. "We have even started eating the grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come on! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey here, and we are not buzzing like bees, are we?"
ID: 17504
News / Politics
What was the most-frequently used word at the German-German border? "Goose meat". (Gänsefleisch, sounds like the first three words in Genn' se vleisch mal 'n Gofferraum offmachn? in the Saxon accent, Können Sie vielleicht mal den Kofferraum aufmachen? in standard German, which means Could you please open the trunk? )
ID: 17737
News / Politics
-How do you deal with mice in the Kremlin?
-Put up a sign saying "collective farm". Then half the mice will starve and the others will run away.
ID: 17739
News / Politics
Three men sit in a jail in (KGB headquarters) Dzerzhinsky Square. The first asks the second why he has been imprisoned, and he says, "Because I criticized Karl Radek." The first man responds, "But I am here because I spoke out in favor of Radek!" They turn to the third man who has been sitting quietly in the back, and ask him why he is in jail too. He responds, "I'm Karl Radek."
ID: 17728
News / Politics
Midnight Petrograd... A night watch spots a shadow trying to sneak by. "Stop! Who goes there? Documents!" The frightened person chaotically shuffles through his pockets and drops a paper. A soldier picks it up and reads slowly, with difficulty: "U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sis"... "Hmm... a foreigner, sounds like..." "A spy, looks like.... Let's shoot him on the spot!" Then reads further: "'Proteins: none, Sugars: none, Fats: none...' You are free to go, proletarian comrade! Long live the World revolution!"
ID: 17726
News / Politics
A respected merchant Sevenassov wants to change his surname and asks the Tsar for permission. The Emperor writes his resolution: "Allowed to deduct two asses down".
ID: 17487
News / Politics
Two Berlin children spoke to each other over the wall. The little girl in the West says, while eating a banana, "Look - I have a banana."
The boy in the East doesn't want to be inferior to her in anything and says, full of pride: "We have socialism." The girl counters: "So, we'll have socialism soon too."
The boy, triumphant: "See, then you won't have any bananas any more either!"
+10,000 Jokes