ID: 17752
News / Politics
At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!" - applause. "O!" - more applause. "O!" - yet more applause. "O!" - an ovation. "O!!!" - the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, that's the Olympic rings, you don't need to read it!"
ID: 6930
News / Politics
President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him.
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart," so the Wizard said, "So be it."
Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People think I'm unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain." The Wizard said, "So be it."
Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. "People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage." The Wizard granted this wish as well.
Yhen Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at him and said, "Well, what do you want?" to which Clinton replied, "I'm here for Dorothy!"
ID: 8119
News / Politics
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
ID: 13982
News / Politics
In Clinton, Alabama, it is illegal to molest your automobile.
Now how would you go about doing that? And how would your automobile testify against you?
ID: 6933
News / Politics
Did you hear that in response to President Bill Clinton's habit of dropping in on the local McDonalds, the McDonald's national management has announced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton?
Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, you never get the fries you were originally promised, and it's got half the meat.
ID: 7936
News / Politics
A dumb list for dumb laws:
Australia
1. Children may not purchase cigarettes, but can smoke them.
2. You may never leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle.
3. It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burglar.
England
1. Those wishing to use a television must apply for a license.
2. It is illegal to leave baggage unattended.
3. Picking up abandoned baggage is as act of terrorism.
France
1. Between the hours of 8AM and 8PM, 70% of the music in the radio must be by French composers.
Thailand
1. It is illegal to leave your house if you are not wearing underwear.
2. You must wear a shirt while driving a car.
3. You must pay a fine of $600 in Thailand if you're caught throwing away chewed bubblegum on the sidewalk. If you do not pay the fine, you are jailed.
4. No one may step on any of the nation's currency.
Many of the laws are actually followed. The question is, would you follow them, or just regard them as a joke?
ID: 6802
News / Politics
Politics - A strife of interests masquerading as a contest
of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage
ID: 173
News / Politics
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.
He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended", is still defined as committing suicide. Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below at street level, but his suicide attempt probably would not have been successful because of the safety net. This caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
The room on the ninth floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously, and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus.
When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was his long standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her, therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist; further investigation revealed that the son was in fact Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over both the loss of his financial support and the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth-story window. The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
ID: 10597
News / Politics
Today, if you meet someone from France, they will say, "Bonjour, Je suis de la France."
This is what they would say if America knew France wasn't going to pay us back for helping them. "Hallo, bin ich von Frankreich."
+10,000 Jokes