ID: 16341
News / Politics
There once was a President who had a law that evryone had to laugh once a hour or they spent an hour in jail.
ID: 14198
News / Politics
1/20/09: End of an Error
That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First
If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
Whose God Do You Kill For?
Cheney/Satan '08
Jail to the Chief
No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap
Bad President! No Banana.
We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
Is It Vietnam Yet?
Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
Impeach Cheney First
Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too
The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
One Nation Under Clod
2004: Embarrassed. 2005: Horrified. 2006: Terrified.
Bush Never Exhaled
At Least Nixon Resigned
ID: 5221
News / Politics
President Bush looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him.
"What is it now?" sighs the president.
"It's this abortion bill," replies the aide. "What do you want to do about it?"
"Go ahead and pay it," says the president.
ID: 4252
News / Politics
You may know they've released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parents' home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from the President:
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC
Dear John:
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine.
I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents. I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jody Foster?
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President
ID: 7934
News / Politics
Here is a list of some really stupid laws I've seen:
Alaska- You can't wake up a sleeping bear, just to take its picture.
Florida-Unmarried women may not parachute on Sundays.
Idaho- You can't fish from the back of a camel. (Who has a pet camel in Idaho anyway?!?)
Oklahoma-Whaling is illegal. (hint-there aren't any oceans or whales in Oklahoma!)
You also can't sleep on a refrigerator OUTDOORS, although it is perfectly legal to sleep on your refrigerator in public, as long as you are indoors.
Baldwin Park, California- You can't (and why would you?) ride bicycles in swimming pools.
Houston, Texas- You can't sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
Lexington, Kentucky- You can't carry an ice-cream cone in your pocket. (What are the police going to go around checking peoples pockets for ice-cream?)
Marion, Ohio- You can't walk backwards on a city street while eating a donut.
Myrtle Creek, Oregon- No boxing with kangaroos. (Wait, there are kangaroos in Oregon???)
Nashville, Tennessee- You must be at least 18 years old to play pinball.
New Orleans- You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
Whitehall, Montana- You can't drive a car with ice picks attached to the wheels.
Wynona, Oklahoma- You can't wash your clothes in a birdbath. (Be careful...the neighbors are watching!)
ID: 6827
News / Politics
You might be a Republican if...
1. You have a brain
2. You have morales
3. Your bumper sticker say's "Somewhere in Massachusetts a village is missing it's idiot"
4. You totaly agree with everything Foxworthy say's
5. You bought a shotgun and THEN voted against gun control
You might become a republican if...
1. You found a brain
2. You stole someones morales
3. You bought a truck with that bumper sticker and was to lazy to take it off.
4. You're dating a Republicans daughter
5. Actually it was the guy's shotgun that changed you.
You might be a democrat if...
1. You have no brain
2. You have no morales
3. Your bumper sticker say's "eye is ejumucated, u shid bee two"
4. You don't know who Hitler is but think he has a cool name.
5. You think homosexuality is fine, but not for your kids.
You might become a democrat if...
1. You lost your brain
2. Someone stole your morales
3. You can't read said bumper sticker
4. You don't get anything Foxworthy say's
5. You love your daughter, she loves her dad, and you're jealous
ID: 10597
News / Politics
Today, if you meet someone from France, they will say, "Bonjour, Je suis de la France."
This is what they would say if America knew France wasn't going to pay us back for helping them. "Hallo, bin ich von Frankreich."
ID: 2459
News / Politics
Two Tough Questions
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.
Candidate A -
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B -
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C -
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional
beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question:
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember: Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic and in case you never saw this one...
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
ID: 2634
News / Politics
Two men were running for the same seat in their state senate. The two men had just finished meeting for lunch in a restaurant.
Said the first man "I'm going to win the election because I put in a personal touch. For example, I left the waiter a ten dollar tip so that he would vote for me."
"That's nothing," replies the second man to the first, "I left the waiter a 5 cent tip, and told him that I was your campaign manager."
+10,000 Jokes