ID: 11450
News / Politics
Andy was a staunch Republican, while Mary was Democrat through and through. They met at a political rally, and spent many hours arguing back and forth, until eventually love blossomed, and they got married.
On the wedding night, however, as many of their friends had prophesied, they argued.
Turning their backs on each other, they went to sleep; but about 3 in the morning - "I'm sorry, Andy. There's been a split in the Democrat Party, and if the Republican member stood now, he'd get in with no problem."
"Too late, the Republican member stood as an Independent, and lost his deposit!"
ID: 17084
News / Politics
. . . they only tell who's left.
ID: 18059
News / Politics
Today's school kids are spending less time at recess than their predecessors. Experts say if the trends continues, future Congressmen may not have enough experience goofing off.
ID: 3567
News / Politics
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious constitutional reason.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.
ID: 4259
News / Politics
Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- firefighter, police officer, sales rep, doctor, lawyer, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men, and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go home with some guy and make love with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly sent the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said David, "He actually works for the "RE-ELECT BUSH" Organization, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
ID: 17489
News / Politics
A west-german boy to a ddr-boy: Why is the banana curved? The ossie replies: Why, is this curved? (old Hungarian joke)
ID: 17185
News / Politics
It was often said that if an African American was
ever voted in to be the President of the United States,
that would be the the day that pigs fly. 100 days after
President Barack Obama is in office, swine flu.
ID: 17494
News / Politics
The teacher asks: "Fritzchen, what is the difference between capitalism and socialism?" Fritz replies: "Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is the other way around."
ID: 15577
News / Politics
Major Scandal during their presidency....
Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed
The President's biggest fear....
Nixon: The Cold War
Clinton: The Cold Sore
Complaints toward the President.....
Nixon: Carpet-Bombing
Clinton: Carpet-Burns
Their Vice-Presidents...
Nixon: His was Greek
Clinton: His is a Geek.
Presidential qualities.....
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.
Things the President couldn't explain....
Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes
Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase
Job titles....
Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President
Slogans....
Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him and saying "He's the one"
Known for....
Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
Acquaintances....
Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot
Famous feats....
Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton: Took on Ho
Quoted as....
Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor
Clinton: Talked of getting a piece while on her
Presidential Nicknames....
Nixon: Tricky Dick
Clinton: Tricky Dick
and finally, Presidential excuses....
Nixon: I am not a crook!
Clinton: I did not do nook!
+10,000 Jokes