ID: 2111
News / Politics
Why did President George W. Bush go into a gorilla's nest in the jungle?
To be with his family!
ID: 18008
News / Politics
The armies of the opposition have neared Washington, Paris and London. The governments of US, France and London did nothing about it. 'Sorry! We need to bomb (long list of African and Middle East countries) first.'
ID: 11926
News / Politics
1. Wake up and stumble in the room 40 minutes late.
2. Blame all of the problems in America on 9/11 and Iraq.
3. Pronounce "nuclear" right.
4. Publish my dog's sequel.
5. Show off my awesome golf shot.
Hey, I counted to five!
ID: 4111
News / Politics
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.
ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.
CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS
You have a cow and a bull,
You let the cow be president and the bull be prime minister and let them blame each other for the state the country is in.
ID: 5223
News / Politics
George Bush senior and junior were dragging the deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his along, too.
"Sirs, I don't want to tell you how to do something," he said, "but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer the other way, then the antlers won't drag on the ground."
After the other hunter left, they decided to try it. A little while later, George junior said to George senior, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah," said George senior, "but we're getting farther from the truck."
ID: 10609
News / Politics
Q: Why were the British fighting us in the war of 1812?
A: Because they were done beating up the French, and they needed someone new to pick on.
ID: 8119
News / Politics
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
ID: 7934
News / Politics
Here is a list of some really stupid laws I've seen:
Alaska- You can't wake up a sleeping bear, just to take its picture.
Florida-Unmarried women may not parachute on Sundays.
Idaho- You can't fish from the back of a camel. (Who has a pet camel in Idaho anyway?!?)
Oklahoma-Whaling is illegal. (hint-there aren't any oceans or whales in Oklahoma!)
You also can't sleep on a refrigerator OUTDOORS, although it is perfectly legal to sleep on your refrigerator in public, as long as you are indoors.
Baldwin Park, California- You can't (and why would you?) ride bicycles in swimming pools.
Houston, Texas- You can't sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
Lexington, Kentucky- You can't carry an ice-cream cone in your pocket. (What are the police going to go around checking peoples pockets for ice-cream?)
Marion, Ohio- You can't walk backwards on a city street while eating a donut.
Myrtle Creek, Oregon- No boxing with kangaroos. (Wait, there are kangaroos in Oregon???)
Nashville, Tennessee- You must be at least 18 years old to play pinball.
New Orleans- You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
Whitehall, Montana- You can't drive a car with ice picks attached to the wheels.
Wynona, Oklahoma- You can't wash your clothes in a birdbath. (Be careful...the neighbors are watching!)
ID: 13358
News / Politics
Two Saudis emigrated to America with their families. On the plane ride over they made a bet about who could become more "Americanized" in their first year.
As agreed, they met exactly one year later. The first guy pulled up in his Hummer and said to the second guy "I win. There's no way you can beat me: I just dropped my son off at Little League, I'm on my way to pick my daughter up from cheerleading practice, and I stopped at McDonalds on my way here."
And the second guy said "Fuck you, towelhead!"
+10,000 Jokes