ID: 16575
News / Politics
Asked by his teacher to compare three presidents Johnny thought for a moment and said: "Well, George Washington couldn't tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth. And George W. Bush can't tell the difference."
ID: 6959
News / Politics
Reporters asked Dan Quayle what he thought of Roe v. Wade? His response: "Two alternate ways to cross the Potomac."
ID: 3414
News / Politics
Once upon a time, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting, on the seventh day. He inquired of God,
"Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, " Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor - over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people." God continued pointing to different countries..."This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Alaska, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful streams, hills, and forests - the people from Alaska are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world - as diplomats, and carriers of peace ...."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God smiled, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in Juneau."
ID: 18038
News / Politics
The European union has decided the only way to avoid Greece defaulting on its debts is to replace the government and civil service with 300 Spartans !
ID: 14212
News / Politics
Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses
claimed that an Unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.
However, you may NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., Hillary Rodham, John F Kerry, William Jefferson Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E Schumer, and Barbara Boxer were born.
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? This
piece of information may clear up a lot of things.
ID: 3187
News / Politics
George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde."
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass? I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
ID: 16082
News / Politics
One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!" Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll have those mirrors removed right away!"
ID: 11770
News / Politics
Every village has its idiot. Somewhere in Texas, a village is missing theirs.
ID: 14729
News / Politics
Leonid Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting, and starts:
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
The whole hall perked up - "what did he say?" Brezhnev tried again...
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
Well, by now the hall was in pandemonium - was he trying to call them Imperialists? Then, an advisor walked over to the podium and pointed to the speech for Brezhnev. "Oh..." he muttered, and started again:
"Dear Comrades, Imperialists are everywhere."
+10,000 Jokes