ID: 17670
News / Politics
The Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that in Moscow, Mercedes cars are being given to citizens?"
The Armenian Radio answers: "Yes, but it is not Moscow but Leningrad, not Mercedes but Ladas, and not given to but stolen from."
ID: 10965
News / Politics
It is amazing how politicians can fit all their good points in a 30 second TV commercial.
ID: 10670
News / Politics
After intensive investigation on both the Soviet and US parts, spokespersons from both space agencies have determined the cause for the accident which has placed the station and its resident personnel in jeopardy.
In terse statements at a recent press conference, Soviet and US space agency spokespersons said Thursday We have concluded joint investigations concerning this potentially tragic accident and each nations' team, separately, has arrived at identical conclusions for this incident.
The accident was caused by one thing and one thing only: OBJECTS IN MIR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
ID: 3426
News / Politics
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crosswords.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.?
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
ID: 3402
News / Politics
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Teachers' Strike Idles Kids
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
Plane too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Killer Sentenced to Die For Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, it May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Red Tape Holds up New Bridge
Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas In Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart in Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Local High School Dropout Cuts in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
ID: 14198
News / Politics
1/20/09: End of an Error
That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First
If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
Whose God Do You Kill For?
Cheney/Satan '08
Jail to the Chief
No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap
Bad President! No Banana.
We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
Is It Vietnam Yet?
Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
Impeach Cheney First
Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too
The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
One Nation Under Clod
2004: Embarrassed. 2005: Horrified. 2006: Terrified.
Bush Never Exhaled
At Least Nixon Resigned
ID: 5641
News / Politics
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident; I reattached them, and eight months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said, "That's nothing: a young man lost both arms and legs in an accident; I reattached them, and two years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."
ID: 11410
News / Politics
"You know that the world is going crazy when: the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'." -Chris Rock
ID: 11267
News / Politics
Buck
Fush
+10,000 Jokes