ID: 17295
News / Politics
One day, a Democrat was on vacation. He was walking along the beach, when he hit his toe on a hard object, and looking down, he saw a small, shiny golden lamp sticking out of the sand.
Excited, he grabbed the lamp, and rubbed its side. A genie appeared from the lamp and said, "Thank you for releasing me. You may have three wishes. But I am a Republican genie; whatever you wish for, every Republican will get two of tomorrow morning."
The Democrat nodded, and said, "I'd like a shiny new car." The genie said, "Your wish is granted. Every Republican ill have two new shiny cars in their driveways tomorrow morning;" and a new car appeared next to them.
"I want a million dollars," said the Democrat. The genie answered by saying, "Every Republican will have two million dollars tomorrow morning;" and one million dollars appeared on the driver's seat of the car.
The Democrat thought long and hard about his last wish, until finally saying, "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney . . ."
ID: 10609
News / Politics
Q: Why were the British fighting us in the war of 1812?
A: Because they were done beating up the French, and they needed someone new to pick on.
ID: 17185
News / Politics
It was often said that if an African American was
ever voted in to be the President of the United States,
that would be the the day that pigs fly. 100 days after
President Barack Obama is in office, swine flu.
ID: 17490
News / Politics
Which three great nations in the world begin with "U"? - USA, USSR, and our (German:unsere) GDR (USA, UdSSR, Unsere DDR). (A play on the way official discourse often used the phrase "our GDR", and also often exaggerated the GDR's world status.)
ID: 17124
News / Politics
They had quite a scare in Washington, DC, today. Apparently, President Obama was meeting with some potential cabinet nominees and someone noticed a suspicious looking document on the table that no one had ever seen before.
Turns out it was just a tax form, but it gave them quite a fright.
- Jay Leno
ID: 14696
News / Politics
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following
question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your
wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife,
and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do
you do?
........................................................
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
What does the law say about this situation?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway,
and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day
and make this happier, healthier street that would
discourage such behavior.
........................................................
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
..........................................................
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the
Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?
Son: Can I shoot the next one!
Wife: You Ain't Taking That To The Taxidermist!
ID: 16075
News / Politics
Seen on a bumper sticker:
"IF CLINTON IS THE ANSWER, THEN IT MUST BE A STUPID QUESTION."
Seen on another bumper sticker:
"CLINTON HAPPENS."
ID: 18008
News / Politics
The armies of the opposition have neared Washington, Paris and London. The governments of US, France and London did nothing about it. 'Sorry! We need to bomb (long list of African and Middle East countries) first.'
ID: 3376
News / Politics
A visitor from Pakistan was strolling in a park in New Delhi, India, enjoying the greenery and flowers. He needed to empty his bladder badly, but couldn't find a urinal anywhere.
He couldn't hold out any longer, and went behind a large bush. Just as he was undoing his fly buttons a policeman caught him. "What do you think you are doing?" asked the constable.
"I want to pee," replied the visitor. "I am from Pakistan and I don't know where to go. Please help me out."
The constable ordered, "OK, follow me. I'll show you a place with more greenery, flowers and bushes than this park. You can pee there as much as you like." He took the Pakistani to a greener and more beautiful garden where he emptied his bladder.
The Pakistani emptied his bladder, thanked the policeman and asked "Whose garden is this, it is so beautiful?"
The constable replied, "This is the garden of the Pakistani High Commission."
+10,000 Jokes