ID: 12545
News / Politics
These four guys were walking down the street; a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "What's 'shortage'?"
The Russian says, "What's 'meat'?"
The North Korean says, "What's 'opinion'?"
The New Yorker, says, "'Excuse me'? What's 'excuse me'?"
ID: 15104
News / Politics
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He answered it and listened intently. After a brief moment, his face lit up with a smile.
He hung up the phone and immediately called his mother to pass along the good news.
"Ma, the results are in," he shouted joyously. "I won the election!"
"Honestly?" his mother replied.
"Aw, gee, Ma, what a time to bring that up!" he said.
ID: 11831
News / Politics
A merger has been announced between the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) and the California Fish and Game Department.
It will be called Fish and Chips.
ID: 14901
News / Politics
These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin
Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
Autos Killing 110 a Day - Let's Resolve to Do Better
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
ID: 14562
News / Politics
Does anyone know why I have nightmares?
Because the last man that had a "dream" got shot.
ID: 11980
News / Politics
When all the national leaders met with Bush...
Germans make your candy, said Germany's leader,
We abuse it, said Bush.
Holland makes your remotes, said Holland's leader
We'd die without those, said Bush.
Italy and Mexico bring in great food, said Mexico & Italy,
We stuff ourselves with it, said Bush.
Japan makes your video games, said Japan's leader;
Our kids and dads love it, said Bush.
China makes all the rest, said China's leader,
Bush said, AMEN.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE? said all but Bush,
Bush took them to a farm,
He took them to a sleping bull.
The bull had a turd next to it.
It said "Made in America",
Bush told them America makes bull****
ID: 14566
News / Politics
In Utah, the following laws are on the books:
1) Birds have the rightaway on all highways.
2)It's legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.
3) In Tremonton, it is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance.If you are caught doing so the guy is let go and the woman is punished and her name appears in the newspaper.
4) In Trout Creek, pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches.
ID: 17762
News / Politics
A quartet of violinists returns from an international competition. One of them was honored with the possibility to play a Stradivarius violin and cannot stop bragging about this. Another one grunts: "What's so special about that?". The first one thinks for a minute: "Let me put it in this way for you: just imagine you were given a chance to make a couple of shots from Dzerzhinsky's mauser..."
ID: 17753
News / Politics
"Leonid Ilyich!..." / "Come on, no formalities among comrades. Just call me 'Ilyich' ".
+10,000 Jokes