ID: 2863
News / Politics
What exactly does the government do?
They seem to complicate all the simple things while trying to do the opposite.
ID: 17770
News / Politics
―Have you heard, Putin ordered the government to arrest the inflation.
―Well, not exactly, he ordered to have it arrested...and jailed.
ID: 8119
News / Politics
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
ID: 14033
News / Politics
A few decades from now, George Bush will die (everyone dies eventually). He goes up to Heaven where he sees a bunch of clocks, and he asks God what the clocks do.
"These clocks go forward one minute each time the person tells a lie."
Bush looks for his clock.
"Where's mine?"
"Oh, that one? I use that as a ceiling fan."
"WHAT?"
ID: 7544
News / Politics
There have been recent terrorist activities in France. Today the had to upgrade their security system from "Run" to "Hide". If things get any worse they'll have to go to "Surrender", and then "Beg for Mercy".
ID: 94
News / Politics
Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" the Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" the President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
ID: 6069
News / Politics
Rising gas prices have caused the following event:
The wife comes home and says, "It's been a tough week. I want you to take me someplace expensive tonight."
The husband promptly takes her to the nearest Gas Station.
ID: 19
News / Politics
Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair.
They begin talking. After about five minutes, Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later, the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well.
"I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge.
They begin talking and George presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!" Bush says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"
ID: 3567
News / Politics
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious constitutional reason.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.
+10,000 Jokes