ID: 17610
News / Politics
Q: Rabinovich, what is a fortune?
A: A fortune is to live in our Socialist motherland.
Q: And what's a misfortune?
A: A misfortune is to have such a fortune.
ID: 10529
News / Politics
What happens when you give a politician viagra?
He gets taller.
ID: 6930
News / Politics
President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him.
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart," so the Wizard said, "So be it."
Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People think I'm unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain." The Wizard said, "So be it."
Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. "People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage." The Wizard granted this wish as well.
Yhen Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at him and said, "Well, what do you want?" to which Clinton replied, "I'm here for Dorothy!"
ID: 7962
News / Politics
One day a cop walks in to a barber shop and gets a haircut. He tries to pay the barber but the barber says, "Im doing free haircuts this week." The cop thanks him and walks away. The next day there is a box of a dozen donuts on the barber's desk. A republican walks in and gets a haircut. He tries to pay the barber but the barber says, "Im doing free haircuts this week." The republican thanks him and walks away. The next day there is a self help book on his desk. A democrat walks in and gets a haircut. He tries to pay the barber but barber says, "I'm doing free haircuts this week." The next day, there are 20 democrats at the door waiting for a free haircut.
ID: 11831
News / Politics
A merger has been announced between the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) and the California Fish and Game Department.
It will be called Fish and Chips.
ID: 3414
News / Politics
Once upon a time, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting, on the seventh day. He inquired of God,
"Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, " Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor - over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people." God continued pointing to different countries..."This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Alaska, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful streams, hills, and forests - the people from Alaska are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world - as diplomats, and carriers of peace ...."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God smiled, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in Juneau."
ID: 3244
News / Politics
What does the government have but never uses to make life simple?
Their power!
ID: 2863
News / Politics
What exactly does the government do?
They seem to complicate all the simple things while trying to do the opposite.
ID: 522
News / Politics
This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the words
Lewinski and Kaczynski in a limerick. Here are the 3 winners.
Entry # 1
There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
on this flute made of beef
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Entry # 2
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.
Entry # 3
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
what Kaczynski must surely have known:
that an intern is better
than a bomb in a letter
given the choice of how to be blown.
+10,000 Jokes