ID: 7807
Men / Women
A bloke and his wife went to a family planning clinic.
"We've been married for ten years and we've got no kids", said the husband. "And the next-door neighbors say it's because we're stupid."
"Nonsense," smiled the doctor. "It's probably to do with your diet. Or it might be a question of timing. How many times a week do you do it?"
"Do what?" asked the wife.
ID: 10907
Men / Women
It was the interval at the Opera when Mrs. Sternberg rose from her seat and called: "Is there a doctor in the house? Is there a doctor in the house?!"
A man in a tuxedo pushed his way towards her. "I'm a doctor" he said.
"Oh, doctor," she said, "Have I got just the loveliest daughter for you...."
ID: 12161
Men / Women
An Englishman, a Frenchman and Angelina Jolie are sitting together in a train travelling through Switzerland when the train enters a tunnel, and everything goes dark.
There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a slap.
When the train comes out of the tunnel, Angelina Jolie and the Englishman are sitting there as if nothing has happened, and the Frenchman is holding a slapped face.
The Frenchman is thinking, "That Englishman must have kissed Angelina and she swung at him, missed, and slapped me."
Angelina Jolie is thinking, "That French guy must have tried to kiss me, kissed the Englishman by mistake, and got slapped."
The Englishman is thinking, "This is great. When we go through the next tunnel, I'll kiss the back of my hand again, and slap that French guy again!"
ID: 10936
Men / Women
Once I asked a guy, " Do you love me, or is that a banana in your pocket?"
ID: 11312
Men / Women
What do you do if you find your old man staggering around the backyard?
Shoot him again!!!
ID: 13893
Men / Women
What was the last thing NASA heard before apollo 13 crashed?
Let her drive.
ID: 15885
Men / Women
Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Frenchman Pierre Pumpille recently shunted a stationary car two feet by headbutting it. "Women thought I was a god," he explained from his hospital bed.
Deity or not, however, Pumpille is a veritable girl's blouse compared to Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own head in 1995. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and, shouting "Watch this then," he swung at his own head and chopped it off.
"It's funny," said one companion, "when he was young he put on his sister's underwear. But he died like a man."
ID: 15242
Men / Women
It is important -
1. It is important to find a woman who is a good cook and housekeeper.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex regularly.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
ID: 15030
Men / Women
Once there were two farmers; one had a daughter and the other had a son. When their kids were teenagers they started dating, and the two farmers encouraged it. One day the girl's father went over to the other farmer's house and said that he didn't want their children dating any more. The boy's father asked, "Why not?"
The other farmer said, "Come here and I'll show you." In his yard was the girl's name written in pee in the snow.
The boy's father said, "Oh, come on, that's just boy stuff."
The other farmer said, "You think I don't know my own daughter's handwriting?"
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