ID: 1893
Men / Women
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough Ponds.
When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product.
When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes."
Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?"
"Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."
ID: 17122
Men / Women
During a break at work, John and Steve are chit-chatting about what happened the previous night:
John: "OK, well last night the wife and I decided to go see a play. I waited for 10 minutes downstairs for her to get ready, and we got on our way. So, we're driving down the street, when suddenly a car from oncoming traffic swerves into our lane! I quickly gripped the wheel, and turned out of the way. I hit the guardrail, so my car spun out, took 2 flips in the air, and landed in the ditch at the side of the road. But - guess what? My wife and I crawled out of the car WITHOUT a scratch. What do you think?"
Steve: "I...I just can't believe it."
John: "I know, right? Isn't it unbelievable how we made it out alive and absolutely fine?"
Steve: "No..not that. I just can't believe that it only took your wife 10 minutes to get ready!"
ID: 9846
Men / Women
Friendships between women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendships between men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that yes, he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.
ID: 9707
Men / Women
What are three two letter words for small?
Is It In?
ID: 577
Men / Women
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
ID: 1609
Men / Women
For all you Blonde ladies out there.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them
ID: 13182
Men / Women
On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!"
I slowly took a long drink from my can of Old Milwaukee Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Oakley sunglasses and looked at this nosy ass neighbor and replied,
"I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
ID: 10652
Men / Women
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
ID: 10045
Men / Women
Q:After a runner reached the end of a long, gruelling marathon, officials were amazed to see him continue to run. Why did he do this?
A:The man was let out of prison for the day to enter the marathon. He kept on running to avoid prison.
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