ID: 5290
Men / Women
One day, Harry and Sarah were having a petty argument.
After shouting back and forth, Sarah finally says, "Let's make a deal. To end this argument, you admit that I am right and I will admit that I am wrong."
Harry thought for a moment, agreed, and asked her to go first.
Sarah replied, "I'm sorry Harry, I am wrong."
In response, Harry shouts happily, "You're right!"
ID: 3770
Men / Women
A man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old ladies, basking in the sun in lounge chairs. When he looked closer, he realized that they were all stark naked.
He went to the door and rang the bell. When the director answered the door, the man asked if he realized there were nine naked old ladies laying in the sun on the front lawn.
The director said, "Yes," and went on to explain that the old ladies were all retired prostitutes living at the retirement home, and they were having a yard sale.
ID: 3537
Men / Women
A woman was missing her boyfriend, so she decided to write him the following brief letter:
Dear Anthony,
I've been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool... nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
Kathy
xoxo
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery...
ID: 3239
Men / Women
Q: What is a man's idea of helping you with the housework?
A: Lifting up his legs so you can vacuum underneath them.
ID: 3428
Men / Women
A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."
His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy asked, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," said the fellow.
"...And did she like it?" His buddy asked.
"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll be back in an hour!' She should be back any time now..."
ID: 12619
Men / Women
A man was staying over at a farmer's house for the night.
However, the farmer warned: "My daughter is sleeping in the room next door. I'm going to put a wall of eggs around her bed to make sure that you don't go near her, understand?"
The man nodded weakly, for she saw the daughter and noticed she was very beautiful.
That night, the man crept into the daughter's room, and sure enough, there was a wall of eggs surrounding her bed. Alas, the daughter's beauty was too much for the man, and he pushed through the wall of eggs and made love to her.
Once they were finished, the man took out a mop and cleaned the mess up. He then used super glue to glue the eggs back together and restack them. He then went back to his room.
The next day, the farmer inspected the wall of eggs. He congratulated the man and celebrated with an egg feast. But when he took an egg off the wall and cracked it open, nothing came out.
The farmer groaned, "Not again."
ID: 16115
Men / Women
Getting married is very much like going to a continental
restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband
gives and the wife takes.
When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a
ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
ID: 7807
Men / Women
A bloke and his wife went to a family planning clinic.
"We've been married for ten years and we've got no kids", said the husband. "And the next-door neighbors say it's because we're stupid."
"Nonsense," smiled the doctor. "It's probably to do with your diet. Or it might be a question of timing. How many times a week do you do it?"
"Do what?" asked the wife.
ID: 1227
Men / Women
A man and his wife are in bed getting hot and heavy when the wife just pushes him away and says, "No, actually I don't feel like sex tonight. Could you just hold me?"
The man very mad says, "What?! Why the hell can't we have sex??"
The woman replies, "This is so typical, you have no idea what it's like to be a women! You just don't understand me!" And she turns over and goes to sleep.
The next day the man tells his wife he is so sorry and to make up for his mistakes they are going to the mall.
So the man takes her to the clothing department of a very expensive store and has her try on outfits. She can't decide which one she likes, so the man tells her to take them all. She jumps up and down and hugs him. Then they go over to the jewelry department, The woman sees a nice pair of diamond earrings but the husband says the price isn't right. It's too low, so he gives her a tennis bracelet worth twice the amount of the earrings.
Thinking she's had enough of shopping the man goes to the till.
The man goes up to the cashier and gives her all the items, and says, "We've changed our minds. Could you put these back for us?"
The woman has a stunned look on her face and asks her husband what the hell he's talking about.
The man replies, "You thought I was gonna buy all this?? That's so typical, you don't know what it's like to have to work for money that you spend. I just wanted you to HOLD them for awhile."
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