ID: 9643
Men / Women
A man's life is difficult to understand,
when born he struggles to get out of the
vagina and then tries the rest of his life
to get in!!!
ID: 10715
Men / Women
One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife.
Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.
They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?"
ID: 8785
Men / Women
There was once an extremely wealthy woman who had reached the age of "over 50" without ever having a boyfriend, let alone a date or sex. She determined to catch up with the rest of the world and set her lawyer & accountants to find her the perfect man to share her life & money.
Her requirements were: he must be handsome, intelligent, athletic and above all he must be a virgin.
The lawyer & accountants started a world-wide search to fulfill her request, and after almost a year found the perfect candidate in the wilds of Australia. He was everything their client wanted and had never even seen a woman.
After much convincing, the groom was put on a jet to meet the bride. It was love at first sight for the woman & the nuptials took place almost immediately.
The bride shyly removed to the bathroom after excusing herself to her new husband. When she returned to the bedroom a few minutes later, she found him naked in the center of the room with all the furniture pushed back against the walls.
When she inquired the groom stated: " I don't know squat about women, but if they're anything like kangaroos.....we're going to need all the room we can get."
ID: 17067
Men / Women
What does PMS stand for?
Potential Murder Suspect
ID: 12025
Men / Women
How do you know if a 500-pound man is a millionaire?
(That's 500-pound fat, not muscle.)
Because he will have a totally hot, blonde, babe on his arm.
ID: 12295
Men / Women
Sam and Abe, in their late seventies, first met years ago in the second grade. Their relationship now is mostly playing cards, telling jokes and making bets.
Sam calls Abe and says, "I got a bet for you: I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars!" Abe says, "How can that be? If you knew anything about biology, you ..."
Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard, ...a thousand dollars, ...yes or no!!"
Abe says, "Okay, okay, I'll take your bet! How long is yours soft?" Sam says, "Eleven years!"
ID: 11179
Men / Women
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
ID: 9473
Men / Women
A cowboy has lived to an extremely old age, and one day his grandson asked him to what he attributes his long life.
"Well, you know that every morning, I have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast," says the old timer. His grandson nods. "Before I eat it, I sprinkle a little gunpowder on it, every day," The ancient cowpoke adds. The grandson decides to follow his grandfather's breakfast regimen, and each morning of his life, he has oatmeal with gunpowder sprinkled on it.
Sure enough, the grandson lives to the ripe old age of 97, and when he died, he left seven children, twenty one grandchildren, eighteen great-grandchildren, and a fifteen foot hole in the side of the crematorium.
ID: 11075
Men / Women
Why did the husband ask the wife before they were married to find her own friends for life?
Because like most marriages he knows they will hate each other one day and she will need help from her friends or she commit suicide.
+10,000 Jokes