ID: 2714
Men / Women
A woman had an appointment in the morning with her gynecologist and was running late. She hadn't had the time to give herself a proper washup so she took a washcloth and gave herself a wash in 'that area' in front of the sink. She threw the cloth into the wash basket after making sure she was presentable and drove to her appointment.
She was silent throughout the checkup and ignored the gynecologist when he said, "My... We have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?"
It was only until after the day was over when her daughter called to ask if she had seen where her washcloth was. The woman told her to get a fresh piece from the cabinet but the daughter said, "No, I need that one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."
ID: 10238
Men / Women
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
ID: 2191
Men / Women
10. What do you mean "today's our anniversary"?
9. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
8. Ohh, this diamond is way too big!
7. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!
6. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being "just friends".
5. Honey does this outfit make my butt look too small?
4. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
3. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.
2. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!
ID: 1370
Men / Women
A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
ID: 747
Men / Women
Two cowboys from Arkansas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking quietly about cattle prices.
Suddenly a woman at a table behind them who had been eating a sandwich begins to cough. After few moments it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. The cowboys turn to look at her.
"Kin yah swallow? Asked one of the cowboys. The woman shakes her head, "No." "Kin yah breathe?" asked the other cowboy. The woman, beginning to turn a bit blue, shakes her head, "NO" again.
The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her skirt, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs
his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. This shocks the woman to a violent spasm, the
obstruction flies out of her mouth, and she begins to breathe again.
The cowboy walks back over to the bar and takes a drink of his beer. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Maneuver, but I ain't never seen nobody do it.
ID: 282
Men / Women
Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands.
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
ID: 2394
Men / Women
ID: 752
Men / Women
How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet paper?
We don't know, it has never happened.
ID: 6875
Men / Women
1. You wear a D... & A-C is tissue paper.
2. Your friends are guys, your partners are girls.
3. Anorexia is a four-letter word.
4. Pink is your favorite color... & hot pink is second.
5. Monika Lewinski is your role model.
6. You think foreign affairs is screwing two French guys.
7. M.U.D.D. means must use drugs daily.
8. ADIDAS means All Day I Dream About Sex.
9. ADIDAS applies to you.
10. It takes half of a lite beer to get you totally wasted.
+10,000 Jokes