MEN / WOMEN

ID: 4401

Men / Women

Mr. Big

Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart.

"I suppose you're going to tell me now that you're waiting for 'Mr. Right'," he said dejectedly.

"That's a silly old romantic notion," laughed the coed. "I'm just waiting for 'Mr. Big'."

ID: 13247

Men / Women

An Elderly Man Called 911..............

An elderly man called 911 and said he thought his wife might be dead.

Operator: "MIGHT be dead? Sir, can't you tell if she is dead?"

Man: "I'm not quite sure."

Operator: "Well, what makes you THINK that she could be dead?"

Man: "Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are beginning to pile up in the sink."

ID: 9644

Men / Women

Genie

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.

"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."

"Poof!" said the genie.

"You're a housewife."

ID: 12204

Men / Women

Women's Quote of the Day

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

ID: 8610

Men / Women

What Women Need

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place!

ID: 10874

Men / Women

Crib Factory

A man and a woman have a child, and they need a crib, so they go to a crib factory store. This family is really poor, and they can only find cribs for $300. Then they find a crib for $20. They go up to the cashier and ask why. The cashier says its because it is cursed. The man and woman ask how it is cursed. The cashier replies, "After the 1st week of owning the crib, the mother of the child will die. After the 2nd week of owning the crib the child will die. And after the 3rd week the father of the child will die.(remember that last sentance)
The man and woman decide they don't believe the cashier, so they buy the crib anyway. A week goes by, and the woman dies. The man weeps. Another week goes by, and the child dies. The man weeps even more. Another week goes by, and the man trips over the dead mailman in front of his house.

ID: 11146

Men / Women

Relationship

Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,

"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.

"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

ID: 16942

Men / Women

Idiots I

A man walks into a modern art museum, he sees a piece of art, and says, "Look how ugly that is, the nose is all out of shape, and look at those arms, so small and weak, I bet the person who created this is a wimp!"

A security guard nearby says, "Sir, that's a mirror."

ID: 14944

Men / Women

Mike's Girlfriend

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman.

"Is Mike there?" I asked.

"He's in the shower," she responded.

"Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up.

When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said.

"You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed.

"I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

VIEW MORE ON APP