ID: 15409
Men / Women
Don't you have some laundry to do or something?
Oh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off.
You're just upset because your butt is beginning to spread.
Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?
Shouldn't you consult the great Oprah on this one?
Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.
Whoa, time out. Football is on.
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of B#%$@! flakes this morning!
Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.
ID: 11673
Men / Women
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses.
"You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!"
ID: 9643
Men / Women
A man's life is difficult to understand,
when born he struggles to get out of the
vagina and then tries the rest of his life
to get in!!!
ID: 7825
Men / Women
A gay couple (of guys) and a lesbian couple decide to leave from New York to Miami at the same time. The two couples are neighbors and they plan on driving the same route. so the question is who gets to Miami first?
Why the lesbians of course!
They go lickety split while the guys are still at home packin'.
ID: 8718
Men / Women
The cat was chasing the rooster around on the farm, then the cat fell in the water and the rooster laughed. Lesson: For every wet pussy there is a happy cock
ID: 11838
Men / Women
Sam didn't want to go on the blind date that Tom had arranged for him. "What if she's really ugly and I hate her?" he complained.
"Then just clutch your chest and fake a heart attack," Tom replied. Sam thought this was a good idea, so he agreed to go through with it.
He went to the address Tom had given him, and a beautiful woman answered the door. "Hi, I'm your blind date!" Sam said. The woman clutched her chest and fell to the ground.
ID: 12290
Men / Women
Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!
And the #1 reason why God created Eve...
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
ID: 4108
Men / Women
The owner of a golf course in Knoxville, Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice minus his early payment discount, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
ID: 7827
Men / Women
A woman goes into Wal- Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the cash register . A Wal - Mart associate is standing there with dark shades on.
She says," Excuse me , sir , can you tell me any thing about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everthing about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him , but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "The rod and reel is $20."
She says," That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register. Just then, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her; being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says,"That will be $25.50."
"But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
"Yes , ma'am. The rod and reel is $ 20.00,
the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."
+10,000 Jokes