ID: 12956
Men / Women
The Indian chief introduced his wife to a newspaper reporter; "This is Three Horse."
"That's a picturesque name," said the reporter. "Does it have deep symbolism?"
"Yes," the chief replied. "Nag, nag, nag!"
ID: 15393
Men / Women
"Cleanliness is next to Godliness"
Why do they say that?
I looked it up in the dictionary, "goggles" is next to "godliness"; cleanliness is next to claustrophobia.
ID: 12522
Men / Women
A male teen walks up to his uncle.
"Where's Aunt Rhodie?" said the teen.
"In the living room," said his uncle.
The teen walks to the door.
"I wouldnt go in there if I were you," said the uncle, "they're talking about female things."
The male teen walks in anyway -
(a moment in the hall passes) -
the teen comes out all grossed out.
"What's wrong?" said the uncle.
"I thought you meant SHOES!" said the teen.
ID: 12558
Men / Women
This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex.
He asked how often you should have it.
His grandfather told him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, and maybe you'll do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.
Then, as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.
When you get really old,you are lucky to have it once a year, like maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow then asks his grandfather,
"Well, how about you and Grandma now?"
His grandfather replied,"Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," Grandpa said, "she goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom.
She yells,'Screw You!'
and I holler back,'Screw You too!'"
ID: 13182
Men / Women
On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!"
I slowly took a long drink from my can of Old Milwaukee Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Oakley sunglasses and looked at this nosy ass neighbor and replied,
"I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
ID: 11705
Men / Women
Jack hadn't been to a school reunion in decades.
When he walked in, Jack thought he recognised a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting.
"You look like Helen Brown," he remarked.
"Well", replied the angry woman, "you don't look so great in blue either!"
ID: 12116
Men / Women
Mr. and Mrs. Wong are a married couple who live in China. After being married for three years, they decided to have a baby. They ended up having a baby girl with mental disabilities. They named her 'Somting Wong'.
ID: 11694
Men / Women
Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage.
They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.
The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.
ID: 13716
Men / Women
I know that most jokes about women involve the fact that they are not as "smart" as men and they cannot do two things at once. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have never met a woman, no matter what age, who cannot multi-task, all women can multi-task.
They talk and piss you off at the same time!
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