ID: 10688
Men / Women
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:
First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday."
ID: 16280
Men / Women
One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting on a bench by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, Mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."
"Oh, no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon," replied Rosita. "Please, corazoncita, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang .....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Jear."
ID: 8610
Men / Women
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place!
ID: 13857
Men / Women
Some people divorce for good reasons, some for bad. Then there are people who divorce for these reasons:
A man from Conneticut filed for divorce because his wife left him a note on the refrigerator that read "I won't be home when you return from work. Have gone to the bridge club. There'll be a recipe for your dinner at seven o'clock on Channel 2."
A housewife filed for divorce on the grounds that her husband was having an affair. The woman became suspicious when every time the phone rang, her myna bird spouted things like "Divorce," "I love you" and "Be patient."
ID: 853
Men / Women
Penguins mate for life.
This is not surprising, as they all look the same. It's not like they have to wait and wonder if someone better will come along!
ID: 7757
Men / Women
A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."
ID: 9258
Men / Women
A judge frowns at the criminal report of the man he is judging.
He asks, "So you robbed the same store on three successive nights?"
The robber replies, "Yes your honor."
The judge, even more perplexed asks, "And why was that?"
"Because my wife wanted a dress," says the robber.
The judge checks with his records, "But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!"
"Yes sir. She made me exchange it twice."
ID: 2132
Men / Women
Though the walls of our apartment complex aren't particularly thin, the floors and ceilings act as amplifiers. One night, several months ago, my wife and I were lying in bed. Noticing the repeated constant sound of a bed scooting along the floor and a headboard banging against a wall, we became aware that the occupants of the bedroom directly were doing more than tossing and turning in their sleep. This went on for some time. Later we described the event to our friends.
US: "For the first five minutes, it was funny and kind of embarrassing that we could hear them so well.
"After about ten minutes, it became really annoying.
"After fifteen minutes, it was getting very frustrating because it was keeping us from going to sleep..."
FRIENDS: "And then?"
US: "And then after twenty straight minutes...Okay, after twenty minutes it was pretty damn impressive."
ID: 658
Men / Women
In your next life would you rather be a female bear?
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. Could you deal with that?
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. Could you deal with that too?
If you're a bear, you give birth to your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. Could you deal with that?
If you're a mumma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. Could you deal with that?
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Any women out there rather be a bear?
+10,000 Jokes