ID: 111
Men / Women
"Did ya hear I got married?"
"Oh, that's good."
"No, that's bad! She's ugly!"
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She's rich."
"Oh, that's good!"
"No, that's bad! She won't give me a cent."
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She bought me servants and a big house"
"Oh, that's good."
"No, that's bad! The house burnt down."
"Oh, that's bad."
"No, that's good! She was in it."
ID: 11187
Men / Women
Perfect breasts (o)(o)
Silicone breasts ( + )( + )
Perky breasts (*)(*)
Big nipple breasts (@)(@)
A cups o o
D cups { O }{ O }
Wonder bra breasts (oYo)
Cold breasts ( ^ )( ^ )
Lopsided breasts (o)(O)
Pierced Breasts (Q)(O)
Hanging Tassels Breasts (p)(p)
Grandma's Breasts \ o /\ o /
Against The Shower Door Breasts ( )( )
Android Breasts | o | | o |
Mamogram Breasts (_)(_)
Martha Stewart's Breasts ($)($)
ID: 12698
Men / Women
"Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is," Kathy said. Chuck asked her what it was, and she told him there was water in the carburettor. Chuck thought for a moment, then said, "You know, I don't mean to be offensive, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator." "No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," Kathy insisted. "OK honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?" "In the lake!" she said.
ID: 11801
Men / Women
Ethel and Bunty were getting just a little bored in the senior citizens' home, when Bunty had an idea. "I bet you $100 that you won't streak round the garden, Ethel."
"You have got a bet," replies Ethel, so she disrobes and sets off round the garden.
Tom and Bob were enjoying a relaxing time in the garden when Ethel went past.
Bob says, "Wasn't that Ethel that went by?"
Tom replies, "Yes, I do believe it was."
"What was she wearing then?"
"I don't know," said Tom, "but it surely needed ironing."
ID: 10906
Men / Women
"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle.
ID: 11868
Men / Women
Holiday Banana Bread:
Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana
Instructions: 1 - look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms.
2 - Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3 - Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased - check with middle finger.
4 - Add banana, work up and down until well creamed.
5 - Lower nuts and sigh with relief. When banana is soft, bread is done!
6 - Be sure to wash mixing utensils, but "do not lick the bowl." NOTE: If bread rises, leave town.
ID: 10899
Men / Women
A man is running out of his large office building when his boss spots him and asks him what he is doing.
The man replies, "My wife called me and she says she is going to jump out our window and commit suicide."
The boss realizes that this is a good excuse, but says, "Well, by the time you get home, won't it be too late?"
The man says, "Nah, I'm just going to open the window for her."
ID: 11188
Men / Women
After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, Mom and Dad announced to their grown children that they're getting a divorce.
The kids were totally distraught and, as a stab at keeping their parents together, arranged a series of sessions for the whole family with a world-famous marriage counselor.
The counselor worked for hours, tried all of his methods and tricks, but the parents wouldn't even talk to each other.
Finally, he walked over to a closet, brought out an oboe, and began to play. After a minute or so, the parents started talking and, as the counselor continued soloing on the oboe, the couple discovered they're not that far apart and decided to give their marriage another try.
The children were amazed and asked the counselor how he managed to do it. He replied, "Simple. I've never seen a couple that wouldn't talk through an oboe solo."
ID: 11286
Men / Women
University scientists have released the results of a recent analysis that reveals the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. It turns out that the "hops" in beer contain certain phyto-estrogens, and scientists believe that be drinking enough beer, men may turn into women. In the study, 100 male volunteers were asked to drink 8 pints of beer in one hour. The results were observed and recorded. At the end of one hour, every single subject had developed female characteristics and the test was terminated. The data is provided below:
After one hour, 100% of the test subjects:
1. gained weight.
2. talked excessively without making sense.
3. became overly emotional.
4. couldn't drive.
5. failed to think rationally.
6. argued over nothing.
7. had to sit down while urinating.
8. refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
After these eight symptoms, no further testing was necessary.
+10,000 Jokes