ID: 7076
Men / Women
A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife, "Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."
The next day when he came home his wife asks, "How was your day?"
The man say, "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"
The third day he comes home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"
She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but hell, it feels good!"
ID: 10247
Men / Women
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy
ID: 9196
Men / Women
Can a mane date the sister of his widow?
No, because you can't date when you are dead.
ID: 10653
Men / Women
John, for heaven's sake, why can't you just talk to me once in awhile?" whined Mari.
"Huh?" John responded.
"Look around you!" she yells, as she points around the room. "All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don't even know I'm alive!"
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"You know, sometimes I wish I were a book. Then you'd at least look at me."
"Hmmm," John mumbled in deep thought, "that's not a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."
ID: 7827
Men / Women
A woman goes into Wal- Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the cash register . A Wal - Mart associate is standing there with dark shades on.
She says," Excuse me , sir , can you tell me any thing about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everthing about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him , but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "The rod and reel is $20."
She says," That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register. Just then, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her; being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says,"That will be $25.50."
"But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
"Yes , ma'am. The rod and reel is $ 20.00,
the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."
ID: 9634
Men / Women
When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"
"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.
"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.
"Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped.
"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."
ID: 10797
Men / Women
A guy goes into a diner, and when the waitress comes over to take his order, he says, "I want eggs, toast, and coffee. But make the eggs uncooked, the toast burnt, and the coffee really strong and bad. And I want you to slam the food onto the table and yell at me."
The waitress says "Why would you want me to something like that?"
He replies, "I'm homesick."
ID: 9643
Men / Women
A man's life is difficult to understand,
when born he struggles to get out of the
vagina and then tries the rest of his life
to get in!!!
ID: 10906
Men / Women
"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle.
+10,000 Jokes