ID: 878
Men / Women
A man and a women are making love for the first time. "Cor what a small organ!" the women sniggered
"It may be small, darling" replied the man "but it's never played in a Cathedral before!"
ID: 13978
Men / Women
This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lays on the bed but the old woman lays on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"
The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
ID: 2311
Men / Women
An old country gentleman and his wife were out driving one day, when a police officer pulled him over.
"What seems to be the trouble young man?" asked the old gentleman.
The officer said, "Excuse me sir, but didn't you notice your wife fell out of the car back there?"
To which the old gentleman exclaimed, "Thank you son, I thought I went deaf!!!".
ID: 650
Men / Women
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face lift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?"
God replied, "Girl, I didn't recognize you."
ID: 1654
Men / Women
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.
Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."
Whoa! He swallows hard and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her long hair back, turns to him, looks into his eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he says, swallowing hard, again. "And what myths are those?" She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average."
"Very interesting," the man responds. Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name."
The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto, Tonto Goldstein."
ID: 1969
Men / Women
A couple had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night, there would be screams and shouts from their house.
The old man often screamed these words at her in public, "I'm sick and tired of you! When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you!"
The old guy started practicing black magic. All the disappearances in the neighborhood of cats, dogs and people were blamed on him.
At the age of 80 the old guy died, and his wife put him in a casket. Later that night, she went to a bar and partied as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbor asked her, "Aren't you scared that the old guy will dig up and haunt you?"
The old lady calmly replied, "Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket in face down."
ID: 762
Men / Women
A man has just been in a car accident and has severe brain damage. So his sister is called in to take care of his medical decisions. First off, the doctor decides the man needs a new brain since his is so badly damaged. So they need to go find a brain for the transplant.
They go down to the basement where all the brains are and there are 3 jars.
The doctor points to the first jar and says, "That brain belonged to a woman. It will cost your brother $20 a gram."
The doctor then points to the second jar, "That will cost you $40 a gram. It once belonged to one of our female doctors and she was quite a brilliant person."
The doctor then points to the third jar and says, "That is a brain that once belonged to a man. It costs $200 a gram."
The sister replies, "Why is the male brain so much more expensive?"
The doctor replies, "Are you joking!? Do you know how hard it is to find a gram of a male's brain??"
ID: 1616
Men / Women
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.
Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,...
"Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen;
and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying...
"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet!"
ID: 1423
Men / Women
The ten things a guy knows about a girl:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
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9.
10. They have boobs.
+10,000 Jokes