ID: 15647
Men / Women
Hopeless Romantic.
Seeking: Filthy Whore
ID: 7953
Men / Women
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one on that line?"
The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."
ID: 12522
Men / Women
A male teen walks up to his uncle.
"Where's Aunt Rhodie?" said the teen.
"In the living room," said his uncle.
The teen walks to the door.
"I wouldnt go in there if I were you," said the uncle, "they're talking about female things."
The male teen walks in anyway -
(a moment in the hall passes) -
the teen comes out all grossed out.
"What's wrong?" said the uncle.
"I thought you meant SHOES!" said the teen.
ID: 13716
Men / Women
I know that most jokes about women involve the fact that they are not as "smart" as men and they cannot do two things at once. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have never met a woman, no matter what age, who cannot multi-task, all women can multi-task.
They talk and piss you off at the same time!
ID: 9637
Men / Women
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam?" he demanded.
"No!" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO!" she said even more upset.
"Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
ID: 13832
Men / Women
A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he's going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
"My darling," he writes, "it looks like we're going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and we're constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation's terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."
His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don't you learn to play this?"
Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife. "Darling" he says, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let's see how well you play that harmonica."
ID: 13300
Men / Women
A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ... pow! ... it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..."
ID: 7580
Men / Women
Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride.
"What's the problem?"
"I want to hit that adulterin' bitch for breach of contract," snapped the oil man.
"I don't know if that will fly," said the lawyer. "I mean your wife isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!"
"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined, "but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin' rights!
ID: 11762
Men / Women
A women said to her boyfriend "Oh, honey... are we doing anything this weekend?" Her boyfriend on the other side of the room said "Yeah, of course" The woman said "Oh, honey. That's great! What are we doing?" "Sunday... it's just you, me, the T.V., and that big comfy couch!" he said. "Oh, honey... does this mean what I think it means!?" she said. She jumped up excitedly. "Oh, honey... you want to watch the Super Bowl too!"
+10,000 Jokes