ID: 11663
Men / Women
Wife: Will you love me when I'm old and ugly?
Husband: Darling, of course I do...
ID: 16074
Men / Women
I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I am the proud father of an 8 pound 7 ounce baby boy.
Boy, is my wife gonna be mad when she finds out!
ID: 13672
Men / Women
So I was out camping and my glasses had broken the day before, so I couldn't wear them. Without my glasses, I can't see anything past 10 feet in front of my face. So I was out camping (W/out glasses) and I go to use the bathroom, and I walk into the wrong one, (and two cute girls were outside picking berries) and I come out and they start to laugh. I found out about two hours later that I walked into the wrong bathroom.
An hour and a half later, i was eating a late lunch/early dinner, and I go to use the bathroom, at this local Texmex resturant, and the bathroom was outside, and I walked into the wrong one again. It was really embarrassing.
PS, I'm not blonde, just on the inside.
ID: 13724
Men / Women
A woman was taking a shower when the doorbell rang, so she put on a towel and answered it. It's her neighbor Bob. Now, Bob has this huge crush on her, but she's already married.
Bob says to her, "If you drop your towel, I will give you $5,000." She is thinking that she could use the money, so she says yes, drops the towel, gets her money, and pulls her towel back up.
Her husband comes along and asks, "Who was that?" She replied that it was Bob. The man saw the money in her hand and said, "Finally, Bob repaid us that $5,000 he owed us!"
ID: 12986
Men / Women
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.
Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.
The manager says he'll be right up.
The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
ID: 10628
Men / Women
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
ID: 13223
Men / Women
In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
ID: 8413
Men / Women
If a man is in a forest, talking to himself, with no women around, is he still wrong?
If a woman is in a forest, talking to herself, with no
man around, is she still complaining?
--------------------------------------------------------
Did you know that the shortest sentence in the
English language is "I am"?
Did you know that the longest sentence is
"I do"?
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Sex is hereditary. If your parents didn't have it,
chances are that you won't either.
ID: 9637
Men / Women
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam?" he demanded.
"No!" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO!" she said even more upset.
"Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
+10,000 Jokes