ID: 4396
Men / Women
A young woman goes shopping and buys one bar of soap, one yogurt, one microwave dinner for one, one apple, and a romance novel. She goes to the checkout stand, where she notices that the clerk is staring at her. Flattered, she flutters her eyelashes and giggles nervously.
He says, "Single, huh?"
She replies coyly, "How did you guess?"
"Because," he says, "You're ugly."
ID: 2841
Men / Women
A woman went to a wishing well and wished that she could become a better driver. So she turned into a man.
ID: 3880
Men / Women
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
ID: 2329
Men / Women
A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together.
As the wife was bending over pulling weeds the husband said, "Hey honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now."
The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt.
"Yep," he said, "Just what I thought, just about the same size."
The wife got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.
That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it, hon? How about a little lovemaking?"
The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. "What's the matter?" he asked.
To which she replied, "You don't think I'm going to fire up this big gas grill for one little weenie, do you?"
ID: 2564
Men / Women
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"
"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.
"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm thinking about going down there again to pick her up."
ID: 3671
Men / Women
A beautiful woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it. She decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed. Just as she was about to dive in, the orchard owner appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all along and told her that swimming was prohibited.
"You could have told me that before I undressed!" she scolded him.
He replied, "Swimming is prohibited, undressing isn't."
ID: 3223
Men / Women
One day Bob (a boy) went to Sally (a beautiful girl). Bob told her, "Sal, Jack (a boy) wants you."
She replied, "I know."
They stand in silence for a while.
Bob finally said, "I mean he needs your help."
"Oh."
ID: 3226
Men / Women
Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions.
The first guy says, "My favorite position is the 'rodeo' position."
"What is the 'rodeo' position, and how do you do that?" asks the second man.
The first guy explains, "Well, first you tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours, and then you do it doggy- style. Once things start to get underway, and she's really into it, you lean forward and whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position too...' Then, try to hang on for 8 seconds."
ID: 3507
Men / Women
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
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