ID: 1095
Men / Women
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
ID: 16077
Men / Women
If a couple in Arkansas get married, move to Washington, then move back to Arkansas, are they still brother and sister?
ID: 2598
Men / Women
This Is From A Florida Newspaper...
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash,ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor,cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill,the wife went down several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom,sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.
The wife, who was in the kitchen,heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.
The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them on the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how her husband had burned himself.
She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.
ID: 3197
Men / Women
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".
When the friend found out, she became angry and called the florist to complain. After she had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry she was, the florist said.
"Madam, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,
"Congratulations on your new location".
ID: 3740
Men / Women
On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere."
Written just below it: "I do not."
ID: 3382
Men / Women
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening, the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."
ID: 1272
Men / Women
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
ID: 4799
Men / Women
"Uh huh," "sure, honey," or "yes, dear"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."
"Take a break honey, you're working too hard."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"I can't find it."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"You look terrific."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
ID: 1336
Men / Women
9. Well, how 'bout that?...I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
8. You know, Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car - GO CRAZY.
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend...you might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies - you know, that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring, now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. Father's Day? Aaahh-don't worry about that - it's no big deal.
+10,000 Jokes