ID: 13646
Men / Women
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley. Maybe we will see what we can do."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
ID: 8939
Men / Women
What does a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
ID: 7899
Men / Women
The mood of a woman
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
The moods of a man!
Hungry!
Horny!
Sleepy!
ID: 13837
Men / Women
Joe and Bill are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing football and NASCAR.
All of a sudden Joe says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."
Bill sips his beer and says, "You better think it over, women like that are hard to find."
ID: 11861
Men / Women
One evening, impressed by a meat entree his wife had prepared, the husband asked, "What did you marinate this in?"
The wife dropped her fork and went into a long explanation about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the same without him.
She must have seen the confused look on her husband's face, because she inquired, "What did you ask me?" When he told her what he'd asked, the wife laughed and said, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!"
Later, as she was cleaning up the kitchen, the husband called out, "Hey, Hon, WOULD you marry me again?" Without hesitation she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."
ID: 15171
Men / Women
And God created woman and she had three breasts. God then asked the woman, "Is there anything you would like to have changed?"
"Yes," the woman replied. "Could you get rid of this middle breast?"
And so it was done.
Holding the third breast in her hand, the woman exclaimed, "What can be done with this useless boob?"
And God created man.
ID: 10202
Men / Women
What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?
Through her left breast.
ID: 10797
Men / Women
A guy goes into a diner, and when the waitress comes over to take his order, he says, "I want eggs, toast, and coffee. But make the eggs uncooked, the toast burnt, and the coffee really strong and bad. And I want you to slam the food onto the table and yell at me."
The waitress says "Why would you want me to something like that?"
He replies, "I'm homesick."
ID: 8116
Men / Women
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
And doesn't mind admitting when he's wrong,
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call,
he won't wait two weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed
& opens my door & begs to do more
Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind,
knows just what to say when I ask,
"How Big is My Behind!?!"
One who will kiss me till my body's twitchin',
In the hall, the shower, the garden and the kitchen.
I pray this man will love me no end, and never
attempts to date my best friend.
And, as I kneel and pray by my bed ...
I look at the Butt Head you sent me instead!
~ Amen ~
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