ID: 17025
Men / Women
There was a really dramatic woman and a small man.
The small man worked at a ballroom. The woman got dressed up all fancy and went to the ballroom. She went up to the man and said, "I hope there is something between us!
And the little man said, "Me too! A continent!"
ID: 11504
Men / Women
GOSSIP: something that no one claims to like but everyone enjoys.
KISS:
To a geographer: The shortest distance between two curves!
To a physicist: The contradiction of mouth due to expansion of heart.
To an accountant: A credit because it is profitable when returned.
OBESITY: A surplus gone to waist.
OLD AGE: When you wink at a woman and she says, "Anything wrong with your eye, Uncle?"
RAINCOAT: Thunder wear!
WRITER'S CRAMP: Authoritis!
HEMOPHILLIA: A disease of blood with affinity (philia) to "he" (male) only.
ID: 12558
Men / Women
This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex.
He asked how often you should have it.
His grandfather told him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, and maybe you'll do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.
Then, as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.
When you get really old,you are lucky to have it once a year, like maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow then asks his grandfather,
"Well, how about you and Grandma now?"
His grandfather replied,"Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," Grandpa said, "she goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom.
She yells,'Screw You!'
and I holler back,'Screw You too!'"
ID: 7658
Men / Women
A woman hurries home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."
ID: 12131
Men / Women
US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
ID: 16445
Men / Women
At a wedding, the D.J. polled the guests to see who had been married the longest.
The winners were then asked, "What advice do you have for the newlyweds?"
The wife quickly responded, "The three most important words in a marriage are 'You're probably right'." Everyone then looked at the husband.
He said, "Yeah, she's probably right!"
ID: 16274
Men / Women
A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges, when she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.
At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.
Dead-pan, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front wheel of the car."
ID: 16689
Men / Women
Louis was talking to his friend Pete.
"There's nothing I wouldn't do for my Becky," he said, "and there's nothing Becky wouldn't do for me, and that's how we go through life - doing nothing for each other."
ID: 12619
Men / Women
A man was staying over at a farmer's house for the night.
However, the farmer warned: "My daughter is sleeping in the room next door. I'm going to put a wall of eggs around her bed to make sure that you don't go near her, understand?"
The man nodded weakly, for she saw the daughter and noticed she was very beautiful.
That night, the man crept into the daughter's room, and sure enough, there was a wall of eggs surrounding her bed. Alas, the daughter's beauty was too much for the man, and he pushed through the wall of eggs and made love to her.
Once they were finished, the man took out a mop and cleaned the mess up. He then used super glue to glue the eggs back together and restack them. He then went back to his room.
The next day, the farmer inspected the wall of eggs. He congratulated the man and celebrated with an egg feast. But when he took an egg off the wall and cracked it open, nothing came out.
The farmer groaned, "Not again."
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