ID: 11493
Men / Women
My wife is so house-proud, we live next door.
ID: 3687
Men / Women
An old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat, when his wife said, "Where are you going?"
The elderly man replied, "To the doctor's."
Surprised, his wife asked "Why, are you sick?"
"No," he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
With that, his equally elderly wife got up out of her rocker and started putting on her sweater.
Surprised, he asked, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to the doctor, too."
"Why?"
She said, matter-of-factly, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."
ID: 6111
Men / Women
A guy was at a strip club, and he had glitter all over him, but he didn't know it. He got in his car, and drove home, and it was about 11:30 when he got home. His wife was standing at the door when he got home. He kissed her, then told her that he was tired and wanted to go to sleep.
His wife stopped him before he went upstairs to their room. She asked, "So why do you have glitter all over you?" Her husband thought quick and replied meekly, "Makin' you a card..."
ID: 39
Men / Women
A man was sitting next to the Pope on a cross-country flight. The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. He turned to the man and asked "Do you know a four-letter word for 'woman' that ends in U-N-T?"
The man thought for a minute and said "Aunt."
"Oh yes, of course," the Pope replied. "Do you have an eraser?"
ID: 3385
Men / Women
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
ID: 3653
Men / Women
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
ID: 1277
Men / Women
There was a farmer who was very protective of his daughters. Before every date, he would meet the young man at the porch with his shotgun, and if he didn't measure up, he'd make sure they left.
One day all three of his daughters were going out on the same night. The first young man drove up and approached the porch.
"Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to get Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer liked this guy, and let him leave with his daughter.
Shortly, the next guy drove up and approached the porch. "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here to get Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer liked this guy too, and let him leave with his second daughter.
Soon the third guy drove up and approached the porch.
"Hi, my name is Chuck..." and the farmer shot him.
ID: 1240
Men / Women
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies.
He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table.
He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON'T TOUCH THOSE-they're for the funeral!"
ID: 6648
Men / Women
FRIEND: You don't look so good, what's wrong?
HARRY: I got domestic trouble.
FRIEND: But Harry you always said your wife was a pearl.
HARRY: Yeah its the mother of pearl that's the problem.
+10,000 Jokes