ID: 10495
Men / Women
You might think that some guys are hot.
Their boyfriends think that, too!
ID: 2573
Men / Women
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well, then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly."
To which he replies, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have a Westinghouse logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says, "Then, would you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're a mess and a real hazard."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have a Black and Decker logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so." He continued, "In fact, I've had enough of all your bickering. I'm going to the bar!"
So, the pleasant husband goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. Sometime later, he starts to feel guilty about his treatment of his wife, so he decides to return home and help out with the chores.
As he walks into the house, he notices the steps have been repaired. Then, as he enters the house, he notices the hall light is working again, and, to top it off, when he goes to get a beer from the fridge, he notices the fridge door has been fixed.
"Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"
His wife replies, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then, a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either have sex with him or bake him a cake."
"So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" asks the husband.
"Hellooooooo!" she replies emphatically, "Do you see a Betty Crocker logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"
ID: 4171
Men / Women
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies."
Now God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, pay the bills and balance the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last night."
ID: 3369
Men / Women
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat out. She motored out a short distance, anchored, and continued to read her book.
Along came a game warden in his boat. He pulled up alongside the woman and said, " Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replied, (thinking "isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," said the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," said the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment."
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
ID: 3628
Men / Women
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizeable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are week, dumb, cantankerous...or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them.
ID: 884
Men / Women
There are three well known rings to marriage:
Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering!
ID: 3654
Men / Women
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
ID: 1241
Men / Women
One day an elderly couple was out for an afternoon drive and had to
stop for gas.
Attendant: " Would you like me to check the oil?"
Wife: "What did he say?"
Husband: "He wants to know if I want the oil checked."
Attendant: "Would you like me to top up the washer fluid?"
Wife: "What did he say?"
Husband: "He wants to know if I want the fluids topped up."
When the attendant heard them talking, he asked, "By the way,
where are you from?"
The husband replied, "We are from Nova Scotia."
"Ah," said the attendant. "Years ago I was in Nova Scotia and
had the worst love affair ever."
The wife said, "What did he say?"
Husband: "He thinks he knows you!"
ID: 658
Men / Women
In your next life would you rather be a female bear?
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. Could you deal with that?
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. Could you deal with that too?
If you're a bear, you give birth to your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. Could you deal with that?
If you're a mumma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. Could you deal with that?
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Any women out there rather be a bear?
+10,000 Jokes