ID: 599
Lightbulb
Q. How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but he has to do it while you're eating dinner.
ID: 721
Lightbulb
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.
Only ONE!!
And do you know why it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNT OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact they have been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*%&$ LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...........
I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
ID: 569
Lightbulb
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3. One to change it and the other two to argue whether the lightbulb really exists.
ID: 10203
Lightbulb
After receiving, for what must be the hundredth time, the canonical light bulb joke list, I came up with this:
Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark.
A' : One: to award a billion dollar sole-source contract with Halliburton to replace it.
A'': thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb's burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the President's bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go out on talk shows to accuse the Democrats of being weak on light, and one to deny rumors that it's still dark in there.
A''': sixty: thirty to bribe staffers to write letters telling everyone how wonderful it is to sit in the dark, and thirty more to bribe newspaper editors to publish those letters.
A'''': The Administration will defend its policy of warrant-less surveillance of all Americans suspected of supporting foreign terrorist bulbs entering this country.
ID: 14936
Lightbulb
How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Into what?
ID: 2503
Lightbulb
Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
ID: 5161
Lightbulb
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They like to keep their clients in the dark!
ID: 6205
Lightbulb
Q: How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They merely change the standard to darkness and upgrade the customers.
ID: 8092
Lightbulb
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, men will screw anything.
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