ID: 11497
Insults
Look at those ears! You have so much wax, that if I stuck a wick in there you would sing "Happy Birthday!"
ID: 18200
Insults
Customer: "Are you Hispanic?"
Me: "No."
Customer: "Middle Eastern?"
Me: "No."
Customer: "Egyptian?"
Me: "No."
Customer: "What are you?"
Me: "Chinese."
(customer puts on offended face)
Customer: "I don't appreciate you treating me like I'm dumb."
Me: "Excuse me? I'm being honest."
Customer: "NO CHINESE PERSON WOULD EVER HAVE EYES AS BIG AS YOURS!!!"
Me: *mouth wide open*
ID: 8996
Insults
This above a uranal.
What are you looking at? The real joke is in your hands!
ID: 1170
Insults
Some useful descriptions of people you may come into contact with from day to day.
1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
3. A room temperature IQ.
4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
5. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
6. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
7. Bright as Alaska in December.
8. During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group.
9. Fell out of the family tree.
10. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
11. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
12. He's so dense, light bends around him.
13. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
14. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
15. It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.
16. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
17. Takes him a hour-and-a-half to watch "60 Minutes".
18. One burger short of a happy meal.
ID: 2555
Insults
Q. How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
A. Your dog humps your leg with his eyes closed
ID: 2370
Insults
You're so dumb, you studied for a blood test!
ID: 2507
Insults
You're so dumb, you staple in the middle of the paper!
ID: 10566
Insults
Frankienstien was out on a rainy day and he saw a very ugly guy. "Lookin' good!" he said to him. Later he saw a super model he said, "So, how'd you get to be a mutant?"
ID: 9773
Insults
-Your mom is so fat, I rolled over twice and I was still on top of her.
-Your mom is so fat, you need a Thomas Guide to find her asshole.
-Your mom is so fat, when she falls out of bed she falls on both sides.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus.
-Your mom is so fat, she has her own zip code.
-Your mom is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona...
-Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
-Your mom is so fat, when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
-Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!"
-Your mom is so fat, we get a drought every time she takes a shower.
-Your mom is so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
-Your mom is so fat, every time she walks her butt claps.
-Your mom is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
-Your mom is so fat, she bungee jumps and goes straight to hell.
-Your mom is so fat, she jumps up in the air and gets stuck.
-Your mom is so fat, she uses the Freeway as a Slip 'n' Slide.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears white, she looks like the Michelin man.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears red, she looks like the Kool-Aid man.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears an "X" helicopters land on her.
-Your mom is so fat, she's still waiting for someone to fill the Grand Canyon so she can take a bath.
-Your mom is so big, she thinks that Niagara Falls is a drinking fountain.
-Your mom is so big, she uses the Statue of Liberty as a tooth pick.
-Your mom is so stupid, it takes her an HOUR to make MINUTE Rice.
-Your mom is so stupid, she got locked up in a bathroom and pissed in her pants.
-Your mom is so stupid, she tried to steal free samples.
-Your mom is so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it.
-Your mom is so stupid, she has no feet and complains her shoes are too tight.
-Your mom is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.
-Your mom is so stupid, she set the VCR for 2 hours to record 60 minutes.
-Your mom is so stupid, she asked me "What does Yield mean?" and I said, "Slow down." And she said, slowly,
"W H A T D O E S Y I E L D M E A N ?"
-Your mom is so old she farts dust.
-Your mom is so old the milk in her tits is expired.
-Your mom is so old, Moses is in her yearbook.
-Your mom is so old, she owes Jesus a quarter.
-Your mom is like a fire hydrant, on every corner.
-Your mom is like a screwdriver, everyone gets a turn.
-Your mom is like a doorknob, everyone gets a Turn.
-Your mom is like a hardware store, 5 cents a bolt, 10 cents a screw.
-Your mom is like a gas station, pump first then pay.
-Your mom is like Burger King , "Your way right away."
-Your mom is like IBM, "Solutions for a small planet."
-Your mom is like Timex , "Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin' "
-Your mom is like the Eagles Theater, 75 cents on Thursdays.
-Your mom is like 7-Eleven, open 24 hours.
-Your mom is like McDonalds, "Serving Millions."
-Your mom is like Pringles, "Once you pop, you can't stop."
-Your mom is like Taco Bell, "59, 69, 79"
-Your mom is like Dominos, "Hot, Wild, Now."
-Your mom is like a railroad, laid all over the country.
-Your mom is like the Energizer Bunny, keeps going and going and going...
-Your mom is so stingy, she got a job at the 99 cent store
just so she can get a 50% discount.
-Your mom's teeth are so brown, she spits Yoo-hoo.
-Your mom is so fat, when she was a kid she could only play seek.
-Your mom is so old she got a kickstand.
-Your mom's house is so small, she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
-Your mom's so old she only has two teeth, and they're both in her pocket!
-Your mom's so stupid, she thought a paramedic was two doctors.
-Your mom's old, she has an autographed version of the Bible.
-Your mom's so fat it took five UFOs to abduct her.
-Your mom is so fat she has to wear Levi's 1002s.
-Your mom is so fat, when she dances the band skips.
-Your mom's so old, when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick.
-Your mom's so stupid, she tried to change the channel on a TV dinner.
-Your mom's so old, she reminisces when she reads the bible.
-Your mom is so fat, elephants throw peanuts at her.
-Your mom's so ugly, when she's on he beach the tide won't come in!
-Your mom's so fat, she gets a hang over just from sitting in a bar stool.
-Your mom's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
-I went to your house, kicked the door, and your mom came out barking.
+10,000 Jokes