ID: 11497
Insults
Look at those ears! You have so much wax, that if I stuck a wick in there you would sing "Happy Birthday!"
ID: 10861
Insults
As an insult you could say "You know, most of you weight comes from all that make-up your wearing!"
ID: 10271
Insults
Boys are like public toilets; they're either taken, or full of crap.
(no offense to you boys)
ID: 9577
Insults
Ryan's teeth were so yellow that when he walked outside, the sun said give me my butter.
ID: 10391
Insults
Boys are like diapers....
Always on my ass and full of shit.
ID: 9773
Insults
-Your mom is so fat, I rolled over twice and I was still on top of her.
-Your mom is so fat, you need a Thomas Guide to find her asshole.
-Your mom is so fat, when she falls out of bed she falls on both sides.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus.
-Your mom is so fat, she has her own zip code.
-Your mom is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona...
-Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up.
-Your mom is so fat, when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
-Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!"
-Your mom is so fat, we get a drought every time she takes a shower.
-Your mom is so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
-Your mom is so fat, every time she walks her butt claps.
-Your mom is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
-Your mom is so fat, she bungee jumps and goes straight to hell.
-Your mom is so fat, she jumps up in the air and gets stuck.
-Your mom is so fat, she uses the Freeway as a Slip 'n' Slide.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears white, she looks like the Michelin man.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears red, she looks like the Kool-Aid man.
-Your mom is so fat, when she wears an "X" helicopters land on her.
-Your mom is so fat, she's still waiting for someone to fill the Grand Canyon so she can take a bath.
-Your mom is so big, she thinks that Niagara Falls is a drinking fountain.
-Your mom is so big, she uses the Statue of Liberty as a tooth pick.
-Your mom is so stupid, it takes her an HOUR to make MINUTE Rice.
-Your mom is so stupid, she got locked up in a bathroom and pissed in her pants.
-Your mom is so stupid, she tried to steal free samples.
-Your mom is so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it.
-Your mom is so stupid, she has no feet and complains her shoes are too tight.
-Your mom is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.
-Your mom is so stupid, she set the VCR for 2 hours to record 60 minutes.
-Your mom is so stupid, she asked me "What does Yield mean?" and I said, "Slow down." And she said, slowly,
"W H A T D O E S Y I E L D M E A N ?"
-Your mom is so old she farts dust.
-Your mom is so old the milk in her tits is expired.
-Your mom is so old, Moses is in her yearbook.
-Your mom is so old, she owes Jesus a quarter.
-Your mom is like a fire hydrant, on every corner.
-Your mom is like a screwdriver, everyone gets a turn.
-Your mom is like a doorknob, everyone gets a Turn.
-Your mom is like a hardware store, 5 cents a bolt, 10 cents a screw.
-Your mom is like a gas station, pump first then pay.
-Your mom is like Burger King , "Your way right away."
-Your mom is like IBM, "Solutions for a small planet."
-Your mom is like Timex , "Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin' "
-Your mom is like the Eagles Theater, 75 cents on Thursdays.
-Your mom is like 7-Eleven, open 24 hours.
-Your mom is like McDonalds, "Serving Millions."
-Your mom is like Pringles, "Once you pop, you can't stop."
-Your mom is like Taco Bell, "59, 69, 79"
-Your mom is like Dominos, "Hot, Wild, Now."
-Your mom is like a railroad, laid all over the country.
-Your mom is like the Energizer Bunny, keeps going and going and going...
-Your mom is so stingy, she got a job at the 99 cent store
just so she can get a 50% discount.
-Your mom's teeth are so brown, she spits Yoo-hoo.
-Your mom is so fat, when she was a kid she could only play seek.
-Your mom is so old she got a kickstand.
-Your mom's house is so small, she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
-Your mom's so old she only has two teeth, and they're both in her pocket!
-Your mom's so stupid, she thought a paramedic was two doctors.
-Your mom's old, she has an autographed version of the Bible.
-Your mom's so fat it took five UFOs to abduct her.
-Your mom is so fat she has to wear Levi's 1002s.
-Your mom is so fat, when she dances the band skips.
-Your mom's so old, when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick.
-Your mom's so stupid, she tried to change the channel on a TV dinner.
-Your mom's so old, she reminisces when she reads the bible.
-Your mom is so fat, elephants throw peanuts at her.
-Your mom's so ugly, when she's on he beach the tide won't come in!
-Your mom's so fat, she gets a hang over just from sitting in a bar stool.
-Your mom's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
-I went to your house, kicked the door, and your mom came out barking.
ID: 3800
Insults
Need help coming up with that perfect ditty for your better (or worse) half? Perhaps these will help inspire you!
--These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, cause I was pissed
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space
I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
ID: 9448
Insults
Parent: You two should sing in the talent show together.
Tim: When pigs fly!
cindy: You fly?
ID: 9321
Insults
You are so small that on your ID picture, your feet showed.
+10,000 Jokes