ID: 7094
Insults
You can be sure someone is an idiot when he/she:
Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said concentrate.
Puts lipstick on their forhead because he wanted to makeup his mind.
Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
Sends a fax with a stamp on it.
Was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!"
Tries to drown a fish.
If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you'd get
change.
Thinks socialism means partying.
Trips over a cordless phone.
Takes a rule to bed to see how long they slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he put Sagittarius."
Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
Studies for a blood test and fails.
Invents a solar powered flashlight.
Sells the car for gas money.
Heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moves.
Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 bus twice instead.
Takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport
left", he turned around and went home
ID: 10315
Insults
your daddies so old, i slapped his butt and his balls fell off
ID: 4933
Insults
Everyone has a photographic memory, you just don't have any film.
ID: 5320
Insults
You have a face like a baby, with a brain to match.
* Credited to my friend fqzeng.
ID: 5162
Insults
You're so slow that if you were a train engine, the caboose would be leading.
ID: 3800
Insults
Need help coming up with that perfect ditty for your better (or worse) half? Perhaps these will help inspire you!
--These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, cause I was pissed
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space
I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
ID: 4864
Insults
A friend of mine spent two hours in the salon getting her hair colored, cut, and blow dried. After all that, was it too much to ask to be treated like Cinderella at the ball? Yet when she went to the desk to pay, the receptionist said to her, "Hello, madam, who is your appointment with today?"
ID: 5861
Insults
Could you fax me your photo very very urgently? Mind you it's really very very urgent, damn serious and very important ..... I'm playing cards and we've misplaced the JOKER.
ID: 5551
Insults
Oh, what a shame. It looks like the Ugly Fairy kissed you on both cheeks.
+10,000 Jokes