ID: 12501
Gross
"Emily, I don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alan in accounting asked me out for Saturday night. Should I go?"
"Oh, my gosh," her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic sex!"
"What should I do?"
"Wear an old dress."
ID: 8502
Gross
Best Friend to Former Fat Guy: Hey man, you're looking good. Looks like you lost lots of pounds. Any secrets?
Former Fat Guy: Eating dates.
Best Friend: Oh yeah? I've read that compared to other foods, dates have the highest anti-oxidant values. How much and how many times a week do you eat dates?
Former Fat Guy: Oh just one date every week-end. I eat first before I fuck.
ID: 7502
Gross
What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster?
My zipper.
ID: 4522
Gross
I slide to first.
I feel like I'm going to burst.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
I slide to two.
My pants are filled with goo.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
I slide to third.
I dropped a runny turd.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
I slide to home.
My pants are filled with foam.
Diarrhea, diarrhea.
First its in the pants, then its on the floor.
I make a 20 yard dash to the bathroom door.
Some people think its funny.
Its coming out back runny.
Well, diarrhea.
ID: 7745
Gross
What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A love call.
ID: 2865
Gross
Once upon a time, there was an elderly couple. Next door, there lived a Peeping Tom. One day, the couple received a phone call. The woman said, "Fred! Peeping Tom tells us to shut the blinds or he'll call the police!"
ID: 6566
Gross
Two friends were talking.
The first one said to the other, "Hey, have you seen the movie, "Constipated" yet?"
The other replied, "Of course not! It hasn't come out yet."
ID: 626
Gross
"Mommy, I hate my sister's guts!"
"Shut up and eat what's put in front of you!"
ID: 21
Gross
Doctor: Well I hope you enjoy changing diapers, Mrs Jones?
Mrs Jones: Why, Am I pregnant?
Doctor: No, you have bowel cancer!
+10,000 Jokes