ID: 4440
Gross
A guy walks into a strip club and sees a really pretty girl right in front of him. He goes up to her and asks, "Hey, Honey, want to come home with me?" She says yes. They go back to his house that night and they have sex. Throughout this whole time he hasn't been able to see her properly. When she rolls into the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of her. "What, the...! What are you doing here?"
He had just realised that he was in bed wth his mother-in-law!
ID: 17921
Gross
Have you heard the joke about the blind gynecologist?
She could "read lips."
ID: 11456
Gross
There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the moon;
When you'd least expect 'em
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon!!
ID: 12501
Gross
"Emily, I don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alan in accounting asked me out for Saturday night. Should I go?"
"Oh, my gosh," her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic sex!"
"What should I do?"
"Wear an old dress."
ID: 13032
Gross
IBM and IBC combine to create the perfect computer for financial management. Here's the headline on the weekly paper.
IBM: Do You?
ID: 9420
Gross
Q> Why did Pepsi hire Michael Jackson to do commercials again?
A> Because they wanted someone to suck that little boy back out of the bottle.
ID: 12177
Gross
make a hole.
ID: 9477
Gross
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her.
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."
"Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?"
"Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium.Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"
"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"
ID: 14535
Gross
Once, a man walked into a bar. He went up to the counter and ordered his drink. The guy next to him had a bowl of chili that he didnt seem to be eating.
"Sir, could I bother you for some chili?" he asked very politely.
"Go right ahead" he responded, passing the chili.
About half way through, he saw there was a rat at the bottom of the chili. In repsonse to this he puked the chili back up. At this time the man next to him stared.
"Funny thats farther than I got," he said.