ID: 11041
Gross
I went to Google Translater to write something to my friend in German.
I typed in English:
Hey there! I am bored. What do you want to do?
It came out in German:
Hey dort! ich werde gebohrt, was Sie tun möchten?
If I translate it back into English, it comes out:
Hey there! I am bored, which you would like to do?
I don't want to do anyone!
ID: 12789
Gross
Gummer: Is defined as receiving oral sex from a woman who has no teeth.
ID: 21
Gross
Doctor: Well I hope you enjoy changing diapers, Mrs Jones?
Mrs Jones: Why, Am I pregnant?
Doctor: No, you have bowel cancer!
ID: 9679
Gross
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour & not fit to drink.
16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
ID: 2807
Gross
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, ..."It's only 2014 now."
ID: 1114
Gross
A man and his friend are out camping and the first one needs to go to the bathroom and they have no toliet paper so he asks his friend what to do. His friend says just wipe it with your hand and smack it on a rock. So the man does so and smacks his hand on a rock and it hurts him really bad, so to reduce the pain he sucks on his hand.
ID: 1055
Gross
What do Osama Bin Laden and crabs have in common.
They both irritate bush!
ID: 2000
Gross
A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad.
Golf pro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards.
The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards.
Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."
ID: 15514
Gross
What's the differance between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
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