ID: 815
Gross
A poor Jamaican fisherman was shipwrecked on a desert island. He had
lost his boat, his livelihood and possessions. He was trudging round the
island in a dejected mood when he came across an old brass lamp washed up on
the beach. Remembering the tale of Aladdin (and the role of magic lamps in jokes) he rubbed it.
POOF!
A Genie appeared. A Jewish Genie. "Vey!" he said. "Am I glad to be outta
there. Three hundred years I bin in that thing, my life and soul! What can I do for you my boy?"
The Jamaican asked if the Genie granted wishes. "Wishes, Schmishes!
Course I do. I'll grant you two wishes, used to be three but I gotta think
about my margins."
"Well," said the Jamaican after some consideration "I'd like to be white
and surrounded by women."
"No problem" said the Genie.
POOF! - the Jamaican was transformed into a tampon.
Moral: Never do business with a Jewish Genie - there's always a string attached
ID: 15513
Gross
SPERM 1: Are we EVER going to reach the egg?
SPERM 2: Stop moaning, we've only just passed the tonsils.
ID: 15524
Gross
A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.
He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."
He says "That doesn't matter."
So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.
A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.
So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.
The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.
The officer asks him what he is doing? He says licking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"
ID: 14386
Gross
Penis breath, a lover's dread.
Is what you get when you give head.
Unpleasant as it tends to be.
Be grateful that he doesn't pee.
It's times like this you wonder why.
You bother reaching for his fly.
But it's too late, can't be a tease.
Accept the facts, get on your knees.
You know you've got a job to do.
So open up and shove it through.
Lick the tip then take it all.
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl.
Slide up and down, use your tongue.
And feel the precum start to run.
So when the fuck's he gonna cum.
Just when you can't take anymore.
Your hear your lover's mighty roar.
And when he hit's that real high note.
You feel it oozing down your throat.
Salty, fishy, sticky, nasty stuff.
Okay already, that's enough.
Let's switch you say, before you gag.
And what's your revenge, you're on your rag.
ID: 15540
Gross
There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties.
One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour.
So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up.
One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant.
"It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?".
"Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."
ID: 15119
Gross
One day two old men, Bill and Ted, were sitting on a park bench discussing their sex life. Bill states, "At my age, me and the old lady have sex about once a year." Ted replies, "Oh really! Me and the old lady have sex almost every day." "No way!" says Bill. "You're joking, right?" "No, really!" insists Ted. "Almost on Sunday, almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday..."
ID: 17963
Gross
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
ID: 15120
Gross
Chapstick is selling a new product in England. It is the regular Chapstick with Viagra added to the formula.
Englishmen like it because it helps them keep a stiff upper lip.
ID: 13761
Gross
There were 2 men sitting next to each other in a hospital waiting room. Feeling a little akward, one man turns to the other and asks, "So what are you in here for?". Leaning closer to the other man so as to wisper because of embarasment, the first man replies,"I have a green ring around my penis!" Shocked, the second man replies,"that's so weird, I have a red ring around mine."
well time passes an the second man gets called into the doctors office. a little while later the man comes out and walks by the first man with a big smile on his face telling him that he was fine and that he will be too.
so the first man gets called into the doctors office. the doctor started to examine him. after about 5 minuets of poking and prodding the doctor finally gives his review. with a worried expression on his face he tells the first man," i'm sorry there is nothing i can do for you." the man replies," the guy who just came out of here had the same problem as me, only he had a red ring around his penis!!!" the doctor nodds his head and tells the man, " yes, i know, but his ring was just lipstick!"
+10,000 Jokes