ID: 15119
Gross
One day two old men, Bill and Ted, were sitting on a park bench discussing their sex life. Bill states, "At my age, me and the old lady have sex about once a year." Ted replies, "Oh really! Me and the old lady have sex almost every day." "No way!" says Bill. "You're joking, right?" "No, really!" insists Ted. "Almost on Sunday, almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday..."
ID: 14030
Gross
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing happens."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens."
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up till 7:00."
ID: 17347
Gross
A woman is walking down the street with a pack of menstrual pads in her hand, after buying them from the store. A homeless guy comes by and kindly asks for money. The woman says she has no change. So, the guy being a smartass says, "Can I have some of that bread in your hand?" The woman being a bigger smartass says, "Meet me tomorrow and I will give it to you with some ketchup on it!"
ID: 14386
Gross
Penis breath, a lover's dread.
Is what you get when you give head.
Unpleasant as it tends to be.
Be grateful that he doesn't pee.
It's times like this you wonder why.
You bother reaching for his fly.
But it's too late, can't be a tease.
Accept the facts, get on your knees.
You know you've got a job to do.
So open up and shove it through.
Lick the tip then take it all.
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl.
Slide up and down, use your tongue.
And feel the precum start to run.
So when the fuck's he gonna cum.
Just when you can't take anymore.
Your hear your lover's mighty roar.
And when he hit's that real high note.
You feel it oozing down your throat.
Salty, fishy, sticky, nasty stuff.
Okay already, that's enough.
Let's switch you say, before you gag.
And what's your revenge, you're on your rag.
ID: 16770
Gross
A few people wanted to ride a train. They brought the tickets and got on. Then they realized that the train didn't have bathrooms. One passenger had to go and he was not going to get off because the train could leave any moment.
So he stuck his butt out the window and was in the middle of his business when suddenly someone annouced,"Hey! The passenger with the big face, you can't stick your head out the window and eat a huge piece of chocolate!!!!"
ID: 15468
Gross
Three gay guys where swiming in a pool, some white stuff floats to the top, and one of the gay guys screams, "Alright, who farted!"
ID: 4098
Gross
As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
ID: 14408
Gross
Twinkle, twinkle little star how I wonder what you are
Shine upon a parking lot
As I eat my girlfriends twat.
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater
Saw a chick but couldn't meet her
Saw her brother one fine day
Sucked his cock and now he's GAY.
Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So he ignored her flabby tits
An licked her asshole clean.
Eenie Meanie Miney Mo
Suck my dick and swallow slow.
Mary Mary quite contrary
Shave that pussy its so damn hairy.
Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two I blew my goo
And dumped the bitch off at the next block.
Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
It was quite scary
all wrinkled and hairy.
ID: 14518
Gross
How do you know when you've had enough sex?
When you die from AIDS!
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