COLLEGE

ID: 12016

College

Teacher:...

Teacher: Julia, how can you say Asshole in a nicer way?
Julia: As holes.

ID: 526

College

Latin Class

To help students remember the word for "wear" in Latin, the professor used the phrase:

semper ubi, sub ubi

Translation:

Always wear under wear.

ID: 2063

College

Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

ID: 12596

College

Student Errors (Sic) IV

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.

The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.

To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.

A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.

A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

ID: 3502

College

Over Qualified

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom. Let me show you how."

ID: 17538

College

One Day, Huh?

If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my Social Studies class; it would seem so much longer.

ID: 15850

College

Good Luck Letter

Dear son,

Good luck with your exams tomorrow. I always think that it's best to stay up partying all of the night before an exam. Exam rooms are always a good place to catch up on sleep, because they're silent, and there's nothing to do in them anyway.

Love,
Dad

ID: 13664

College

How to Remember the Presidents

My American History teacher was giving a lecture about the first three presidents. A lot of people in my class can't remember presidents very well.

"You all are brainwashed," he said.

Of course, there was confusion in the room at this comment.

"Let me demonstrate," he continued, "'I'm Cuckoo for...'"

"Cocoa Puffs!" the class replied.

"You don't know the ninth president of the United States, but you know that you are 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.'"

Then, this one guy in my class said, "If the presidents were finger-lickin' good, we'd remember 'em."

ID: 9093

College

Spell it

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L."
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

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