ID: 15336
College
"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.
"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."
ID: 17433
College
What is sin x divided by n?
Canceling the "n" yields six.
ID: 12726
College
Teacher:Can anyone tell me what a shamrock is?
Jimmy:It's a fake diamond,Miss.
--------------------------------------------------------------
What's the longest piece of furniture in the school?
The multiplication table.
--------------------------------------------------------------
'Why are you crying, Amanda?'asked the teacher.
'Cos Jenny's broken my new doll, Miss,' she cried.
'How did she do that?'
'I hit her on the head with it.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
The night-school teacher asked one of his pupils when he had last sat an exam.'1945'said the lad.
'Good lord! That's more than 50 years ago.'
'No, Sir! An a hour and a half ago. It's quarter past nine now.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
What is the most popular sentence at school?
I don't know!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: 'Are you good at arithmetic?'
Hal: 'Well,yes and no.'
Teacher: 'What do you mean,yes and no?'
Hal: 'Yes,I'm no good at arithmetic.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
Science teacher: 'Lisa,can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity?'
Lisa: 'Why,er...'
Science teacher: 'Wire is correct.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
When is a yellow school book not a yellow school book?
When it is read!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: 'Eat up your roast beef, it's full of iron.'
Pupil: 'No wonder it's so tough.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
Why should a school not be near a chicken farm?
To avoid the pupils overhearing fowl language.
--------------------------------------------------------------
ID: 13711
College
A man goes to school and learns stuff.
ID: 14882
College
A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.
"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
ID: 17421
College
If only DEAD people understand hexadecimal, how many people understand hexadecimal?
57005.
ID: 17538
College
If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my Social Studies class; it would seem so much longer.
ID: 16114
College
Subject: Students' rights during examinations
Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):
"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale".
Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.
Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
ID: 13722
College
To find the inverse of a function, you reverse the process. To find the inverse of putting on your socks and shoes, how do you start?
Socks first!
+10,000 Jokes