ID: 2716
College
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he arrived at classroom, he saw ten rods with platforms with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the angrier he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?!" With that, the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so, as the student reached the door the professor called, "Hey mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student turned around, pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me, buddy. YOU TELL ME!"
ID: 3804
College
A Harvard English 101 class was asked to write a CONCISE essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.
The only "A+" in the class read:
"My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
ID: 9094
College
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
ID: 16298
College
After failing his "Logistics and Organization" exam, a student confronted his professor.
"Sir, do you understand anything about this subject?"
"Of course, otherwise I would not be a professor!"
"Really? Then allow me to ask you one question. If you answer it correctly, I'll accept my failing grade and leave quietly, but if you don't know the answer, I want an 'A' on my exam."
"Okay, it's a deal. What's your question?"
"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"
After long consideration, the professor conceded and changed the student's score to an "A."
Afterwards, the professor asked one of his best students the same question.
The good student answered immediately: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35-year-old woman which is legal but not logical; your wife has a 22-year-old lover which is logical but not legal - and the fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A' when he should have failed is neither legal nor logical!"
ID: 11719
College
Math problems?
Call 1-800-[(10x)(9i)³]-[cos(xy)/1096x]
ID: 9422
College
1. Only raise your hand when you want to sharpen your pencil or go to the bathroom. Repeat every ten minutes.
2. Never raise your hand when you want to answer a question; instead, yell, "Ooooh! Oooh! Oooh!" and then, when the teacher calls on you, say, "I forgot what I was going to say."
3. Lean your chair back, take off your shoes, and put your feet up on your desk. Act surprised when the teacher puts all four legs of your chair back on the floor.
4. Drop the eraser end of your pencil on your desk. See how high it will bounce.
5. Drop your books on the floor. See how loud a noise you can make.
6. Hum. Get all your friends to join in.
7. Hold your nose, make a face, and say, "P.U.!" Fan the air away from your face and point to the kid in the front of you.
8. On the last day of school, lead your classmates in chanting:
"No more pencils!
No more books!
No more teachers'
dirty looks!"
9. Then on your way out the door, tell the teacher, "Bet you're looking forward to summer vacation this year. But I'll sure miss you. You're the best teacher I've ever had!"
ID: 5512
College
Are you a technical geek?
Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes.
You know you are a technical geek when . . .
When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply, "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"
When driving, you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.
When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap".
When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, "You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor."
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.
When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.
When you call "*.*" star-dot-star.
When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.
When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, "No, dear, it's 'Apple Macintosh'."
When your wife says, "If you don't turn off that stupid machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!" and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
ID: 8446
College
A college student at a recent college football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand this:
"You grew up in a different world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ... and uh ....."
Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are *you* doing for the next generation???"
ID: 1176
College
It was the first day of college, and time for the usual 'authoritative declaration of the not to be broken rules'. The principal, in typical intimidating fashion, addressed the students:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students. The male dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all the female students". The principal, sensing he was on a roll, stood tall and powerful as he covered the punishments for breaking the rules. "Be wary, anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20. It doesn't stop there though, anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?"
+10,000 Jokes