ID: 17421
College
If only DEAD people understand hexadecimal, how many people understand hexadecimal?
57005.
ID: 15531
College
1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head.
2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out "In da' house!"
3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting.
4. Every study group you join gets fed up with your need to take a break for techno and grinding.
5. All your stories begin with, "I was so wasted..."
6. Your Native American name would've been "Man of Running Body Fluids."
7. You refer to sunlight as a "that bright shit."
8. You look forward to the weekdays as a time to relax.
9. Whenever you see a blinking "Do Not Walk" sign, you think how great it would look if you were on ecstasy.
10. All your stories end with, "...and that's when everything got blurry."
ID: 17286
College
I thought up ALL OF THEESE. I am NOT duplicating anyone (except for 15 and 14, from the American 'Whose Line is it anyway?') So if you want a good "Fun things" and you don't want to keep seeing duplicates, read on.
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1.When the math teacher asks you a question, purposely answer incorrectly. Persist. See how long it keeps going.
In my class, this really happened with a kid named Rahul. The teacher asked him how many centimeters were in a meter, and he kept on saying "1" and he kept it going for the rest of the period. ( 20 minutes!!! )
2. When reading a book, scream, "NO! DON'T!!! LOOK OUT!"
3. Whenever you pick up a pencil, say the word "potato" or some other random word. Say it again when you set it down. See how long it takes for people to get what's happening.
4. Doodle in your notebook. At the end of the period, ask the teacher if he/she thinks that they're good.
5. Open a book and set it down like a tent. When attempting to enter it, keep crying "D'oh!" as long as you can.
6. Play cards.
7. Take all of the computers in the computer lab off of the internet.
8. Ask trivial questions, like, "Why is the subject called 'History?' why not Schnurples?" If you do that, use Schnurples for 'History' in all the rest of your papers.
9.If the school has those phones with the large blocks that go up and down when you take the phone off the hook, tape it down. The teacher will miss a call, and trust me, it's pretty annoying.
10. Give an apple to the teacher- but make sure it actually has a worm in it.
11. Create a set of common words (the, or, as, so, etc..) and scream whenever someone uses one of them.
12. If you are gifted with farting at will then fart whenever someone uses one of the words.
13. If you can't fart at will, burp.
14. Only speak in questions.
15. Only use a certain amount of words in each sentence.
ID: 6970
College
Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"
ID: 12262
College
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."
ID: 17850
College
A rich Texan told the president of the University of Texas, "I want to set you up with a billion-dollar endowment fund, with but one condition."
"What's the condition?" asked the U.T president.
"I want you to give my horse an honorary degree. She's served me faithfully for fifteen years and she deserves a B.T. degree, a Bachelor of Transportation."
The president said, "I've got to consult my trustees. I'll get back to you."
The trustees debated an hour until one senior trustee, who had appeared to be napping during the whole discussion, said softly, "I think we should take his money and give the horse the degree."
Another trustee piped up, "But wouldn't you be embarrassed to give an honorary degree to a horse?"
"Nope," said the old man. "In fact, it would be the first time I can remember that we gave an honorary degree to a whole horse!"
ID: 7151
College
BROWN: Hey kids! Is half of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are you terribly progressive and do you have a lot of empathy? Are you sick and tired of silly things like grades and majors? COME TO BROWN!
COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you like Harlem? Do you like commuters? Are you planning on transferring to another Ivy school after your freshman year? COME TO COLUMBIA!
HARVARD: Hey kids! Do you hate teachers? I mean really hate them? Do you never want to have another teacher again? And what about a social life? Do you hate that too? COME TO HARVARD!
PRINCETON: Hey kids! Do you have any idea what an eating club is? Are you pompous? Can you learn to be? Are you the smartest person you know? How many clubs were you in high school? Have you always dreamed of living in the great state of New Jersey? COME TO PRINCETON!
PENN: Hey kids! Did you like high school a lot ? How about four more years of the same? Are you dying to visit scenic West Philadelphia? Does the concept of rigorous academics scare you? COME TO PENN!
CORNELL: Hey kids! Do you hate intimacy? Are you interested in jumping off high places? Have you ever wanted to converse with future hotel managers? Do you like bureaucracy? Do you like archaic forms and the chance to stand in lines with the best and brightest? COME TO CORNELL - The Big Red Tape!
DARTMOUTH: Hey kids! Do you hate civilization? Looking to get away from stuff like culture and people? Do you like to drink? Do you like to drink some more? Do you like to continue to drink? And what's your feeling on drinking? COME TO DARTMOUTH!
M.I.T.: Hey kids! Are you a freakish nerd? Do you want to be? Do you hate doing anything that doesn't involve math? That's right, math! Math math math math and more math! COME TO M.I.T.! PLEASE !
BOSTON COLLEGE: If you haven't figured out how to invent the wheel (but have discovered fire and fire-sticks), don't know your ass from your elbows (but do know genetic plant structures and genetic recombination enough to produce 24 variants of 'da weed' with a garden weasel and a piece of Egyptian chewing gum preserved for 2000 years, enjoy the advantages of indecision (hence being in Boston, but not really), and enjoyed Student Council so much that you NEED TO LIVE IT AGAIN, COME TO BC!
SYRACUSE: Hey kids, do you like it when your Chancellor takes all your money and gives it to a private firm to design a new logo and mascot because yours isn't selling well? Are athletics the only thing that matters to you? Do you believe in money first, students last? Is your idea of a good time learning about the History of the salt trade and the Erie canal? THEN COME TO SYRACUSE!
ID: 17538
College
If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my Social Studies class; it would seem so much longer.
ID: 9272
College
Mr. Smith: "So, Mr. Jones, how's your son John?"
Mr. Jones: "He's at Harvard right now."
Mr. Smith: "Oh, really?! Well, congratulations! What's he studying?"
Mr. Jones: "Oh, he's not studying anything. They're studying him."
+10,000 Jokes