ID: 16007
College
Teacher: The weather here is too bad. The winter is too cold, and the summer is too hot. Fortunately, I have an air condition in my room. Oh, do you have air condition in your dorm?
Students: (laughing) No way.
Teacher: At least you can use a fan, can't you?
Students: (upset) No way! The electricity is cut off at 11 o'clock.
Teacher: (puzzled) No air condition, no fan, six people in such a small room, and the weather is so hot, how can you sleep?
Students: We don't sleep.
Teacher: (surprised) Oh, if you don't sleep, how can you study?
Students: We don't study, either.
Teacher: ...
ID: 12597
College
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
ID: 14151
College
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Justin," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Justin answered the correct airline.
"Sandra, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Sandra answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.
"Now Allison, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And Allison answered, "Mom..."
ID: 14931
College
Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.
ID: 13722
College
To find the inverse of a function, you reverse the process. To find the inverse of putting on your socks and shoes, how do you start?
Socks first!
ID: 15187
College
Having just graduated from Harvard, the young man was very excited thinking about his future. Getting into a taxi, the driver says to him, "How are you on this beautiful, sunny day?"
"I'm the class of 2006. I just graduated from Harvard and I'm very excited about getting out there and seeing what the world has in store for me!"
The driver shakes the young man's hand and replies, "Congratulations, young man. I'm George, class of 1968."
ID: 13216
College
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk;
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break;
He restoreth my faith in study guides.
He leads me to better study habits
For my grades sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades,
I will not have a nervous breakdown;
For thou art with me.
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.
Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness;
Thou anointest my head with understanding.
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.
Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me
All the days of my examinations,
And I shall not have to dwell in this university forever,
Amen!
ID: 12726
College
Teacher:Can anyone tell me what a shamrock is?
Jimmy:It's a fake diamond,Miss.
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What's the longest piece of furniture in the school?
The multiplication table.
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'Why are you crying, Amanda?'asked the teacher.
'Cos Jenny's broken my new doll, Miss,' she cried.
'How did she do that?'
'I hit her on the head with it.'
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The night-school teacher asked one of his pupils when he had last sat an exam.'1945'said the lad.
'Good lord! That's more than 50 years ago.'
'No, Sir! An a hour and a half ago. It's quarter past nine now.'
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What is the most popular sentence at school?
I don't know!
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Teacher: 'Are you good at arithmetic?'
Hal: 'Well,yes and no.'
Teacher: 'What do you mean,yes and no?'
Hal: 'Yes,I'm no good at arithmetic.'
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Science teacher: 'Lisa,can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity?'
Lisa: 'Why,er...'
Science teacher: 'Wire is correct.'
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When is a yellow school book not a yellow school book?
When it is read!
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Teacher: 'Eat up your roast beef, it's full of iron.'
Pupil: 'No wonder it's so tough.'
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Why should a school not be near a chicken farm?
To avoid the pupils overhearing fowl language.
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ID: 13511
College
Once, a barber found two MIT students wanting to buy his barber pole. They offered a good price for it, so the barber sold it to them. So - these two guys drove around all day in a pickup truck carrying the barber pole. They kept getting stopped by the police, who were sure they had stolen the pole. But each time, the students referred back to the barber they had bought the pole from. So finally, an APB went out all over Boston, saying that if police saw two students driving around with a barber pole, they should leave them alone.
The next day, every single barber pole in Boston was missing.
+10,000 Jokes