ID: 9560
College
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
ID: 16007
College
Teacher: The weather here is too bad. The winter is too cold, and the summer is too hot. Fortunately, I have an air condition in my room. Oh, do you have air condition in your dorm?
Students: (laughing) No way.
Teacher: At least you can use a fan, can't you?
Students: (upset) No way! The electricity is cut off at 11 o'clock.
Teacher: (puzzled) No air condition, no fan, six people in such a small room, and the weather is so hot, how can you sleep?
Students: We don't sleep.
Teacher: (surprised) Oh, if you don't sleep, how can you study?
Students: We don't study, either.
Teacher: ...
ID: 3502
College
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom. Let me show you how."
ID: 3324
College
That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man - as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts).
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU: the Weaker Sex
ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise or Blair Underwood
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important - 101
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not NECESSARY
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important - 201
Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say, "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her
ID: 4223
College
File description: This high school math exam gives you insight into life in a crime-filled society.
City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam
Name:____________________
Gang:________________________
1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?
6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money?
7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?
8. Hector knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?
ID: 4514
College
A candidate brought dice into the examination hall for MCQ. He started tossing the dice to select his answers. The superintendent just gave a glimpse at this candidate, as he passed by, as it is common to have students trying their luck. Very soon the candidate finished his whole paper and slept on his table. Half an hour later, the candidate sat up, and started tossing the dice again The superintendent felt curious, and approached the candidate.
Superintendent : "Gentleman, why are you tossing the dice again, since you've already finished all the questions earlier on?"
Candidate : "Sir, I have to double check my answers"
ID: 6518
College
You Know You've Been In College Too Long When...
* You consider McDonald's "real food."
* You actually like doing laundry at home.
* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
* It starts getting late on the weeknights.
* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
* You'd rather clean than study.
* Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
* Computer Solitaire is more than a game it's a way of life.
* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
* You know the pizza boy by name.
* You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
* You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
* Prank phone calls become funny again.
* Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
* World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.
* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
* You find out milk crates have so many uses.
* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday. (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night)
ID: 123
College
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about 50 years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus.
Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page...
WHICH TIRE? (95 points)
ID: 4395
College
Teacher to student: "I just read the composition on 'My House' that you had submitted."
Student: "Yes, is there anything wrong?"
Teacher: "No. It was excellent. It was exactly the same composition that your older brother submitted last year."
Student: "Well...we live in the same house..."
+10,000 Jokes