ID: 15435
College
1. All of you, stand in a straight circle.
2. I have two daughters, and both are girls!
3. Both the three of you get out of the class.
4. I saw you with my wife.....in the theatre.
5. Open the windows let the Airforce come in.
6. Boys go to the right, girls to the left. The rest follow me.
7. How dare you look at the monkey outside the window when I'm sitting here!
ID: 6568
College
Students... Take Note:
Knowledge is power ...
But power corrupts ...
And corruption is a crime ...
And crime doesn't pay ...
So if you keep on studying you'll go broke!
ID: 6899
College
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"
"22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked the problem on his calculator (he KNEW he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
ID: 37
College
An Engineering Major says "How does it work?"
A Science Major says "Why does it work?"
An Accounting Major says "How much will it cost?"
A Liberal Arts Major says "Do you want fries with that?"
ID: 4009
College
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
ID: 7789
College
-Overheard by a professor in the halls a few weeks after the semester starts-
Male student to another male student-
"Yeah, I signed up for a women's studies course. It wasn't what I expected it to be."
"Really? Why is that?"
"Well, it involves all this reading about ancient goddesses, and about female empowerment. I thought the class would be a little more...hands on."
ID: 11964
College
Miss Blue(Teacher):"2 x 2 = 4, 4 x 4 = 16, and now, Brian, what is 16 x 16?"
Brian(Pupil): "You cheated, Miss Blue. You always take the easy one and give us the hardest."
ID: 12589
College
Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years.
After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. If the Spanish could gain the Netherlands they would have a stronghold throughout northern Europe which would include their posetions in Italy, Burgundy, central Europe and India thus serrounding France. The German Emperor's lower passage was blocked by the French for years and years.
Louise XIV became King of the Sun. He gave the people food and artillery. If he didn't like someone, he sent them to the gallows to row for the rest of their lives. Vauban was the royal minister of flirtation. In Russia the 17th century was known as the time of the bounding of the serfs. Russian nobles wore clothes only to humour Peter the Great. Peter filled his goverment with accidental people and built a new capital near the European boarder. Orthodox priests became government antennae.
The enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare wrote a book called Candy that got him into trouble with Frederick the Great. Philosophers were unknown as yet, and the fundamental stake was one of religious toleration slightly confused with defeatism. France was in a serious state. Taxation was a great drain on the state budget. The French revolution was accomplished before it happened. The revolution evolved through republican and tolarian phases until it catapulted into Napolean. Napoleon was ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained.
History, a record of things left behind by past generations, started in 1815. Throughout the comparatively radical years 1815-1870 the western European continent was undergoing a Rampant period of economic modification. Industrialisation was precipitating in England.
Problems were so complexicated that in Paris, out of a city population of 1 million people, 2 million able bodies were on the loose.
Great Brittian, the USA and other European countries had demicratic leanings. The middle class was tired and needed a rest. The old order could see the lid holding down new ideas beginning to shake. Among the goals of the chartists were universal suferage and anal parliment. Voting was to be done by ballad.
ID: 487
College
Dear Mr. Conners,
Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX
+10,000 Jokes