ID: 14931
College
Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.
ID: 200
College
A college student sent the following letter to her parents:
Hi Parent$!
Today i$ $eptember 15. I'm doing $uperb in $chool (or, $hould I $ay, college). The teacher$ are great, my roommate$ are great, and I'm having a $uper time! All I could u$e right now is a little ca$h.
To which the parents responded:
Hi daughter!
NOthing happening on this end. Something's wrong, because you kNOw, we got this letter in NOvember. I am NOt worrying about anything down here, kNOck on wood huh?
Your loving parents,
NOrden and Morden Finkelstein.
ID: 6970
College
Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"
ID: 11880
College
There once was a college professor who didn't buy into the whole "there's no such thing as a stupid question" philosophy. Every year when he had a new class he instructed the students to ask him as many stupid questions as they could think of on the first day. That way, he figured, there'd be a minimized amount of stupidity for the duration of the term.
The professor thought he'd heard every stupid question there was and didn't laugh no matter what his students asked him, not even a smirk. Then, finally, a student asked something that he'd never heard before. The question made him laugh so hard he couldn't stand up. A lanky, tomboyish girl raised her hand with a wry smile on her face, stood up and asked, "What is a question?"
ID: 2716
College
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he arrived at classroom, he saw ten rods with platforms with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the angrier he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?!" With that, the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so, as the student reached the door the professor called, "Hey mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student turned around, pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me, buddy. YOU TELL ME!"
ID: 2374
College
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass.
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.
ID: 11719
College
Math problems?
Call 1-800-[(10x)(9i)³]-[cos(xy)/1096x]
ID: 4395
College
Teacher to student: "I just read the composition on 'My House' that you had submitted."
Student: "Yes, is there anything wrong?"
Teacher: "No. It was excellent. It was exactly the same composition that your older brother submitted last year."
Student: "Well...we live in the same house..."
ID: 9093
College
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L."
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
+10,000 Jokes