ID: 17434
College
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.
ID: 7628
College
The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. "Well, we're a mighty crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room" replied the farmer. "But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher."
"Look," said the tourist, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman."
"Well," mused the farmer, "as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher."
ID: 4009
College
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
ID: 4223
College
File description: This high school math exam gives you insight into life in a crime-filled society.
City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam
Name:____________________
Gang:________________________
1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?
6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money?
7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?
8. Hector knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?
ID: 9272
College
Mr. Smith: "So, Mr. Jones, how's your son John?"
Mr. Jones: "He's at Harvard right now."
Mr. Smith: "Oh, really?! Well, congratulations! What's he studying?"
Mr. Jones: "Oh, he's not studying anything. They're studying him."
ID: 16298
College
After failing his "Logistics and Organization" exam, a student confronted his professor.
"Sir, do you understand anything about this subject?"
"Of course, otherwise I would not be a professor!"
"Really? Then allow me to ask you one question. If you answer it correctly, I'll accept my failing grade and leave quietly, but if you don't know the answer, I want an 'A' on my exam."
"Okay, it's a deal. What's your question?"
"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"
After long consideration, the professor conceded and changed the student's score to an "A."
Afterwards, the professor asked one of his best students the same question.
The good student answered immediately: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35-year-old woman which is legal but not logical; your wife has a 22-year-old lover which is logical but not legal - and the fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A' when he should have failed is neither legal nor logical!"
ID: 11515
College
A high school teacher had become very annoyed. Very few of his students paid attention to him during class. This wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that they were always brought in their iPods and CD players and pretended like they weren't in school. The teacher was fed up with scolding his students, assigning detentions, and confiscating the music devices. One day, he came up with, what he thought to be, a wonderful solution.
In the morning after all of the students filed in and sat down, and after the teacher walked around plucking headphones off of them, he called their attention.
"Class," he said with a pretentious smirk on his face, "I've noticed that you all love music so much. I'm sure that I would enjoy hearing that which holds your attention all day, it must be fantastic. So from now on, when I catch someone listening to a music device, as a punishment, he or she will have to stand in front of the class and sing whatever they're listening to. And yes, that does include instrumental music."
A voice in the back of the class piped up, "Trust me, if you make us sing, that'll be more of a punishment for you!"
ID: 17154
College
A few weeks ago, my Health teacher set up a competition, saying the winning group would win an extra credit point. We were separated into five groups; water, electricity, food, paper, and gas.
Each group had to come up with at least twenty ways to preserve their element. The group that came up with the most solutions would win the extra credit point.
Near the end of the of the class, the teacher had reported that there were two winning teams; electricity, and gas. They had tied equally with very good responses.
The teacher then said that both of those teams would need to come up with a final way to preserve their element, and whoever had the best one, would be determined the winner.
"I'll pick the best one tomorrow," she said. "I'll need both teams to speak with me. Alright, who has gas?"
Several students shot their hands up in the air before they realized exactly what she had said. One was laughing so hard that tears rolled down her face.
-Member of the electricity group
ID: 11964
College
Miss Blue(Teacher):"2 x 2 = 4, 4 x 4 = 16, and now, Brian, what is 16 x 16?"
Brian(Pupil): "You cheated, Miss Blue. You always take the easy one and give us the hardest."
+10,000 Jokes