ID: 991
College
My college doesn't allow pets in my dorm, so when I got a kitten I had the guys in my dorm refer to him as "the Book" to avoid suspicion.
One morning, as I carried the kitten out to my car in a crate, my girlfriend stopped me and asked, "where are you taking the Book?"
"She's getting Spayed today," I said.
"Hmm..." she said. "I guess that means no sequels!"
ID: 5514
College
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information?"
"To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
ID: 13512
College
In my college dorm we had one of those irritating type guys who was born with more money than most of us could ever dream of earning, and naturally we resented his Porsche, his boat, and the women who hung all over same. The guy went out of his way to remind us all about his money, car, and especially the women. Most of us were 2 and 3 to a dorm room, but he had a room all to himself at the end of the hall in the dorm.
So........ when he took off for an extended weekend, a bunch of us theatre department freaks went to his door, removed the doorknob, plastered over the entire wall at the end of the hall, nailed up new wood molding, painted the entire hallway a new color and changed all the remaining door numbers. When our "target" returned, his room had simply vanished!
ID: 4009
College
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
ID: 2643
College
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do *anything* to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she repeats, "...I would do...*anything*."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"*Anything*."
His voice softens. "*Anything*??"
"*Anything*."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...*study*?"
ID: 2063
College
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
ID: 5512
College
Are you a technical geek?
Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes.
You know you are a technical geek when . . .
When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply, "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"
When driving, you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.
When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap".
When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, "You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor."
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.
When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.
When you call "*.*" star-dot-star.
When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.
When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, "No, dear, it's 'Apple Macintosh'."
When your wife says, "If you don't turn off that stupid machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!" and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
ID: 4586
College
The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges, concluded, "...and remember, young ladies, you represent not only your own honor but that of the school. When approached by young men, ask yourself: Is an hour's pleasure worth a lifetime of disgrace? Now, are there any questions?"
A young lady immediately raised her hand and said, "Tell me, how do you make it last an hour?"
ID: 2717
College
"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Brett, a college boy delivered his pizza.
"Well," Brett continued, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."
"Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," Brett said, "I'll put it in my college fund."
"By the way, what are you studying?" inquired the man.
And Brett replied, "Applied psychology."
+10,000 Jokes