ID: 826
College
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
ID: 17441
College
Super Agility: "Oh look, a bullet. Better dodge that!" *mega-jump!*
Bulletproof: "Oh look, a bullet. Meh, who cares?"
Super Smart: "Eureka! A Bullet! It going 60 MPH will hit me in 5 seconds if it contacts, but there is only a 1 in 7 chance it will hit me, the decimal being 0.1428571429 to the tenth pl-OOOFF!"
Which do YOU want?
Me: Super Agility.
Comment for your choice, but it doesn't have to be one of these.
ID: 7844
College
At the beginning of term, we were supposed to portray what we learned during holidays by acting in a play for the school. Here I was known as the best actress in class so I was given the role of a secondary student who goes out with a rich man's reckless son.
During the rehearsals, everything went perfect until the real day on stage.
Acting pregnant with clothes stuffed in my dress, I begged the rich man's son not to leave me in such a condition when suddenly my BABY fell out of the TUMMY...
I was so embarrassed as the whole school burst out laughing hysterically. But with talent, I knelt down n cried that silence fell upon their heads thinking it was part of the play...
I was still voted the best.
ID: 7789
College
-Overheard by a professor in the halls a few weeks after the semester starts-
Male student to another male student-
"Yeah, I signed up for a women's studies course. It wasn't what I expected it to be."
"Really? Why is that?"
"Well, it involves all this reading about ancient goddesses, and about female empowerment. I thought the class would be a little more...hands on."
ID: 200
College
A college student sent the following letter to her parents:
Hi Parent$!
Today i$ $eptember 15. I'm doing $uperb in $chool (or, $hould I $ay, college). The teacher$ are great, my roommate$ are great, and I'm having a $uper time! All I could u$e right now is a little ca$h.
To which the parents responded:
Hi daughter!
NOthing happening on this end. Something's wrong, because you kNOw, we got this letter in NOvember. I am NOt worrying about anything down here, kNOck on wood huh?
Your loving parents,
NOrden and Morden Finkelstein.
ID: 4009
College
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
ID: 12016
College
Teacher: Julia, how can you say Asshole in a nicer way?
Julia: As holes.
ID: 6970
College
Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"
ID: 1887
College
What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"
+10,000 Jokes