ID: 14931
College
Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.
ID: 17422
College
Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.
ID: 15336
College
"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.
"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."
ID: 15850
College
Dear son,
Good luck with your exams tomorrow. I always think that it's best to stay up partying all of the night before an exam. Exam rooms are always a good place to catch up on sleep, because they're silent, and there's nothing to do in them anyway.
Love,
Dad
ID: 17928
College
A lecturing teacher noticed a lack of enthusiasm in her class. Few were paying attention so she decided to make an announcement, "The person to answer this next question gets to go home."
The students were all brought to attention and a buzz went over the room. Suddenly, a male student grabbed his bag nd threw it out the window. The entire class went quiet. The teacher said, "Who did that?!" with a sense of anger behind her voice.
"Me," the male student replied. "Now I can go home for answering your question." So he walked out of the classroom.
ID: 6518
College
You Know You've Been In College Too Long When...
* You consider McDonald's "real food."
* You actually like doing laundry at home.
* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
* It starts getting late on the weeknights.
* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
* You'd rather clean than study.
* Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
* Computer Solitaire is more than a game it's a way of life.
* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
* You know the pizza boy by name.
* You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
* You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
* Prank phone calls become funny again.
* Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
* World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.
* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
* You find out milk crates have so many uses.
* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday. (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night)
ID: 5512
College
Are you a technical geek?
Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes.
You know you are a technical geek when . . .
When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply, "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"
When driving, you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.
When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap".
When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, "You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor."
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.
When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.
When you call "*.*" star-dot-star.
When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.
When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, "No, dear, it's 'Apple Macintosh'."
When your wife says, "If you don't turn off that stupid machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!" and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
ID: 17430
College
Premise I: Knowledge is power.
Premise II: Power corrupts.
Conclusion: Therefore, knowledge corrupts.
ID: 17441
College
Super Agility: "Oh look, a bullet. Better dodge that!" *mega-jump!*
Bulletproof: "Oh look, a bullet. Meh, who cares?"
Super Smart: "Eureka! A Bullet! It going 60 MPH will hit me in 5 seconds if it contacts, but there is only a 1 in 7 chance it will hit me, the decimal being 0.1428571429 to the tenth pl-OOOFF!"
Which do YOU want?
Me: Super Agility.
Comment for your choice, but it doesn't have to be one of these.
+10,000 Jokes