ID: 37
College
An Engineering Major says "How does it work?"
A Science Major says "Why does it work?"
An Accounting Major says "How much will it cost?"
A Liberal Arts Major says "Do you want fries with that?"
ID: 7844
College
At the beginning of term, we were supposed to portray what we learned during holidays by acting in a play for the school. Here I was known as the best actress in class so I was given the role of a secondary student who goes out with a rich man's reckless son.
During the rehearsals, everything went perfect until the real day on stage.
Acting pregnant with clothes stuffed in my dress, I begged the rich man's son not to leave me in such a condition when suddenly my BABY fell out of the TUMMY...
I was so embarrassed as the whole school burst out laughing hysterically. But with talent, I knelt down n cried that silence fell upon their heads thinking it was part of the play...
I was still voted the best.
ID: 3324
College
That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man - as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts).
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU: the Weaker Sex
ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise or Blair Underwood
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important - 101
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not NECESSARY
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important - 201
Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say, "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her
ID: 4514
College
A candidate brought dice into the examination hall for MCQ. He started tossing the dice to select his answers. The superintendent just gave a glimpse at this candidate, as he passed by, as it is common to have students trying their luck. Very soon the candidate finished his whole paper and slept on his table. Half an hour later, the candidate sat up, and started tossing the dice again The superintendent felt curious, and approached the candidate.
Superintendent : "Gentleman, why are you tossing the dice again, since you've already finished all the questions earlier on?"
Candidate : "Sir, I have to double check my answers"
ID: 526
College
To help students remember the word for "wear" in Latin, the professor used the phrase:
semper ubi, sub ubi
Translation:
Always wear under wear.
ID: 4586
College
The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges, concluded, "...and remember, young ladies, you represent not only your own honor but that of the school. When approached by young men, ask yourself: Is an hour's pleasure worth a lifetime of disgrace? Now, are there any questions?"
A young lady immediately raised her hand and said, "Tell me, how do you make it last an hour?"
ID: 2386
College
To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________
I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:
__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:
__Medical School
__Graduate School
__Dental School
__Fraternity/Sorority
__The Mickey Mouse Club
__Tri County Tech
__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.
__5. I'll lose my scholarship.
__6. I'm on a varsity sports team, and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam for me.
__7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.
__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.
__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.
__10. You are prejudiced against:
__ Males
__ Blacks
__ Females
__ Jews
__ Catholics
__ Whites
__ Protestants
__ Minorities
__ Chicanos
__ Students
__ People
__11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.
__12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:
__ mono
__ broken baby finger
__ acute alcoholism
__ pregnancy
__ VD
__ fatherhood
__13. You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly how you wanted that done.
__14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.
__15. I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.
__16. The lectures were:
__ too detailed to pick out important points.
__ not explained in any sufficient detail.
__ your class was far too boring.
__ all jokes and not enough material.
__ all of the above.
__17. This course was:
__too early, I was not awake.
__at lunchtime, I was hungry.
__too late, I was tired.
__18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.
__19. Other reason: __________________.
ID: 1887
College
What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"
ID: 3298
College
Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
+10,000 Jokes