ID: 12590
College
Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years.
During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection.
After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeoed into Europe, merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in the countryside.
Mideval people were violent. Murder during this Period was nothing. Everybody killed someone. England fought numerously for land in France and ended up wining and losing. The Crusades were a series of military expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.
In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A class of yeowls arose. Finally Europe caught the Black Death. The bubonic plague is a social disease in the sense that it can be transmitted by intercourse and other etceteras. It was spread from port to port by infected rats. Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. The plague also helped the emergance of the English language as the national language of England, France and Italy.
The Middle Ages slimpared to a halt. The renasence bolted in from the blue. Life reeked with joy. Italy became robust, and more individuals felt the value of their human being. Italy, of course, was much closer to the rest of the world thanks to Northern Europe. Man was determined to civilise himself and his brothers, even if heads had to roll! It became sheik to be educated. Art was on a more associated level. Europe was full of incredable churches with great art bulging out of their doors. Renaissance merchants were beautiful and almost lifelike.
The Reformnation happened when German nobles resented the idea that tithes were going to Papal France or the Pope, thus enriching Catholic coiffures. Traditions had become oppressive so they too were crushed in the wake of man's quest for ressurection above the not-just-social beast he had become. An angry Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door. Theologically, Luthar was into reorientation mutation. Calvinism was the most convenient religion since the days of the ancients. Anabaptist services tended to be migratory. The Popes, of course, were usually Catholic. Monks went right on seeing themselves as worms. The last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century.
ID: 17435
College
If 1/(x-8) approaches â as x approaches 8 from above, then will 1/(x-3) approach Ï as x approaches 3 from above?
ID: 17433
College
What is sin x divided by n?
Canceling the "n" yields six.
ID: 13722
College
To find the inverse of a function, you reverse the process. To find the inverse of putting on your socks and shoes, how do you start?
Socks first!
ID: 13664
College
My American History teacher was giving a lecture about the first three presidents. A lot of people in my class can't remember presidents very well.
"You all are brainwashed," he said.
Of course, there was confusion in the room at this comment.
"Let me demonstrate," he continued, "'I'm Cuckoo for...'"
"Cocoa Puffs!" the class replied.
"You don't know the ninth president of the United States, but you know that you are 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.'"
Then, this one guy in my class said, "If the presidents were finger-lickin' good, we'd remember 'em."
ID: 7586
College
A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it.
Mom said, 'Sure, sweetie. I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?'
'Uh, oh yeah, OK,' responded the kid.
So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.
When she gets back, Dad asked, 'Well how much did you give the boy this time?
Mom said, 'Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000'
'That's $1020!!!' yelled Dad, 'Are you crazy???'
'Don't worry hon,' Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, 'I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19!'
ID: 526
College
To help students remember the word for "wear" in Latin, the professor used the phrase:
semper ubi, sub ubi
Translation:
Always wear under wear.
ID: 4009
College
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
ID: 14151
College
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Justin," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Justin answered the correct airline.
"Sandra, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Sandra answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.
"Now Allison, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And Allison answered, "Mom..."
+10,000 Jokes