ID: 15185
Children
When the second grader arrived home from school, she excitedly ran up to her mom and said, "Guess what we learned today, mommy? How to make babies."
Her mother was more than surprised, but did her best to remain calm. She knew that this day would come, but she had hoped it wouldn't have been so soon. "How interesting dear," her mother said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's really simple," replied the little girl. "All you have to do is change the 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
ID: 16939
Children
A boy walks home an hour late to class, the teacher asks him, "Why are you so late?"
The boy replies, "I stopped two boys from beating each other up."
The teacher says, "That's very nice; how did you do that?"
The boy says, "I beat them both up!"
ID: 15724
Children
A boy was working on circumferences for homework when his mother came in and said, "Do you want some pie?" The boy replied, "Sure."
So the mother was saying "3.141592..." over and over and then said, "Want some ratio?"
ID: 15268
Children
An old preacher was just getting out of church and was driving home through his neighborhood. As he was turning the corner of one of the major streets in his neighborhood, he noticed 3 boys playing dice on the sidewalk, and betting money along with it. The old preacher thinks to himself how awful the situation is, that these young children are already heading down the life of sin and he should do something to stop it.
The old preacher pulls over and gets out on the opposite side of the street and starts walking over to the boys. He calls out to the oldest looking one and asked the boy to "come here" so that as he's walking towards the boys, the oldest boy would be walking towards him. When the boy reached him, the old preacher asked him what he was doing.
"Gambling, sir" retorted the boy.
"Gambling?! How old are you son?" asked the preacher.
"I'm 14."
"14?! Well if you turn that around, you'll be 41. You'll have reached the middle years of your life, and if you stick to gambling in all that time, you'll have thrown your whole life away. You could have been married, had a successful job, kids, a home, a family, but no. You'll have thought gambling was such a "good life." Is that what you want? Did you want to live your life through sin and banished from God's grace?"
"N-n-o sir!" wailed the boy.
"Good lad. Now head on home son. The lord is smiling to find out you've said no to sin" the old preacher smiled as the boy went his way down the street.
He looked back at the other 2 boys and realized they were still shooting dice. He calls back to the next oldest looking boy and asked him to come closer.
"You boy, how old are you son?" questioned the preacher.
"I'm 12, sir." answered the boy.
"12?! Well now look here boy. If you turned that around, you'll be 21. You'll have been at the prime of your life. You'll be halfway through college, seeing a very lovely young lady, talking about starting a family with you. All these big decisions you'll be facing, and you'll have the heart to make them but not if you continue down this destructive gambling path. The colleges will turn down your applications because your credit will be bad, and your young lovely lady friend will leave you because you just can't seem to get your finances in order due to this overwhelming problem of yours. On top of everything the Mighty Lord will be frowning upon your conduct and your choice to live the life of sin. Leave this world behind son. It starts now. Now go on home son! Make the lord proud of you, for his warm smile will be all the coercing you need to leave this life behind."
"Y-y-yes sir!" said the boy, and he went the opposite way down the street towards his home.
The preacher thought his work was done for surely the final boy must have heard his words being said to his friend, but sure enough, when the preacher looked back, there he was, still shooting dice and gambling.
"I don't believe this!" he muttered. "You boy, come here a second!"
The other boy walked casually toward the preacher.
"How old are you son? Let me show you why this gambling life is a bad choice for you."
"Good mister, cause I'm 11. I'd much like to hear it!"
ID: 15446
Children
Some of the replies given by a group of five to seven year olds from New York State who were asked, "How are babies made?"
"Mom makes babies with Dr. Roberts. I dunno how they do it."
"If a man and a woman love each other very, very much, the woman will grow a baby inside her body."
"Dad has a carrot that he plants in Mom's cabbage patch. About a year later the baby has been grown."
"Mom collects the babies from the hospital where they are born somehow."
"Mom takes a pill every day and it's a baby pill. It makes a baby grow inside her tummy. When it's one year old it comes out of her and cries."
"Mom and Dad are happy together and then a baby comes along."
"The father gives the mother plenty of money. If he gives her enough, she goes out and gets a baby."
"To have a baby you go on a special diet and eat spinach and coal and stuff. Then you get real fat and that's the baby inside you. When you are so fat, the doctor cuts you open and gets the baby."
ID: 15194
Children
When Little Johnny got his exam paper back, he saw a big red F staring back at him.
Billy looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low mark on that test?"
"Because of absence," Johnny answered.
"You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" Billy inquired.
Little Johnny replied, "I wasn't, but the kid who sits next to me was."
ID: 15755
Children
A little girl was sat in science, when she wet herself.
She goes to her teacher and says "I've wet myself". The teacher asks "Why didn't you put your hand up?"
She replies "I did, but it just ran down my hand!"
ID: 5425
Children
A teacher decides to have Career Day in her class. She asks each student to tell the class what their father's job is, spell it, and then explain what they do.
Mary stands up and says, "My father is a policeman. P -O-L-I-C-E-M-A-N. He puts bad people in jail and keeps us all safe."
Sue stands up next and says, "My father is a doctor. D-O-C-T-O-R. He helps sick people get better."
Bobby is next. He stands up and says, "My father is a pharmacist. F...F-R..."
The teacher tells Bobby to sit down and try to figure it out and moves on to the next kid.
Johnny stands up next and says, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E. He'd give you 10-1 odds that Bobby is never going to spell 'pharmacist.'"
ID: 1823
Children
A lil boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where`s Mom and Dad? " and she replied, "They`re up in bed," so the lil boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.
Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "Where`s Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "They`re still up in bed," and the lil boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.
Then the lil boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma, "Where`s Mom and Dad?" and his grandmother replied "They`re still up in bed" and the little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "What give's? Every time I tell you they`re still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?"
The little boy replied, "Well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue instead."
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