ID: 16084
Children
The teacher asks his students to spell the word "before".
The first kid tries: "B-E-F-O-H-R." "No", says the teacher, "that's wrong!"
Another kid: "B-E-E-F-O-R." "No, no," says the teacher. "Anybody else?"
A little boy raises his hand: "B-E-F-O-R-E!" "Now, that's right!" beams the teacher.
"Now, Washington, use this word 'before' in a sentence!" and the boy goes: "Two plus two BE FOUR!"
ID: 1440
Children
Children certainly brighten up a home. Who ever saw a child under 12 turn off an electric light?
ID: 687
Children
10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures.
9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games.
8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture.
7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up.
6. Says 'Whom' instead of 'Who.'
5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning.
4. Prefers NPR to any music.
3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about.
2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game.
1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.
ID: 754
Children
Seeing her son is still in bed, Mary goes to wake him up for school. When she wakes him up he says, "But I don't want to go to school mom."
Mary quite annoyed at this childlike behaviour says, "Well why not? You have to go."
The son replies, "But I don't like it. The kids are mean to me, the teachers hate me, and everyone makes fun of me."
Mary calmly replies, "I'm sorry son. But you MUST go to school!."
The son says, "But whyyyy?"
Mary annoyed at the delay says, "Because you're the damn principal!"
ID: 8160
Children
This is a true story told to me.
A big city news anchor is driving along the freeway when his young son asks him, "Daddy, what does motherf____r mean?"
He turns to his son, "That's a really bad word, don't ever say that again. Where did you learn that?!?!?"
His son answers innocently, "Well, that's what you just said about that car you said cut you off."
ID: 1023
Children
Timmy had been having a hard time in math class and got an 'F' on almost all of his report cards. His mom thought he'd be better off if he went to a private Catholic school. The very first day of school Timmy came home, went straight to his room and began working until he finally just fell asleep on his bed. This continued for a long time until he got his first report card from the new school and his mom was so proud when he got an 'A' in Math. She said, "I knew you'd do better in a private school."
Then she says how did you do so well?" and Timmy replies, "When I walked in and saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business."
ID: 4174
Children
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
ID: 978
Children
A mom was out walking with her 4 year old daughter. the child picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The mother asked her not to do that.
"Why?"
"Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs."
At this point, the child looked at her mom with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," the mom was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a mommy."
"Oh."
They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but the child was evidently pondering this new information.
"I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the daddy."
ID: 9011
Children
There once was a small jokester called Joey, who was visting at his Grandpa's. Now Grandpa was rather short of temper, so after Joey had been standing in the doorway for 5 minutes, trying to decide whether or not to go outside, he said, ''Hurry up, now will you?''
Joey turned around and frowned. ''Keep your hair on,'' he grumbled. Seeing Grandpa's bald head, he giggled, ''Opps! To late!''
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