ID: 3719
Children
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
ID: 15742
Children
Sam Krypton was a boy who hated meatloaf, but he knew that every time he didn't eat it, he lost a chance for ice cream, his favorite thing to eat.
So today, he decided to eat it, and try and forget about the taste.
He ate it up, and said, "THIS MEATLOAF WAS DELICIOUS!" His mother was pleased, and gave him ice cream.
The next week, his mother gave him a large serving of meatloaf, expecting him to eat it all up.
Sam forgot about what he did last week. He was looking out the window - then, a moment later, he said, "Eww! What smells?"
ID: 15061
Children
The children in the Sunday school class were asked by their teacher to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. When she looked at little Ricky's picture, she was puzzled to see that he had drawn four people in an airplane, so she asked him which story it represented.
Little Ricky replied, "That's the Flight to Egypt."
"Oh, I see," said the teacher. "That must be Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, but who's the fourth person?"
"That's Pontius ... the Pilot!" answered Ricky.
ID: 14345
Children
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of 'COINCIDENCE?'"
STUDENT: "Sir, my mother and my father got married on the same day, same time."
ID: 14435
Children
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Billy: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Billy: "No hair, Sir."
ID: 15194
Children
When Little Johnny got his exam paper back, he saw a big red F staring back at him.
Billy looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low mark on that test?"
"Because of absence," Johnny answered.
"You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" Billy inquired.
Little Johnny replied, "I wasn't, but the kid who sits next to me was."
ID: 14243
Children
Little Johnny's Joke
Little Johnny was sitting on his backyard swing set with some of his sixth grade schoolmates one Saturday when they started to tell some jokes to each other.
Little Susie started off by saying, "Knock, knock?"
Everyone answered, "Who's there?"
Susie says, "Boo!"
Everyone replied, "Boo who?"
To which Susie said, "Why are you all crying?" and everyone broke out laughing.
At this point, Little Johnny got up and started into his joke, "Hey, did you all hear about the prostitute who got fingered by Captain Hook?"
Immediately, Little Johnny's mother, who was nearby watering the roses and had heard Little Johnny start off, came rushing over and shouted, "Alright Little Johnny! That's enough! In fact, all of you kids can go home now. Leave, please."
The following Saturday, Little Johnny again invited his friends over, this time to play some video games. During a lull in the action, Little Johnny said to everyone, "You know, there's a rumour going around that a bus load of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska. And they say..."
This time again, Little Johnny's mother was in the kitchen and came stomping in after having heard him. She said demandingly as she gathered his friends together and shuffled them towards the door, "Okay kids, it's getting late. All of you will have to leave now."
Little Johnny was puzzled and yelled back at them, "Hey! Hold on, hold on! There's still plenty of time 'cause the bus doesn't leave till morning!"
ID: 15081
Children
One night, a mother was walking past her young daughter's room when she saw the little girl kneeling by her bed, head bowed, hands folded, reciting the alphabet.
"What are you doing, sweetheart?" the mother asked.
"I'm saying my prayers, Mommy," replied the little girl, "but I couldn't think of what I wanted to say, so I'm saying the letters of the alphabet, and God can put them together whichever way He feels is best."
ID: 15368
Children
Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.
- Socrates (470 - 399 BC)
+10,000 Jokes