ID: 12863
Children
A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles."
The boy replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward."
ID: 2127
Children
There was a City cop on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "He sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20.00 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young boy looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there, Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d*ck goes underneath the horse not on top."
ID: 3669
Children
Little Leroy was at home doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine." At that moment, his mother came in and heard that he was cursing. "Leroy, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?"
Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?"
He replied, "Yes."
The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher. The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are teaching my son in math." The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems." Little Leroy's mother asked, "Are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
When the teacher stopped laughing she replied, "Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."
ID: 4066
Children
James came to school late.
TEACHER: James, why are you late?
JAMES: I had to take the cow to the bull to mate.
TEACHER: Couldn't your father do that?
JAMES: No, I think it's better for the bull to do it.
ID: 4216
Children
One day, a teacher at an elementary school asks one of her students how clouds form.
She replied "I'm not sure how clouds form, but the clouds know how to form, and that's the important thing...."
ID: 7042
Children
One day a father and his daughter were driving down the street when the father said, "Look! A bunny. Can you say bunny, bu-nny?"
"Bunny!" the daughter replied.
They suddenly felt the car go over a bump.
Then the girl said, " Daddy, its not a bunny anymore."
"What is it then?" he asked.
The daughter replied, "Can you say roadkill, road-kill?"
ID: 5530
Children
TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you only said it's H to O!!!!
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now
do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"
L-JOHNY: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand."
ID: 8912
Children
Teacher: John, why is your cat at school today?
John: (crying)..I heard the milkman tell mom.."When the kid goes to school i'm gonna eat your pussy!"
ID: 7879
Children
What is the difference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trousers and Superman wears it over the
trousers.
+10,000 Jokes