ID: 9619
Children
The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had could write."
ID: 8390
Children
Little Johnny was running away from home, crying his eyes out, when he ran across a policeman.
"Where are you going, Little Johnny?" asked the cop.
"I'm running away from home," sobbed Little Johnny.
The cop asked him, "Why would you want to do something like that?"
"My mommy and daddy don't love me any more", he bawled.
"What would make you think that?" queries the cop.
"Well," says Little Johnny, "I asked my Mom for a brand new pair of roller skates, and she said that they couldn't afford it, the mortgage was too high."
"That doesn't mean she doesn't love you," the cop says
"No, no, no", says Little Johnny, "you don't understand. Then I asked my dad for a new bicycle and he said that they couldn't afford it because their mortgage was too high."
"Still," replies the cop, "they might be having financial difficulties right now, but I am sure that they love you."
"NO!" wails Little Johnny, "you really don't understand. I haven't told you the worst part yet. I was outside mommy and daddy's door last night, and I heard daddy scream, I'm pulling out! and then mommy yelled, I'm coming, too! and I'm telling you, right here and right now, they're NOT leaving ME with that fucking mortgage!"
ID: 6670
Children
According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the payroll at Neverland Ranch. So the next time you see Michael with his hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch money
ID: 6644
Children
Q: Why did the boy wear a diaper to the party?
A: He didn't want to be a party pooper.
ID: 4466
Children
Jack was summoned by the Disciplinarian where his son, Tracey was enrolled. Tracey always throw stones at his playmates and he never missed.
Jack replied to the Disciplinarian : Sir, please look at the bright side. My son will grow up to be a very effective baseball pitcher.
ID: 6075
Children
Little Mikey's parents were going out, and Mikey said, "For 20 bucks, Dad, I'll be good."
"Oh please," said his father. "When I was your age, I was good for nothing."
ID: 7285
Children
Why did the kid walk backwards to school?
Because it was back to school day!
ID: 5235
Children
Teacher: Larry, name two pronouns.
Larry: Who, Me?
Teacher: That answer is correct.
ID: 7042
Children
One day a father and his daughter were driving down the street when the father said, "Look! A bunny. Can you say bunny, bu-nny?"
"Bunny!" the daughter replied.
They suddenly felt the car go over a bump.
Then the girl said, " Daddy, its not a bunny anymore."
"What is it then?" he asked.
The daughter replied, "Can you say roadkill, road-kill?"
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