ID: 10599
Children
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree, that had been pressed between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"
ID: 10636
Children
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother, after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night, and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked,"Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"
Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
ID: 11002
Children
Kevin attended a horse auction with his father, watching as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Kevin asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Looking worried, Kevin said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom!"
ID: 11135
Children
Mom: How did you do on your history test?
Kid: Not good.
Mom: Why?
Kid: They asked me things that happened before I was born!
ID: 10478
Children
On Halloween night a kid is standing on a bench with a fake beard, fake fangs, a tennis racket, a baseball cap, and a purple cape.
A snobby man walks by and says, "What are you supposed to be?"
The kid says, "Duh! I'm a kid standing on a bench wearing fake fangs, a fake beard, a baseball cap, a purple cape and holding a tennis racket! What did you think I was?"
ID: 64
Children
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine-year-old responded, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?"
The nine-year old says "They're for my four-year-old little brother." The cashier is surprised: "Your four year-old-brother?"
The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."
ID: 2660
Children
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
ID: 2100
Children
A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said, "one of our friends. For stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast with no honey or butter.
Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?"
ID: 16851
Children
A boy was assigned a job to do a list of spelling words for his class. The boy asked the teacher what spelling words to do. She replies "Ask your family for help if you can't think of anything." So the boy went home to ask his family for any help.
"Mom, can you give me a spelling word for my list?" the boy asked. The mother was so busy on the phone, that she told her son to shut up. The boy thought "Shut Up!" was the word that his mother gave him. So he wrote it down, and walked along to his sister's room. His sister was on the computer, reading about a diary out loud. The boy asked the same thing to his sister, except this time, she replies with "Whatever.." So the boy wrote it down, and moved along to his brother's room. The brother was watching Batman. When he came in, before even asking the question, the brother started to sing the batman theme song. "DUN-DUN..DUN-DUN!!!BATMAN!!" So the boy thought his brother was a physic and wrote it down. Last, but not least, his father was the last one. His father was in the bathroom, washing the toilet. He started to sing his favorite song during cleaning time. "In the toi--lot.. INNNNNN the TOI--LOT!!! The boy wrote that down without a doubt. Then, as he finished packing his bag for school tomorrow, he re-read the paper. Then he snickered, put the paper in his bag, and went to sleep.
The next day, the boy quickly came into the class with the other kids. The teacher asked the boy if he could read the first word, the boy did as he was told, and said "Shut Up!!" The teacher was very displeased and told the boy a warning. The boy continued to read his words even if he wasn't told. He said "Whatever.." in a tone that wasn't very nice. So the teacher did as her words told her, she sent him to the principal's office. The principal asked what was the boy's name. With that, he continued to say his list of words. "DUN-DUN..DUN-DUN!!!BATMAN!!" Then principal was a bit of surprised, but still guessing the boy thinks this is a game, so he went along. "Ok batman, why don't you tell me where your hideout is.. The boy said "In the toi--lot.. INNNNNN the TOI--LOT!!!"
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