ID: 15273
Children
When a women found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes," he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it Quits."
ID: 17941
Children
Cop to boy: Which of the two fighting in the street is your father?
Boy: I don't know. That's what they're fighting about!
ID: 16293
Children
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??
Moral: beware of toddlers bearing tea!
ID: 15634
Children
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning.
He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?"
"He thinks a lot, dear," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness.
"Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.
ID: 15609
Children
It was the first day of school and I had gotten a serious scrape on my knee so I asked my friend Jesse to write down notes for me while I went to the nurse. Now, it was the first day of school and there were no notes written on our notebooks and neither of us had written our names on them, so when I came back the next and asked him to give me back my notebooks, he couldn't tell which was mine and which was his, so we both decided that we'd take either one. Near the end of the school year Jesse got in trouble for stealing my notebook. After he got in trouble (with 3 days detention) I asked him why he stole my notebook. He showed me a small note on the back of what we had thought was his notebook that had been written on the back as a joke saying, "Don't tell anyone, but this is my notebook," with a picture of me taped next to it. The date on the picture, August 8.
ID: 15742
Children
Sam Krypton was a boy who hated meatloaf, but he knew that every time he didn't eat it, he lost a chance for ice cream, his favorite thing to eat.
So today, he decided to eat it, and try and forget about the taste.
He ate it up, and said, "THIS MEATLOAF WAS DELICIOUS!" His mother was pleased, and gave him ice cream.
The next week, his mother gave him a large serving of meatloaf, expecting him to eat it all up.
Sam forgot about what he did last week. He was looking out the window - then, a moment later, he said, "Eww! What smells?"
ID: 15830
Children
1. Why are little children sweet-tooths? They keep crying when they can't have candy.
2. Why are little children kindergarteners? Um... they're still learning basic skills, are they not?
3. Why are little children such blanket-connected people? They have read too many Peanut strips and can't resist but be Linus.
4. Why are little children people who like to joke around? They hear their dad's joke with them too often.
ID: 15101
Children
There was a child who came back from school one day with loads of cuts and bruises and his bike broken. The concerned mother asked him what had happened. So, the child says "Well, when the fridge landed on me..."
ID: 17164
Children
Henry: Oh my enemies makes me so mad I want to kill them!
Phil: I can help you with that.
Henry: How?
Phil: First, go to the internet cafe. When you are already using the computer make a folder and name it "Your Enemies". After that, delete the folder. Go to the recycle bin and delete the folder again. It should say "Do you really want to delete "Your Enemies"?". Click yes. Now you don't have your enemies any more. They're deleted out of this world. There's no way you can get them back unless you create them.
Henry: Oh! Now I can get rid of them; but what if I decide to create them again? How can I create them again?
Phil: There's no way you can create them again, Henry. To create them, of course they need to be born. You said that all females are your enemies.
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