CHILDREN

ID: 5234

Children

The Absence

Mom: Why did you get a grade so low?

Junior: Because of absence.

Mom: Who, You?

Junior: No, the kid who sits right next to me.

ID: 15070

Children

Wired For Sound

During his sermon, the preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike. As he preached, he continued to move briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
At one point, he moved to one side and got caught up in the cord, nearly tripping before he jerked it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the second pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

ID: 2553

Children

Little Girl and the Elderly

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

ID: 1374

Children

Friends

One spring afternoon, I came home to find two little girls on the steps of my building. Both were crying hard, shedding big tears.

Thinking they might be hurt, I dropped my briefcase and quickly went over to them. "Are you all right?" I asked.

Still sobbing, one held up her doll. "My baby's arm came off," she said.

I took the doll and its disjointed arm. After a little effort and luck, the doll was again whole.

"Thank you." came a whisper.

Next, looking into the tearful eyes of her friend, I asked, "And what's the matter with you, young lady?"

She wiped her cheeks. "I was helping her cry," she said.

ID: 57

Children

Sobbing Jerry

Six-year-old Jerry came downstairs bellowing lustily. "What's the matter?" asked his mother. "Papa was hanging pictures, and he just
hit his thumb with a hammer," said Jerry. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "A big man like you shouldn't cry at a trifle like that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did," sobbed Jerry.

ID: 1722

Children

Little Johnny on Sex Ed

Little Johnny walked into class one day and sat down. He realized that someone new was teaching the class today, It was Coach Bob, the gym teacher.

Coach Bob started the class by saying, "Okay you little one's are never too young to learn about s-e-x, uh ummm."

While every other kid in the class is giggling. Little Johnny looks really intent.

Coach Bob then asks, " Well, what do any of you kids already know about sex."

Little Shirley raised her hand, "One time my puppy had a baby."

"Good " said Coach Bob

Then Little Chuckie raised his hand and said, "Well my mom gave me a little sister."

"Good, good." said Coach Bob

The Little Johnny raised his hand and Coach Bob's heart skipped a beat. He said "Yes Little Johnny."

"Well," said Little Johnny, "one time at my grandpa's house I was watching an old western starring the Lone Ranger, and he fought off one hundred Indians."

"Oh Yeah," said Coach Bob really relieved, "what does that have to do with sex ed."

"That'll teach those Indians to screw with the Lone Ranger."

ID: 1822

Children

White Wedding

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother: "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said: "So then why is the groom wearing black?"

ID: 2123

Children

Exam

Joe and Ted finished an exam and talked to each other afterwards.

"I did terrible," said Joe. "I think I was filling in the wrong bubbles!"

"Me too," replied Ted.

"Well, why did you do terrible?" asked Joe.

"I forgot to bring a pencil!"

ID: 1747

Children

Buckwheat & Darla

All the little rascals sat down for class, and the teacher decided to start off the day with a spelling quiz.

The teacher first asked Darla, "Darla, can you spell dumb?"

"D-u-m-b," said Darla

The teacher then said, "Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Buckwheat is dumb."

"Okay, can you spell stupid?" said the teacher.

"S-t-u-p-i-d."

"Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Buckwheat is stupid."

"Buckwheat, can you spell dictate?"

"D-i-c-t-a-t-e."

"Can you use it in a sentence?"

"I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good."

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