ID: 16898
Children
When my pap was younger, his family didn't have much money. One year for Christmas, his mother cut a hole in the front of his underwear so he would have something to play with.
ID: 3669
Children
Little Leroy was at home doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine." At that moment, his mother came in and heard that he was cursing. "Leroy, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?"
Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?"
He replied, "Yes."
The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher. The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are teaching my son in math." The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems." Little Leroy's mother asked, "Are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
When the teacher stopped laughing she replied, "Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."
ID: 1596
Children
A Duke is hunting in a forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he comes upon a tree. Archery targets are painted all over it, and smack in the middle of each is an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cries the Duke. "I must find him."
After continuing through the forest for a few miles, he comes across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admits that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asks the Duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from 100 paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."
"That is truly astonishing," says the Duke. "I hereby admit you into my service, but I must ask one favor in return. You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot."
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target around it."
ID: 5764
Children
Little johnny walked into a club where people were doing the macarena. He watched them for a while, and asked someone: "What are you guys doing? Searching for your wallets?"
ID: 11072
Children
Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is....Then the teacher said, "No Wendy, it is I am." So Wendy said, "I am the ninth letter if the alphabet."
ID: 16851
Children
A boy was assigned a job to do a list of spelling words for his class. The boy asked the teacher what spelling words to do. She replies "Ask your family for help if you can't think of anything." So the boy went home to ask his family for any help.
"Mom, can you give me a spelling word for my list?" the boy asked. The mother was so busy on the phone, that she told her son to shut up. The boy thought "Shut Up!" was the word that his mother gave him. So he wrote it down, and walked along to his sister's room. His sister was on the computer, reading about a diary out loud. The boy asked the same thing to his sister, except this time, she replies with "Whatever.." So the boy wrote it down, and moved along to his brother's room. The brother was watching Batman. When he came in, before even asking the question, the brother started to sing the batman theme song. "DUN-DUN..DUN-DUN!!!BATMAN!!" So the boy thought his brother was a physic and wrote it down. Last, but not least, his father was the last one. His father was in the bathroom, washing the toilet. He started to sing his favorite song during cleaning time. "In the toi--lot.. INNNNNN the TOI--LOT!!! The boy wrote that down without a doubt. Then, as he finished packing his bag for school tomorrow, he re-read the paper. Then he snickered, put the paper in his bag, and went to sleep.
The next day, the boy quickly came into the class with the other kids. The teacher asked the boy if he could read the first word, the boy did as he was told, and said "Shut Up!!" The teacher was very displeased and told the boy a warning. The boy continued to read his words even if he wasn't told. He said "Whatever.." in a tone that wasn't very nice. So the teacher did as her words told her, she sent him to the principal's office. The principal asked what was the boy's name. With that, he continued to say his list of words. "DUN-DUN..DUN-DUN!!!BATMAN!!" Then principal was a bit of surprised, but still guessing the boy thinks this is a game, so he went along. "Ok batman, why don't you tell me where your hideout is.. The boy said "In the toi--lot.. INNNNNN the TOI--LOT!!!"
ID: 1085
Children
One night Aggie says to George "Think I'll go to bingo the night
George... when I'm gone you make sure the youngsters get in and
go to bed"
Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted.
So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the
youngsters come in and get to bed. For about three or four hours,
one little boy kept crying and crying, so George takes off up
with a split and hits the floor, the little boy cries harder and
harder.
George sputters out "What are you bawling about?"
The little boy replies "I want to go to me own home."
ID: 17941
Children
Cop to boy: Which of the two fighting in the street is your father?
Boy: I don't know. That's what they're fighting about!
ID: 1419
Children
A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said "Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field." A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son asking "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said "Should we eat them here or take them with us?" I panicked...
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