ID: 11777
Children
Sally – "Mummy, why can't I go swimming in the sea?"
Mum – "Because there are sharks in the sea."
Sally – "But mummy, daddy is swimming in the sea."
Mum – "That's different, he's insured."
ID: 15268
Children
An old preacher was just getting out of church and was driving home through his neighborhood. As he was turning the corner of one of the major streets in his neighborhood, he noticed 3 boys playing dice on the sidewalk, and betting money along with it. The old preacher thinks to himself how awful the situation is, that these young children are already heading down the life of sin and he should do something to stop it.
The old preacher pulls over and gets out on the opposite side of the street and starts walking over to the boys. He calls out to the oldest looking one and asked the boy to "come here" so that as he's walking towards the boys, the oldest boy would be walking towards him. When the boy reached him, the old preacher asked him what he was doing.
"Gambling, sir" retorted the boy.
"Gambling?! How old are you son?" asked the preacher.
"I'm 14."
"14?! Well if you turn that around, you'll be 41. You'll have reached the middle years of your life, and if you stick to gambling in all that time, you'll have thrown your whole life away. You could have been married, had a successful job, kids, a home, a family, but no. You'll have thought gambling was such a "good life." Is that what you want? Did you want to live your life through sin and banished from God's grace?"
"N-n-o sir!" wailed the boy.
"Good lad. Now head on home son. The lord is smiling to find out you've said no to sin" the old preacher smiled as the boy went his way down the street.
He looked back at the other 2 boys and realized they were still shooting dice. He calls back to the next oldest looking boy and asked him to come closer.
"You boy, how old are you son?" questioned the preacher.
"I'm 12, sir." answered the boy.
"12?! Well now look here boy. If you turned that around, you'll be 21. You'll have been at the prime of your life. You'll be halfway through college, seeing a very lovely young lady, talking about starting a family with you. All these big decisions you'll be facing, and you'll have the heart to make them but not if you continue down this destructive gambling path. The colleges will turn down your applications because your credit will be bad, and your young lovely lady friend will leave you because you just can't seem to get your finances in order due to this overwhelming problem of yours. On top of everything the Mighty Lord will be frowning upon your conduct and your choice to live the life of sin. Leave this world behind son. It starts now. Now go on home son! Make the lord proud of you, for his warm smile will be all the coercing you need to leave this life behind."
"Y-y-yes sir!" said the boy, and he went the opposite way down the street towards his home.
The preacher thought his work was done for surely the final boy must have heard his words being said to his friend, but sure enough, when the preacher looked back, there he was, still shooting dice and gambling.
"I don't believe this!" he muttered. "You boy, come here a second!"
The other boy walked casually toward the preacher.
"How old are you son? Let me show you why this gambling life is a bad choice for you."
"Good mister, cause I'm 11. I'd much like to hear it!"
ID: 9743
Children
A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. "Lady," Johnny explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
ID: 12571
Children
Little Johnny's mum was sitting in front of computer while Johnny was making sandwiches. She said to Johhny, "You're the best sandwich maker ever," and Johnny says "No mum, you're just lazy."
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ID: 13924
Children
Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. – Denise
Dear God,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. – Dean
Dear God,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. – Elliot
Dear God,
Of all the people who work for You, I like Noah and David the best. – Rob
Dear God,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? – Marsha
ID: 9768
Children
The day after Halloween, Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candybar one man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he but he knew how to mind his own business!"
ID: 15206
Children
While his mother was having a consultation with the doctor, Little Johnny could be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room, yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
A few minutes later, they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, she casually said to the doctor, "I hope you don't mind Little Johnny playing in there."
"No, not at all," the doctor replied calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."
ID: 5808
Children
You know how young children have that special hobby of always asking "Why?" Well, one day I went to the bank to pay some bills, and my 4-year-old daughter did just so.
"Mommy, why are we coming here?"
"So mommy can pay some bills."
"Why?"
"So that we can keep our house."
"Why?"
"So that we won't have to live on the streets."
"Why?"
"Because that's what will happen if we don't pay for our house."
"Why?"
"Because that's the way it goes."
"Why?"
"Why do you keeping asking 'why?'."
"...why?"
"You're being a nuisance."
"Why?"
"Because you got that from your father."
"Why?"
"Because your father is a nuisance."
"Why?"
"I don't know, you go ask HIM and then tell me why."
ID: 328
Children
Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply.
"Defeat of Deduct went over defence before detail!"
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