ID: 4607
Children
Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school a
couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school every day. He wanted to be like the big boys. He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it.
She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him.
Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally, he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."
The little friend said, "Well who is she?"
"That's just Shirley Goodnest", Timmy said.
"Shirley Goodnest!? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"
"Well", Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer psalm says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it."
ID: 15609
Children
It was the first day of school and I had gotten a serious scrape on my knee so I asked my friend Jesse to write down notes for me while I went to the nurse. Now, it was the first day of school and there were no notes written on our notebooks and neither of us had written our names on them, so when I came back the next and asked him to give me back my notebooks, he couldn't tell which was mine and which was his, so we both decided that we'd take either one. Near the end of the school year Jesse got in trouble for stealing my notebook. After he got in trouble (with 3 days detention) I asked him why he stole my notebook. He showed me a small note on the back of what we had thought was his notebook that had been written on the back as a joke saying, "Don't tell anyone, but this is my notebook," with a picture of me taped next to it. The date on the picture, August 8.
ID: 13863
Children
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." Wendy, age 8.
"Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Arnold, age 10.
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." Shem, age 8.
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6.
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9.
REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." Greg, age 8.
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle some day and do the holy matchimony thing." John, age 9.
ID: 10684
Children
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
ID: 13056
Children
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment, he claimed: "I think it's Adam's suit!"
ID: 12711
Children
A detective was questioning a burglary suspect. "Where were you between five and six?" he asked.
"In kindergarten!" he replied
ID: 9717
Children
Little Johnny: "Hey, Daddy, Spot just ate Mom's apple pie that was on the counter to cool off!"
Dad: "Don't worry, son. We'll get you a new dog."
ID: 13385
Children
The following are all quotes from an 11 year old student's science exams:
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u.
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Litter: A nest of young puppies.
ID: 12477
Children
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game; the optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"
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