ID: 15755
Children
A little girl was sat in science, when she wet herself.
She goes to her teacher and says "I've wet myself". The teacher asks "Why didn't you put your hand up?"
She replies "I did, but it just ran down my hand!"
ID: 14274
Children
Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven some day because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City
Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens
ID: 11304
Children
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, okay." and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called bunk beds! Oh, Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you!"
ID: 14188
Children
I was at home one day when my son walked in on me and my husband.He said "Momma i found this moving around on the floor".(holding up my vibrator)I said "huh?"he asked if he could play with it...I said sure not knowing what it was at the time....I come out of my room go in his and its in his ass. Needless to say,he has watched me.
ID: 9906
Children
Dear Santa,
You must be suprised that I'm writing to you on the 26th of December. I would like you to remember that I asked for a pair of rollar blades, a bicycle, an electric train, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying this whole year. Not only was I the first class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, but there was nobody in my neighborhood who behaved better than me including to my parents, my brothers and sisters, my neighbors, and my friends. I would even help the elderly across the street and go on errands. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What ball you have leaving me a fuckin yoyo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat ugly prick, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fuckin year to come out lile this with shit under the tree. As if u hadn't fucked me enough you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to get your fat ass down the chimney next year. I'll throw rocks at the stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the North Pole, just like I had to do because you didn't get me a fuckin bike. FUCK U SANTA.Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, YOU FAT COCKSUCKER
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
ID: 11839
Children
Justin: If you give me a quarter, I'll give you everything in my lunch box.
Zach: That depends... what's in your lunchbox?
Justin: Nothing!
ID: 15186
Children
The teacher asked little Andy if he knew his numbers yet. "Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."
"Good, Andy. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said. "Three," replied Andy.
"Very good. What comes after five, Andy?" asked the teacher. "Six," answered Andy.
"Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.
"A jack!" replied Andy.
ID: 14443
Children
A mother was teaching her three-year-old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end.
"And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
ID: 14401
Children
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong; she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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