ID: 14243
Children
Little Johnny's Joke
Little Johnny was sitting on his backyard swing set with some of his sixth grade schoolmates one Saturday when they started to tell some jokes to each other.
Little Susie started off by saying, "Knock, knock?"
Everyone answered, "Who's there?"
Susie says, "Boo!"
Everyone replied, "Boo who?"
To which Susie said, "Why are you all crying?" and everyone broke out laughing.
At this point, Little Johnny got up and started into his joke, "Hey, did you all hear about the prostitute who got fingered by Captain Hook?"
Immediately, Little Johnny's mother, who was nearby watering the roses and had heard Little Johnny start off, came rushing over and shouted, "Alright Little Johnny! That's enough! In fact, all of you kids can go home now. Leave, please."
The following Saturday, Little Johnny again invited his friends over, this time to play some video games. During a lull in the action, Little Johnny said to everyone, "You know, there's a rumour going around that a bus load of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska. And they say..."
This time again, Little Johnny's mother was in the kitchen and came stomping in after having heard him. She said demandingly as she gathered his friends together and shuffled them towards the door, "Okay kids, it's getting late. All of you will have to leave now."
Little Johnny was puzzled and yelled back at them, "Hey! Hold on, hold on! There's still plenty of time 'cause the bus doesn't leave till morning!"
ID: 6351
Children
There once was a boy, whose parents was a cursed a lot.
One time, while he was on a drive with his dad, a policeman pulled him over and gave him a ticket. "Bastard!" the father muttered afterwards.
The boy asked, "What does 'bastard' mean?"
The dad told him nervously, "It's a slang word for 'police officer'."
Another time, the dad was walking out of the house. On his way out, he tripped over the doormat and yelled, "Shit!"
The boy heard and asked, "Dad, what does 'shit' mean?"
The dad said to him, "It means 'doormat'."
Later, the boy went into the kitchen and his mum was cooking eggs. She dropped one and yelled angrily, "Tit!"
The boy asked her, "What does 'tit' mean?"
The mum told him, "It's another word for 'eggs'".
The dad came back home later and went upstairs. The boy followed him up. The dad went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Seconds later he cut himself shaving and shouted, "Fuck!"
The boy asked him when he came out, "What does 'fuck' mean?" The dad told him, "It's another word for 'shaving'."
A few days later, the doorbell rang and the boy answered the door. A police officer was standing on the porch. The boy, smiling said, "Hi bastard, come in! Wipe your feet on the shit. My mum is in the kitchen frying her tits and my dad is upstairs fucking himself."
ID: 3696
Children
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing going on in our garden".
ID: 4465
Children
A father asked his son: "Why do you take the medicine before it's time? "
The son answered:" To surprise the germs! "
ID: 4163
Children
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision."
The second kid replies, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!
ID: 3714
Children
A little boy asked his mother:
Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
Don't even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don't bark.
ID: 5171
Children
A teacher asks a first grader a simple math question.
TEACHER:" If you had 50 cents in one pocket, and you asked you dad for another 50 cents, how much would you have?"
STUDENT:"50 cents."
TEACHER: "You obviously don't know how to add."
STUDENT: "You obviously don't know my dad!"
ID: 4582
Children
Molly wrote a letter to Santa Claus one day.
Dear Santa,
Please give me a Workout Barbie and a new milkman because he is sleeping with Mommy.
Love,
Molly
ID: 5852
Children
Little Tommy ran to his dad and said "Daddy, daddy! Watch me count."
Tommy holds up his right hand, and, touching each finger, counts to five. "One, two, three, four, five."
"Good!" his dad exclaimed. "Can you count higher?"
Tommy pauses to think for a minute, then stretches his hand higher up in the air, past his head.
"One, two, three, four, five..."
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