ID: 6774
Children
SON SAYS:
Daddy, how was I born?
DAD SAYS:
Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed little virus appeared.
And that's the story.
ID: 9768
Children
The day after Halloween, Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candybar one man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he but he knew how to mind his own business!"
ID: 1859
Children
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."
ID: 3617
Children
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
ID: 5940
Children
Little Johnny: Hey dad, are bugs good to eat?
Dad: Son, let's not talk about that at the dinner table, okay?
Little Johnny and his dad were talking after dinner...
Dad: So what did you want to say about bugs?
Little Johnny: Oh, nothing. There was one in your soup, but it's gone now!
ID: 3627
Children
Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:
- The future of "I give" is "I take."
- The parts of speech are lungs and air.
- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
- The climate is hottest next to the creator.
- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
ID: 1442
Children
There were three kids named My, Butt, and Stupid. They were pretty dumb and didn't know the word and. One day, they were playing ball on the sixth floor. Then, suddenly Stupid dropped the ball out the window. My jumped out the window to get the ball, while Butt tried to jump out the window to catch My. Stupid saw that the two of them fall out the window and ran down the stairs. When he got down, he saw a policeman looking at My and Butt. The policeman asked "Son, what is your name?" Stupid answered "I'm Stupid!" The policeman said "You're not stupid, son, now do you know what happened here?" Stupid answered "My Butt fell out the window!"
ID: 13873
Children
This is a true story. Last year my teachers all believed in the, "There is no stupid question" thing, until we started talking about a three day trip our class was going to take. We had just finished talking about room arrangements.
My teacher asked for any questions, stating his famous line, "There are no stupid questions." A girl raised her hand and asked, "Are guys allowed to bunk with us?"
He now has a new fave line, "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."
ID: 5208
Children
Child: Mom! I got a 100% on my homework!
Mom: Really? On what subject?
Child: A 40% on science and a 60% on spelling.
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