ID: 9672
Children
Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are.
The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"
The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast? My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30,... and he's home by 3:45!"
ID: 1822
Children
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother: "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said: "So then why is the groom wearing black?"
ID: 5292
Children
Once upon a time, there was a small family, with a little boy named Harry. They had just moved into a new home. It was tall, creaky, and just the place you would expect to be haunted. But, Harry did not believe in ghosts, or mummies, or witches or any of that stuff.
One day, his parents had to go to the store. They said,"Harry, if you need anything, just call us, or your neighbors." He replied,"I'll be fine." So they left, and Harry was alone. He went to his room, and started to read a book. But, he was interrupted by a little *raprap*. He went downstairs to see if someone was knocking on the door. There was no one there. He heard it again! *raprap* He went back to his room. He heard it again!!! *raprap* He went to the attic stairs door. This time, it was louder!!!! *RAPRAP* He opened the door. *RAPRAPRAP* it got louder and faster as he climbed the stairs. *RAPRAPRAPRAP* He opened the attic door, slowly and carefully, and he saw....
a box filled to the brim...
with......
wrapping paper!
ID: 2656
Children
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old daughter ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the daughter asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The little girl thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
ID: 2372
Children
Children in the back of the car cause accidents.
Accidents in the back of the car cause children
ID: 14748
Children
A boy comes home from school saying, "3rd grade math has way bigger numbers than 2nd grade!"
His dad replies, "Don't worry, when you start getting a paycheck they get smaller again."
ID: 1911
Children
It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today. ''Well, I played in the sandbox,'' she said. The teacher said, ''If you can spell sand, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie.'' So Susie did.
Then Billy came in and the teacher asked what he did. ''I played in the sandbox with Susie,'' he said. ''If you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie,'' the teacher said. So Billy did.
Then the little Russian boy said, ''Well, I wanted to play in the sandbox, but Billy and Susie were throwing rocks at me.''
The teacher said, ''Well, that sounds like discrimination. If you can spell that, I'll give you a cookie.''
ID: 11159
Children
Max: Here I am, once again! I'm torn into pieces...can't deny it, can't pretend! Just thought you were the one! Broken up, deep inside. But you don't get to see these tears I cry....BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES!
Bailey: So, wha'd you do with the money?
Max: What money???
Bailey: The money your mom gave you for voice lessons!
ID: 2758
Children
A little boy and his older sister were building paper airplanes when his sister said, "We should stop building planes now and play with the ones we've got. We don't need to waste any more paper."
"Why?"
"Because if we use too much paper we'll lose all the trees, and everyone will die.."
"Because we don't have any paper?"
+10,000 Jokes