ID: 15123
Children
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have a quiet smoke.
Jack returned with lung cancer
and Jill a fatal stroke.
ID: 6218
Children
This little boy asked his mother one day why his father had no hair.
His mother replied, "Well dear, that's because he thinks alot."
Having prided herself with coming up with such a wonderful answer she heard her son say,
"Gee mommy I'm sure glad you don't think 'cause you'd look funny with no hair!"
ID: 64
Children
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine-year-old responded, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?"
The nine-year old says "They're for my four-year-old little brother." The cashier is surprised: "Your four year-old-brother?"
The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."
ID: 1158
Children
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind,
Two, you didn't read your homework, and
Three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."
ID: 1196
Children
Two children were in a doctor's waiting room.
The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."
ID: 2115
Children
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
ID: 1143
Children
Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake
ID: 2653
Children
A teacher was teaching a class about the big bang theory. She asked Billy to go outside and observe his surroundings.
She then asked...
"Billy did you see the sky?"
"Yes", said Billy.
"Did you see the sun?"
"Yes", said the boy.
"Did you see God?"
"No", said the boy.
The Teacher said, "So God really isn't there."
A little girl started to ask Billy some questions.
"Did you see the sky?"
"Yes" was the reply
"Did you see the sun?"
Again, "yes" was the answer.
"Do you see the teacher's brain? Because according to her, she doesn't have one!!!"
ID: 927
Children
I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed-time finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!"
Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and
daddies."
Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"
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