ID: 14275
Children
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermo
ID: 2653
Children
A teacher was teaching a class about the big bang theory. She asked Billy to go outside and observe his surroundings.
She then asked...
"Billy did you see the sky?"
"Yes", said Billy.
"Did you see the sun?"
"Yes", said the boy.
"Did you see God?"
"No", said the boy.
The Teacher said, "So God really isn't there."
A little girl started to ask Billy some questions.
"Did you see the sky?"
"Yes" was the reply
"Did you see the sun?"
Again, "yes" was the answer.
"Do you see the teacher's brain? Because according to her, she doesn't have one!!!"
ID: 1441
Children
An American supply teacher came to a Canadian class one day. She told the students that she was an American and she asked if anyone else in the room was an American.
Even though not many people in the room were, everyone put up their hand not to be left out, except one girl.
The teacher stared at the girl and asked "If you're not an American, then what are you?" The girl replied, "I'm a proud Canadian."
The teacher asked "Why are you a Canadian?" The girl answered, "Because my parents are both Canadians."
The teacher asked "What if both of your parents are stupid, then what will you be?" The girl answered, "Then I would be an American!"
ID: 4780
Children
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted,
"My Mummy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
ID: 4466
Children
Jack was summoned by the Disciplinarian where his son, Tracey was enrolled. Tracey always throw stones at his playmates and he never missed.
Jack replied to the Disciplinarian : Sir, please look at the bright side. My son will grow up to be a very effective baseball pitcher.
ID: 6112
Children
It was Father's Day, and Little Billy's mom told him to tell his dad to just lay around, watch TV, and do nothing productive.
So Little Billy went into the family room where he found his dad watching TV. Little Billy said, "Dad, it's Father's Day, so mom and me think that you should just lay around, watch TV, and do nothing productive." His dad looked up from the TV and smiled, then went back to watching his show.
Little Billy paused a moment and said, "You know, just like you usually do..."
ID: 8247
Children
Here are some things learned in MY lifetime:
1) If you want something very bad and your parents won't let you, give them a lower lip, blink your eyes really fast, and say please 3,000 times until they crack.
2) NEVER ask your dad about Shakespeare or Math homework, unless you want a 5 hour lecture.
3) NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS unless if they have free candy and aren't Michael Jackson.
4) If anyone bullies you, just laugh and think, "MAN!, I can't wait for them to be dead."
5) If you do succeed in something, dont brag, just gloat.
6) When things look bad, give them to the homeless.
7) When you're in a fist fight, ALWAYS KNEE THEM IN THE FAMILY JEWELS then run away until it's December.
8) When your sad, don't get mad, get even.
9) When your parents are telling you something important, pretend you're listening and nod your head like you are agreeing.
10) The Holy Water at Church isn't water to drink.
11) When you get a bad grade on something, and your parents say why did you get this horrible grade, always say you did the best you could.
12) NEVER ask a dork for the time of the Bears Game.
13) When you are in love, don't do it in school, do it after school behind the dumpster.
14) When you are in trouble, urge your way to be in your room. (with the gameboy, X box, T.V. and PS2.)
15) In football, when the quarterback says HIKE, that doesn't mean that he got kicked in the ass.
16) When Spongebob rips his pants, that's normal.
17) When you are in Religion and you are daydreaming and the teacher says, "And so the answer is what, ( your name )?" Just say "GOD" it's the answer to pretty much anything. Right?
18) Always order pizza saying "Why" after every question the waiter says.
19) When people on the street are selling those suckers and they take your money to foundations, as sweet as it may be, never take the sucker, you never know where it has been.
20) When you lose the romote, look under you.
Well I hope you like these interesting things and take note to them.
ID: 2529
Children
Three little boys went into a candy store. "I want two cents worth of jelly beans," the first boy said to the clerk. The clerk frowned. The jelly beans were on the top self, and he didn't like climbing up there just to sell two cents worth, but he did it. When he came down, he put away his ladder and turned to the second boy.
"What will you have?" he asked.
"I'll have two cents worth of jelly beans, too," said the boy. Angrily, the clerk got the ladder and climbed up to get the jelly beans. While he was still up there, he turned to the third boy.
"You don't want two cents worth of jelly beans, do you?" asked the man.
"No, sir," answered the third boy, so the man climbed down and put away the ladder.
"Now, what do you want?" the clerk asked the boy.
"A nickel's worth of the jelly beans," replied the lad.
ID: 2656
Children
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old daughter ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the daughter asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The little girl thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
+10,000 Jokes