ID: 13429
Children
A teacher is explaining Biology to her 4th grade students, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must have been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was,"said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say 'F*ck,' the rottweiler ate him!"
ID: 15245
Children
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
ID: 15080
Children
The preschoolers' Sunday school teacher told them that she wanted each of them to learn one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The next Sunday, she asked each of them what they had learned.
"I learned that he was born in a manger," said Julie.
Timmy said, "I learned that he threw the money changers out of the temple."
"What about you, Johnny? What did you learn?" the teacher asked.
"He has a pick-up truck and he doesn't know how to drive," replied Little Johnny.
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"
"I learned it from Daddy," Little Johnny explained. "When we were driving down the highway, a pick-up truck cut right in front of us and Daddy shouted, "Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive!"
ID: 15185
Children
When the second grader arrived home from school, she excitedly ran up to her mom and said, "Guess what we learned today, mommy? How to make babies."
Her mother was more than surprised, but did her best to remain calm. She knew that this day would come, but she had hoped it wouldn't have been so soon. "How interesting dear," her mother said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's really simple," replied the little girl. "All you have to do is change the 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
ID: 17747
Children
A schoolteacher is leading her students through a park, and they see a baby hare. These are city kids, and have never seen a hare. "Do you know who this is?" asks the teacher. No one knows. "Come on kids", says the teacher trying to lead the children to the answer, "He's a character in many stories, songs and poems we always read." One student "figures it out," pats the hare and says reverently, "So *that's* what you're like, Grandpa Lenin!"
ID: 13556
Children
A little boy is adopted from Korea and is flown to the USA to meet his new parents. A few years later the parents decide to adopt again on the way to the airport the little boy sees planes coming in to land. He says to his mother, "Look at all the babies being born."
(he thinks all babies come on air planes Ha Ha)
ID: 3696
Children
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing going on in our garden".
ID: 2553
Children
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
ID: 13924
Children
Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. – Denise
Dear God,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. – Dean
Dear God,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. – Elliot
Dear God,
Of all the people who work for You, I like Noah and David the best. – Rob
Dear God,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? – Marsha
+10,000 Jokes