ID: 1722
Children
Little Johnny walked into class one day and sat down. He realized that someone new was teaching the class today, It was Coach Bob, the gym teacher.
Coach Bob started the class by saying, "Okay you little one's are never too young to learn about s-e-x, uh ummm."
While every other kid in the class is giggling. Little Johnny looks really intent.
Coach Bob then asks, " Well, what do any of you kids already know about sex."
Little Shirley raised her hand, "One time my puppy had a baby."
"Good " said Coach Bob
Then Little Chuckie raised his hand and said, "Well my mom gave me a little sister."
"Good, good." said Coach Bob
The Little Johnny raised his hand and Coach Bob's heart skipped a beat. He said "Yes Little Johnny."
"Well," said Little Johnny, "one time at my grandpa's house I was watching an old western starring the Lone Ranger, and he fought off one hundred Indians."
"Oh Yeah," said Coach Bob really relieved, "what does that have to do with sex ed."
"That'll teach those Indians to screw with the Lone Ranger."
ID: 2851
Children
These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid's house. The kid is so rich that he has his own swimming pool, and all the kids go in. As they're changing afterwards, one of the poor kids says to the other one, "Did you notice how small the rich kid's penises were?" "Yeah," says his mate, "It's probably because they've got toys to play with."
ID: 7687
Children
Little johnny was heard praying in a loud voice a week before his birthday.
"Dear God I pray that I will get a computer game for my birthday!"
"Why are you shouting" asked his mother "God isn't deaf?!?!?!?!?"
"I know said Johnny, but grandma is!"
ID: 9536
Children
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."
"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I just yell 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all come a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I call them by their last names."
ID: 14435
Children
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Billy: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Billy: "No hair, Sir."
ID: 3602
Children
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
ID: 13148
Children
A man was settling down to his after-dinner drink when he daughter climbs onto his lap. "Where does poo come from?" asks his inquisitive girl.
The man knew these types of questions would come, and had given some thought to the answer he would give. "Well, sweetheart, you know the dinner you just ate? Well, our bodies keep the good parts, called nutrients, so our bones and muscles can grow strong. The rest passes out of our backsides, and that's poo."
After a shocked silence, the girl trembles through another question for her father... "Umm... so where does Tigger come from?"
ID: 6351
Children
There once was a boy, whose parents was a cursed a lot.
One time, while he was on a drive with his dad, a policeman pulled him over and gave him a ticket. "Bastard!" the father muttered afterwards.
The boy asked, "What does 'bastard' mean?"
The dad told him nervously, "It's a slang word for 'police officer'."
Another time, the dad was walking out of the house. On his way out, he tripped over the doormat and yelled, "Shit!"
The boy heard and asked, "Dad, what does 'shit' mean?"
The dad said to him, "It means 'doormat'."
Later, the boy went into the kitchen and his mum was cooking eggs. She dropped one and yelled angrily, "Tit!"
The boy asked her, "What does 'tit' mean?"
The mum told him, "It's another word for 'eggs'".
The dad came back home later and went upstairs. The boy followed him up. The dad went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Seconds later he cut himself shaving and shouted, "Fuck!"
The boy asked him when he came out, "What does 'fuck' mean?" The dad told him, "It's another word for 'shaving'."
A few days later, the doorbell rang and the boy answered the door. A police officer was standing on the porch. The boy, smiling said, "Hi bastard, come in! Wipe your feet on the shit. My mum is in the kitchen frying her tits and my dad is upstairs fucking himself."
ID: 9673
Children
The priest was instructing a class of third- graders at All Saints grammar school.
"There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell.
"But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable lawyer.
"Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy seas?"
Herman raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught."
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