CHILDREN

ID: 5283

Children

Skinny Kid

Child: Mommy, why am I so skinny?

Mommy: Don't worry about it, dear. When your father was born, he only weighed four pounds.

Child: Really? Did he live?

ID: 11115

Children

The Advanced Baby

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

"Are you my doctor?" he asked.

"Yes, I am."

The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"

"Yes, I am," she said.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"

"Yes, I am," his father answered.

The baby motioned him to come closer, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying,

"I want you to know that

THAT HURTS!"

ID: 1988

Children

A Wise Child

A little boy is leaving school at the end of the day. As he strolls along the sidewalk, a car pulls up to the curb, and a man winds down the window.

"Hey, kid, I've got candy in my car. Hop in and I'll give it to you."

"No. I'm not going to." The boy walks on. Further down the road, the car pulls over again.

"Hey there kid, if you get in my car, I'll give you all this candy, and a big bottle of cola. How about it?"

"No way! Now leave me alone!" The boy walks on, quickening his pace. The car again pulls over beside him.

"Look, kid, I've got a puppy at home you'd love to see. Get in and I'll take you there. You can have all the candy and the cola on the way. What d'you say to that?"

The boy is getting agitated. He stops walking, and leans down to the car window.

"Look, I don't care what you promise me Dad. I'm NOT riding in your Lada!"

ID: 1585

Children

The Bigger family

Who's Bigger?
Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby?


His baby cause he is a little Bigger.

ID: 2109

Children

Bubblegum

Why did the bubblegum cross the road?
















Because he was stuck to the chickens leg.

ID: 1469

Children

Little Johny Strikes Again

Little Johnny was on a plane when the stranger in the next seat said, "Let's talk. Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

The stranger said, "How about nuclear power?"

Johnny said, "That could be interesting. But first, I have a question. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same thing, grass. Yet a deer excretes pellets, while a cow excretes a flat patty, and a horse excretes clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger said, "I have no idea."

Johnny said, "Well, then, why do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

ID: 1259

Children

Messages to God

The following are messages written by children to God,

Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma

Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane

Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan

Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil

Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane

Dear God, Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
-Darla

Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce

Dear GOD, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend. (But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. -Tom L.

Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. -Bruce

Dear GOD, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. -Danny

Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. -Sam

Dear GOD, I think the stapler is one of your goodest inventions.
-Ruth M.

Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD, If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Mickey D.

Dear GOD, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. Love, Chris

Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely, Donna

-Unknown email sent me it

ID: 1715

Children

Kids at Work

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?"
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system and is very efficient."

"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."

ID: 328

Children

Make a Sentence

Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply.

"Defeat of Deduct went over defence before detail!"

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