ID: 7439
Children
Johnny and his mother were having a parent-teacher conference.
MOTHER: Johnny really enjoys having you as a teacher, Mrs. Bengal.
JOHNNY: Really? I didn't know it was opposite day!
ID: 2092
Children
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church.
So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'"
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
ID: 4435
Children
Three boys are walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is just looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, "I am the ghost of Auntie Mabel and this five dollars stays on the table!"
The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again.
The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, "I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!"
ID: 1207
Children
Boy: Will you punish me for something I
didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy: Good cause I didn't do my homework!
ID: 1166
Children
A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, ''When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass'.''
The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, ''Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios."
The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, ''And what would YOU like for breakfast?''
''I don't know,'' the 4-year-old blubbers, ''but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!''
ID: 1441
Children
An American supply teacher came to a Canadian class one day. She told the students that she was an American and she asked if anyone else in the room was an American.
Even though not many people in the room were, everyone put up their hand not to be left out, except one girl.
The teacher stared at the girl and asked "If you're not an American, then what are you?" The girl replied, "I'm a proud Canadian."
The teacher asked "Why are you a Canadian?" The girl answered, "Because my parents are both Canadians."
The teacher asked "What if both of your parents are stupid, then what will you be?" The girl answered, "Then I would be an American!"
ID: 6968
Children
A 6 year old was in a car with her parents. She kept having sneezing fits, and she kept splattering snot all over the seats. Eventually, the Mum and Dad gave up on trying to stop the sneezing, and told the little girl to put her hands up when she sneezed. The little girl did so, raising her hands above her head, and sneezed on the Mum's face!!
ID: 8070
Children
Sam: "Cas, phone for you!"
Cas: "Okay, thanks, Sam." --BEEP OF PHONE BEING TURNED ON-- "Hello? Oh, hi...."
--AFTER PHONE CONVERSATION--
Sam: "So, who was it?"
Cas: "Heather."
Sam: "What did she want?"
Cas: "Our phone number."
ID: 6198
Children
Little Johnny was doing his homework, and it was some sort of code where you had to fill in which letter is which, i.e. the letter a = 1, b = 2, d = 4, etc. He got to one that he didn't know which number it was, and he decided to ask his father, who was sitting on the couch next to him.
Little Johnny said, "Hey dad, can you tell me what the 25th letter of the alphabet is?"
The dad answered, "Y."
Little Johnny said, "Because I wanna know. Gosh, do you know it or not?"
The dad said, "Y, son!"
Little Johnny said, "Because I wanna know, and if you want to deny it again, then you are more of a *&^%ing *&^%$ than a ^&*# on a %$#@!
The dad took this hard, and said meekly, "It's the letter 'y', son."
Little Johnny said, "Oh, thank you, dad. So I guess this would be a bad time to ask for a raise for my allowance, eh?"
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