ID: 5239
Children
Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet?
Alvin: 18.
Teacher: Wrong, there are 26.
Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.
ID: 13726
Children
One day a little girl came running into her house
yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheels while he sat in the tree." The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your undies?"
"Ohhhh" said the little girl. The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars." The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?" The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is..." Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, "Wait Mommy; I tricked him, I didn't wear any undies today."
ID: 17885
Children
If you copy from your textbooks, it's making good use of what you've learnt.
If you copy from anywhere else, it's plagiarism.
ID: 14435
Children
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Billy: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Billy: "No hair, Sir."
ID: 15161
Children
The gas station was located on a main highway leading to the beach so the pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired and sunburned occupants in the cars that pulled in to fill up.
When a rusty old station wagon containing a very tired looking couple and seven screaming children pulled into his station, the attendant tried small talk to cheer the occupants.
"Hope you had a good day at the beach! Nice looking kids there. Are they all yours or is this a picnic?"
Wearily, the driver relied, "Yes, they are all mine, and it is NO picnic!"
ID: 328
Children
Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply.
"Defeat of Deduct went over defence before detail!"
ID: 15078
Children
Little Johnny had the flu and wasn't able to attend the Palm Sunday church service with his family.
When they returned home from the service, they were carrying palm branches. "What are those?" Little Johnny asked his mother.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his mother explained.
"Well, doesn't that just figure," grumbled Little Johnny. "The one Sunday I can't go to church, and Jesus shows up!"
ID: 1720
Children
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
ID: 15218
Children
Read All About It!
A newsboy was standing at the corner with a stack of newspapers, yelling, "Read all about it! Fifty people swindled! Read all about it!"
Curious about it, a man walked over and bought a newspaper. After checking the front page and finding nothing, he said to the boy, "What are you talking about? I don't see anything in here about fifty people being swindled."
The newsboy ignored him and continued, yelling out, "Read all about it! Fifty-one people swindled!"
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