ID: 3598
Children
A kindergarden teacher had a pupil tell her he had found a frog.
She inquired as to whether it was dead or alive.
"Dead," she was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked.
"Because I pissed in his ear," said the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?" squealed the teacher in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy,
"I leaned over and went 'Pssst'. He didn't move!"
ID: 16304
Children
One day at Lee Elementary in the 1st grade hallway a little boy named Chris(kid #2 from my spoiled brat joke) and another child name sarah are walking down the hall way.
(sarah and chris bump into each other)
sarah:watch it doo doo head.
chris:you watch it cootie pants.
sarah:who are you calling cootie pants,freckle face.
chris:you,little miss bucktooth.
sarah:well you're nothing but a ugly butt.
chris:why don't you shut the hell up you god damn mother fucking bitch ass whore.
ID: 12863
Children
A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles."
The boy replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward."
ID: 9715
Children
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
ID: 12143
Children
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold."
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?"
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."
ID: 9536
Children
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."
"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I just yell 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all come a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I call them by their last names."
ID: 11135
Children
Mom: How did you do on your history test?
Kid: Not good.
Mom: Why?
Kid: They asked me things that happened before I was born!
ID: 12537
Children
A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?"she says. Johnny replies, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"
ID: 11008
Children
Q :whats the best thing about children?
A :making them!!
+10,000 Jokes