ID: 15130
Children
During a dinner party, the hosts' two small children entered the dining room naked and proceeded to parade slowly around the table.
Embarrassed, the parents pretended nothing was happening and continued to converse with their guests. The guests co-operated and also carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.
After they finished walking all around the room, the children left.
As the children disappeared from sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "See, I told you, it IS vanishing cream!"
ID: 5494
Children
Friend 1:"Yeh,you are looking too fat."
Friend 2:"You are looking too old."
Friend 1:"I am not old."
Friend 2:"Then, I am not too fat."
ID: 1718
Children
Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell bibles. So the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. But he was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment.
So after the first days of work they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, "How many bibles did you sell?"
The boy stood up and said, "35."
"Is that all you sold?" the preacher asked.
"He looked at the second boy and asked him the same thing. The boy said, "75." "That is good," the preacher replied.
He didn't want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impediment said ''I-I-I s-s-sold 175.'' The preacher was amazed and asked the boy how did he sell all of the bibles. He said ''I-I-I t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-them or I will r-r-read it to t-t-them'''
ID: 959
Children
One time, when I was a kid, I forgot to do my homework, so I stole someone else's and turned it in. After class, the teacher pulled me over. She asked why I didn't turn in the homework. I said, guess I forgot to change the name on it!
ID: 502
Children
A baby boy was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing - I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and nurses were examining the little guy in front of his worried parents. He just kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded his tiny fingers to check if his hand was all right, and guess what he found?
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The birth control pill.
ID: 1722
Children
Little Johnny walked into class one day and sat down. He realized that someone new was teaching the class today, It was Coach Bob, the gym teacher.
Coach Bob started the class by saying, "Okay you little one's are never too young to learn about s-e-x, uh ummm."
While every other kid in the class is giggling. Little Johnny looks really intent.
Coach Bob then asks, " Well, what do any of you kids already know about sex."
Little Shirley raised her hand, "One time my puppy had a baby."
"Good " said Coach Bob
Then Little Chuckie raised his hand and said, "Well my mom gave me a little sister."
"Good, good." said Coach Bob
The Little Johnny raised his hand and Coach Bob's heart skipped a beat. He said "Yes Little Johnny."
"Well," said Little Johnny, "one time at my grandpa's house I was watching an old western starring the Lone Ranger, and he fought off one hundred Indians."
"Oh Yeah," said Coach Bob really relieved, "what does that have to do with sex ed."
"That'll teach those Indians to screw with the Lone Ranger."
ID: 300
Children
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"
ID: 500
Children
A little girl and her mother were out and about when, out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are, I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
ID: 1823
Children
A lil boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where`s Mom and Dad? " and she replied, "They`re up in bed," so the lil boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.
Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "Where`s Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "They`re still up in bed," and the lil boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.
Then the lil boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma, "Where`s Mom and Dad?" and his grandmother replied "They`re still up in bed" and the little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "What give's? Every time I tell you they`re still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?"
The little boy replied, "Well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue instead."
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