ID: 3727
Children
Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot summer day.
Their dad wouldn't let them play in the sprinkler because he was mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a way to get wet and cool without getting into trouble.
They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when suddenly one of them jumped up and declared, "I know! Let's get baptized!"
Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can get wet at a baptism, so they trotted on down to the church on the corner and told the pastor they wanted to get baptized.
The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes of begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's room and dunked them both head first into the toilet, then sent them on their way.
The boys sat on the curb, slightly disappointed with the whole adventure, when one of them asked the other, "Hey, what religion are we now?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "If we were Baptists, he
would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole body like he did for Uncle Jim, and if we were Catholic, he would have poured it on our heads from a pitcher..."
They sat and thought about it for a while longer when the first one said in a small voice, "Since he stuck our head in the toilet, I think that it means that we're 'pisscapalian."
ID: 11299
Children
Billy: i know a person who is 35 and still in 4th grade!
Eddie: Really! who?
Billy: My teacher!
ID: 11685
Children
Teacher: "Simon! What does it mean if the barometer falls?"
Simon: "Err.. The nail's come out of the wall, miss?"
ID: 14036
Children
An eight year old girl tried checking a book out of the library, entitled 'Advice for Young Mothers'.
The librarian, being a typically nosey and puritanical librarian, asked, "Why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?"
The little girl replied, "Because I collect moths."
ID: 11073
Children
One day a man was watching a show that shows how people make candy bars (by the way he has one in his hand). About halfway through the show, his son comes in asks him if he could ask him a question. The man says yes so his son asks him, "Where can most criminals be found?"
The Man answers, "Behind candy bars"
"My point exactly," the son replies. (The son found 12 dollars to missing the day before and his father was the only who could take it given the circumstances at the time.)
A couple weeks later the man finds many of his personal items go missing. Then, one day when found his watch missing and he realizes his son took it. So the man waited until his son took out a candy bar for dessert after dinner and then he asks him, "Where can most criminals be found?"
"Behind Bars," replies his son thinking, *No DUH!!!? How dumb does he think I am?*
"Candy Bars to be exact," his father adds.
ID: 13455
Children
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." - Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." - Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."- Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." - Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." - Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids." - Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." - Lynnette, age 8
WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." - Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." - Curt, age 7
"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." - Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." - Anita, age 9
"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." - Kirsten, age 10
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." - Roberta, age 7
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." - Ricky, age 10
ID: 11008
Children
Q :whats the best thing about children?
A :making them!!
ID: 15109
Children
Little Susie was mother's little helper and always set the table when company was coming for dinner.
The table was set, the visitors had arrived and everyone sat down at the table when Mother noticed that something was missing.
"Susie, you didn't put a knife and fork out for Mr. Grover," mother said.
"I didn't think he would need them, Mommy," Susie explained. "Daddy says he eats like a horse!"
ID: 11839
Children
Justin: If you give me a quarter, I'll give you everything in my lunch box.
Zach: That depends... what's in your lunchbox?
Justin: Nothing!
+10,000 Jokes