ID: 4735
Children
Jerry: So you have both a nice mommy and a pretty mommy?
Steve: Yup. They're lesbians.
ID: 13942
Children
A little girl went into the barber shop to get a haircut. When the barber was cutting her hair he realized she was eating a little debbie snack. He said, "Sweetie, you're going to get hair on your twinkie."
The little girl answered, "I know, and I'm going to get boobs, too."
ID: 13980
Children
Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished
studying.
If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse.
Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose.
Just keep banging until someone opens the door.
Making your bed is a waste of time.
There is no good reason why clothes have to match.
Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
You work so hard pedalling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down.
You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game.
ID: 13866
Children
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television." Jill, age 6.
"Love is foolish.....but I might try it sometime." Floyd, age 9.
"Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place...we were behind a tree." Carey, age 7.
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"Sensitivity don't hurt." Robbie, age 8.
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Shake your hips and hope for the best." Camille, age 9.
"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." Manuel, age 8.
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF ADULTS EATING DINNER IN A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"Romantic adults are usually all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." Sarah, age 9.
"See if the man has lipstick on his face." Sandra, age 7.
ID: 13401
Children
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a moment, then gasped - "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
A 7-year old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity. The picture was very good, including Mary, Joseph, and of course baby Jesus.
However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable that just did not seem to fit in. When the child was asked about it, she replied, "Oh, that's Round John Virgin."
ID: 12082
Children
Billy-Bob returns from school and tells his father he got an "F" in Arithmetic today.
"Why?" asks his father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said, '6'".
"But that's right," said his father.
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'."
"What's the fucking difference?" asks his father.
"That's what I said!"
ID: 9601
Children
A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away," the boy said. He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!"
"Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him."
ID: 14346
Children
Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
Student: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home
ID: 11280
Children
Teacher: If you stood with your back to the north and faced due south, what would be on your left hand?
Lisa: Fingers
+10,000 Jokes