ID: 17747
Children
A schoolteacher is leading her students through a park, and they see a baby hare. These are city kids, and have never seen a hare. "Do you know who this is?" asks the teacher. No one knows. "Come on kids", says the teacher trying to lead the children to the answer, "He's a character in many stories, songs and poems we always read." One student "figures it out," pats the hare and says reverently, "So *that's* what you're like, Grandpa Lenin!"
ID: 11684
Children
Mom: "Why have you been sent home early, Jack?"
Jack: "Because the boy next to me was smoking."
Mom: "But if he was smoking, why were you sent home?"
Jack: "Because I set him on fire!"
ID: 17164
Children
Henry: Oh my enemies makes me so mad I want to kill them!
Phil: I can help you with that.
Henry: How?
Phil: First, go to the internet cafe. When you are already using the computer make a folder and name it "Your Enemies". After that, delete the folder. Go to the recycle bin and delete the folder again. It should say "Do you really want to delete "Your Enemies"?". Click yes. Now you don't have your enemies any more. They're deleted out of this world. There's no way you can get them back unless you create them.
Henry: Oh! Now I can get rid of them; but what if I decide to create them again? How can I create them again?
Phil: There's no way you can create them again, Henry. To create them, of course they need to be born. You said that all females are your enemies.
ID: 13155
Children
My mom had just placed some flypaper out when my little cousin wandered in. She was fascinated watching the flies get caught. Finally, my mom asked, "Molly, don't you have flies in your house?"
"Yeah, we have flies. We just don't have anything for them to sit on."
ID: 14275
Children
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermo
ID: 494
Children
A manager in a big company needed to contact one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered voice on the first ring, "Hello?"
"Is your Daddy home?" the boss quickly asked. "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked, feeling somewhat put-off by this delay. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."
"Son, is there any one there besides you?" the boss impatiently asked the child. "Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed voice the child answered, "The police just landed the hello-copper!"
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
After a muffled giggle, the young voice replied in a very low whisper, "They're looking for me!"
ID: 17355
Children
This 4-year-old kid is sitting on the couch watching T.V. silently, with an angry look on his face. After a while, his mother notices this and asks him, "Why the long face?"
"Well, Mommy, I know that you invited everyone to your wedding. You invited grandpa, grandma, my uncle, your friends and all . . ."
"So what's the problem, Sweety?" his mother asks. "WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME?"
ID: 17359
Children
Johnny comes home from school, and shouts, "Mother!"
Mother calls from upstairs, "If you wish to speak to me, come upstairs so you don't have to shout."
When Johnny gets upstairs, she says, "Now, what did you want to say to me?"
"Just that I trod in some dog do, but it seems to have gone now!"
ID: 15050
Children
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class.
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.
Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.
Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Shelby - Apple Sauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Apple Sauce". Then you eat it.
Jordan - Cranberry Pie
Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you eat it.
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