ID: 2388
Children
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother said to her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Brenda, we just have five of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "there, there, Brenda, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Brenda, just control yourself, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Brenda," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Brenda - my little girl's name is Ashley."
ID: 2672
Children
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
ID: 1585
Children
Who's Bigger?
Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby?
His baby cause he is a little Bigger.
ID: 2483
Children
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
ID: 3696
Children
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing going on in our garden".
ID: 9052
Children
My little sister recently asked me:
"Why does the conductor of the band always wave his magic wand, but the players never disappear?"
ID: 4779
Children
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"
ID: 2655
Children
A mother was driving her kids to school one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
ID: 7306
Children
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"
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