ID: 1183
Children
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''
''No. You had your chance.''
A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''
''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''
''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass of water?''
ID: 17553
Children
Would you hit a woman with a baby? No, I'd hit her with a brick.
ID: 14769
Children
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
ID: 15304
Children
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado.
Reagan, 10
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter.
Sara, 6
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.
Jared, 8
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it.
Antonio, 9
My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
Katelynn, 9
Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.
Vicki, 8
What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.
Sarah, 7
ID: 14509
Children
One day, Bob's class was assigned to write down everything they heard at home.
When Bob got home, he heard his mom and dad fighting.
"Shut up" he heard his dad say.
Bob wrote that down.
Next he went to his sister's room. She was chatting on-line. It just so happened that she said everything she typed. "Duh!" Bob heard her saying.
Bob wrote that down.
After that, he went to the living room were he heard his little brother saying, "Super Man!"
Bob wrote that down.
Last, he went near the bathroom were his grandpa was singing, "Every day, the whole day, in the bathroom."
Bob wrote that down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day at school, The teacher asked Bob, "What did you write, Bob?"
Bob answered, "Shut up!"
"Excuse me, but do you want to go to the Principal's office?"
"Duh!" was Bob's reply.
At the principal's office he asked Bob, "What's your name?"
Bob answered, "Super Man!"
"Uh huh, and where do you live, Mr. Super Man?" asked the principal.
This was his reply:
"Every day, the whole day, in the bathroom!"
From that day on, Bob was home-schooled.
P.S. I know it's a lame title, but what can I say, I'm not brilliant when it comes to titles.
ID: 14246
Children
Alligator
One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
ID: 14273
Children
The following are actual questions written to pastors from children across the world.
Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh
Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments, but I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
ID: 14442
Children
A group of young children was sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
"It goes moo."
"Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
"It goes meow."
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
"It goes baaa."
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
"Errr..it goes.. click!"
ID: 14236
Children
What happens when a lion roars?
Tom n Jerry starts!
+10,000 Jokes