ID: 300
Children
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"
ID: 13924
Children
Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. – Denise
Dear God,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. – Dean
Dear God,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. – Elliot
Dear God,
Of all the people who work for You, I like Noah and David the best. – Rob
Dear God,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? – Marsha
ID: 17941
Children
Cop to boy: Which of the two fighting in the street is your father?
Boy: I don't know. That's what they're fighting about!
ID: 9672
Children
Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are.
The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"
The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast? My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30,... and he's home by 3:45!"
ID: 12140
Children
Anyways, there was an assembly at school and they had us sit on bleachers inside the main gym. Then I notice one of my friends walk in and since there's a space next to me, I decide to call him over. But the thing is, his nickname is fire, because of his bright red hair.
So I yell out FIRE! loud enough for him to hear me over the noise. Then I realize what I just did... everyone in my section of the bleachers just stared at me until a teacher came and pulled me off to the side for a little talk.
This has been a Stupid Drunky Moment. (By the way, if you think I'm stupid, think about the other students. If someone yells fire, you run, you don't turn around and stare at him. Idiots.
ID: 10838
Children
Rose, a mother of two boys, Jim and Ralph, heard yelling from upstairs. She heard several phrases like "I got you!" and "No, you didn't!" She ran to see what the yelling was about. It ended up that the two boys were playing cops and robbers, and were trying to shoot each other with their fingers.
"Jim! Haven't I taught you not to point! Fake guns are no excuse!"
"...But mum!" Jim replied after a short pause, "I'm giving him the thumbs up, too!"
ID: 10479
Children
A little boy was in a bookstore with his dad. They were browsing for books when the little kid said,"You know American Idol?"
His dad said, "Yeah."
The kid then said, "If they win, they'll become poptarts!"
ID: 11073
Children
One day a man was watching a show that shows how people make candy bars (by the way he has one in his hand). About halfway through the show, his son comes in asks him if he could ask him a question. The man says yes so his son asks him, "Where can most criminals be found?"
The Man answers, "Behind candy bars"
"My point exactly," the son replies. (The son found 12 dollars to missing the day before and his father was the only who could take it given the circumstances at the time.)
A couple weeks later the man finds many of his personal items go missing. Then, one day when found his watch missing and he realizes his son took it. So the man waited until his son took out a candy bar for dessert after dinner and then he asks him, "Where can most criminals be found?"
"Behind Bars," replies his son thinking, *No DUH!!!? How dumb does he think I am?*
"Candy Bars to be exact," his father adds.
ID: 13045
Children
What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, apparently. I have to go back tomorrow!
+10,000 Jokes