ID: 7451
Children
A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.
She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?"
A little girl raised her hand.
"Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?"
"It's a cow, teacher."
"Very good, Janie," said the teacher.
Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?"
Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know, teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"
ID: 5791
Children
One day a little boy was at kindergarten. The teacher told the class their homework was to find the first five letters of the alphabet.
When the little boy got home he went to his older brother who was playing video games. "Big brother whats the first letter of the alphabet?". His big brother then said to the little boy "Shut up retard i`m sick of listening to you!".
Then the little boy went on to his second brother who was watching batman. " Big brother what`s the second letter of the alphabet?". The older brother who obviously wasn`t paying attention said " Na na na na na na na Batman!".
The little boy went on to his dad who was watching football and said "Dad whats the third letter of the alphabet?". His dad then screamed "Forty-niners, forty-niners!".
Once again the little boy went on but this time to his mom who was cooking buns and he said "Mom what`s the fourth letter of the alphabet?". His mom then yelled " My buns are on fire, my buns are on fire!".
One last time the boy went to his dad again and said "Dad what`s the fifth letter of the alphabet?". His dad who was taking out the garbage sang "In the garbage in the garbage in the garbage.".
The little boy went to school the next day and the teacher asked him what the first letter of the alphabet is the little boy said " Shut up retard i`m sick of listening to you!". The teacher was outraged " Young man what is your name?" " Na na na na na na na Batman!". The teacher was now furious " Go down to the principal`s office right now!". The little boy listened and went down to the principal`s office.
" All right young man since I am a nice principal i`ll let you pick how many spankings you will get". The little boy yelled " Forty niners forty niners". So after forty nine spankings the principal looked down at the boy and said " How do you feel now?". The little boy screamed " My buns are on fire my buns are on fire!". The principal looked at the boy and said " All right lets see if i`ve straightened you up now. Where do I live?" the little boy sang " In the garbage In the garbage In the garbage"...
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...
...
The little boy is now in millitary school due to his abc accident.
ID: 3714
Children
A little boy asked his mother:
Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
Don't even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don't bark.
ID: 3820
Children
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
ID: 4466
Children
Jack was summoned by the Disciplinarian where his son, Tracey was enrolled. Tracey always throw stones at his playmates and he never missed.
Jack replied to the Disciplinarian : Sir, please look at the bright side. My son will grow up to be a very effective baseball pitcher.
ID: 6008
Children
A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and she was mad.
Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."
Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."
Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"
Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."
The mom said "ok", and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.
Mom : "Now what do I do?"
Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some friggin ice cream."
ID: 5267
Children
Teacher: Jimmy! Count from one all the way to ten!
Jimmy: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
Teacher: Good, now what comes after that?
Jimmy:Jack, queen and king!
ID: 11485
Children
Grey hair is hereditary - you get it from your kids.
ID: 14769
Children
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
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