CHILDREN

ID: 14441

Children

The Best Present

Little Tommy was telling his friend Billy all about his Christmas presents.

"My daddy bought me a mouth organ. It's the best present I've ever had."

"Why?"

"Because my mummy gives me extra money every week if I don't play it."

ID: 9052

Children

Magic Baton

My little sister recently asked me:
"Why does the conductor of the band always wave his magic wand, but the players never disappear?"

ID: 1903

Children

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.

Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby, so Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home."

"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.

At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"

The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."

He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?"

The mother, a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes ... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he sure as shit can't wear glasses."

ID: 6075

Children

Misunderstanding?

Little Mikey's parents were going out, and Mikey said, "For 20 bucks, Dad, I'll be good."

"Oh please," said his father. "When I was your age, I was good for nothing."

ID: 3696

Children

A Father Watched His Daughter...

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing going on in our garden".

ID: 7285

Children

Back to School

Why did the kid walk backwards to school?

Because it was back to school day!

ID: 4435

Children

Boys Will Be Boys

Three boys are walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is just looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, "I am the ghost of Auntie Mabel and this five dollars stays on the table!"

The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again.

The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, "I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!"

ID: 6070

Children

Cat's Tail

Mom (Reprimandingly): Julia! How many times must I tell you not to pull the cat's tail?

Julia (Innocently): But Mom, I'm only holding the tail. It's the cat that's doing the pulling.

ID: 6218

Children

HAIR

This little boy asked his mother one day why his father had no hair.
His mother replied, "Well dear, that's because he thinks alot."
Having prided herself with coming up with such a wonderful answer she heard her son say,
"Gee mommy I'm sure glad you don't think 'cause you'd look funny with no hair!"

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