ID: 8202
Children
Q.)Why do kids pick their nose?
A.)BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO DARN LAZY TO GET A TISSUE
AND THEIR FAVORITE SHOW IS ON. EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE SEEN IT 1 HUNDRED TIMES, CAN'T MISS A SECOND TO GET A TISSUE, WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR FINGER FOR FAST AND EASY ANSWER FOR THEIR BOGERY NOSE!
Q.) How do you make them stop?
A.) Glue a tissue box full of tissues to their head.
ID: 16898
Children
When my pap was younger, his family didn't have much money. One year for Christmas, his mother cut a hole in the front of his underwear so he would have something to play with.
ID: 3719
Children
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
ID: 3627
Children
Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:
- The future of "I give" is "I take."
- The parts of speech are lungs and air.
- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
- The climate is hottest next to the creator.
- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
ID: 4474
Children
One to his friend:
"My little brother started walking last week!"
The other friend:
"Where did he go? He should be kilometers away!"
ID: 7439
Children
Johnny and his mother were having a parent-teacher conference.
MOTHER: Johnny really enjoys having you as a teacher, Mrs. Bengal.
JOHNNY: Really? I didn't know it was opposite day!
ID: 3617
Children
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
ID: 4573
Children
One day little Billy was walking past his mother's room when he heard strange noises. He opened thecracked the door, and looked in. He saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her body moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" A couple of days later as he walked past her room he heard the noises again so he looked into her room and saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her body moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" A few days later as he walked past her room he heard some more strange noises coming from her room, so he looked in again. This time he saw his mother laying naked on the bed with a naked man laying on top of her. So he ran to his room, took off all his clothes, hopped into bed and started rubbing his hands all over his body moaning "I need a new bike! I need a new bike!"
ID: 6189
Children
Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to his mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out. Everyone was amazed, the father said "You must be an expert!" The man replied, "No sir I'm just a tax collector."
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