ID: 15609
Children
It was the first day of school and I had gotten a serious scrape on my knee so I asked my friend Jesse to write down notes for me while I went to the nurse. Now, it was the first day of school and there were no notes written on our notebooks and neither of us had written our names on them, so when I came back the next and asked him to give me back my notebooks, he couldn't tell which was mine and which was his, so we both decided that we'd take either one. Near the end of the school year Jesse got in trouble for stealing my notebook. After he got in trouble (with 3 days detention) I asked him why he stole my notebook. He showed me a small note on the back of what we had thought was his notebook that had been written on the back as a joke saying, "Don't tell anyone, but this is my notebook," with a picture of me taped next to it. The date on the picture, August 8.
ID: 16887
Children
A little boy walks into a ice cream parlor to buy ice cream.
Worker: Hello little boy, can I help you?
Little boy: Yes, I want some chocolate ice cream, please.
Worker: Sorry, we're out of choclate.
Little boy: Ok, I'll have some...........chocolate.
Worker: Once again, we're out of chocolate, pick another flavor.
Little boy: Hm................ I like chocolate!
Worker thinks to himself.
Worker: So boy, do you want some chocolate?
Little boy: But there is no freakin chocolate!
Worker: Exactly!
ID: 16487
Children
little susie was looking through her mothers purse and found a tampon and said what is this ? her mother said a pen. so later on that day he mother went shopping and an elderly man said miss do you have a pen and so little susie said it's in mommy's bagina !!!! so the old mans teeth fell out and he dropped to huis knees and said do you want me to search?
ID: 16688
Children
Natalie had three very active young sons and they were quite a handful. One summer evening she was playing cowboys and Indians with them in her front garden when one of the boys "shot" her and shouted "Bang! You're dead, Mum," so Natalie fell down.
Her next door neighbour had been watching all this and when Natalie didn't get up straight away, he ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbour bent over her, Natalie opened one eye and said to him, "Shhh. Please don't give me away, it's the only chance I've had to have a rest all day".
ID: 13632
Children
Little Bobby had been searching through a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend? An anniversary, or a congratulations to your mom and dad?"
Little Bobby shook his head and answered, "No. Er...got any blank report cards?"
ID: 15742
Children
Sam Krypton was a boy who hated meatloaf, but he knew that every time he didn't eat it, he lost a chance for ice cream, his favorite thing to eat.
So today, he decided to eat it, and try and forget about the taste.
He ate it up, and said, "THIS MEATLOAF WAS DELICIOUS!" His mother was pleased, and gave him ice cream.
The next week, his mother gave him a large serving of meatloaf, expecting him to eat it all up.
Sam forgot about what he did last week. He was looking out the window - then, a moment later, he said, "Eww! What smells?"
ID: 15830
Children
1. Why are little children sweet-tooths? They keep crying when they can't have candy.
2. Why are little children kindergarteners? Um... they're still learning basic skills, are they not?
3. Why are little children such blanket-connected people? They have read too many Peanut strips and can't resist but be Linus.
4. Why are little children people who like to joke around? They hear their dad's joke with them too often.
ID: 9717
Children
Little Johnny: "Hey, Daddy, Spot just ate Mom's apple pie that was on the counter to cool off!"
Dad: "Don't worry, son. We'll get you a new dog."
ID: 16801
Children
Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Demi Moore had a baby!
Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.
Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?
I hope you're ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.
If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.
That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?
When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.
You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.
This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.
Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?
Stop your swearing and just breathe.
Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words.
Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there.
You don't have the guts to pull that trigger.
+10,000 Jokes