ID: 3617
Children
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
ID: 328
Children
Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply.
"Defeat of Deduct went over defence before detail!"
ID: 2371
Children
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.
He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."
ID: 300
Children
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"
ID: 2620
Children
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was
known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and
consequently, married the Happens brothers in dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.
ID: 6968
Children
A 6 year old was in a car with her parents. She kept having sneezing fits, and she kept splattering snot all over the seats. Eventually, the Mum and Dad gave up on trying to stop the sneezing, and told the little girl to put her hands up when she sneezed. The little girl did so, raising her hands above her head, and sneezed on the Mum's face!!
ID: 12712
Children
A young boy called to his mother from the yard, "Mom, would you rather me fall out of a tree and break my arm or just tear a hole in my Sunday slacks?" "Well," she replied, "I guess I'd pray that you just ripped your pants." The kid yells back, "Your prayers have been answered!"
ID: 16938
Children
Jacky walked into his house from school crying; his mom saw him and said, "What's wrong, Jacky?"
Jacky replied, "I lost a quarter at school!"
"There, there," replied his mother, "here's another," handing him a quarter.
Jacky cries even louder; this time his mother, upset, says, "What's the matter now?"
Jacky says, "I wish I said I lost a dollar!"
ID: 13523
Children
Kid's Instructions on Life...
"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9
"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8
"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10
"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9
"Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10
"Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11
"Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10
"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10
"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12
"Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." - Molly, age 11
"Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." - Chelsey, age 7
"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." - Phillip, age 13
"Forget the cake, go for the icing." - Cynthia, age 8
"Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and Grandma's house." - Joanne, age 11
"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." - Matthew, age 12
+10,000 Jokes