ID: 900
Children
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the family room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her dad and said, "It was Mom."
"How do you know?"
"She didn't say anything."
ID: 5425
Children
A teacher decides to have Career Day in her class. She asks each student to tell the class what their father's job is, spell it, and then explain what they do.
Mary stands up and says, "My father is a policeman. P -O-L-I-C-E-M-A-N. He puts bad people in jail and keeps us all safe."
Sue stands up next and says, "My father is a doctor. D-O-C-T-O-R. He helps sick people get better."
Bobby is next. He stands up and says, "My father is a pharmacist. F...F-R..."
The teacher tells Bobby to sit down and try to figure it out and moves on to the next kid.
Johnny stands up next and says, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E. He'd give you 10-1 odds that Bobby is never going to spell 'pharmacist.'"
ID: 15609
Children
It was the first day of school and I had gotten a serious scrape on my knee so I asked my friend Jesse to write down notes for me while I went to the nurse. Now, it was the first day of school and there were no notes written on our notebooks and neither of us had written our names on them, so when I came back the next and asked him to give me back my notebooks, he couldn't tell which was mine and which was his, so we both decided that we'd take either one. Near the end of the school year Jesse got in trouble for stealing my notebook. After he got in trouble (with 3 days detention) I asked him why he stole my notebook. He showed me a small note on the back of what we had thought was his notebook that had been written on the back as a joke saying, "Don't tell anyone, but this is my notebook," with a picture of me taped next to it. The date on the picture, August 8.
ID: 15354
Children
One day, two children are bickering on the playground.
Kid 1: My mom says that kids who get whatever they want are spoiled and rotten and stuck-up.
Kid 2: Well, I'm not spoiled.
Kid 1: Yeah, you are, you get everything you want.
Kid 2: I don't get everything I want.
Kid 1: Yeah, you do.
Kid 2: No, I don't, because I "want" you to shut-up!
ID: 14441
Children
Little Tommy was telling his friend Billy all about his Christmas presents.
"My daddy bought me a mouth organ. It's the best present I've ever had."
"Why?"
"Because my mummy gives me extra money every week if I don't play it."
ID: 15080
Children
The preschoolers' Sunday school teacher told them that she wanted each of them to learn one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The next Sunday, she asked each of them what they had learned.
"I learned that he was born in a manger," said Julie.
Timmy said, "I learned that he threw the money changers out of the temple."
"What about you, Johnny? What did you learn?" the teacher asked.
"He has a pick-up truck and he doesn't know how to drive," replied Little Johnny.
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"
"I learned it from Daddy," Little Johnny explained. "When we were driving down the highway, a pick-up truck cut right in front of us and Daddy shouted, "Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive!"
ID: 14345
Children
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of 'COINCIDENCE?'"
STUDENT: "Sir, my mother and my father got married on the same day, same time."
ID: 15045
Children
A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office."
"I wonder why," the teacher mused.
"Because he's a following person," Alice replied.
"A what?" the teacher asked.
"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office.'"
ID: 15130
Children
During a dinner party, the hosts' two small children entered the dining room naked and proceeded to parade slowly around the table.
Embarrassed, the parents pretended nothing was happening and continued to converse with their guests. The guests co-operated and also carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.
After they finished walking all around the room, the children left.
As the children disappeared from sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "See, I told you, it IS vanishing cream!"
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