ID: 16038
Children
Mother: Did you eat all the cookies. Tom?
Tom: I didn't touch one.
Mother: That's strange. There's only one left.
Tom: That's the one I didn't touch.
ID: 9672
Children
Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are.
The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"
The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast? My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30,... and he's home by 3:45!"
ID: 12002
Children
What did the mama broom say to the little broom?
Go to sweep little one.
ID: 10599
Children
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree, that had been pressed between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"
ID: 13863
Children
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." Wendy, age 8.
"Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Arnold, age 10.
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." Shem, age 8.
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6.
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9.
REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." Greg, age 8.
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle some day and do the holy matchimony thing." John, age 9.
ID: 13385
Children
The following are all quotes from an 11 year old student's science exams:
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u.
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Litter: A nest of young puppies.
ID: 14443
Children
A mother was teaching her three-year-old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end.
"And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
ID: 3822
Children
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
ID: 6075
Children
Little Mikey's parents were going out, and Mikey said, "For 20 bucks, Dad, I'll be good."
"Oh please," said his father. "When I was your age, I was good for nothing."
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