ID: 15858
Children
I have a new baby cousin named Caroline. She has a big brother named Sam (he just turned 2) and 2 big sisters named Elena and Erica.
Well, my aunt was away with her three daughters. It was just my uncle and Sam at home.
My uncle and Sam were playing on the floor. My uncle had to fart, but he tried to let it out quietly, but it came out a little louder than he had expected. Then Sam perks up and says "Baby Caroline?"
ID: 1440
Children
Children certainly brighten up a home. Who ever saw a child under 12 turn off an electric light?
ID: 5171
Children
A teacher asks a first grader a simple math question.
TEACHER:" If you had 50 cents in one pocket, and you asked you dad for another 50 cents, how much would you have?"
STUDENT:"50 cents."
TEACHER: "You obviously don't know how to add."
STUDENT: "You obviously don't know my dad!"
ID: 1427
Children
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."
ID: 519
Children
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
ID: 2657
Children
A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"
"That's right son, why?"
"Well that's just what they said at church today."
"Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."
About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die.
Once again mother said yes son.
The little boy looked at her and said, "then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!"
ID: 874
Children
Little Johnny was sitting outside a church playing with sulphuric acid.
The priest came up to him and said "Child why are you playing with sulphuric acid? Thats dangerous! I've got some holy water inside that is much more powerful."
Little Johnny relied "How come?"
"Well last week I splashed some holy water on Mrs.Wilson's tummy and she passed a baby!" said the priest proudly.
"Thats nothing," retorted Little Johnny "I spashed some sulphuric acid on my dog's balls and he passed a Ferrari!"
ID: 900
Children
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the family room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her dad and said, "It was Mom."
"How do you know?"
"She didn't say anything."
ID: 959
Children
One time, when I was a kid, I forgot to do my homework, so I stole someone else's and turned it in. After class, the teacher pulled me over. She asked why I didn't turn in the homework. I said, guess I forgot to change the name on it!
+10,000 Jokes