ID: 16938
Children
Jacky walked into his house from school crying; his mom saw him and said, "What's wrong, Jacky?"
Jacky replied, "I lost a quarter at school!"
"There, there," replied his mother, "here's another," handing him a quarter.
Jacky cries even louder; this time his mother, upset, says, "What's the matter now?"
Jacky says, "I wish I said I lost a dollar!"
ID: 1441
Children
An American supply teacher came to a Canadian class one day. She told the students that she was an American and she asked if anyone else in the room was an American.
Even though not many people in the room were, everyone put up their hand not to be left out, except one girl.
The teacher stared at the girl and asked "If you're not an American, then what are you?" The girl replied, "I'm a proud Canadian."
The teacher asked "Why are you a Canadian?" The girl answered, "Because my parents are both Canadians."
The teacher asked "What if both of your parents are stupid, then what will you be?" The girl answered, "Then I would be an American!"
ID: 8822
Children
Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table.
"Oh you're so stupid!"
shouted Dick.
"Dick!" said their father, "That is enough! Now say you're sorry!"
"Okay," said Dick, "I am sorry you're stupid."
ID: 5496
Children
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
ID: 4573
Children
One day little Billy was walking past his mother's room when he heard strange noises. He opened thecracked the door, and looked in. He saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her body moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" A couple of days later as he walked past her room he heard the noises again so he looked into her room and saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her body moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" A few days later as he walked past her room he heard some more strange noises coming from her room, so he looked in again. This time he saw his mother laying naked on the bed with a naked man laying on top of her. So he ran to his room, took off all his clothes, hopped into bed and started rubbing his hands all over his body moaning "I need a new bike! I need a new bike!"
ID: 694
Children
Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg."
ID: 6774
Children
SON SAYS:
Daddy, how was I born?
DAD SAYS:
Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed little virus appeared.
And that's the story.
ID: 10684
Children
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
ID: 13523
Children
Kid's Instructions on Life...
"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9
"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8
"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10
"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9
"Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10
"Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11
"Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10
"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10
"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12
"Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." - Molly, age 11
"Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." - Chelsey, age 7
"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." - Phillip, age 13
"Forget the cake, go for the icing." - Cynthia, age 8
"Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and Grandma's house." - Joanne, age 11
"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." - Matthew, age 12
+10,000 Jokes