ID: 9052
Children
My little sister recently asked me:
"Why does the conductor of the band always wave his magic wand, but the players never disappear?"
ID: 845
Children
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
ID: 8022
Children
Kid 1: You did it again!
Kid 2: What? What did I do?
Kid 1: You know, that thing.
Kid 2: What thing?
Kid 1: That thing when your lips move and sound comes out.
ID: 6706
Children
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids don't eat broccoli.
ID: 6865
Children
Little Timmy always sat in the front pew of the church and gave a hand full of change when the collection basket passed. One Sunday the pastor noticed that Timmy started to put his change in the collection basket but decided to put his money in his pocket instead.
After service, Little Timmy rushed up to the pastor and wanted to hand him the handful of change, but the pastor proceeds to tell Timmy that he did not need the money and that he should put it in the basket instead. Little Timmy replies, "Oh no, father, you need it more than anyone else does, because my daddy says that you're the poorest pastor we ever had."
ID: 11892
Children
There was this lady who was in the shower and her little boy walked in on her taking a shower & he saw her pubic hairs and says:
"Mommy what's that?" as he pointed down to her.
"Well, that's Mommy's washcloth."
The next day he walked in on her again, and asked her again. She says it was her washcloth. Well, this time when he walked out she shaved it off because she got tired of him asking.
So the next day when he walked in on her, he asks:
"Mommy what happened to your washcloth?"
"Uh, Mommy lost it." So the little boy walked out.
The next day he walked in on his mom and says:
"Hey Mommy, the maid found your washcloth. She is washing Daddy's face with it!"
ID: 11003
Children
Phillip's teacher asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"
Phillip, always fast with an answer, pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named."
ID: 10838
Children
Rose, a mother of two boys, Jim and Ralph, heard yelling from upstairs. She heard several phrases like "I got you!" and "No, you didn't!" She ran to see what the yelling was about. It ended up that the two boys were playing cops and robbers, and were trying to shoot each other with their fingers.
"Jim! Haven't I taught you not to point! Fake guns are no excuse!"
"...But mum!" Jim replied after a short pause, "I'm giving him the thumbs up, too!"
ID: 8912
Children
Teacher: John, why is your cat at school today?
John: (crying)..I heard the milkman tell mom.."When the kid goes to school i'm gonna eat your pussy!"
+10,000 Jokes