ID: 17915
Children
I have a friend named Ben who says the dardest things. Me an a different friend have compiled a list of the best ones
_____________________________
Max: Have you noticed that people with lisps can't say lisp?
Ben: Really?.. Lisp,
Max: Ben you don't have a lisp -.-
_____________________________
They make up some excuse about an over-time relationship thing.
You mean long distance?
_____________________________
shut up you criticism
_____________________________
You know max, you get what you dish out and if you don't like it get
out of the kitchen.
_______________________________
I think it's a spiff or something!
*********************************
Okay but you can't wake up on purpose.
*********************************
(max) no tresping...wow I can't telk....
Damnit.
*********************************
ben (playing video games): wow I'm sucking so much balls right now.
Max: we know ben. We all know what you do in your free time
Jyo: it's not exactly free
Ben (distracted): yeah...that's why I don't have any money... Wait..
Max: so you pay them to suck their balls?
Ben: faggots...
*********************************
(Jyo): kellen quit being a whore
(kellen): I'm not a whore... I'm a bitch.
*********************************
Like two peas in a pot.
*********************************
(ben humps air)
Max (to ben): ew.
Luke (watching a victorias secret commercial): no...thats awesome!
*********************************
Ben: what are we watching?
Max: dragon wars
Ben: what's it about?
Max: ...take a wild guess ben
Ben: hey you never know!
...faggots...
*********************************
You lose you snooze....crap.
********************************
Jyo: (playing video games): reload! You only have two shots left!
(ben dies)
Jyo: shoulda reloaded.
ben: SHOULDA SHUDDUP!
*********************************
Jewnormous
*********************************
It's $10 an hour. We're just pulling whistles.
(laughing in background)
Shaddap mom!
*********************************
(fire near ben's house.)
"Look the leaves are turning yellow"
"yeah I'd be turning yellow"
*********************************
"wait, where's the boulder bolder?"
*********************************
"well that's cause the fire fires put it out"
*********************************
Orgasasm
*********************************
big fucking well!
*********************************
hey we were CII buddies!
*********************************
max you look like a muffet.
Max-what's that?
It's a mix between a marmot and a squirrel
*********************************
Jyo: what are you planning
Ben: I'm not waging anything
*********************************
oh yeah that's a good tacnic (tactic)
*********************************
stay away from my crocs. (crotch)
*********************************
it was pouring wind!
*********************************
I'm just a little blind
*********************************
Ben-Careful you'll poke your eye out
Jyo-With a poker chip?
Ben-Exactly
*********************************
boofuckinghoo
*********************************
He's like a pirate he lives in ward (crazy freaking mountain town in colorado)
*********************************
Ben-Hey max, look a fish.
Max looks
Ben Steals from Jyo.
********************************
Yeah it was laced with OCD.
ID: 6075
Children
Little Mikey's parents were going out, and Mikey said, "For 20 bucks, Dad, I'll be good."
"Oh please," said his father. "When I was your age, I was good for nothing."
ID: 8184
Children
Q.)Your child poops in their pants- what do you do?
A.)Drop off the child at day-care and make them change it.
ID: 4536
Children
A little girl learned in school, that instead of words, pictures and symbols would be drawn to indicate something if words weren't understood.
Later that day, she needed to go into the bathroom, looked at two pictures, and went in one. A teacher asked her, "Why did you go into the boys' bathroom?" She answered, "The picture showed a person wearing pants, and I'm wearing pants. The other picture showed someone wearing a dress, and I'm not."
ID: 5242
Children
"Teacher, I can't do this problem!"
"Any five year old can do that problem."
"Damn! No wonder I can't do it! I'm almost ten!"
ID: 3719
Children
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
ID: 2096
Children
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
Also...
11. If you built it, I get to knock it down.
ID: 5171
Children
A teacher asks a first grader a simple math question.
TEACHER:" If you had 50 cents in one pocket, and you asked you dad for another 50 cents, how much would you have?"
STUDENT:"50 cents."
TEACHER: "You obviously don't know how to add."
STUDENT: "You obviously don't know my dad!"
ID: 159
Children
How many little brothers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three- one to hold onto the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
+10,000 Jokes