CHILDREN

ID: 13429

Children

Stuttering Cat

A teacher is explaining Biology to her 4th grade students, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

A little girl raises her hand, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must have been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was,"said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say 'F*ck,' the rottweiler ate him!"

ID: 6644

Children

Why Did the Boy...?

Q: Why did the boy wear a diaper to the party?

A: He didn't want to be a party pooper.

ID: 9043

Children

Unruly Child

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he said.

"Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child. "And what if you run out of money?"

"I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child.

The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"

"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.

The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!"

ID: 3696

Children

A Father Watched His Daughter...

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing going on in our garden".

ID: 3820

Children

Mom, What's Sex?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

ID: 7439

Children

Opposite Day

Johnny and his mother were having a parent-teacher conference.

MOTHER: Johnny really enjoys having you as a teacher, Mrs. Bengal.

JOHNNY: Really? I didn't know it was opposite day!

ID: 4466

Children

The Bright Side

Jack was summoned by the Disciplinarian where his son, Tracey was enrolled. Tracey always throw stones at his playmates and he never missed.

Jack replied to the Disciplinarian : Sir, please look at the bright side. My son will grow up to be a very effective baseball pitcher.

ID: 4779

Children

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"

ID: 4173

Children

Child-Proofed

We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!

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