ID: 1413
Children
A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry at your sister," the mother says. "She doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling, and her brother says, "Now she knows."
ID: 7107
Children
A little girl is helping her mommy with the dishes when she notices that some of her hairs are gray. She asks her mom,
"Why are some of your hairs gray?"
The mom replies cleverly, "Whenever you make me cry or lie to me, one of my hairs turn gray." The girl thinks for a minute, and then asks,
"Is that why all Grandma's hairs are gray?"
ID: 1606
Children
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I would like you to close your eyes and taste these."
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your daddy and mommy probably call each other all of the time."
Instantly, one of the kids coughed his onto the floor and shouted,
"Spit 'em out, guys; they're assholes!"
ID: 5269
Children
Child: "Teacher! I can't find my boots!"
Teacher: "Are you sure?"
Child: "Yes! There is only one pair left, and it's not mine!"
Teacher:"Are you sure?"
Child:" Definitely! Mine had snow on them!"
ID: 1258
Children
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
ID: 5425
Children
A teacher decides to have Career Day in her class. She asks each student to tell the class what their father's job is, spell it, and then explain what they do.
Mary stands up and says, "My father is a policeman. P -O-L-I-C-E-M-A-N. He puts bad people in jail and keeps us all safe."
Sue stands up next and says, "My father is a doctor. D-O-C-T-O-R. He helps sick people get better."
Bobby is next. He stands up and says, "My father is a pharmacist. F...F-R..."
The teacher tells Bobby to sit down and try to figure it out and moves on to the next kid.
Johnny stands up next and says, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E. He'd give you 10-1 odds that Bobby is never going to spell 'pharmacist.'"
ID: 11003
Children
Phillip's teacher asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"
Phillip, always fast with an answer, pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named."
ID: 9875
Children
A mom, Bri, and a son, Jorge, were eating dinner at the dinner table. Jorge pushes his plate away and says, "I'm done."
Bri glances at Jorge's plate and notices he still has a pile of peas on it, "No you don't. Not untill you eat all of your food."
"I don't like peas."
"They are not peas they are green M&M's but the trick is you can't taste the candy untill you swallow them."
Jorge gets excited and sticks a spoon full of peas in his mouth. Then he grabs his glass of milk and takes a drink.
Jorge says, "your right mom they do taste like M&M's. Why don't you try?"
"Who do you think you're kidding?," replies Bri and gives Jorge a sly look.
"Who do YOU think you're kidding?," Jorge says grabbing his glass of milk and pouring the peas out of it onto his plate.
ID: 1211
Children
A little boy was watching a handyman at work on the upper story of a house. Suddenly the man drops a hammer, and comes down the ladder to retrieve it.
The little boy calls out, "My daddy would have two hammers so he wouldn't have to come the ladder when he dropped one."
The handyman says, "Yeah, that's great, kid", and climbs back up the ladder and returns to work. Within a few minutes, he drops his screwdriver, and comes back down the ladder.
The little boy calls out again, "My daddy would have two screwdrivers so he wouldn't have to come down the ladder when he dropped one."
The handyman mutters something and returns up the ladder. A few minutes later, the man realizes he has to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he has no way into the house, so he climbs down the ladder and goes behind a bush.
When he's finishing up, he notices that the little boy has followed him. "I suppose your daddy has two of these too?" he asked.
"Nope," says the little boy, "but my daddy's is twice as big!"
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