ID: 9906
Children
Dear Santa,
You must be suprised that I'm writing to you on the 26th of December. I would like you to remember that I asked for a pair of rollar blades, a bicycle, an electric train, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying this whole year. Not only was I the first class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, but there was nobody in my neighborhood who behaved better than me including to my parents, my brothers and sisters, my neighbors, and my friends. I would even help the elderly across the street and go on errands. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What ball you have leaving me a fuckin yoyo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat ugly prick, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fuckin year to come out lile this with shit under the tree. As if u hadn't fucked me enough you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to get your fat ass down the chimney next year. I'll throw rocks at the stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the North Pole, just like I had to do because you didn't get me a fuckin bike. FUCK U SANTA.Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, YOU FAT COCKSUCKER
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
ID: 6709
Children
Teacher: "Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Johnny: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Johnny, bark."
Johnny: "Bow, wow, wow!"
ID: 5530
Children
TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you only said it's H to O!!!!
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now
do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"
L-JOHNY: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand."
ID: 5322
Children
(especially if you do this in public)
Child: Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Parent: Yes, of course.
Child: I mean something REALLY bad.
Parent: Of course...
Child: No, I mean something REALLY really bad.
Parent: No...
Child: No, really. Something REALLY really really-
Parent: ALL RIGHT! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!!???!!!???!!!???!!!???111///111///111///111///
Child: (Innocently) Nothing, why?
ID: 5764
Children
Little johnny walked into a club where people were doing the macarena. He watched them for a while, and asked someone: "What are you guys doing? Searching for your wallets?"
ID: 5242
Children
"Teacher, I can't do this problem!"
"Any five year old can do that problem."
"Damn! No wonder I can't do it! I'm almost ten!"
ID: 3820
Children
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
ID: 851
Children
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Dear Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!"
"Dear Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes."
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes.
The chicken was Dee-licious!"
ID: 1347
Children
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes.
When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"
Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."
+10,000 Jokes