ID: 4536
Children
A little girl learned in school, that instead of words, pictures and symbols would be drawn to indicate something if words weren't understood.
Later that day, she needed to go into the bathroom, looked at two pictures, and went in one. A teacher asked her, "Why did you go into the boys' bathroom?" She answered, "The picture showed a person wearing pants, and I'm wearing pants. The other picture showed someone wearing a dress, and I'm not."
ID: 13012
Children
The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.
"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"
All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".
"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".
Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".
This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.
The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.
Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, fuckin' Rat!"
ID: 11764
Children
The class homework was to write about something unusual that had happened in the previous month.
Little Johnny stood up to read his: "Daddy fell in the well last week," he began.
"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Johnson, the teacher. "Is he all right now?"
"He must be," said Timmy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
ID: 9875
Children
A mom, Bri, and a son, Jorge, were eating dinner at the dinner table. Jorge pushes his plate away and says, "I'm done."
Bri glances at Jorge's plate and notices he still has a pile of peas on it, "No you don't. Not untill you eat all of your food."
"I don't like peas."
"They are not peas they are green M&M's but the trick is you can't taste the candy untill you swallow them."
Jorge gets excited and sticks a spoon full of peas in his mouth. Then he grabs his glass of milk and takes a drink.
Jorge says, "your right mom they do taste like M&M's. Why don't you try?"
"Who do you think you're kidding?," replies Bri and gives Jorge a sly look.
"Who do YOU think you're kidding?," Jorge says grabbing his glass of milk and pouring the peas out of it onto his plate.
ID: 13823
Children
Matt's dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."
ID: 12915
Children
The Fandersan family is a family with two parents and two kids.
One day, Mr. Fandersan decided to bring home a state of the art moterhome. When he got home with the motorhome, he left it in the driveway. He then went to bed.
But, the next day it was missing. On the driveway there was a note. It said,
"We have stolen the motorhome."
The parents were freaked out!!
"This is a parent's worst nightmare!! Our kids have stolen the car AND are home alone!!!"
ID: 10854
Children
I don't get why we teach little kids the popular saying
"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye."
And we wonder what is with all the violence? I mean come on that's like 100% emo.
ID: 9906
Children
Dear Santa,
You must be suprised that I'm writing to you on the 26th of December. I would like you to remember that I asked for a pair of rollar blades, a bicycle, an electric train, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying this whole year. Not only was I the first class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, but there was nobody in my neighborhood who behaved better than me including to my parents, my brothers and sisters, my neighbors, and my friends. I would even help the elderly across the street and go on errands. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What ball you have leaving me a fuckin yoyo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat ugly prick, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fuckin year to come out lile this with shit under the tree. As if u hadn't fucked me enough you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to get your fat ass down the chimney next year. I'll throw rocks at the stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the North Pole, just like I had to do because you didn't get me a fuckin bike. FUCK U SANTA.Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, YOU FAT COCKSUCKER
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
ID: 15051
Children
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Meghan H. - Turkey
You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. You take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.
Megan K - Chicken
You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.
Christa - Cookies
Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.
Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding
Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you eat it.
Tommy - Pumpkin
Cook the pumpkin. Then get ready to eat the pumpkin.
Joplyn - Apple Pie
Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and make a pie with it. Get some dough and squish it. Shape the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake it at 9 degrees for 15 minutes.
+10,000 Jokes