ID: 1681
Children
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
ID: 2529
Children
Three little boys went into a candy store. "I want two cents worth of jelly beans," the first boy said to the clerk. The clerk frowned. The jelly beans were on the top self, and he didn't like climbing up there just to sell two cents worth, but he did it. When he came down, he put away his ladder and turned to the second boy.
"What will you have?" he asked.
"I'll have two cents worth of jelly beans, too," said the boy. Angrily, the clerk got the ladder and climbed up to get the jelly beans. While he was still up there, he turned to the third boy.
"You don't want two cents worth of jelly beans, do you?" asked the man.
"No, sir," answered the third boy, so the man climbed down and put away the ladder.
"Now, what do you want?" the clerk asked the boy.
"A nickel's worth of the jelly beans," replied the lad.
ID: 2659
Children
A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
ID: 12826
Children
A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother:
Dear Grandmother,
I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday.
With love,
Mike
ID: 12571
Children
Little Johnny's mum was sitting in front of computer while Johnny was making sandwiches. She said to Johhny, "You're the best sandwich maker ever," and Johnny says "No mum, you're just lazy."
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ID: 1606
Children
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I would like you to close your eyes and taste these."
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your daddy and mommy probably call each other all of the time."
Instantly, one of the kids coughed his onto the floor and shouted,
"Spit 'em out, guys; they're assholes!"
ID: 13980
Children
Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished
studying.
If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse.
Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose.
Just keep banging until someone opens the door.
Making your bed is a waste of time.
There is no good reason why clothes have to match.
Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
You work so hard pedalling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down.
You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game.
ID: 845
Children
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
ID: 5322
Children
(especially if you do this in public)
Child: Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Parent: Yes, of course.
Child: I mean something REALLY bad.
Parent: Of course...
Child: No, I mean something REALLY really bad.
Parent: No...
Child: No, really. Something REALLY really really-
Parent: ALL RIGHT! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!!???!!!???!!!???!!!???111///111///111///111///
Child: (Innocently) Nothing, why?
+10,000 Jokes