ID: 8022
Children
Kid 1: You did it again!
Kid 2: What? What did I do?
Kid 1: You know, that thing.
Kid 2: What thing?
Kid 1: That thing when your lips move and sound comes out.
ID: 4161
Children
A teacher came into a class and told the students, "Class we have a new student..........go on tell us your name".
The boy replied "I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-your-ass-from-tree-to-tree".
The teacher said, "What!!!!".
The boy repeated "I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-your-ass-from-tree-to-tree".
The teacher said, "Go to the principal's office".
When he got there, the principal said, "Whats your name son?"
"I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-ur-ass-from-tree-to-tree," the boy answered.
The principal said "What!!!!".
The boy repeated "I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-your-ass-from-tree-to-tree".
"Go home and stay there for 5 days," the principal said.
While he was going home, a policeman stopped him and said, "Shouldn't you be at school?".
"They told me to go home" the boy replied.
"Just tell me your name," the police man said.
"I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-your-ass-from-tree-to-tree" the boy said.
The police man pulled a gun and shot the boy. The boy went to hell and met the devil.
The devil said, "Whats your name son?"
"I'm-a-bad-boy-from-tennesse-I'll-kick-your-ass-from-tree-to-tree," the boy answered.
The devil said "Oh, well i'm-the-devil-from-down-below-i'll-burn-your-ass-from-head-to-toe."
ID: 15301
Children
A precocious 4-year-old was brought to the ER with a severe cough, a nurse writes. She kept up a non-stop conversation while I was trying to assess her lung sounds. Finally, I said, "Shhh, I have to see if Barney is in there."
The child looked at me and said, "I have Jesus in my heart. Barney is on my underwear."
ID: 11071
Children
There was a child named Laura. She asked her mom what the hardest report she ever had to do was. Her mom said, "It was to write an essay on the belly of a frog." Laura said, "Wow!!How did you get the frog in to the typewriter?"
ID: 12082
Children
Billy-Bob returns from school and tells his father he got an "F" in Arithmetic today.
"Why?" asks his father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said, '6'".
"But that's right," said his father.
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'."
"What's the fucking difference?" asks his father.
"That's what I said!"
ID: 11485
Children
Grey hair is hereditary - you get it from your kids.
ID: 11918
Children
A six-year-old boy came home from playing at his friend's house and told his mother that he had broken a lamp when he threw a football.
"It's all right, mum," he said, brightly; "you don't have to buy them another! Charlie's mum said it was irreplaceable!"
ID: 12143
Children
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold."
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?"
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."
ID: 10599
Children
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree, that had been pressed between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"
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