ID: 3617
Children
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
ID: 14036
Children
An eight year old girl tried checking a book out of the library, entitled 'Advice for Young Mothers'.
The librarian, being a typically nosey and puritanical librarian, asked, "Why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?"
The little girl replied, "Because I collect moths."
ID: 16262
Children
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway, and after a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic; I was looking for $150."
ID: 14247
Children
Baby Brother
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother says, "Heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "Geez, I can see why they threw him out."
ID: 14345
Children
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of 'COINCIDENCE?'"
STUDENT: "Sir, my mother and my father got married on the same day, same time."
ID: 14441
Children
Little Tommy was telling his friend Billy all about his Christmas presents.
"My daddy bought me a mouth organ. It's the best present I've ever had."
"Why?"
"Because my mummy gives me extra money every week if I don't play it."
ID: 16084
Children
The teacher asks his students to spell the word "before".
The first kid tries: "B-E-F-O-H-R." "No", says the teacher, "that's wrong!"
Another kid: "B-E-E-F-O-R." "No, no," says the teacher. "Anybody else?"
A little boy raises his hand: "B-E-F-O-R-E!" "Now, that's right!" beams the teacher.
"Now, Washington, use this word 'before' in a sentence!" and the boy goes: "Two plus two BE FOUR!"
ID: 16271
Children
Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4-year-old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself, so we would spar around for a few minutes before supper.
One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "Yes." The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "Do you want a box?"
Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose.
After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckily, our salesman was the father of a 4-year-old.
ID: 16769
Children
A few months after his parents were divorced, Nick passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Nick ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
+10,000 Jokes