ID: 15273
Children
When a women found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes," he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it Quits."
ID: 1274
Children
One evening, a little boy and his family were having supper at his grandma's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When he received his plate, the little guy began eating right away.
"Wait until we a say a prayer," his mother admonished.
" I don't have to," he replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at home."
"That's at home," he explained. "This is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!!"
ID: 5791
Children
One day a little boy was at kindergarten. The teacher told the class their homework was to find the first five letters of the alphabet.
When the little boy got home he went to his older brother who was playing video games. "Big brother whats the first letter of the alphabet?". His big brother then said to the little boy "Shut up retard i`m sick of listening to you!".
Then the little boy went on to his second brother who was watching batman. " Big brother what`s the second letter of the alphabet?". The older brother who obviously wasn`t paying attention said " Na na na na na na na Batman!".
The little boy went on to his dad who was watching football and said "Dad whats the third letter of the alphabet?". His dad then screamed "Forty-niners, forty-niners!".
Once again the little boy went on but this time to his mom who was cooking buns and he said "Mom what`s the fourth letter of the alphabet?". His mom then yelled " My buns are on fire, my buns are on fire!".
One last time the boy went to his dad again and said "Dad what`s the fifth letter of the alphabet?". His dad who was taking out the garbage sang "In the garbage in the garbage in the garbage.".
The little boy went to school the next day and the teacher asked him what the first letter of the alphabet is the little boy said " Shut up retard i`m sick of listening to you!". The teacher was outraged " Young man what is your name?" " Na na na na na na na Batman!". The teacher was now furious " Go down to the principal`s office right now!". The little boy listened and went down to the principal`s office.
" All right young man since I am a nice principal i`ll let you pick how many spankings you will get". The little boy yelled " Forty niners forty niners". So after forty nine spankings the principal looked down at the boy and said " How do you feel now?". The little boy screamed " My buns are on fire my buns are on fire!". The principal looked at the boy and said " All right lets see if i`ve straightened you up now. Where do I live?" the little boy sang " In the garbage In the garbage In the garbage"...
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The little boy is now in millitary school due to his abc accident.
ID: 5909
Children
One day Little Jimmy has a dentist appointment. The appointment is during 7:20 to 8:20, which is the first hour of Little Jimmy's school. The appointment went fine, but Little Jimmy's mom had to get up from bed early to take Little Jimmy to his appointment, so she is a little tired. Little Jimmy's mother gives him a note, and she instructs him to give the note to his teacher. Little Jimmy doesn't look at the note, then when he gets into his classroom, he hands the note to his teacher, just as his mother had instructed. His teacher took the note, took a glance at it, then fainted. Little Jimmy and his classmates ran over to her to look at the note to see what all the commotion was. The note read,
"Little Jimmy had a dentist appointment today. I'm sorry for his absence. Please let him be executed at school today. Signed, Tara Fox."
ID: 5242
Children
"Teacher, I can't do this problem!"
"Any five year old can do that problem."
"Damn! No wonder I can't do it! I'm almost ten!"
ID: 7107
Children
A little girl is helping her mommy with the dishes when she notices that some of her hairs are gray. She asks her mom,
"Why are some of your hairs gray?"
The mom replies cleverly, "Whenever you make me cry or lie to me, one of my hairs turn gray." The girl thinks for a minute, and then asks,
"Is that why all Grandma's hairs are gray?"
ID: 6218
Children
This little boy asked his mother one day why his father had no hair.
His mother replied, "Well dear, that's because he thinks alot."
Having prided herself with coming up with such a wonderful answer she heard her son say,
"Gee mommy I'm sure glad you don't think 'cause you'd look funny with no hair!"
ID: 6021
Children
Once the head teacher of a primary school walked into a classroom and started firing questions at the students.
Head Teacher: "Who made the world?"
The students shivered with fright but no one answered.
Head Teacher: "Children,I asked, WHO MADE THE WORLD?"
The teacher's voice was getting louder and the kids were freaking out.
The head teacher banged his fist on the front desk and yelled: "I SAID, WHO MADE THE WORLD?"
One of the students on the front seat yelled out in fright,
"OH PLEASE SIR, IT WASN'T ME!"
ID: 7890
Children
One day, 15 year old Christy came home from shopping with her Auntie Kim and Auntie Flo.
Christy says to her 6 year old sister, "Auntie Kim has bad taste, but Auntie Flo has good taste."
Her sister then says, "How do you know? Have you bitten them before?"
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