ID: 5239
Children
Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet?
Alvin: 18.
Teacher: Wrong, there are 26.
Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.
ID: 15061
Children
The children in the Sunday school class were asked by their teacher to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. When she looked at little Ricky's picture, she was puzzled to see that he had drawn four people in an airplane, so she asked him which story it represented.
Little Ricky replied, "That's the Flight to Egypt."
"Oh, I see," said the teacher. "That must be Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, but who's the fourth person?"
"That's Pontius ... the Pilot!" answered Ricky.
ID: 15858
Children
I have a new baby cousin named Caroline. She has a big brother named Sam (he just turned 2) and 2 big sisters named Elena and Erica.
Well, my aunt was away with her three daughters. It was just my uncle and Sam at home.
My uncle and Sam were playing on the floor. My uncle had to fart, but he tried to let it out quietly, but it came out a little louder than he had expected. Then Sam perks up and says "Baby Caroline?"
ID: 14246
Children
Alligator
One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
ID: 14441
Children
Little Tommy was telling his friend Billy all about his Christmas presents.
"My daddy bought me a mouth organ. It's the best present I've ever had."
"Why?"
"Because my mummy gives me extra money every week if I don't play it."
ID: 14800
Children
St. Paul, MN
The hit movie "Home Alone" about a boy thwarting burglars with imaginative mayhem, wasn't total fantasy. Just ask the guy who tried to break in while 13-year-old Ryan Hendrickson was home alone.
Ryan was watching television Wednesday night when he heard a noise that sounded like a window screen being cut.
"I ran to the closet and grabbed a bat," Ryan said Thursday. "I went...into the dining room, where I saw him cutting the window with a knife. He put his left hand in first and I was waiting for his right hand to come in...and I took the baseball bat and I hit him as hard as I could."
The man ran. Ryan called 911.
Police, while cautioning Ryan to call 911 first next time, did enjoy the fact that the kid got in the first lick against a bad guy.
ID: 14887
Children
Kid: Mom, can i get the hot lunch tomorrow?
Mom: What are they serving?
Kid: Swiss steak. Pleeeeeease?
Mom: Okay! Okay! I didn't know you liked Swiss steak so much.
Kid: Oh, yeah! It sticks to the ceiling WAY better than the lasagna.
ID: 14563
Children
There were 3 boys named trouble, jackass, and manners. They were playing a game of hide and seek. Trouble was counting, manners was hid up in a tree, and jackass was hiding behind the same tree. A police man walks over to jackass and says "I'll give you a lollipop if you tell me your name". He then replies, "jackass." The police man says where are your manners, he then points up in the tree. The police man says, "are you looking for trouble". Trouble then says "no trouble is looking for me."
ID: 15296
Children
Little four-year-old Jenny was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep.
After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Jenny looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, "Didn't he come with batteries?"
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