ID: 11777
Children
Sally – "Mummy, why can't I go swimming in the sea?"
Mum – "Because there are sharks in the sea."
Sally – "But mummy, daddy is swimming in the sea."
Mum – "That's different, he's insured."
ID: 17553
Children
Would you hit a woman with a baby? No, I'd hit her with a brick.
ID: 15297
Children
My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die - no amount of talking could change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it, and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"
ID: 15268
Children
An old preacher was just getting out of church and was driving home through his neighborhood. As he was turning the corner of one of the major streets in his neighborhood, he noticed 3 boys playing dice on the sidewalk, and betting money along with it. The old preacher thinks to himself how awful the situation is, that these young children are already heading down the life of sin and he should do something to stop it.
The old preacher pulls over and gets out on the opposite side of the street and starts walking over to the boys. He calls out to the oldest looking one and asked the boy to "come here" so that as he's walking towards the boys, the oldest boy would be walking towards him. When the boy reached him, the old preacher asked him what he was doing.
"Gambling, sir" retorted the boy.
"Gambling?! How old are you son?" asked the preacher.
"I'm 14."
"14?! Well if you turn that around, you'll be 41. You'll have reached the middle years of your life, and if you stick to gambling in all that time, you'll have thrown your whole life away. You could have been married, had a successful job, kids, a home, a family, but no. You'll have thought gambling was such a "good life." Is that what you want? Did you want to live your life through sin and banished from God's grace?"
"N-n-o sir!" wailed the boy.
"Good lad. Now head on home son. The lord is smiling to find out you've said no to sin" the old preacher smiled as the boy went his way down the street.
He looked back at the other 2 boys and realized they were still shooting dice. He calls back to the next oldest looking boy and asked him to come closer.
"You boy, how old are you son?" questioned the preacher.
"I'm 12, sir." answered the boy.
"12?! Well now look here boy. If you turned that around, you'll be 21. You'll have been at the prime of your life. You'll be halfway through college, seeing a very lovely young lady, talking about starting a family with you. All these big decisions you'll be facing, and you'll have the heart to make them but not if you continue down this destructive gambling path. The colleges will turn down your applications because your credit will be bad, and your young lovely lady friend will leave you because you just can't seem to get your finances in order due to this overwhelming problem of yours. On top of everything the Mighty Lord will be frowning upon your conduct and your choice to live the life of sin. Leave this world behind son. It starts now. Now go on home son! Make the lord proud of you, for his warm smile will be all the coercing you need to leave this life behind."
"Y-y-yes sir!" said the boy, and he went the opposite way down the street towards his home.
The preacher thought his work was done for surely the final boy must have heard his words being said to his friend, but sure enough, when the preacher looked back, there he was, still shooting dice and gambling.
"I don't believe this!" he muttered. "You boy, come here a second!"
The other boy walked casually toward the preacher.
"How old are you son? Let me show you why this gambling life is a bad choice for you."
"Good mister, cause I'm 11. I'd much like to hear it!"
ID: 15099
Children
This really happened (honest!)
A bunch of very young girls arrived at our door at Halloween. My Mum, being friendly, asked them whereabouts they lived, because she hadn't seen them before. They replied, "We live quite near here, where do you live?"
ID: 14273
Children
The following are actual questions written to pastors from children across the world.
Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh
Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments, but I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
ID: 15050
Children
A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class.
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.
Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.
Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.
Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Shelby - Apple Sauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Apple Sauce". Then you eat it.
Jordan - Cranberry Pie
Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you eat it.
ID: 14275
Children
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermo
ID: 15428
Children
Covina, Calif: I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."
Cleveland, Ohio: When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know - "I pledge allegiance to the flag and to the Republic for Richard Stands."
+10,000 Jokes