ID: 15636
Children
Willie was quite a boy to have round the house.
Willie, at a passing gent,
Threw a batch of fresh cement,
Crying, "Wait until you dry.
Then you'll be a real hard guy."
*****
Little Willie, home from school,
Where he'd learned the Golden Rule,
Said, "If I eat all this cake,
Sis won't have a stomach-ache."
*****
Little Willie on his bike,
Through the village took a hike.
Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk.
She will live, but still can't talk.
*****
Little Willie lit a rocket,
Which his dad had in his pocket,
Next day he told Cousin Dan,
"Daddy is a traveling man."
*****
Little Willie in the best of sashes,
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
By and by the room grew chilly,
But no one liked to poke up Willie.
*****
Willie, hitting at a ball,
Lined one down the school-house hall.
Through his door came Dr. Hill;
Several teeth are missing still.
*****
Little Willie from the mirror,
Sucked the mercury off,
Thinking in his childish error,
It would cure the whooping cough.
At the funeral his weeping mother,
Smartly said to Mrs. Brown,
" 'Twas a chilly day for Willie
When the mercury went down."
ID: 15742
Children
Sam Krypton was a boy who hated meatloaf, but he knew that every time he didn't eat it, he lost a chance for ice cream, his favorite thing to eat.
So today, he decided to eat it, and try and forget about the taste.
He ate it up, and said, "THIS MEATLOAF WAS DELICIOUS!" His mother was pleased, and gave him ice cream.
The next week, his mother gave him a large serving of meatloaf, expecting him to eat it all up.
Sam forgot about what he did last week. He was looking out the window - then, a moment later, he said, "Eww! What smells?"
ID: 17885
Children
If you copy from your textbooks, it's making good use of what you've learnt.
If you copy from anywhere else, it's plagiarism.
ID: 16582
Children
Two five year-olds, one Jewish, the other Catholic, are playing in a sandpit. Sean says to David, "Our priest knows more about things than your rabbi!"
To which David replies, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."
ID: 16428
Children
Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"
ID: 16084
Children
The teacher asks his students to spell the word "before".
The first kid tries: "B-E-F-O-H-R." "No", says the teacher, "that's wrong!"
Another kid: "B-E-E-F-O-R." "No, no," says the teacher. "Anybody else?"
A little boy raises his hand: "B-E-F-O-R-E!" "Now, that's right!" beams the teacher.
"Now, Washington, use this word 'before' in a sentence!" and the boy goes: "Two plus two BE FOUR!"
ID: 16271
Children
Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4-year-old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself, so we would spar around for a few minutes before supper.
One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "Yes." The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "Do you want a box?"
Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose.
After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckily, our salesman was the father of a 4-year-old.
ID: 1426
Children
A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa's room.
"Grampa, Grampa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said his grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croaked, we're going to Disneyland!!!"
ID: 15830
Children
1. Why are little children sweet-tooths? They keep crying when they can't have candy.
2. Why are little children kindergarteners? Um... they're still learning basic skills, are they not?
3. Why are little children such blanket-connected people? They have read too many Peanut strips and can't resist but be Linus.
4. Why are little children people who like to joke around? They hear their dad's joke with them too often.
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