ID: 8822
Children
Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table.
"Oh you're so stupid!"
shouted Dick.
"Dick!" said their father, "That is enough! Now say you're sorry!"
"Okay," said Dick, "I am sorry you're stupid."
ID: 851
Children
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Dear Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!"
"Dear Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes."
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes.
The chicken was Dee-licious!"
ID: 15195
Children
The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time, so she decided to get his attention. "Johnny," she said, "if the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?"
Johnny answered, "Thirty-four."
The teacher replied, "Well, that's not far from my age. Tell me ... how did you guess?"
"Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."
ID: 1421
Children
"Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy..." Mummy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story, so Little Johnny tells her.
"I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."
At this point Mummy cut him off and says, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mummy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat and "... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy."
ID: 1722
Children
Little Johnny walked into class one day and sat down. He realized that someone new was teaching the class today, It was Coach Bob, the gym teacher.
Coach Bob started the class by saying, "Okay you little one's are never too young to learn about s-e-x, uh ummm."
While every other kid in the class is giggling. Little Johnny looks really intent.
Coach Bob then asks, " Well, what do any of you kids already know about sex."
Little Shirley raised her hand, "One time my puppy had a baby."
"Good " said Coach Bob
Then Little Chuckie raised his hand and said, "Well my mom gave me a little sister."
"Good, good." said Coach Bob
The Little Johnny raised his hand and Coach Bob's heart skipped a beat. He said "Yes Little Johnny."
"Well," said Little Johnny, "one time at my grandpa's house I was watching an old western starring the Lone Ranger, and he fought off one hundred Indians."
"Oh Yeah," said Coach Bob really relieved, "what does that have to do with sex ed."
"That'll teach those Indians to screw with the Lone Ranger."
ID: 2796
Children
There were three boys with names Shutup, Manners and Trouble. They were walking around town when they realized Trouble was missing. Shutup and Manners searched and searched but failed to find the missing boy. At a lost, they went up to the Neighbourhood Police Post. Manners had to go to the toilet so Shutup went up and spoke to the policeman there.
Policeman=P Shutup=S
P: Hi little boy, what's your name?
S: Shutup
P: What a rude boy! Where are your manners?
S: At the toilet
P: What are you talking about? Are you looking for trouble here?
S: Yes
ID: 1292
Children
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants." the boy replied.
ID: 1341
Children
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it? her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
ID: 3602
Children
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
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