ID: 11073
Children
One day a man was watching a show that shows how people make candy bars (by the way he has one in his hand). About halfway through the show, his son comes in asks him if he could ask him a question. The man says yes so his son asks him, "Where can most criminals be found?"
The Man answers, "Behind candy bars"
"My point exactly," the son replies. (The son found 12 dollars to missing the day before and his father was the only who could take it given the circumstances at the time.)
A couple weeks later the man finds many of his personal items go missing. Then, one day when found his watch missing and he realizes his son took it. So the man waited until his son took out a candy bar for dessert after dinner and then he asks him, "Where can most criminals be found?"
"Behind Bars," replies his son thinking, *No DUH!!!? How dumb does he think I am?*
"Candy Bars to be exact," his father adds.
ID: 16915
Children
Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds. He stopped at a house to ask for his monthly fee, only to find a small boy at the door slurping from a beer bottle, smoking a Havana cigar, and with his arm around what appeared to be a call-girl. Surprised, the milkman asked the boy if his parents were home.
"Does it fucking look like it?"
ID: 14444
Children
Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me, too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.
At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."
ID: 15080
Children
The preschoolers' Sunday school teacher told them that she wanted each of them to learn one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The next Sunday, she asked each of them what they had learned.
"I learned that he was born in a manger," said Julie.
Timmy said, "I learned that he threw the money changers out of the temple."
"What about you, Johnny? What did you learn?" the teacher asked.
"He has a pick-up truck and he doesn't know how to drive," replied Little Johnny.
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"
"I learned it from Daddy," Little Johnny explained. "When we were driving down the highway, a pick-up truck cut right in front of us and Daddy shouted, "Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive!"
ID: 14748
Children
A boy comes home from school saying, "3rd grade math has way bigger numbers than 2nd grade!"
His dad replies, "Don't worry, when you start getting a paycheck they get smaller again."
ID: 15303
Children
I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold.
Gregory, 5
Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos any more. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
Olive, 9
It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
Matthew, 9
Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.
Mitchell, 7
My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science.
Henry, 8
Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!
Jack, 6
Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
Daniel, 9
ID: 15061
Children
The children in the Sunday school class were asked by their teacher to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. When she looked at little Ricky's picture, she was puzzled to see that he had drawn four people in an airplane, so she asked him which story it represented.
Little Ricky replied, "That's the Flight to Egypt."
"Oh, I see," said the teacher. "That must be Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, but who's the fourth person?"
"That's Pontius ... the Pilot!" answered Ricky.
ID: 15045
Children
A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office."
"I wonder why," the teacher mused.
"Because he's a following person," Alice replied.
"A what?" the teacher asked.
"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office.'"
ID: 14236
Children
What happens when a lion roars?
Tom n Jerry starts!
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