ID: 1202
Children
One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church. As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church. Please don't let me be late to church...." And, as she was running she tripped and fell.
When she got back up she began praying again, Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!
ID: 1085
Children
One night Aggie says to George "Think I'll go to bingo the night
George... when I'm gone you make sure the youngsters get in and
go to bed"
Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted.
So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the
youngsters come in and get to bed. For about three or four hours,
one little boy kept crying and crying, so George takes off up
with a split and hits the floor, the little boy cries harder and
harder.
George sputters out "What are you bawling about?"
The little boy replies "I want to go to me own home."
ID: 1143
Children
Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake
ID: 15742
Children
Sam Krypton was a boy who hated meatloaf, but he knew that every time he didn't eat it, he lost a chance for ice cream, his favorite thing to eat.
So today, he decided to eat it, and try and forget about the taste.
He ate it up, and said, "THIS MEATLOAF WAS DELICIOUS!" His mother was pleased, and gave him ice cream.
The next week, his mother gave him a large serving of meatloaf, expecting him to eat it all up.
Sam forgot about what he did last week. He was looking out the window - then, a moment later, he said, "Eww! What smells?"
ID: 2483
Children
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
ID: 1435
Children
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know"..he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"
ID: 1341
Children
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it? her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
ID: 1023
Children
Timmy had been having a hard time in math class and got an 'F' on almost all of his report cards. His mom thought he'd be better off if he went to a private Catholic school. The very first day of school Timmy came home, went straight to his room and began working until he finally just fell asleep on his bed. This continued for a long time until he got his first report card from the new school and his mom was so proud when he got an 'A' in Math. She said, "I knew you'd do better in a private school."
Then she says how did you do so well?" and Timmy replies, "When I walked in and saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business."
ID: 736
Children
Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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