ID: 2588
Children
At Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
ID: 9011
Children
There once was a small jokester called Joey, who was visting at his Grandpa's. Now Grandpa was rather short of temper, so after Joey had been standing in the doorway for 5 minutes, trying to decide whether or not to go outside, he said, ''Hurry up, now will you?''
Joey turned around and frowned. ''Keep your hair on,'' he grumbled. Seeing Grandpa's bald head, he giggled, ''Opps! To late!''
ID: 502
Children
A baby boy was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing - I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and nurses were examining the little guy in front of his worried parents. He just kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded his tiny fingers to check if his hand was all right, and guess what he found?
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The birth control pill.
ID: 16969
Children
Ok...so when I was little my parents would fight all the time. Is there any married couple in the world that doesn't do this? Anyways, my mom hated paper towels. She just did. Especially the half-sized ones. Apparently there was no point in wasting a paper towel when you could use a dish towel. Quite understandable.
My dad, on the other hand, felt differently. "Why use a dirty old dish rag when you can buy some decent paper towels and reuse them?"
Whenever I walked into the kitchen with the purpose of washing my hands, I would quickly scan the room and see who was there. If my dad was around, I would grab a paper towel. He would always give me that sincere yet smug smile and think that he had won the whole battle of Dish Rag vs Paper Towel. If my mom was around, there was always a dish towel in reach. She, too, would smile slightly when I picked it up.
My Lesson Learned As A Child: It IS possible to please everyone...if you are sneaky.
My childhood was tough.
ID: 1196
Children
Two children were in a doctor's waiting room.
The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."
ID: 14441
Children
Little Tommy was telling his friend Billy all about his Christmas presents.
"My daddy bought me a mouth organ. It's the best present I've ever had."
"Why?"
"Because my mummy gives me extra money every week if I don't play it."
ID: 1431
Children
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we're going down the tracks"
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now, I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train... but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She heard her little darling continue... "for those of you just boarding, remember there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen..."
ID: 374
Children
A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in.
"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"
"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here."
ID: 1428
Children
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
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