ID: 14442
Children
A group of young children was sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
"It goes moo."
"Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
"It goes meow."
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
"It goes baaa."
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
"Errr..it goes.. click!"
ID: 13045
Children
What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, apparently. I have to go back tomorrow!
ID: 3822
Children
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
ID: 11071
Children
There was a child named Laura. She asked her mom what the hardest report she ever had to do was. Her mom said, "It was to write an essay on the belly of a frog." Laura said, "Wow!!How did you get the frog in to the typewriter?"
ID: 9537
Children
The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
ID: 10949
Children
One day at class, Mrs. Stryo has a storytelling contest. She tells the class that the boy or girl with the best story will get a bag of candy.
Jay, a clever boy, thinks of a story.
"One day, there is a storm." He begins. "Someone's house gets ripped apart by this storm, leaving furniture scattered on the ground."
"One old man survives this storm. He trys to rebuild the house that was torn apart."
"He almost suceeds. Three months later, after spending all of his money trying to rebuild the house, another storm comes and rips it apart again. Everything is scattered around again."
"So that man trys again to build a house. Six months later, he spends a further few hundred dollars building up his house. And again, another storm comes and rips up his house. Now he had a few hundred dollars in debt."
"After a few more trials, and increasing his debt to a few thousand bucks, he gives up. The next storm comes and rips apart the remains of his furniture."
"So he gets a job mowing lawns. He has no clue how to use a lawnmower and breaks it. He then gets a job raking leaves."
"So he spends the rest of his life raking leaves and shoveling snow for a few bucks a day. And those few bucks were payed to the bank."
"Ten years later, he dies of a heart attack. He still has two thousand dollars in debt. His family pays it off, then become poor themselves, and spend the rest of their lives raking leaves and shoveling snow for a few dollars a day."
The class applauds uncertainly, wondering about the story.
Mrs. Stryo asks, "What weas the point of that story, Jay?"
"One person's misfortune is another person's entertainment."
ID: 13155
Children
My mom had just placed some flypaper out when my little cousin wandered in. She was fascinated watching the flies get caught. Finally, my mom asked, "Molly, don't you have flies in your house?"
"Yeah, we have flies. We just don't have anything for them to sit on."
ID: 12143
Children
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold."
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?"
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."
ID: 10911
Children
Little Billy is at home and his mom is in the shower. Billy walks in on her and sees her breasts and says "Mommy what are those?" His mom replies, "Well, Billy, those are my headlights." "Oh" says Billy. Then he looks down between her legs and sees hair there. "Mommy, what is that?" he asks. His mom thinks a bit, then says, "Billy, that is my lawn".
"Oh, i see," says Billy, and he goes back downstairs.
Later in the day, Billy's dad is in the shower and Billy walks in on him, and sees his penis. "Daddy, what is that long thing?" asks Billy. His dad, having already spoken to his mom, is well prepared and responds, "Well, Billy, that is my snake." Billy says, "Oh, ok dad" and then goes down stairs.
Later that night, when Billy is in bed, he hears noises coming from his parents bedroom, and goes to see what is going on. Upon walking into the room, Billy yells out, "MOMMY MOMMY, QUICK TURN YOUR HEADLIGHTS ON! DADDY'S SNAKE IS IN YOUR GRASS!"
This is why when you make love and have children in the house make sure to lock the door!.
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