ID: 11280
Children
Teacher: If you stood with your back to the north and faced due south, what would be on your left hand?
Lisa: Fingers
ID: 5171
Children
A teacher asks a first grader a simple math question.
TEACHER:" If you had 50 cents in one pocket, and you asked you dad for another 50 cents, how much would you have?"
STUDENT:"50 cents."
TEACHER: "You obviously don't know how to add."
STUDENT: "You obviously don't know my dad!"
ID: 4363
Children
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Norfolk to Las Vegas. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said that she had. Smiling, she then said, "Tell your Mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."
ID: 8003
Children
Little Johnny's mother took her 6-year-old son with her to the bank.
They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Little Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's really fat."
The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Little' Johnny received a reprimand.
After a minute or two, Little Johnny spread his hands as far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is 'that' wide."
At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother severely scolds her son.
Again after a couple of minutes Little Johnny stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her belt."
The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her child and his mother threatened him with severe bodily harm.
The lady's pager begins to go off.
Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice, "Run for your life, she's backing up"
ID: 6110
Children
A kindergarten teacher was giving her students a homework assignment. She said, "Students, I know you can do this. If you are going anywhere tonight, then watch how your parents drive in relation to the stoplight. This means, watch how they drive and what they say when the stoplight turns green, when it turns red, and when it turns yellow."
So the following day, all the little kids came back with smiles on their faces because they knew that they had done their homework.
The teacher asks, "So did everyone do their homework last night?" Every kid says in unison, "Yes!"
The teacher continues. "So can anyone tell me what you do when the light turns green?" She looks past the outstretched hand of Little Johnny to pick Little Billy. Billy said, "You say, 'yes, this stupid light finally turned green!', and then stay at the same speed."
"Very good, Billy," the teacher said. Little Johnny was mad; he wanted to answer a question. The teacher continued. "Can anyone tell me what you say and do when the stoplight turns red?" Again she looked past the outstretched hand of Little Johnny to pick Little Mary. Little Mary said, "You say, 'Darn, why did it turn red?' then you stop at the light."
"Very good, Mary," the teacher said. Little Johnny was really mad now. Finally, the teacher said, "Alright, the last one. Who can tell me what you say and do when the stoplight turns yellow?" She sighs, then finally picks Little Johnny after he practically fell out of his chair. Little Johnny said, "Okay, you say, 'Oh shit, the damn stoplight!" and then speed up so you can make the light!!!"
ID: 8184
Children
Q.)Your child poops in their pants- what do you do?
A.)Drop off the child at day-care and make them change it.
ID: 7396
Children
Little 6 year old Nancy and her big sister, Sandy were at the mall, looking at a sweatshirt.
"That shirt is 60 dollars," said Sandy. "I wish I could afford it."
Then the shopkeeper comes up, and says, "Can I help you girls with something?"
"Well, this sweater is 60 dollars and we only have 43 dollars," said Nancy.
"Well, sorry, but you are a little short," said the shopkeeper.
"I can't help it, I'm only 6," Nancy replied.
ID: 3617
Children
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
ID: 4203
Children
Jacob, a three year old boy, is excited about the birth of his little sister, Olivia. One morning, Jacob's mom is giving Olivia a bath, when Jacob asks "Mom, where's her pp?" The mom explains that boys have pp's and girls don't. Just to make sure he understands, she brings out a magazine, and points to a girl and said "What does she have?" and he responds "No pp." She tells him good job and points to a man and he responds "pp." Then she points to George W. Bush and asks "Whats this?" he responds "tough call"
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