ID: 1602
Children
Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
ID: 16438
Children
Aron: Throw all of your fish in the air.
Jake: Why?
Aron: So I can tell my mom I honestly caught them.
ID: 10854
Children
I don't get why we teach little kids the popular saying
"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye."
And we wonder what is with all the violence? I mean come on that's like 100% emo.
ID: 12555
Children
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.
**********************************************************
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
ID: 14187
Children
A lady named Annala had 4 children.
They didn't spent a lot of time together.
One day Annala's husband said,"How about having a picture contest, so we can have a great time! We can invite the whole family; Grandma, Grandpa, and the rest of the gang!"
The mother accepted the challenge.
The day of the picture contest everyone was there.
So far everyone had very lovely pictures.
A picture of a flower, a picture of a cat, a picture of a dog, and a picture of a duck.
The youngest child was the last.
Everyone was cheering while he was presenting.
He proudly announced, "This great picture I made is of my mommy and daddy wrestling on the bed!"
ID: 9601
Children
A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away," the boy said. He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!"
"Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him."
ID: 10590
Children
An elementary school teacher asked her students to write a truthful report on what they would do if they had a million dollars. There was only one student who recieved an A, and the rest failed for lying.
This was the paper with the A:
Johnny
...
ID: 10478
Children
On Halloween night a kid is standing on a bench with a fake beard, fake fangs, a tennis racket, a baseball cap, and a purple cape.
A snobby man walks by and says, "What are you supposed to be?"
The kid says, "Duh! I'm a kid standing on a bench wearing fake fangs, a fake beard, a baseball cap, a purple cape and holding a tennis racket! What did you think I was?"
ID: 9537
Children
The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
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