CHILDREN

ID: 16086

Children

Scaredy-Cat

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.

The first kid said, "My dad is so scared that, when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."

"Oh, yeah? That's nothing," said the second kid. "My dad is so scared that, when my mom has to work the night shift, he goes next door to sleep with Mrs. Jones!"

ID: 15218

Children

Read All About It!

Read All About It!

A newsboy was standing at the corner with a stack of newspapers, yelling, "Read all about it! Fifty people swindled! Read all about it!"

Curious about it, a man walked over and bought a newspaper. After checking the front page and finding nothing, he said to the boy, "What are you talking about? I don't see anything in here about fifty people being swindled."

The newsboy ignored him and continued, yelling out, "Read all about it! Fifty-one people swindled!"

ID: 15273

Children

Name of the Child

When a women found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.

One day, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.

"Yes," he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it Quits."

ID: 15052

Children

A Thanksgiving Cookbook III

A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class

NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.


Jason - Chicken Pie
Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christopher - Pumpkin Pie
First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christine - Turkey
First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.

Isabelle - Spaghetti
Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.

Olivia - Corn
Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.

Nicholas - White and Brown Pudding
First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.

Jarryd - Deer Jerky
Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you go hunting and bring it with you. Then you eat it.

ID: 14274

Children

Dear Pastor II

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven some day because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota

Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City

Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens

ID: 15195

Children

Square Pie or Pi Squared?

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time, so she decided to get his attention. "Johnny," she said, "if the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?"

Johnny answered, "Thirty-four."

The teacher replied, "Well, that's not far from my age. Tell me ... how did you guess?"

"Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."

ID: 15206

Children

At the Doctor's

While his mother was having a consultation with the doctor, Little Johnny could be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room, yet she made no attempt to restrain him.

A few minutes later, they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, she casually said to the doctor, "I hope you don't mind Little Johnny playing in there."

"No, not at all," the doctor replied calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."

ID: 15101

Children

The Fridge

There was a child who came back from school one day with loads of cuts and bruises and his bike broken. The concerned mother asked him what had happened. So, the child says "Well, when the fridge landed on me..."

ID: 15186

Children

He Knows His Numbers

The teacher asked little Andy if he knew his numbers yet. "Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."

"Good, Andy. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said. "Three," replied Andy.

"Very good. What comes after five, Andy?" asked the teacher. "Six," answered Andy.

"Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.

"A jack!" replied Andy.

VIEW MORE ON APP