ID: 11279
Children
Teacher: Oscar, if you had five pieces of candy, and Joey asked for one, how many would you have left?
Oscar: Five.
ID: 7396
Children
Little 6 year old Nancy and her big sister, Sandy were at the mall, looking at a sweatshirt.
"That shirt is 60 dollars," said Sandy. "I wish I could afford it."
Then the shopkeeper comes up, and says, "Can I help you girls with something?"
"Well, this sweater is 60 dollars and we only have 43 dollars," said Nancy.
"Well, sorry, but you are a little short," said the shopkeeper.
"I can't help it, I'm only 6," Nancy replied.
ID: 328
Children
Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply.
"Defeat of Deduct went over defence before detail!"
ID: 2100
Children
A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said, "one of our friends. For stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast with no honey or butter.
Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?"
ID: 2149
Children
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter:
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moooo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
The wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied,
Child: "Bud."
ID: 1085
Children
One night Aggie says to George "Think I'll go to bingo the night
George... when I'm gone you make sure the youngsters get in and
go to bed"
Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted.
So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the
youngsters come in and get to bed. For about three or four hours,
one little boy kept crying and crying, so George takes off up
with a split and hits the floor, the little boy cries harder and
harder.
George sputters out "What are you bawling about?"
The little boy replies "I want to go to me own home."
ID: 3432
Children
Remember this story when they start getting frustrated:
My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said "No."
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have had, cause the smell was getting worse. So.........I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"
This time, with a little smirk on his face, he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled......... "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!"
While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened.
I was mortified......... but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!
ID: 1596
Children
A Duke is hunting in a forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he comes upon a tree. Archery targets are painted all over it, and smack in the middle of each is an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cries the Duke. "I must find him."
After continuing through the forest for a few miles, he comes across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admits that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asks the Duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from 100 paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."
"That is truly astonishing," says the Duke. "I hereby admit you into my service, but I must ask one favor in return. You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot."
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target around it."
ID: 3598
Children
A kindergarden teacher had a pupil tell her he had found a frog.
She inquired as to whether it was dead or alive.
"Dead," she was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked.
"Because I pissed in his ear," said the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?" squealed the teacher in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy,
"I leaned over and went 'Pssst'. He didn't move!"
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