ID: 5234
Children
Mom: Why did you get a grade so low?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mom: Who, You?
Junior: No, the kid who sits right next to me.
ID: 11280
Children
Teacher: If you stood with your back to the north and faced due south, what would be on your left hand?
Lisa: Fingers
ID: 11115
Children
A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am."
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him to come closer, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying,
"I want you to know that
THAT HURTS!"
ID: 15130
Children
During a dinner party, the hosts' two small children entered the dining room naked and proceeded to parade slowly around the table.
Embarrassed, the parents pretended nothing was happening and continued to converse with their guests. The guests co-operated and also carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.
After they finished walking all around the room, the children left.
As the children disappeared from sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "See, I told you, it IS vanishing cream!"
ID: 18112
Children
Science Teacher: Now, now class settle down. Today we will be learning about Biology.
Girl: Oh boy! An entire unit about buying! I've bought a lot of things like earrings, and rings, and necklaces, and bracelets...
Math Teacher: Okay class. Today we will be learning about subtraction.
Boy: Hooray! I know everything there is to know about sub tracks because my father owns a train station. did you know that sub tracks are like regular tracks but...
ID: 15061
Children
The children in the Sunday school class were asked by their teacher to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. When she looked at little Ricky's picture, she was puzzled to see that he had drawn four people in an airplane, so she asked him which story it represented.
Little Ricky replied, "That's the Flight to Egypt."
"Oh, I see," said the teacher. "That must be Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, but who's the fourth person?"
"That's Pontius ... the Pilot!" answered Ricky.
ID: 15109
Children
Little Susie was mother's little helper and always set the table when company was coming for dinner.
The table was set, the visitors had arrived and everyone sat down at the table when Mother noticed that something was missing.
"Susie, you didn't put a knife and fork out for Mr. Grover," mother said.
"I didn't think he would need them, Mommy," Susie explained. "Daddy says he eats like a horse!"
ID: 15297
Children
My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die - no amount of talking could change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it, and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"
ID: 15189
Children
The social studies teacher had just completed a lesson on war and peace.
"How many of you," the teacher asked, "would say you're opposed to war?"
Not surprisingly, every student in the class raised their hand.
"Who would like to give us their reason for being opposed to war?" asked the teacher. Little Johnny, sitting at the back of the class, immediately raised his hand.
"Johnny, what is your reason?" the teacher asked.
"I hate wars," explained Johnny, "because wars make history, and I hate History!"
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