ID: 14274
Children
Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven some day because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City
Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens
ID: 8822
Children
Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table.
"Oh you're so stupid!"
shouted Dick.
"Dick!" said their father, "That is enough! Now say you're sorry!"
"Okay," said Dick, "I am sorry you're stupid."
ID: 2721
Children
A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and not to talk about private matters in public.
At first he holds it in because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table, so he turns to the little girl and says, "Will you excuse me, I have to go powder my nose." And, saying that, he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.
When he returns, the little girl looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?"
"Yes," said the little boy, stepping back into the sandbox.
"Well, then," says the little girl, "you'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out."
ID: 740
Children
One Sunday morning, as was his custom, the pastor of a small church had all the children come up front for a brief children's church. He enjoyed asking the children various questions, and hearing their answers. On this particular morning, he noticed little Susie feeling a bit shy, so he leans over to her and says, "Susie, that's certainly a lovely dress you're wearing!" Little Susie then leans over and says right into the pastor's lapel mic, "yes, and my mommy says its a bitch to iron".
ID: 1722
Children
Little Johnny walked into class one day and sat down. He realized that someone new was teaching the class today, It was Coach Bob, the gym teacher.
Coach Bob started the class by saying, "Okay you little one's are never too young to learn about s-e-x, uh ummm."
While every other kid in the class is giggling. Little Johnny looks really intent.
Coach Bob then asks, " Well, what do any of you kids already know about sex."
Little Shirley raised her hand, "One time my puppy had a baby."
"Good " said Coach Bob
Then Little Chuckie raised his hand and said, "Well my mom gave me a little sister."
"Good, good." said Coach Bob
The Little Johnny raised his hand and Coach Bob's heart skipped a beat. He said "Yes Little Johnny."
"Well," said Little Johnny, "one time at my grandpa's house I was watching an old western starring the Lone Ranger, and he fought off one hundred Indians."
"Oh Yeah," said Coach Bob really relieved, "what does that have to do with sex ed."
"That'll teach those Indians to screw with the Lone Ranger."
ID: 2817
Children
There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him an addition question. So the uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets." So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?" The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets, then the boy
said, "Eleven."
ID: 2336
Children
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
ID: 1720
Children
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
ID: 1440
Children
Children certainly brighten up a home. Who ever saw a child under 12 turn off an electric light?
+10,000 Jokes