ID: 9537
Children
The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
ID: 1437
Children
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith, the Sunday School teacher, smiling sweetly said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that I made ugly an face, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
ID: 1988
Children
A little boy is leaving school at the end of the day. As he strolls along the sidewalk, a car pulls up to the curb, and a man winds down the window.
"Hey, kid, I've got candy in my car. Hop in and I'll give it to you."
"No. I'm not going to." The boy walks on. Further down the road, the car pulls over again.
"Hey there kid, if you get in my car, I'll give you all this candy, and a big bottle of cola. How about it?"
"No way! Now leave me alone!" The boy walks on, quickening his pace. The car again pulls over beside him.
"Look, kid, I've got a puppy at home you'd love to see. Get in and I'll take you there. You can have all the candy and the cola on the way. What d'you say to that?"
The boy is getting agitated. He stops walking, and leans down to the car window.
"Look, I don't care what you promise me Dad. I'm NOT riding in your Lada!"
ID: 8591
Children
A boy asked his mother what the word "shit" meant. The mother didn't know what to say, so she said it meant "food". Then he asked what the word "nigger" meant. She still did not know what to say, so she said "priest". The last word he asked about was "fuck". She really did not know what to say so she said "to get dressed".
When the priest came over, the boy said to the priest, "Hey, nigger, the shit is on the table and my mom and dad are fucking in the room".
ID: 1595
Children
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
Daddy picked them up and looked underneath, he replied, "I think it's printed on the bottom."
ID: 5171
Children
A teacher asks a first grader a simple math question.
TEACHER:" If you had 50 cents in one pocket, and you asked you dad for another 50 cents, how much would you have?"
STUDENT:"50 cents."
TEACHER: "You obviously don't know how to add."
STUDENT: "You obviously don't know my dad!"
ID: 8182
Children
Q.) What do you ask a kid wearing a muscle shirt
but has no muscles?
A.) Did you leave your muscles in your other muscle shirt?
ID: 11042
Children
My 4 year old brother just had a birthday. At his birthday party he invited all his friends and a clown for the entertainment. The clown didn't have too many options for entertaining 4 year olds, so he figured a nice game of Simon Says would be fun.
"Simon says, 'Point to your nose.'"
The children all do it and he continues.
"Simon says, 'Point to your head.'"
Again they all do.
"Sit down."
All those who sat down are out.
"Simon says, 'Point to your lip.'"
Trying to end this silly game and go on with his pathetic life,
"Point to your eye."
"OWWWWW!!!" Yep. They lost.
ID: 13958
Children
Four-year-old Robert tells his kindergarten teacher that he has a new baby brother, called Spot.
"Spot?" says the teacher. "Are you sure it's not a puppy your Dad bought you?"
Robert was adamant that his brother's name was Spot - until next morning, when he issued a correction.
"Actually, it's Mark."
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