ID: 15161
Children
The gas station was located on a main highway leading to the beach so the pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired and sunburned occupants in the cars that pulled in to fill up.
When a rusty old station wagon containing a very tired looking couple and seven screaming children pulled into his station, the attendant tried small talk to cheer the occupants.
"Hope you had a good day at the beach! Nice looking kids there. Are they all yours or is this a picnic?"
Wearily, the driver relied, "Yes, they are all mine, and it is NO picnic!"
ID: 14188
Children
I was at home one day when my son walked in on me and my husband.He said "Momma i found this moving around on the floor".(holding up my vibrator)I said "huh?"he asked if he could play with it...I said sure not knowing what it was at the time....I come out of my room go in his and its in his ass. Needless to say,he has watched me.
ID: 14987
Children
A father in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light, where it wasn't allowed.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" he said.
"That's OK, Dad," his son replied. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."
ID: 15061
Children
The children in the Sunday school class were asked by their teacher to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. When she looked at little Ricky's picture, she was puzzled to see that he had drawn four people in an airplane, so she asked him which story it represented.
Little Ricky replied, "That's the Flight to Egypt."
"Oh, I see," said the teacher. "That must be Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, but who's the fourth person?"
"That's Pontius ... the Pilot!" answered Ricky.
ID: 15166
Children
Two young cowboys - aged six and four - walked into the pretend bar for a drink.
The older cowboy thumped his fist on the pretend bar and said to the pretend bartender, "Bartender, gimme a rye whiskey!"
The younger cowboy was not to be outdone. "Yeah, and make mine a whole wheat!"
ID: 15078
Children
Little Johnny had the flu and wasn't able to attend the Palm Sunday church service with his family.
When they returned home from the service, they were carrying palm branches. "What are those?" Little Johnny asked his mother.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his mother explained.
"Well, doesn't that just figure," grumbled Little Johnny. "The one Sunday I can't go to church, and Jesus shows up!"
ID: 15293
Children
"There is only one pretty child in the world and every parent has it." - Chinese Proverb.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.
The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.
ID: 15273
Children
When a women found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes," he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it Quits."
ID: 9294
Children
When I was younger my father always told me to be more lady like and civil. I decided to teach him a lesson.
When we arrived at his mothers house there were donuts on the table. We sat around and talked(and munched)
I soon got up to excuse myself saying "I have to pee." Dad reminded me that there was a better way to put that.
"I'm sorry" I said "I have to powder my nose like a racehorse."
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