ID: 2126
Children
Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!
Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,
"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
Her trial starts next month.
ID: 13038
Children
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
ID: 13863
Children
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." Wendy, age 8.
"Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Arnold, age 10.
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." Shem, age 8.
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6.
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9.
REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." Greg, age 8.
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle some day and do the holy matchimony thing." John, age 9.
ID: 10590
Children
An elementary school teacher asked her students to write a truthful report on what they would do if they had a million dollars. There was only one student who recieved an A, and the rest failed for lying.
This was the paper with the A:
Johnny
...
ID: 11685
Children
Teacher: "Simon! What does it mean if the barometer falls?"
Simon: "Err.. The nail's come out of the wall, miss?"
ID: 16887
Children
A little boy walks into a ice cream parlor to buy ice cream.
Worker: Hello little boy, can I help you?
Little boy: Yes, I want some chocolate ice cream, please.
Worker: Sorry, we're out of choclate.
Little boy: Ok, I'll have some...........chocolate.
Worker: Once again, we're out of chocolate, pick another flavor.
Little boy: Hm................ I like chocolate!
Worker thinks to himself.
Worker: So boy, do you want some chocolate?
Little boy: But there is no freakin chocolate!
Worker: Exactly!
ID: 9672
Children
Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are.
The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"
The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast? My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30,... and he's home by 3:45!"
ID: 3822
Children
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
ID: 13056
Children
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment, he claimed: "I think it's Adam's suit!"
+10,000 Jokes