ID: 12982
Children
One day, at lunch at an elementary school, the cafeteria was serving swiss cheese. A little girl received her meal and was disgusted by it.
"Miss lunch lady," she said at the end of the line, "I don't like the holes in my cheese."
"That's okay," she said. "Just eat around them and leave them on your plate."
ID: 6246
Children
The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count to fifty before saying anything important, and to one hundred if it was very important. The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: "Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. Your coat is on fire, sir!"
ID: 1341
Children
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it? her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
ID: 416
Children
Little Nancy was in the backyard filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the girl was up to he asks, "What are you up to there Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your f*****g cat!"
ID: 1427
Children
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."
ID: 754
Children
Seeing her son is still in bed, Mary goes to wake him up for school. When she wakes him up he says, "But I don't want to go to school mom."
Mary quite annoyed at this childlike behaviour says, "Well why not? You have to go."
The son replies, "But I don't like it. The kids are mean to me, the teachers hate me, and everyone makes fun of me."
Mary calmly replies, "I'm sorry son. But you MUST go to school!."
The son says, "But whyyyy?"
Mary annoyed at the delay says, "Because you're the damn principal!"
ID: 1085
Children
One night Aggie says to George "Think I'll go to bingo the night
George... when I'm gone you make sure the youngsters get in and
go to bed"
Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted.
So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the
youngsters come in and get to bed. For about three or four hours,
one little boy kept crying and crying, so George takes off up
with a split and hits the floor, the little boy cries harder and
harder.
George sputters out "What are you bawling about?"
The little boy replies "I want to go to me own home."
ID: 16441
Children
Sean: I've finally cleared my mind!
Dean: Does your new one work?
ID: 1432
Children
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."
"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk."$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny.
"Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.
They all said the same thing. "Hey, this tastes like shit! "
Then I would say.............." It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
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