ID: 1822
Children
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother: "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said: "So then why is the groom wearing black?"
ID: 15737
Children
Gregory was a boy who was always beaten up by a bully who everyone called: "The Demon". Everyday, "The Demon" would punch Gregory in the stomach without any warning. And Gregory always got a stomachache.
Now, Gregory wasn't very smart. He often confused things with other things and ended up in trouble. But Gregory didn't know. And Gregory had 7-9 fears and takes them seriously. He has a fear of telling a teacher on someone, so that's a reason why he's letting The Demon punch him.
The doctor told him that if he continued to be punched, that he would get a stomach bruise - which wasn't good at all.
So, Gregory and his father were having a father-to-son conversation about this problem.
"Son, why are you letting 'The Demon' punch you everyday?"
"I dunno dad."
"Well, you can't just let him punch you in the stomach."
"Really, dad?"
"Yes, really."
The next day, Gregory came home with stomach, and rib pains.
ID: 2657
Children
A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"
"That's right son, why?"
"Well that's just what they said at church today."
"Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."
About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die.
Once again mother said yes son.
The little boy looked at her and said, "then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!"
ID: 2660
Children
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
ID: 9294
Children
When I was younger my father always told me to be more lady like and civil. I decided to teach him a lesson.
When we arrived at his mothers house there were donuts on the table. We sat around and talked(and munched)
I soon got up to excuse myself saying "I have to pee." Dad reminded me that there was a better way to put that.
"I'm sorry" I said "I have to powder my nose like a racehorse."
ID: 1211
Children
A little boy was watching a handyman at work on the upper story of a house. Suddenly the man drops a hammer, and comes down the ladder to retrieve it.
The little boy calls out, "My daddy would have two hammers so he wouldn't have to come the ladder when he dropped one."
The handyman says, "Yeah, that's great, kid", and climbs back up the ladder and returns to work. Within a few minutes, he drops his screwdriver, and comes back down the ladder.
The little boy calls out again, "My daddy would have two screwdrivers so he wouldn't have to come down the ladder when he dropped one."
The handyman mutters something and returns up the ladder. A few minutes later, the man realizes he has to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he has no way into the house, so he climbs down the ladder and goes behind a bush.
When he's finishing up, he notices that the little boy has followed him. "I suppose your daddy has two of these too?" he asked.
"Nope," says the little boy, "but my daddy's is twice as big!"
ID: 3432
Children
Remember this story when they start getting frustrated:
My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said "No."
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have had, cause the smell was getting worse. So.........I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"
This time, with a little smirk on his face, he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled......... "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!"
While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened.
I was mortified......... but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!
ID: 1441
Children
An American supply teacher came to a Canadian class one day. She told the students that she was an American and she asked if anyone else in the room was an American.
Even though not many people in the room were, everyone put up their hand not to be left out, except one girl.
The teacher stared at the girl and asked "If you're not an American, then what are you?" The girl replied, "I'm a proud Canadian."
The teacher asked "Why are you a Canadian?" The girl answered, "Because my parents are both Canadians."
The teacher asked "What if both of your parents are stupid, then what will you be?" The girl answered, "Then I would be an American!"
ID: 5494
Children
Friend 1:"Yeh,you are looking too fat."
Friend 2:"You are looking too old."
Friend 1:"I am not old."
Friend 2:"Then, I am not too fat."
+10,000 Jokes