ID: 1429
Children
A five year old boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life. As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas, giraffes and bears, they came upon the elephant exhibit.
"That's an elephant", the mother said.
After the child repeated after her, he asked, "Mommy? What's that thing hanging down from the elephant?"
The mother replied, "That's his trunk, sweetheart."
"No, no", said the child, "Behind that!"
"Oh, that's his tail", she said.
"No, no!" the boy exclaimed. "That thing in the middle!"
The woman was flustered and replied, "Uhhhh, that's nothing, honey!" And they moved on.....
The next weekend, the boy's father came to pick him up and the child cried, "Daddy, let's go to the zoo! I learned all about the animals, and I want to show you what I learned!"
The father agreed, so off to the zoo they went. As they passed each cage, the child would shout out the name of the animal, and the father would praise him for being so smart. Finally, they arrived at the elephant cage, and the boy shouted, "Elephant!"
"Very GOOD", beamed the father. "I'm proud of you for remembering all these animals!"
The boy asked, "Daddy? What's that thing hanging down on the elephant?"
The father replied, "That's his trunk."
"No!", the boy moaned, "Behind that!"
"That's his tail", the father replied.
"No, no! That thing in the middle!"
The father stammered, "Er...what did your mother say it was?"
"She said it was nothing!"
"Well", the man said, puffing out his chest. "Your mother's spoiled!"
ID: 6075
Children
Little Mikey's parents were going out, and Mikey said, "For 20 bucks, Dad, I'll be good."
"Oh please," said his father. "When I was your age, I was good for nothing."
ID: 6104
Children
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals."
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be sugar?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed, and a jackass to pay for all of it."
The teacher fainted.
ID: 14019
Children
"What shall we play today?" Cori asked her best friend Judy.
"Let's play 'school'!" said Judy.
"Okay," said Cori, "But I'm going to be absent."
ID: 7890
Children
One day, 15 year old Christy came home from shopping with her Auntie Kim and Auntie Flo.
Christy says to her 6 year old sister, "Auntie Kim has bad taste, but Auntie Flo has good taste."
Her sister then says, "How do you know? Have you bitten them before?"
ID: 3822
Children
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
ID: 11135
Children
Mom: How did you do on your history test?
Kid: Not good.
Mom: Why?
Kid: They asked me things that happened before I was born!
ID: 7891
Children
Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for.
After a second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far...."
ID: 5541
Children
It was the first day of school for little Jimmy. The teacher asked him, "What's 1+1?"
Jimmy replied, "3". The teacher said, "You go back home and ask your family what the answer is."
So, little Jimmy goes back home. He asks his father, who was having a conversation with his friend, "Daddy, what's 1+1?" The father replied impatiently, "Shut up!" So, little Jimmy asks his mother, "Mommy, what's 1+1?"
His mother, who was watching a show about George Bush on TV, carelessly responded, "George Bush."
Then Jimmy goes to his sister, "What's 1+1?" The sister was having a hot bath and she replied, "Oooohhhh, aahhhh".
Finally, Jimmy sees his brother, "What's 1+1?" he asked. Jimmy's brother was just going out with his girlfriend and he said, "let's go, darling."
So the next day, the teacher asks Jimmy, "What's 1+1?"
Jimmy replies, "Shut up!"
The teacher was outraged and asked angrily, "Who do you think you are?!"
Jimmy said, "George Bush."
Furious, the teacher hit Jimmy. Jimmy exclaimed, "Oooohhh, ahhhh".
"That's it!" The teacher shouted, "You are going to the headmaster!"
Jimmy said, "Let's go, darling."
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