ID: 6112
Children
It was Father's Day, and Little Billy's mom told him to tell his dad to just lay around, watch TV, and do nothing productive.
So Little Billy went into the family room where he found his dad watching TV. Little Billy said, "Dad, it's Father's Day, so mom and me think that you should just lay around, watch TV, and do nothing productive." His dad looked up from the TV and smiled, then went back to watching his show.
Little Billy paused a moment and said, "You know, just like you usually do..."
ID: 13823
Children
Matt's dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."
ID: 11684
Children
Mom: "Why have you been sent home early, Jack?"
Jack: "Because the boy next to me was smoking."
Mom: "But if he was smoking, why were you sent home?"
Jack: "Because I set him on fire!"
ID: 11689
Children
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened.
'So, how did you do, son?' he asked.
'You'll never believe it!' Billy said. 'I was responsible for the winning run!'
'Really? How'd you do that?'
'I dropped the ball.'
ID: 9906
Children
Dear Santa,
You must be suprised that I'm writing to you on the 26th of December. I would like you to remember that I asked for a pair of rollar blades, a bicycle, an electric train, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying this whole year. Not only was I the first class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, but there was nobody in my neighborhood who behaved better than me including to my parents, my brothers and sisters, my neighbors, and my friends. I would even help the elderly across the street and go on errands. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What ball you have leaving me a fuckin yoyo, a lame whistle, and a pair of ugly socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat ugly prick, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fuckin year to come out lile this with shit under the tree. As if u hadn't fucked me enough you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to get your fat ass down the chimney next year. I'll throw rocks at the stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the North Pole, just like I had to do because you didn't get me a fuckin bike. FUCK U SANTA.Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, YOU FAT COCKSUCKER
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
ID: 11008
Children
Q :whats the best thing about children?
A :making them!!
ID: 16898
Children
When my pap was younger, his family didn't have much money. One year for Christmas, his mother cut a hole in the front of his underwear so he would have something to play with.
ID: 16086
Children
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid said, "My dad is so scared that, when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."
"Oh, yeah? That's nothing," said the second kid. "My dad is so scared that, when my mom has to work the night shift, he goes next door to sleep with Mrs. Jones!"
ID: 16441
Children
Sean: I've finally cleared my mind!
Dean: Does your new one work?
+10,000 Jokes