ID: 6395
Blond
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
ID: 6581
Blond
A blonde was at an airport. She was excited, as this would be her very first time riding in a plane; she was flying to see her relatives, so she was at the airport, when she realized she had to buy a ticket.
So she goes up to the counter where they are selling tickets. She says to the clerk, "Yes, I'd like 1 ticket to New Jersey, please."
The clerk looks at her and says, "One-way, or round trip?"
The blonde replies, "One way."
So she buys her ticket, and hurries off. A little later, though, she comes right back to the same clerk. She says, "Yes, I'd like 1 ticket to New Jersey, one way, please."
The clerk looks at her strangely, but still hands her another ticket.
She hurries off, and yet again comes back to the desk to buy another ticket.
"Yes, I'd li---"
She was interrupted by the clerk, who was obviously fed up by now. She yelled at the blonde, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE AND MORE TICKETS! WHY?"
The blonde replies, "I... don't .. know..!" She breaks out in tears, then continues her sentence, "This stupid guy keeps coming up to me and ripping my ticket in half!"
ID: 4143
Blond
What do you call it when you hear Vrrrrm.ERT.Vrmmm.Ert?
Answer: A Blond at A Blinking Red Light.
ID: 11369
Blond
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
ID: 4504
Blond
Mission to Mars
(Space Shuttle with two trained monkeys and a blonde astronaut)
The Mission Control Room in the US calls the Space Shuttle.
"Monkey 1, Monkey 1, report to communications for instructions."
The trained monkey sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors.
So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen.
A few moments later, headquarters calls again: "Monkey 2, Monkey 2,
report to communications for instructions."
Monkey 2 sits down and he is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyze the solar radiation.
Monkey 2 does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.
A little later on, headquarters calls again: "Female Astronaut 1, please report to communications for instructions."
The blonde sits down and just as she is about to be told what to do she says-
"I know, I know!! Feed the monkeys, and don't touch a damn thing."
ID: 4761
Blond
There were two blondes sitting on the roof of a house. The ladder they had used to get on the roof fell down onto the ground.
Blonde #1: Go get the ladder!
Blonde #2: No way! If I jump down, I'll kill myself.
Blonde #1: I know! I'll shine my flashlight down to the ground and you can climb down the beam of light.
Blonde #2: No way! You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway down!
ID: 6283
Blond
A blonde's son was playing catch with his friend. The blonde was working in the yard, planting flowers and such. Her son was throwing the baseball back and forth with his friend when he suddenly smiled.
He threw the baseball straight at his blonde mom, and yelled, "Think Fast!!!" so the blonde said silently to herself, "Fast, fast, fast, fast..."
The blonde got herself hit right plop in the head.
ID: 5535
Blond
What does a blond think the last 2 words of the national anthem are? Play ball!
ID: 3483
Blond
A blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what was the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always came to this door, but I couldn't open it. I kept pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Did the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"
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