ID: 12940
Blond
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were on the run from a cop after stealing from a shop. They decided to hide in some trees.
The cop passes by the trees, and he knocks the tree that the redhead was in. She said "squawk, squawk, squawk". So the cop said "Oh, it's just a bird". Then he knocks the tree that the brunette was in. She made noises like a squirrel, so the cop said "Oh, it's just a squirrel". Then the cop goes and knocks the tree the blonde was in and she said "moo, moo, moo". The cop got alerted and so the 3 of them was on the run again.
This time, the decide to hide in some bags. The cop comes by and kicks the bag the redhead was in, and she said "meow, meow, meow". So the cop said "Oh, it's just a cat". Then he kicks the bag the brunette was in. She said "woof, woof, woof", so the cop said "Oh, it's just a dog". Then the cop goes and kicks the bag that the blonde was in, and the blonde goes "potato, potato, potato". The cop got alerted so yet again because of the blonde's stupidity they are on the run again.
Alas, they get tired and stop. They get caught by the cop. He calls reinforcements. They all face prosecution. The cops cocked their guns and asked the redhead "Any last words?", and she points behind the copssays "LOOK! TSUNAMI!". When the cops turned around, she runs away. The cops turn back, feeling slightly foolish. Now they ask the brunette "Any last words?", and she points behind them and says "LOOK! TORNADO!". And since these were very stupid cops, they fell for the same trick twice. Exasperated, they turn back at the blonde and they ask "Any last words?", and she says "LOOK! FIRE".
ID: 14125
Blond
One day, a six year old blonde came up to her mother and said:
"When I grow up, I want to be a Hillary Duff, she's amazing!"
lol, only a blonde would say that.
ID: 15116
Blond
A blonde was walking down the road when she saw a beautiful looking lamp, so she picked it up. She rubbed it and a magic genie came out. "You may have any three objects in the world, oh mighty mistress," said the genie. The blonde replied, "I wish I had an endless glass of wine."
Suddenly a big, crystal glass filled with wine appeared in the blonde's hand. She drank it and to her surprise, it filled up again! "Wow! This wine is really nice, and it can't run out!" the blonde said. "In fact, it's so good, I'll have another two of these, please, genie!"
ID: 13276
Blond
The blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.
So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.
The blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.
They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos - after all, they now had their own department at the university.
They now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department which sports the saying: "I belong in B.E.D."
ID: 15690
Blond
There was a blonde that was chopping at a tree near the neighbor's house. Suddenly it fell over and hit the neighbor's house. The neighbor came out and said, "You just crashed a tree on our house!"
The blonde replied, "Well, since it's an hour house, it'll be gone in 60 minutes."
ID: 13074
Blond
Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.
Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"
Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."
ID: 13513
Blond
Here's the background:
Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of CSUC; Chuck is his boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Bill, this actually happened. (Chuck is telling the story).
Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it.
Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk?
Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee.
Me: Is there more milk or coffee?
Her: Oh, definitely more coffee.
Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk.
Her: Just the usual amount of milk.
Me: A coffee with milk.
Her: Yes.
Me: Anything else?
Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine?
Me: We do have decaf.
Her: No, I don't want decaf, just some coffee without the caffeine.
Me: Ma'am, that's what decaf means, no caffeine.
Her: Oh, then do you have milk with no caffeine?
Me: Milk doesn't come with caffeine.
Her: Yes, it does.
Me: Not that I know of. Where do you get your milk?
Her: It doesn't say caffeine free on the milk so it must have caffeine.
Me: Oh, you're right, my mistake, I forgot that we get the decaf milk. No problem - we have only decaf milk. Anything else?
Her: Do you have any bagels?
Bill: (who has been listening all along): I'm sorry, ma'am, we're all out of decaf bagels.
Her: Well, what are those? (pointing at sesame bagels)
Bill: Those are sesame donuts with extra caffeine added.
Her: I guess I'll just have the coffee. Do you take credit cards?
Me: No ma'am, cash only.
Her: What about Visa?
Me: Is that a credit card?
Her: Well, yes.
Bill: Is it cash?
Her: No.
Bill: Then no, we can't take it.
Her: What about checks?
Me: Cash, ma'am, nothing else.
Her: O.K. How much is that?
Bill: Eleven dollars and 45 cents.
Her: Really?
Bill: New war in Alaska is ruining the coffee business, plus you wanted the coffee with no caffeine, that's hard to find now, had to grow it myself.
Her: O.K. (proceeds to write a check)
Bill: Please leave.
Her: Why?
Bill: You're raising my blood pressure, leave now.
Her: But what about my coffee?
Bill: Leave and never return.
She leaves, but pays the $11.45 first. In cash. Seriously.
ID: 14367
Blond
How you get rid of grey hairs:
1. Dye all your hair the color grey.
2. Shave your head.
3. Now you have no grey hairs.
ID: 1243
Blond
A blonde and brunette jump off a cliff at the same time. Why did the brunette hit the floor before the blonde?
The blonde asked for directions!
+10,000 Jokes