ID: 4109
Blond
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend asked, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HellOOOooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."
ID: 543
Blond
19. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
21. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
22. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen?
Far-from-thinking
24. What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
25. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
26. How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Why don't blondes eat Jello?
They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
29. Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
She liked kids...
30. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
32. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
To put their feet through.
34. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.
35. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.
36. How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
37 How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
38. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
39. Why did the blonde fail her driver's license ?
She wasn't used to the front seat!
40. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.
41. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
42. What's the mating call of the blonde?
"I'm *sooo* drunk!"
43. What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
(Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
44. How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the Zamboni machine.
45. What's a brunette's mating call?
Has that blonde gone yet?
When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
"All the blondes have gone home!"
46: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
47. Why do blondes like the GST? (GST - Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
Because they can spell it.
48. What is 74 to a blonde?
69 plus G.S.T.
49. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
50. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
ID: 10483
Blond
1 What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
2 What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
She peed on her corn flakes.
3 What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.
4 Did you hear about the stupid blonde?
She got hit by a parked car.
5 Why can't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calculator?
Because she can't find the 10
ID: 142
Blond
What do you call the skeleton of a blonde you find in a closet?
1950's Hide-n-seek champion.
ID: 283
Blond
A blonde has just inherited a Ranch but only had two horses. The problem was she couldn't tell them apart. So she goes to her neighbor rancher and asks for help. He suggests cutting ones tail a bit shorter then the other. She does it but then a week later she comes back and tells the neighbor rancher that it grew back. So he tells her to tie a different colored string around one of the horses neck. She does it but a week later the tie slips off and she has to go back to the neighbor. So he suggest she paint a different color spot on each of the horses. She does and comes back a week later with cookies.
She tells the neighbor rancher, "Here I baked these for you. Your plan worked perfectly. I painted a red spot on the black horse and a blue spot on the white horse."
ID: 41
Blond
How can you tell if a blonde woman has been dating?
By the belt buckle imprint on her forehead.
ID: 40
Blond
A brunette was walking down the middle of the street, saying "34...34...34" over and over again. A blonde stopped her and asked why she was doing that.
"Oh, it's great fun," replied the brunette. "You should try it".
So the blonde walked down the street repeating "34...34...34..." when all of a sudden a car sped by and ran her over.
The brunette then started walking down the road again, saying "35...35...35..."
ID: 331
Blond
Two blonds decided to go shopping. A few hours later they come out and the first blond realizes that she has locked her keys in the car, so they spent a few hours pacing around the car trying to figure out what to do. Finally, the first blond looks off into the distance and sees storm clouds. She turns to her friend and says, "Quick, think of something because a storm is coming and I left the convertible top open!"
ID: 748
Blond
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game
for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked
the game. "Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I
just couldn't understand why they were killing each
other for 25 cents."
What on earth do you mean???"
Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and
then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming
was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"
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