ID: 1401
Blond
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last 600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says,"I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."
"She'll read it very slow."
ID: 9764
Blond
A blond employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me!"
ID: 8120
Blond
Today in history class the topic was the Incas. Hoping to see if the students had done the reading, the teacher calls on random students and asks them questions.
"Where could the Incas be found?" The teacher's first question. "Jonie?" foolishly she called on the blonde.
Not having actually done the homework, and only halfway hearing the question, she guesses: "In the pen?"
ID: 7598
Blond
One day a blond and a redhead were talking on the phone.
Blonde:My doctor told me I have to lose about ten pounds.
Redhead:Oh really? Do you know what you going to do?
Blonde: No not at all... hey you lost wieght recently. How did you do it?
Redhead: I used the special K diet
blonde:Whats that?
Redhead:Well you eat a bowl of special K for lunch and one for breakfast and have a sensable dinner each day. I lost 5 pounds in a week
Blonde: Okay thanks!
a week later the blonde calls back her friend
Redhead: How did it work?
blonde:Not well at all i gained 5 pounds
redhead: Really did you follow my intructions exactly?
blonde: Well no but i had to lose double the wieght
Redhead: Well what did you do?
blonde: Well i figured that if 1 bowl for both breakfast and lunch was good for 5 pounds then two bowls for both breakfast and lunch would be good for ten.
ID: 11484
Blond
There was a newlywed couple on their honeymoon in Antarctica. The bride asks her husband to gather berries; the husband asked, "Why do you want berries; we are in Antartica?" She replied with, "I was just wondering if you would and if your penis shriveled, because my nipples are hard and if your penis does shrivel, I can heat it up in my vagina when you got back."
The husband ran out looking for berries. When he came back she asked, "What took you so long?"
He then said, "Can we fuck now or what?"
She said as long as you're not frost bit."
So they went up to their room and started kissing furiously; the next thing he knew, she was giving him the greatest head he had ever gotten. Then he laid her down on the bed and the heat of his breath on her thighs made her moan. Then they started making love furiously, all of a sudden someone bursts through the door and said, "Honey, why are you fucking my twin?" she was speechless.
The husband's twin then replies, "I was just making sure she was good enough for you, and she passed."
p.s.
The husband and his twin are blonds.
ID: 11876
Blond
Godzilla, King Kong, and a smart blonde are all on the Empire State Building. Who jumps first?
None. Because none of them exist!
ID: 7771
Blond
A blond goes into a pizza shop for a snack. She orders, "May I have a veggie pizza slice with all the works?"
The worker says, "That would be our combo pizza."
The blond says, "No, thanks. I'll stay with the veggie slice."
ID: 11358
Blond
One day, a blonde decided to build a brick wall, so she went to a home depot.
While a worker was walking down an aisle, he saw the blonde walking around in circles looking confused, so he went over and asked her what she wanted to make. She answered that she wanted to make a brick wall.
Then the worker asked her what size; after thinking thoroughly she answered, "And they say blondes are stupid; how am I supposed to know? There is no fence to measure."
ID: 11369
Blond
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
+10,000 Jokes