ID: 13387
Blond
Years ago when I was working at Customer Service for a gardening company, I came across this tale. It is completely true!
A lady came in looking for a soaker hose (a hose that drips water into the soil every few minutes) I helped her find it, but soon, she came back with a complaint.
"What's the problem," I asked.
"It leaks."
ID: 534
Blond
Q. Why do young blondes carry goldfish in their
pockets?
A. So they can smell like old blondes.
ID: 424
Blond
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"
ID: 40
Blond
A brunette was walking down the middle of the street, saying "34...34...34" over and over again. A blonde stopped her and asked why she was doing that.
"Oh, it's great fun," replied the brunette. "You should try it".
So the blonde walked down the street repeating "34...34...34..." when all of a sudden a car sped by and ran her over.
The brunette then started walking down the road again, saying "35...35...35..."
ID: 560
Blond
A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy yells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?' A deathly silence transcends the bar.
In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a
pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man pauses to think, and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
ID: 453
Blond
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
ID: 4603
Blond
A blonde filled her car with gas at a self-service gas station. After she had paid and driven away, she realized that she had left the gas cap on top of her car.
She stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.
Well, she thought for a second and realized that other people must do the same thing from time to time, so maybe it was worth going back to look by the side of the road. She figured that even if she couldn't find her own gas cap, she might be able to find one someone else lost that would fit her car.
She didn't have to search long when, sure enough, she found a gas cap. She tried it, and it went into place with a satisfying click.
"Great," she thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks."
ID: 4040
Blond
Why does a blonde keep lowering her head in the supermarket?
She is looking for low prices.
ID: 2631
Blond
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the brunette, "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!"
The brunette jumps and the firemen are unable to position the blanket properly. Sadly, the brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
Then, the redhead steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!"
"Oh no! You're gonna put blanket in the wrong place!"
"No! We've go it covered! We'll catch you!" yell the firemen.
The redhead jumps and, again, the firemen are unable to position the blanket properly. Sadly, the redhead also slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!"
"Oh no! You're gonna put blanket in the wrong place!"
"No! We've go it covered! We'll catch you!" yell the firemen.
"Look," says the blonde, "nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're gonna catch me with that blanket... so, what I want you to do is put the blanket down and then I'll jump."
+10,000 Jokes