ID: 13513
Blond
Here's the background:
Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of CSUC; Chuck is his boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Bill, this actually happened. (Chuck is telling the story).
Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it.
Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk?
Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee.
Me: Is there more milk or coffee?
Her: Oh, definitely more coffee.
Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk.
Her: Just the usual amount of milk.
Me: A coffee with milk.
Her: Yes.
Me: Anything else?
Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine?
Me: We do have decaf.
Her: No, I don't want decaf, just some coffee without the caffeine.
Me: Ma'am, that's what decaf means, no caffeine.
Her: Oh, then do you have milk with no caffeine?
Me: Milk doesn't come with caffeine.
Her: Yes, it does.
Me: Not that I know of. Where do you get your milk?
Her: It doesn't say caffeine free on the milk so it must have caffeine.
Me: Oh, you're right, my mistake, I forgot that we get the decaf milk. No problem - we have only decaf milk. Anything else?
Her: Do you have any bagels?
Bill: (who has been listening all along): I'm sorry, ma'am, we're all out of decaf bagels.
Her: Well, what are those? (pointing at sesame bagels)
Bill: Those are sesame donuts with extra caffeine added.
Her: I guess I'll just have the coffee. Do you take credit cards?
Me: No ma'am, cash only.
Her: What about Visa?
Me: Is that a credit card?
Her: Well, yes.
Bill: Is it cash?
Her: No.
Bill: Then no, we can't take it.
Her: What about checks?
Me: Cash, ma'am, nothing else.
Her: O.K. How much is that?
Bill: Eleven dollars and 45 cents.
Her: Really?
Bill: New war in Alaska is ruining the coffee business, plus you wanted the coffee with no caffeine, that's hard to find now, had to grow it myself.
Her: O.K. (proceeds to write a check)
Bill: Please leave.
Her: Why?
Bill: You're raising my blood pressure, leave now.
Her: But what about my coffee?
Bill: Leave and never return.
She leaves, but pays the $11.45 first. In cash. Seriously.
ID: 6741
Blond
Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind.
The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."
So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
ID: 10101
Blond
1 Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
2 What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
3 What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
An air bag.
4 Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
5 Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an F in sex.
ID: 8766
Blond
A blonde and a brunette are hanging from a pole to see who can hang the longest. The blonde is showing off by hanging from one hand. The brunette says, "I bet you can't do no hands."
The blonde takes the challenge and loses the contest.
ID: 5185
Blond
Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.
ID: 167
Blond
One evening, on her first date, a blond went to an amusement park with her boyfriend. After they went on the roundabout, the boy said, "What do you want to do next?"
The girl said, "I want to be weighed." So he weighed the blond on a guess the weight game. Then they went on the roller coaster, and afterwards the boy said, "What do you want to do next?"
The girl said, "I want to be weighed." So he weighed the blond again, and she weighed the same, so he took her home.
When she got home, she flumped on the couch and her mother said, "How was the date?"
The blond said, "Weewy Weewy Wousy."
ID: 11364
Blond
Q: Why do blondes insist on guys wearing condoms?
A: So they'll have a doggie bag for later.
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, the other is a walrus
Q: What does a blonde say after she graduates from college?
A: "Hi, welcome to McDonalds."
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A space invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A: Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's Tippex on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the same computer?
A: There's writing on the Tippex.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q. Did you hear about the blond man who had 8 vasectomies?
A. He had to -- his wife kept getting pregnant!
Q: What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A: A blow job with handle bars.
ID: 545
Blond
What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
An Air-Bag
ID: 7643
Blond
A young blonde stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint job. An empty check stub later, and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?
At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her, and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.
"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?" "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."
"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.
"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?" "Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.
Looking shocked she asked, "Oh, OK... How many times a week do I have to do that?"
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