ID: 15388
Blond
A blond man, Mark, was going to France over the summer. So he asked the advice of his friend, who had been to Paris last year.
"Oh!" his friend said, "The food in France is fabulous! Be sure to ask about their frog legs."
"FROG legs? Really?" Mark couldn't believe it.
"Yeah. It seems strange, doesn't it?"
Mark agreed to ask.
A month later, Mark flew to France. He had a wonderful time seeing the sights, and forgot all about his friend's advice until his very last night, right before dinner. He was already seated at a table, and soon a waiter walked up to him to take his order.
"Well..." Mark pondered, "I'm not sure what I want." He decided to ask, then and there. "Say- do you have frog legs?"
"But of course!" replied the waiter, proud of the quality of his restaurant.
Mark turned a shade of white. It was true!
"Are you okay, sir?"
"I'm... fine," Mark said, recovering well, "Hop on over and bring me a sandwich!"
ID: 9935
Blond
1 Why did the blonde cross the road?
She was tied to the baby that was stapled to the chicken.
2 Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch?
Her blinker was on
3 What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear ?
Data transfer.
4 What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
ID: 10983
Blond
One day a man is up on his soap box telling blonde jokes. A large crowd has gathered around him and are laughing hysterically at every line, most of which he probably took off of this website. A blonde walks up to him and starts yelling at him, "You know, not all blondes are as dumb as you make us out to be."
Taken aback by this he says, "Fine. If you can answer three questions, I'll pack it up and never tell another blonde joke." She agrees and he starts the questioning.
"Ok, I'll give you an easy one first. What are the colors of the flag of the United States of America?"
"That's easy," she replies, "Red, white, and blue."
"Not bad, I've had some blondes screw that one up. OK, next question. Who wrote the play 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'?"
"At this rate you better start packing up and leaving. That is by William Shakespeare," she retorts
"Impressive. Ok, third and final question. How many D's are in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?" The blonde scratches her chin, thinking deep about the question, and asks, "Can I come back to you on this one?" "Sure," as the man snickers, "Come on back." She runs off as the crowd laughs and the man continues telling jokes.
About fifteen minutes later she comes running back, out of breath yelling, "Sixty-five!" The man looks at her curiously and asks, "How did you come to that?!?!?"
She catches her breath and starts (to the tune of 'rudolph the red-nosed reindeer), "de de de de de de de,,,,"
ID: 11129
Blond
A smart blonde, a leprachaun and a fairy were in an elevator together talking about something, but whatever they were talking about was not true because there is no such thing as a leprechaun or a fairy or a smart blonde.
ID: 10031
Blond
1 A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
2 A blonde was telling her priest a Polack joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?"
3 A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer popped out of the machine. She set it on the ground, put sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"
4 A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true or false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall and stares at the question paper for five minutes. Then, in a fit of inspiration, takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."
5 A blonde decides to try to learn horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of sheer terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. She is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
ID: 10076
Blond
1 Why did God create brunettes?
So ugly men wouldn't feel left out
2 Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
It doesn't show the dirt
3 Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.
4 What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation.
5 What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
Gay, married, or a hostage.
ID: 10483
Blond
1 What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
2 What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
She peed on her corn flakes.
3 What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.
4 Did you hear about the stupid blonde?
She got hit by a parked car.
5 Why can't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calculator?
Because she can't find the 10
ID: 4109
Blond
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend asked, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HellOOOooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."
ID: 423
Blond
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
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