ID: 283
Blond
A blonde has just inherited a Ranch but only had two horses. The problem was she couldn't tell them apart. So she goes to her neighbor rancher and asks for help. He suggests cutting ones tail a bit shorter then the other. She does it but then a week later she comes back and tells the neighbor rancher that it grew back. So he tells her to tie a different colored string around one of the horses neck. She does it but a week later the tie slips off and she has to go back to the neighbor. So he suggest she paint a different color spot on each of the horses. She does and comes back a week later with cookies.
She tells the neighbor rancher, "Here I baked these for you. Your plan worked perfectly. I painted a red spot on the black horse and a blue spot on the white horse."
ID: 5270
Blond
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all go to a bar.
The redhead walks up to the bartender and says,"I'll have a BL." So the bartender gives her a Bud Light.
The brunette walks up next and says,"I'll have an ML." So the bartender gives her a Miller Light.
The blonde is catchingon so she goes up to the bartender and says,"I'll have a 15."
The bartender thinks about it, looks around, and says,"Ok, you stumped me. What's a 15?"
The blonde goes,"Duh! 7 and 7."
ID: 423
Blond
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
ID: 40
Blond
A brunette was walking down the middle of the street, saying "34...34...34" over and over again. A blonde stopped her and asked why she was doing that.
"Oh, it's great fun," replied the brunette. "You should try it".
So the blonde walked down the street repeating "34...34...34..." when all of a sudden a car sped by and ran her over.
The brunette then started walking down the road again, saying "35...35...35..."
ID: 13436
Blond
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.
They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly, to his horror, there was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over - so now we're going to Sea World.....
ID: 1640
Blond
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from all that skipping."
ID: 350
Blond
Why are the blonde's boobs square?
She forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
ID: 261
Blond
TO: Boss
FROM: Blondie
RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K
I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:
Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk
I also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!
ID: 609
Blond
A police officer pulled over a vehicle that had just driven through an intersection without slowing for the traffic light, which flashes red continually. (It flashes amber for the cross direction.)
The driver, blonde of course, explained, "But I didn't go through on the RED, I went through on the BLACK!"
+10,000 Jokes