ID: 513
Blond
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."
ID: 17375
Blond
One day little Susie, who is a blond(since this is in the 'blond' category), was at her grandma's house. She had been there for about two days and today grandma isn't feeling very well. The grandma is in bed, coughing and it isn't getting any better. The Grandma tells little Susie to go to the pharmacist and get some syrup for her cough.
So little Susie goes to the local pharmacy and she buys the syrup. The clerk tells her to remember to 'SHAKE WELL BEFORE USE'.
Susie goes back to the house and moments later, the ambulance has arrived and the doctors are trying their best to save poor granny.
When they questioned Susie about what happened, she says "Well, the clerk at the pharmacy and the instructions on the bottle said 'SHAKE WELL BEFORE USE'". One doctor said "So?". "Well I shook granny very well and gave her the medicine. Do you think this happened cause I didn't shake her well?" replies Susie who is now in tears.
ID: 7046
Blond
A blonde went to her regular plastic surgion one day. When she walked in, he said to her, "What more can I do for you? I have changed your every part of your body that you could think of! I even did your ears!"
She replied, "Well, this is kind of embarrasing for me say out loud."
The plastic surgion, curious to know what the blonde wanted done, asked, "What is it? You can trust me.
She answered shyly. "This morning, while I was looking in the mirror, I noticed that my butt had a huge crack down the middle and i was wondering if you could get me a new one that isn't broken."
ID: 9841
Blond
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant!
Why did the blonde die in the helecopter crash?
She got cold so she turned off the fan!
How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She got ran over by the zamboni machine!
( Zambonis make the ice on skating rinks)
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!
A blonde was taking a walk outside when a bird flew over her in the sky. When it suddenly dropped a load on her. What did she say?
Good thing my mouth was open or it would've hit me in the face!
ID: 11340
Blond
My brother and I were sitting at the computer reading the daily teaser from the past week. I read the last one (April 30th 2006) and my sister(who is a blonde) walks in to get a drink. I'm reading a line that says:"But, madam!", replied the bellman, and my sister walks up behind me and says "What did you call me?!" and I say, "Well I didn't call you any thing. I was reading this joke and she says, "Oh well I thought you were calling me a damn bitch!"
ID: 9764
Blond
A blond employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me!"
ID: 10165
Blond
Why didn't the blonde go on the amusement park ride?
Because he was too tall.
ID: 15818
Blond
The university's gymnasium hallway displayed basketball team pictures from the past forty years.
In every photo, one player, sitting front row center, held a basketball identifying the year of the team: 94-95, 95-96, 96-97, 97-98, etc.
One day, a senior on the basketball team noticed a cute, blonde freshman cheerleader staring curiously at the photos. The senior, hoping to score a few points off the court, commented about the team's history.
Impressed, the cute, blonde freshman cheerleader said: "Isn't it amazing how the teams always won by just one point?"
ID: 17983
Blond
One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".
He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.
Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.
She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".
He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."
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