ID: 513
Blond
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."
ID: 1013
Blond
What does a blonde do when she wakes up?
She goes home!
ID: 1665
Blond
Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.
Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.
They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.
About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."
Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."
ID: 4728
Blond
A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During the pre-views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms.
When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away.
"What did you do that for?" he asked her.
"I'm allergic to chocolate!" she replied.
ID: 11712
Blond
Two blondes went out into the woods on a hunting trip.
They are out there for several hours, and discover that they are lost!
One says, "I heard that if you're lost in the woods, you fire three shots in the air, and wait for someone to come and rescue you."
"Ok," says her pal, "let's do it."
So they did, and waited to be rescued, but no-one came to their aid, so after an hour, they fired three more shots in the air, and waited again.
It's nearly dark by now, and one says to the other, "I hope someone comes soon, we're down to our last three arrows."
ID: 7734
Blond
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
ID: 9870
Blond
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finally, the blonde accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'not guilty' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
The blonde looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."
ID: 8072
Blond
3 Hints to arguing with blondes:
1.) Use small easy to understand words.
2.) Keep your sentences short and to the point.
3.) Use, what I like to call, "Blonde logic" aka logic that only makes sense to them or on occasion other blondes.
ID: 6658
Blond
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from his store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always buy it here." says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container...
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
+10,000 Jokes