ID: 13584
Blond
A blonde bought a new car that has a computer which can fix the car when anything happens.
So she went and blew the engine and the computer said, "In the name of the manufacturer, get fixed," and it was fixed.
Then she broke the window and the computer said, "In the name of the manufacturer, get fixed," and it was fixed.
Then she said to herself "It's time for the ultimate test," and she jumped from the bridge and the computer said, "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen."
ID: 8261
Blond
Mrs. Blondie, do swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you, god?
Yes I do.
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Q. Mrs. Blondie did you ever stay all night with this man in California?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Michigan?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.
ID: 11500
Blond
One day a blonde went into a restaurant and decided she was going to order the free birthday dessert, even though it wasn't her birthday.
A month later on her real birthday she went back to the restaurant with her family, and they had the same waiter.
She ordered the dessert again and the waiter recognized her.
This was her excuse:
"Oh that wasn't me that was my twin sister."
Let's just say she wasn't going back anytime soon.
ID: 7406
Blond
Why did they ban the wave at the local football games?
*Too many blondes were drowning.
Why was the blonde on the roof of the bar?
*Someone told her that the drinks were on the house.
Why don't blondes eat M&Ms?
*They are too hard to peel.
Why do blondes take the pill?
*It's the only way that they can keep track of what day of the week it is.
Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
*She tied up the safe and blew the guard.
ID: 542
Blond
1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
4. Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
A2: By doing the splits.
6. Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!
15. A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?
She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymen lick Maneuver.
16. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
17. Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
ID: 7696
Blond
Can you tell if this lady is blonde?
After placing an order in the drive-thru, the lady came on the speaker and asked: "Is that for here, or to go?"
ID: 8107
Blond
If you want to know how to make a blonde's eyes sparkle......Shine a flashlight in her ear.
ID: 8020
Blond
A blonde was at a department store for the first time and was very confused.
The man beside her was getting irritated at the blonde because she kept asking him so many questions about the store.
He said, "Please! Just stop asking me so many questions!"
"Oh," the blonde replied. "Why?"
ID: 789
Blond
A blonde was walking past a schoolyard during recess when she saw a young girl standing all alone on one end of the soccer field, while the other children all played a game of soccer. Feeling sorry for the poor child, she went up to the girl and made small talk.
She asked the little girl if she was OK.
The little girl replied she was fine.
The blonde then said, "Why don't you go play with the other children?"
The little girl replied, "I already am."
The blonde, a bit annoyed said, "What do you mean, you already am?"
The girl replied, "I am playing."
The blonde, thinking the girl was lying so she wouldnt be embarassed, said, "Wanna be friends?"
The girl hesitated, then reluctantly said Sure.
The blonde, feeling she made progress, says, "Would you like to go play in the sandbox?"
The girl replies, "Sure... after I'm done playing soccer. I'm the goalie."
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