ID: 6482
Blond
A blond lady was taking a shower one morning and when she was done washing her hair she took the washcloth and washed herself. when she was done, she stepped to the left brought back her arm and swung. she did that 4-5 times. she was trying to dry the cloth. she finally just gave up. that night she told her husband what she did and he thought a moment and said "honey. were you putting the washcloth back in the water each time?" so the next morning the wife went back in the shower and tried not to hit the wash cloth in the water. she of course did not succeed. so again in bed that night she told her husband she had tried but she just could not get the washcloth to dry. so the husband said "how about I put a little heater in the shower so that when your done you can leave the water on and dry the cloth while your shaving. The wife agrees and the next morning sure enough there was a heater. so when the wife was done washing her hair she didnt see the cord right there without plastic on it so she grabbed the cord and put the washcloth on it. immidiatly the blond was shocked to death. About a month later the husband married another blond. she did the exact same thing. (everytime the husband married, he made sure the wife was blond,rich,and hot.) so now he had married 2 blonds. now another month passed and the man was filthy rich and he was married again. this time he waited to kill the wife. he wanted to do some things with her before he killed her, get a child or 2, then kill her. so thats just what he did. so a few months after she died he went to a club to find a wife. he found this hot blond and he noticed she was staring at him. he went up to her and asked her if she was available. she said yes and they got married the next day. now a month later he said that it would be nice to have a heater in the shower. the wife agreed and when the wife was taking a shower the husband crept up behind her and tried to kill her. the wife pressed a botton and in seconds there was a swarm of cops. the husband was arrested for life. The wife he had last married was a cop trying to find the killer. she of course got the jack pot.
ID: 1008
Blond
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, blondes usually screw in cars!
ID: 1401
Blond
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last 600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says,"I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."
"She'll read it very slow."
ID: 7955
Blond
Fred was getting out of his car to go to an electronics store and had his dog in the car with him. "Stay," said Fred.
A blond was witnessing all this and said to Fred, "Would it just be easier to put it in park?"
ID: 1135
Blond
Did you hear about the sailor who died, and wanted to be buried at sea by his 5 blonde daughters?
His daughters all drowned digging the grave.
ID: 1171
Blond
Did you hear about the accident at the mall?
There was a power outage and a group of blondes was stuck on the escalator for 3 hours!
ID: 809
Blond
What do you get when you breed a blonde and a New York gangster?
A juvenile deliquent who spray paints chain link fences.
ID: 1349
Blond
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell me your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, "Ehhhh ... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell me your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two."
This isn't looking good, so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name, please?"
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Mandy!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "Just out of curiosity, Miss, I can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Oh that!" replies the Blonde, "That's just me running through, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you'."
ID: 139
Blond
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the mechanic.
The mechanic, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have some fun.
So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
+10,000 Jokes