ID: 8187
Blond
Q) What does a blond say when she comes out of a lesbian bar?
A) Wow, those people sure were friendly!
ID: 5659
Blond
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. 'No woman,' said one man, scornfully, 'can keep a secret.'
'I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. 'I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.'
'You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted.
'I hardly think so!' responded the blonde lady. 'When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.'
ID: 196
Blond
One day a blonde came home from work early and when she walked into her house, she saw her husband in bed with another woman. She pulls her gun out of her purse and points it to her head. Her husband screams, "NO DON'T DO IT! I'm sorry!"
To which the blonde replies "SHUT UP! You're next!"
ID: 410
Blond
There were three blondes living together. Blonde #1 was coming back from grocery shopping, and she dropped her keys. She walked down the stairs to get them, and she said to herself, "Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs?" So she stood there puzzled, the bags of groceries still in her hands.
Blonde #2 was taking a bath, and was draining the tub because it was too cold. With her hair still dry she said to herself, "Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub?" She stood there, just thinking about it.
Blonde #3 was sitting in the living room in front of the coffee table, and she said to herself, "Knock on wood I'm not as stupid as the other two!" She knocked on the table. "Was that the front door or the back door?"
ID: 1015
Blond
A blonde is like a door knob, everyone gets a turn!
ID: 578
Blond
Why does a blonde smile at lightning?
She thinks she's getting her picture taken.
ID: 1401
Blond
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last 600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says,"I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."
"She'll read it very slow."
ID: 665
Blond
What do you call a movie about a man trying to make a blond smart?
Mission Impossible
ID: 112
Blond
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
+10,000 Jokes