ID: 13436
Blond
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.
They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly, to his horror, there was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over - so now we're going to Sea World.....
ID: 3327
Blond
A blonde girl was at school staring at a puzzle on her desk that she could not figure out. The teacher comes by and tells her, "You can solve it! Just use your head!" The teacher comes back to check on the blonde and she saw her head all bruised up. The teacher said, "What happened?!" Then the blonde says, "Well, you told me to use my head."
ID: 112
Blond
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
ID: 1832
Blond
A blonde missed a 44 bus so she took the 22 bus twice!
ID: 148
Blond
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.
What will be her response?
"Is it mine?"
ID: 1267
Blond
A blonde walks into a hospital in slight discomfort.
"Can I have a hot towel to put on my nose, please?"
The nurse was curious and asked, "Why would you like a hot towel to put on your nose?"
The blonde replies, "Well, I wanted to sniff some coke to see what the big deal was, and I got an ice cube stuck up my nose."
ID: 410
Blond
There were three blondes living together. Blonde #1 was coming back from grocery shopping, and she dropped her keys. She walked down the stairs to get them, and she said to herself, "Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs?" So she stood there puzzled, the bags of groceries still in her hands.
Blonde #2 was taking a bath, and was draining the tub because it was too cold. With her hair still dry she said to herself, "Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub?" She stood there, just thinking about it.
Blonde #3 was sitting in the living room in front of the coffee table, and she said to herself, "Knock on wood I'm not as stupid as the other two!" She knocked on the table. "Was that the front door or the back door?"
ID: 2261
Blond
A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action.
The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff.
Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!"
The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"
ID: 6482
Blond
A blond lady was taking a shower one morning and when she was done washing her hair she took the washcloth and washed herself. when she was done, she stepped to the left brought back her arm and swung. she did that 4-5 times. she was trying to dry the cloth. she finally just gave up. that night she told her husband what she did and he thought a moment and said "honey. were you putting the washcloth back in the water each time?" so the next morning the wife went back in the shower and tried not to hit the wash cloth in the water. she of course did not succeed. so again in bed that night she told her husband she had tried but she just could not get the washcloth to dry. so the husband said "how about I put a little heater in the shower so that when your done you can leave the water on and dry the cloth while your shaving. The wife agrees and the next morning sure enough there was a heater. so when the wife was done washing her hair she didnt see the cord right there without plastic on it so she grabbed the cord and put the washcloth on it. immidiatly the blond was shocked to death. About a month later the husband married another blond. she did the exact same thing. (everytime the husband married, he made sure the wife was blond,rich,and hot.) so now he had married 2 blonds. now another month passed and the man was filthy rich and he was married again. this time he waited to kill the wife. he wanted to do some things with her before he killed her, get a child or 2, then kill her. so thats just what he did. so a few months after she died he went to a club to find a wife. he found this hot blond and he noticed she was staring at him. he went up to her and asked her if she was available. she said yes and they got married the next day. now a month later he said that it would be nice to have a heater in the shower. the wife agreed and when the wife was taking a shower the husband crept up behind her and tried to kill her. the wife pressed a botton and in seconds there was a swarm of cops. the husband was arrested for life. The wife he had last married was a cop trying to find the killer. she of course got the jack pot.
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