ID: 4143
Blond
What do you call it when you hear Vrrrrm.ERT.Vrmmm.Ert?
Answer: A Blond at A Blinking Red Light.
ID: 764
Blond
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
ID: 13095
Blond
A blonde woman was at work when she received a phone call
that her daughter was very sick with a fever.
She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to
get some medication.
She got back to her car and found that she had
locked her keys in the car
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and
told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting
worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and
use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat
hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by
someone else who at some time had locked
their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger
and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled
up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was
wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help
me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very
thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could
help.
She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped
to get her some medication and I locked my keys in
my car. I must get home to her.
Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in
less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged
the man and through her tears she said, "Thank
You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just
got out of prison today. I was in prison for car
theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing
tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even
sent me a Professional!"
ID: 8634
Blond
A man is up on stage telling blonde jokes, and the crowd is eating them up. Suddenly a blonde steps up in the back and starts cursing the man because of him telling the derogatory jokes. To stop him, he offers her the deal of her answering 5 multiple-choice questions. If she can answer them correctly, he'll get off the stage and never tell another blonde joke. She agrees and he starts questioning her.
"1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150"
The blonde says "I will skip this"
The man continues, "2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR"
The blonde asks for help from any university students near her, and then skips the question.
Trying not to laugh, the man continues, "3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER"
The blond asks for help from anyone in the crowd, and gives up.
The man snickers a little and asks her, "4) Which of these was King George VI's first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL"
The blond looks around vacantly and gives up.
By now the guy is having a hard time containing his gut-wrenching laughter, but composes himself enough to ask, "5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT"
The blond just gives up and sits down.
ID: 11009
Blond
A blonde got an invitation to a party which said "Wear brown tie only!"
After going to the party, she noticed that they were wearing pants and shirts also!
ID: 10701
Blond
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"
ID: 10586
Blond
A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. The blonde says, "I hate all the blonde jokes people say."
"Oh, they are only jokes. There are alot of stupid people out there. Here I'll prove it to you," replies her brunette friend.
So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.
The taxi drove them, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See, that guy was really stupid."
"No kidding," replies the blonde." There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."
ID: 10983
Blond
One day a man is up on his soap box telling blonde jokes. A large crowd has gathered around him and are laughing hysterically at every line, most of which he probably took off of this website. A blonde walks up to him and starts yelling at him, "You know, not all blondes are as dumb as you make us out to be."
Taken aback by this he says, "Fine. If you can answer three questions, I'll pack it up and never tell another blonde joke." She agrees and he starts the questioning.
"Ok, I'll give you an easy one first. What are the colors of the flag of the United States of America?"
"That's easy," she replies, "Red, white, and blue."
"Not bad, I've had some blondes screw that one up. OK, next question. Who wrote the play 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'?"
"At this rate you better start packing up and leaving. That is by William Shakespeare," she retorts
"Impressive. Ok, third and final question. How many D's are in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?" The blonde scratches her chin, thinking deep about the question, and asks, "Can I come back to you on this one?" "Sure," as the man snickers, "Come on back." She runs off as the crowd laughs and the man continues telling jokes.
About fifteen minutes later she comes running back, out of breath yelling, "Sixty-five!" The man looks at her curiously and asks, "How did you come to that?!?!?"
She catches her breath and starts (to the tune of 'rudolph the red-nosed reindeer), "de de de de de de de,,,,"
ID: 8630
Blond
There's a blonde who goes to a pizza parlor. When she orders, she asks for her pizza to be cut up into 6 slices instead of eight. Why?
A: She's not hungry enough to eat eight.
+10,000 Jokes