ID: 11369
Blond
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
ID: 429
Blond
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
"Help, help!" yelled one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yelled the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
"Together, together!" they yelled.
ID: 2781
Blond
Why did the blonde run out of shampoo?
She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!
ID: 543
Blond
19. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
21. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
22. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen?
Far-from-thinking
24. What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
25. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
26. How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Why don't blondes eat Jello?
They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
29. Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
She liked kids...
30. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
32. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
To put their feet through.
34. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.
35. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.
36. How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
37 How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
38. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
39. Why did the blonde fail her driver's license ?
She wasn't used to the front seat!
40. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.
41. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
42. What's the mating call of the blonde?
"I'm *sooo* drunk!"
43. What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
(Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
44. How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the Zamboni machine.
45. What's a brunette's mating call?
Has that blonde gone yet?
When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
"All the blondes have gone home!"
46: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
47. Why do blondes like the GST? (GST - Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
Because they can spell it.
48. What is 74 to a blonde?
69 plus G.S.T.
49. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
50. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
ID: 1678
Blond
Q. Why do blondes wear panties?
A. To keep their ankles warm!!
ID: 1838
Blond
All the boys and girls in Mrs. Dovers class are drawing. Mrs. Dover came over to Tommy and said, "What picture are you drawing?" Tommy said, "A cow eating grass." "Ok, where's the grass?" "The cow ate it all." "Ok, where's the cow?" "He went to go look for more grass."
ID: 1009
Blond
What do railroad tracks and blondes have in common?
They are both laid all over America!
ID: 2235
Blond
A blonde walked into a library and said to the librarian, "Can I have some fish and chips please?"
The librarian gave her a funny look and said, " I'm sorry, this is a library."
So the blonde whispers,"Can I have some fish and chips please?"
ID: 330
Blond
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."
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