ID: 17925
Blond
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all about to jump off a cliff. As they jumped, they would yell the name of what they wanted to turn into.
The redhead went first. She yelled, "Hawk!" and she turned into a hawk and flew away.
The brunette went next. She yelled, "Butterfly!" and she turned into a butterfly and flew away.
The blonde went last. As she was about to jump, she tripped, and yelled, "Crap!" As she fell, she turned into a piece of poop.
ID: 4046
Blond
Why is it good to have a blond in your car?
ANSWER: You can park on places for disabled
ID: 6581
Blond
A blonde was at an airport. She was excited, as this would be her very first time riding in a plane; she was flying to see her relatives, so she was at the airport, when she realized she had to buy a ticket.
So she goes up to the counter where they are selling tickets. She says to the clerk, "Yes, I'd like 1 ticket to New Jersey, please."
The clerk looks at her and says, "One-way, or round trip?"
The blonde replies, "One way."
So she buys her ticket, and hurries off. A little later, though, she comes right back to the same clerk. She says, "Yes, I'd like 1 ticket to New Jersey, one way, please."
The clerk looks at her strangely, but still hands her another ticket.
She hurries off, and yet again comes back to the desk to buy another ticket.
"Yes, I'd li---"
She was interrupted by the clerk, who was obviously fed up by now. She yelled at the blonde, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE AND MORE TICKETS! WHY?"
The blonde replies, "I... don't .. know..!" She breaks out in tears, then continues her sentence, "This stupid guy keeps coming up to me and ripping my ticket in half!"
ID: 3375
Blond
CNN gets news that 100 blonds are killed in a
train accident at Marylebone station. Only one blond
left alive.
The correspondent goes to her and asks, "Miss, how did it happen?"
Blond: "Oh don't ask about it. All were right as long
as all were waiting on the platform for the train. Then came the announcement that 'The bakerloo line will arrive on platform number 2' so when everyone heard that the train is coming on the platform, everyone ran to the rails to save their lives, and the train arrived on the rails!!!"
Correspondent: "Thank god you thought well and didn't go to the rails"
Blond: "Oh no, I was on the rails for committing
suicide and after the announcement I came to the
platform!"
ID: 3716
Blond
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 5th step He would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter Heaven. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 45th step, so she could not enter Heaven. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 200th step, so she could not enter Heaven either. Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke." "I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
ID: 1008
Blond
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, blondes usually screw in cars!
ID: 4940
Blond
A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator when a good-looking man enters. They notice that, though he is very handsome, he has very bad dandruff. He gets off at his floor, and when the doors close, the brunette looks at the blond and says, "Someone needs to give him some Head and Shoulders". The blonde replies, "How do you give someone shoulders?"
ID: 3608
Blond
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
ID: 423
Blond
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
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