ID: 3375
Blond
CNN gets news that 100 blonds are killed in a
train accident at Marylebone station. Only one blond
left alive.
The correspondent goes to her and asks, "Miss, how did it happen?"
Blond: "Oh don't ask about it. All were right as long
as all were waiting on the platform for the train. Then came the announcement that 'The bakerloo line will arrive on platform number 2' so when everyone heard that the train is coming on the platform, everyone ran to the rails to save their lives, and the train arrived on the rails!!!"
Correspondent: "Thank god you thought well and didn't go to the rails"
Blond: "Oh no, I was on the rails for committing
suicide and after the announcement I came to the
platform!"
ID: 13276
Blond
The blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.
So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.
The blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.
They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos - after all, they now had their own department at the university.
They now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department which sports the saying: "I belong in B.E.D."
ID: 10193
Blond
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it..
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they have blond boyfriends.
ID: 7461
Blond
A blonde laughs at a joke 3 times.
When the joke is told,
When the joke is explained,
And 5 days later, when she gets it.
ID: 4840
Blond
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
ID: 4504
Blond
Mission to Mars
(Space Shuttle with two trained monkeys and a blonde astronaut)
The Mission Control Room in the US calls the Space Shuttle.
"Monkey 1, Monkey 1, report to communications for instructions."
The trained monkey sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors.
So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen.
A few moments later, headquarters calls again: "Monkey 2, Monkey 2,
report to communications for instructions."
Monkey 2 sits down and he is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyze the solar radiation.
Monkey 2 does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.
A little later on, headquarters calls again: "Female Astronaut 1, please report to communications for instructions."
The blonde sits down and just as she is about to be told what to do she says-
"I know, I know!! Feed the monkeys, and don't touch a damn thing."
ID: 2444
Blond
A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."
ID: 4143
Blond
What do you call it when you hear Vrrrrm.ERT.Vrmmm.Ert?
Answer: A Blond at A Blinking Red Light.
ID: 9075
Blond
A blond was stuck on an island. She could not get off, but there was an interesting structure on the island that intrigued her. It was a building with a small hole running through the bottom of it, and a bit away from it was a small hole, about five inches in diameter. She realized that there was no food on the island. She was stuck there for two days when the intendent came out and said, "Ma'am, the pedestrians here would appreciate it if you would get off of the Western Golf Course for awhile."
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