ID: 11366
Blond
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
ID: 10010
Blond
Why is a blond, Blond?
Isn't it obvious? They're dumb.
ID: 8429
Blond
How do you keep a blond busy?
Write "please turn over" on both sides of a paper!
ID: 7055
Blond
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a male farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course the farmer is a blond. :)
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Er... excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"
ID: 6834
Blond
Why did the blonde bring sandpaper to the desert?
She needed a map.
Why did the blonde bring a car door to the desert?
If it got hot she could roll the window down.
How did the blonde explain her helicopter crash?
It was getting hot so I turned the ceiling fan off.
What is the latest health epidemic among blondes?
MAIDS. If they don't get one they die.
Why did the blonde wear a condom on each ear?
She didn't want to get hearing AIDS.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell; She's got a grenade in her mouth.
Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in 6 months?
Because on the box it said from two to four years.
How do you know if a blonde e-mails you?
There's a computer in the mailbox.
How do you know if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's whiteout on the screen.
How do you know if a second blonde has been using the computer?
There's writing on the white out.
How do you know if a third blonde has been using the computer?
There's cheese in front of the mouse.
What do you call brunette hair dye?
A1)Artificial Intelligence. A2)Birth control
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
Siamese twins.
What do you call a blonde in a sauna?
A hot air balloon.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
ID: 10701
Blond
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"
ID: 9303
Blond
What did the blonde say to the red head?
Nothing. She couldn't remember what she was going to say!
ID: 7046
Blond
A blonde went to her regular plastic surgion one day. When she walked in, he said to her, "What more can I do for you? I have changed your every part of your body that you could think of! I even did your ears!"
She replied, "Well, this is kind of embarrasing for me say out loud."
The plastic surgion, curious to know what the blonde wanted done, asked, "What is it? You can trust me.
She answered shyly. "This morning, while I was looking in the mirror, I noticed that my butt had a huge crack down the middle and i was wondering if you could get me a new one that isn't broken."
ID: 6784
Blond
What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave.
+10,000 Jokes