ID: 443
Blond
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.
ID: 13276
Blond
The blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.
So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.
The blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.
They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos - after all, they now had their own department at the university.
They now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department which sports the saying: "I belong in B.E.D."
ID: 18101
Blond
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all apply for the same job. The manager says, "I can only hire one of you so I'm going to ask you each a question and whoever answers it correctly gets the job." He takes the brunette into the room and asks her, "How many D's in Indiana Jones?" She replies, "One."
He brings the redhead into the room and asks her the same question. She thinks for a moment and says, "One."
He then brings the blonde into the room and asks her the same question; "How many D's in Indiana Jones?"
She thinks for a little. She counts on her fingers, counts on her toes, wiggles her ears, sticks out her tongue and finally comes up with, "Thirty Six."
The rest of them ask her, "How the hell did you come up with thirty six?!"
She replies with a smile on her face, "Da da da da, da da da." (Sing the Indiana Jones theme song)
ID: 13436
Blond
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.
They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly, to his horror, there was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over - so now we're going to Sea World.....
ID: 11901
Blond
There were three blondes stranded on an island.
They were left with one bottle of water, so the decided to have thirds of the bottle.
The next day, the bottle is lying empty next to one blonde,
and the other two blondes say, "Why'd you drink all the water?" and the blonde says, "But my third was at the bottom."
ID: 14370
Blond
Help....
The Titanic is going to sink. Everybody on the ship is
shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then an Italian asks a nearby blond on the ship, Italian: "How far is land from here?"
Blond: "Two miles."
Italian: "Only two miles? Then why are these fools making so much noise? I can swim even further."
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the surface to ask something again.
Italian: "Just tell me which side is the land two miles from here?"
Blond: "Downwards......"
ID: 11876
Blond
Godzilla, King Kong, and a smart blonde are all on the Empire State Building. Who jumps first?
None. Because none of them exist!
ID: 12839
Blond
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died
because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to
get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife, a blonde, to give me a hand starting the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.
She said "fine!", hopped into her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming and wondering what she could be doing.
A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror
coming at me at about 40 mph, and I suddenly realized that I
should have been a bit clearer with my directions...
ID: 13424
Blond
So there was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they were running from the police but all they could find was a barn. They were in a hurry to hide so the brunette hid in the horse's stable, the redhead hid in a tree, and the blonde hid behind a few boxes of oranges. When the policemen came to the barn, they went to the horses stable and the policeman heard something.
"Wait!" he said. "I hear breathing!"
But the brunette went, "Neigh! Neigh!"
"Oh, it's just a horse," the policeman said. Then he walked around and came upon a tree and heard breathing.
"Stop!" he said. "I hear breathing in the tree!"
"Caww! Caww!" went the redhead.
"Oh,it's just a bird," said the policeman. Next, the policemen came upon a barn with a stack of boxes of oranges.
"Wait!" Said the policeman. "I hear breathing!"
Then the blonde said "I'm an orange! I'm an orange!"
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