ID: 440
Bar
A man walks into a bar and has a few drinks. The bartender gives him the bill but the man has left his wallet at home. So the man tells the bartender he paid already.
The bartender says, "If you say you paid I believe you."
The man leaves and sees a co-worker on the other side of the bar. He tells the co-worker the bartender can't keep track of who paid and who hasn't.
The co-worker drinks some more and gets the bill.
The co-worker says, "But I've paid already."
The bartender says, "Well I guess you could of. I believe you."
The co-worker leaves and sees an old friend of his on the street. The co-worker tells the friend about the nice little scam in the bar.
The friend goes in the bar and drinks alot. The bartender talks to the friend and tells him, "You know, 2 guys came in here earlier claiming they paid. The next guy who tries that is gonna get punched in the face."
The friend says, "Don't bother me with your problems. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
ID: 13146
Bar
A man walks into a bar and throws down a bet. 100 dollars to anyone who can do 100 pushups. A man disappears outside and returns minutes later. "I'll take that bet" the man says, and collapses after 50 pushups. "I don't get it", he says," I just did 150 outside!"
ID: 348
Bar
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
ID: 597
Bar
A drunk phones the police.
He yells, "Come quick! Thieves have stolen my dashboard, steering wheel, brake and gas pedal, and my dang radio!! MY RADIO!!"
The police are just about to send out an officer when the drunk phones back.
He says very calmly, "Sorry officers. It turns out I just got in my backseat."
ID: 788
Bar
A bear goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender replies, "Sorry we dont serve bears here."
The bear, upset, says angrily, "Gimme a beer or I'll eat that lady over there!"
The bartender says, "Go ahead, I don't care."
The bear goes and savagely mauls the woman then eats her in front of the bartender.
The bear goes and says, "Now give me a beer or I'll eat someone else."
The bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve bears on drugs in here."
The bear goes, "What? I'm not on drugs!"
The bartender says, "What about the barbituate?"
ID: 5
Bar
So, this guy walks into a bar.
And says, "ouch".
ID: 441
Bar
A man walks into a bar and has a lot of drinks. He gets completely wasted. He mentions to the bartender that he has his girlfriend sitting in his new corvette outside so she can drive him home.
While the bartender went outside to throw out the garbage he notices a corvette with a man and a woman making out in it. He goes back into the bar and tells the man to go check on his girl.
The man leaves and comes back laughing and staggering a few minutes later.
Confused the bartender asks what is so funny.
The man replies, "My friend Bobby is so wasted he thinks he's me!"
ID: 1634
Bar
An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"
'Yeah,' the man answered, 'I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life.'
'But you look like Abe Lincoln.' protested the barkeep.
'That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago.'
ID: 883
Bar
Three vampires go into a bar. The bartender asks the first one, "What can I getcha?"
The first vampire replies, "I'll have a pint of blood".
The bartender then asks the second vampire, and he too orders a pint of blood.
The bartender turns to the third vampire and asks, "What about you?"
The third vampire says, "I think I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "OK, so that will be two Bloods and one Blood Lite."
+10,000 Jokes