ID: 15096
Bar
A man stumbles into his house after a night of drinking and is greeted by his very angry wife.
"What's the big idea of coming home half drunk?" she yells.
"I'm sorry, honey, but I ran out of money," he mutters.
ID: 10717
Bar
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door, and to his car, and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car, and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
ID: 12823
Bar
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"
ID: 13146
Bar
A man walks into a bar and throws down a bet. 100 dollars to anyone who can do 100 pushups. A man disappears outside and returns minutes later. "I'll take that bet" the man says, and collapses after 50 pushups. "I don't get it", he says," I just did 150 outside!"
ID: 7725
Bar
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
ID: 17427
Bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please." The next one says, "and I'll have half of what he's having." The bartender says, "You're all idiots," and pulls two pints.
ID: 18162
Bar
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy, the barman replied "Yes."
So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"
"Certainly sir,"replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy. "Four cents", he replies.
"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
ID: 17642
Bar
"Three people of different nationalities walk into a bar. Two of them say something smart, and the third one makes a mockery of his fellow countrymen by acting dumb."
ID: 9573
Bar
A girl walks into a bar and sits down with her friend.
She is feeling down, so she talks to her friend. Her friend says "Go get a beer." She says she didn't want one. Then the friend says "Hey, who said it was for you?"
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