ID: 837
Bar
A really really drunk man stumbled out of a local bar and right into the nun. Quickly the man punched the nun right in the face. Stunned the nun tried to run away, but the drunk just ran after her and pushed her to the ground. The drunk then proceeded to kick the nun repeatedly until the nun was begging for mercy.
The drunk leans down and looks at the nun and says, "Not so tough now, eh Batman?"
ID: 14482
Bar
Lou sat at the bar furiously pounding down shots of whiskey.
His best friend, Jim, spotted him and said, "Lou, what's going on? Are you okay? I've known you for fifteen years and I've never seen you drink like this before."
Staring at his next filled shot glass, Lou replied, "My wife just ran off with my best friend," and tossed that drink down, too.
"But I thought that I was your best friend?" said Jim.
Lou looked at Jim through bloodshot eyes and slurred, "Not any more!"
ID: 14849
Bar
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.
"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
"You're under 21," replies the barman.
ID: 16958
Bar
A newcomer in town goes to a bar, the bar manager notices he is new and says, "Sir, you're new, and when you're new, you have to drink a whole barrel of beer, then fix the crocodile's sore tooth, then you give that nice lady right there a hug, or you can't come to this bar again!"
The newcomers says, "That's ridiculous!" and leaves the bar.
A couple minutes later, he comes back, he drinks the barrel of beer, then he goes into the backyard.
After a couple screams of bloody murder, screeches, cries of pain, the newcomer returns all bloody and bruised.
Then he goes up to the manager and says, "Okay, where's the girl with the sore tooth?"
ID: 17427
Bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please." The next one says, "and I'll have half of what he's having." The bartender says, "You're all idiots," and pulls two pints.
ID: 17598
Bar
A Frenchman, a German and a Jew walk into a bar. "I'm tired and thirsty," says the Frenchman. "I must have wine." "I'm tired and thirsty," says the German. "I must have beer." "I'm tired and thirsty," says the Jew. "I must have diabetes."
ID: 15305
Bar
A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar. The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket.
Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him. Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."
ID: 438
Bar
A pirate walks into a bar and has a seat. The bartender notices the pirates peg-leg, eyepatch and hook for a hand.
The bartender and the pirate start talking and the bartender casually slips in the question of how the pirate lost his leg.
The pirate says, "I fell overboard and a shark bit my leg off."
They talk more and the bartender asks how the pirate got the hook.
The pirate says, "We were boarded by enemy pirates and they cut off my hand before running away.
They talk some more and the bartender finally asks how the pirate got his eyepatch.
The pirate said, "A seagull crapped in my eye."
The bartender says, "Wow! You lost your eye to seagull poo in your eye?"
The pirate says, "Well no... it was my first day with the hook."
ID: 9
Bar
There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...
+10,000 Jokes