ID: 10910
Bar
A huge black man entered in a bar with a huge and colorful parrot on his shoulder. The bartender was amazed, so he asked "Where did you get that thing?"
Then the parrot said, "Well they're walking all over Africa..."
ID: 348
Bar
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
ID: 9
Bar
There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...
ID: 438
Bar
A pirate walks into a bar and has a seat. The bartender notices the pirates peg-leg, eyepatch and hook for a hand.
The bartender and the pirate start talking and the bartender casually slips in the question of how the pirate lost his leg.
The pirate says, "I fell overboard and a shark bit my leg off."
They talk more and the bartender asks how the pirate got the hook.
The pirate says, "We were boarded by enemy pirates and they cut off my hand before running away.
They talk some more and the bartender finally asks how the pirate got his eyepatch.
The pirate said, "A seagull crapped in my eye."
The bartender says, "Wow! You lost your eye to seagull poo in your eye?"
The pirate says, "Well no... it was my first day with the hook."
ID: 3379
Bar
A man was sitting in a bar, nursing a beer and looking extremely dejected. The sympathetic bartender said, "Man, you look real down. Wanna talk about it? Sometimes it helps."
"Well, I doubt it," replied the man. "You see, I'm a composer who hasn't had much luck. It seems the world is really against me. Recently I wrote the best song I've ever written, but I can't get any music publishers interested, and I've been to them all."
The bartender suggested, "Well let's hear it. Try it out on the crowd."
The man moves to the bar piano and proceeds to play a tune so incredibly melodious, so ethereal, that the bar turns dead quiet except for the music. Everyone is totally entranced. Goose bumps appear all over the audience and lumps rise in throats, as the music penetrates the very soul of all those present.
When he finishes playing, all is silent for a few minutes, then the bartender remarked, "I can't believe you can't get that published! That has to be the most beautiful piece of music I've ever heard. What's it called, anyway?"
"I call it 'I Love You So Much That I Just Know You'll Cheat On Me, You Witch!'" the musician replied.
ID: 837
Bar
A really really drunk man stumbled out of a local bar and right into the nun. Quickly the man punched the nun right in the face. Stunned the nun tried to run away, but the drunk just ran after her and pushed her to the ground. The drunk then proceeded to kick the nun repeatedly until the nun was begging for mercy.
The drunk leans down and looks at the nun and says, "Not so tough now, eh Batman?"
ID: 546
Bar
A man walks into a bar and has a drink.
Then he hears a tiny voice say, "You are so handsome."
He looks to see who said that but finds no one. So he drinks again.
Then he hears a tiny voice say, "You are so smart and kind."
He looks around again and doesn't find anyone. He asks the bartender whats going on.
The bartender says, "O that, that's the peanuts. They're complimentary."
ID: 396
Bar
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
ID: 1115
Bar
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for three shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What happened?"
The guy replies, "I just found out my younger brother is gay." He finish's his shots and leaves.
The next day he comes back and orders five shots and the bartender asks, " What happened this time?"
The man replies, "I just found out my older brother is gay and I always looked up to him." The man finish's his shots and leaves.
The next day he comes back and orders twelve shots. The bartender says, "Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man replies, " Yea, my mom."
+10,000 Jokes