ID: 3154
Bar
A young man entered a bar, walked to the counter and told the barman,
"May I have a question, sir? I heard that a drink of beer will bring you the courage to do something terrible that you hate to do? Is that right, sir?"
"Yes, I guess so," the barman answered with a smile.
"How much beer then?"
"It depends. Why don't you try and find out?"
"OK, then give me a glass of beer please."
Sitting in the corner, the young man kept asking for more beer. After the fifth glass, the barman looked at the man with a wink, "Well, how do you feel? Am I right?"
"Uh yes, I feel the courage growing in me, but not enough," and then he ordered another drink.
Three more glasses and then the man stood up, saying to the barman with a very strong voice, "All right, thank you for the beer, sir. I'll stop here. I think I'll make it now!"
This time the barman could not overcome his curiosity. "Yes, I can tell that from your face," he said, "but may I ask what is that thing that you hate to do so much, man?"
The young man said, "Just telling somebody that I have no money in my pocket, sir" he answered wryly.
ID: 17452
Bar
The Englishman and the Scotsman both walk into a bar.
The Irishman ducks under it.
ID: 7202
Bar
A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation.
"Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said.
"So, what's your name?" she asked.
"Beerf$%^."
ID: 7725
Bar
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
ID: 7504
Bar
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.
One says to the other, "Geez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken s***."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me, would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry, right now I'm contemplating on matrimony, and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend.
"So what did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni, and would rather s*** in her pants."
ID: 5632
Bar
The skeleton walked into the bar and asked, "Can I have a beer and a mop?"
ID: 242
Bar
A drunk is out drinking and he gets really wasted. He looks at the time and it's 3 a.m. He screams and heads home before his wife screams at him. He tries to walk but he can't. His legs won't work. Figuring he's too drunk to walk home he crawls. It was long and hard but he makes it home in a half hour. He silently crawls into bed and his wife is still sound asleep. He relaxes and lays back.
Then his wife whispers, "I know you've been out drinking and right now your wasted."
The man whispers, "No I haven't, and no I'm not."
The woman replies, "Then where's your wheelchair?"
ID: 18162
Bar
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy, the barman replied "Yes."
So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"
"Certainly sir,"replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy. "Four cents", he replies.
"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
ID: 14482
Bar
Lou sat at the bar furiously pounding down shots of whiskey.
His best friend, Jim, spotted him and said, "Lou, what's going on? Are you okay? I've known you for fifteen years and I've never seen you drink like this before."
Staring at his next filled shot glass, Lou replied, "My wife just ran off with my best friend," and tossed that drink down, too.
"But I thought that I was your best friend?" said Jim.
Lou looked at Jim through bloodshot eyes and slurred, "Not any more!"
+10,000 Jokes