ID: 7471
Bar
There's this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What do you think you're doing?"
The drunk says, "I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my neighbor."
ID: 461
Bar
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
ID: 1656
Bar
Bill walked into his favorite dive bar, took his regular stool, looked around, and asked Louie, the bartender, "Where's Beverly, the waitress?"
"She's dead," replied the bartender.
"Dead?" asked Bill.
"She died from herpes," said the bartender.
Bill replied, "You don't die from herpes."
"You do if you give it to Big Louie!" said the bartender.
ID: 2765
Bar
A lawyer, a carpenter and an astronaut were having drinks in a bar when suddenly one gets up and hits the other.
"who hit me?"
"It wasn't me."
"I didn't see too much either."
"It must have been the dog"
"What dog?"
"I'm blind so I couldn't see a dog."
"Doh, that means I hit myself."
"hahahahaha how strange I thought you guys had hit me. Sorry about that."
ID: 837
Bar
A really really drunk man stumbled out of a local bar and right into the nun. Quickly the man punched the nun right in the face. Stunned the nun tried to run away, but the drunk just ran after her and pushed her to the ground. The drunk then proceeded to kick the nun repeatedly until the nun was begging for mercy.
The drunk leans down and looks at the nun and says, "Not so tough now, eh Batman?"
ID: 925
Bar
A man walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a beer. The whole bar is looking at the man curiously as he sits down. The bartender looks at his nice suit and tie and asks him if he's from around here.
The man replies, "No sir, I'm from Pennslyvania."
The bartender asks the man what he does for a living up in Pennyslyvania.
The man replies, "I am a Taxidermist."
The bartender slowly asks, "What is a Taxidermist?"
The man answers back, "Oh, I just mount animals."
The bartender grins wide and yells to the whole bar, "It's OK Boys!! He's one of us!"
ID: 347
Bar
There are three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and
uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
ID: 17598
Bar
A Frenchman, a German and a Jew walk into a bar. "I'm tired and thirsty," says the Frenchman. "I must have wine." "I'm tired and thirsty," says the German. "I must have beer." "I'm tired and thirsty," says the Jew. "I must have diabetes."
ID: 14871
Bar
A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.
"Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?"
"Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."
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