ID: 925
Bar
A man walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a beer. The whole bar is looking at the man curiously as he sits down. The bartender looks at his nice suit and tie and asks him if he's from around here.
The man replies, "No sir, I'm from Pennslyvania."
The bartender asks the man what he does for a living up in Pennyslyvania.
The man replies, "I am a Taxidermist."
The bartender slowly asks, "What is a Taxidermist?"
The man answers back, "Oh, I just mount animals."
The bartender grins wide and yells to the whole bar, "It's OK Boys!! He's one of us!"
ID: 2375
Bar
A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
"You, sir, are drunk!"
"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"
ID: 1656
Bar
Bill walked into his favorite dive bar, took his regular stool, looked around, and asked Louie, the bartender, "Where's Beverly, the waitress?"
"She's dead," replied the bartender.
"Dead?" asked Bill.
"She died from herpes," said the bartender.
Bill replied, "You don't die from herpes."
"You do if you give it to Big Louie!" said the bartender.
ID: 13949
Bar
One day a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any corn?" and the bartender says, "No, we only sell beer."
The next day the man walks into the bar again and asks for corn but this time the bartender says, "Hey, you are the guy that asked for corn yesterday? If you ask for corn one more time i will nail you to the wall!"
The next day the man goes into the bar again and asks, "Do you have any nails?" and the bartender says, "No," so the man says, "Do you have any corn?"
ID: 5430
Bar
Two guys are out walking their dogs one day and decide to stop at a bar to get a drink. When they get there, however, there's a sign on the door that says, "No Pets Allowed."
The guys are about to go home when one of them gets an idea. He tells his friend to wait a few minutes and then follow his lead. He puts on his sunglasses and walks in with his German Shepherd.
The bartender sees him walk in with the dog and says, "Can't you read? No pets allowed in here!"
The guy says, "But I'm blind. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender thinks for a minute and decides to let him stay.
Meanwhile, the friend is watching through the window. He sees the plan work for the first guy so he decides to give it a try himself. He puts on his sunglasses and walks in with his little chihuahua.
The bartender looks at him and says, "No pets allowed. You're going to have to leave."
"But I'm blind," says the guy. "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Please," says the bartender. "You really expect me to believe that they gave you that little chihuahua as a seeing-eye dog?"
Without missing a beat the guy replies, "They gave me a chihuahua?"
ID: 14482
Bar
Lou sat at the bar furiously pounding down shots of whiskey.
His best friend, Jim, spotted him and said, "Lou, what's going on? Are you okay? I've known you for fifteen years and I've never seen you drink like this before."
Staring at his next filled shot glass, Lou replied, "My wife just ran off with my best friend," and tossed that drink down, too.
"But I thought that I was your best friend?" said Jim.
Lou looked at Jim through bloodshot eyes and slurred, "Not any more!"
ID: 14849
Bar
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.
"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
"You're under 21," replies the barman.
ID: 2013
Bar
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender smiles and says "Hey, ya know we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper stops and says "Really? You have a drink called Steve?"
ID: 6873
Bar
1. You've named that purple elephant that follows you everywhere.
2. Vision Imparment goggles don't change anything.
3. You earn $30 by counting your money again.
4. You use your beer belly as a coffee table.
5. You fly home every night.
6. Your wife keeps telling you not to light the house on fire but you don't listen. What does she know anyway?
7. Your house is fire proofed but you still manage to burn it to the ground.
8. You have a second, third anniversary.
9. The dog is drunk to.
10. No one you see can stop moving.
11. You offer the police officer that pulls you over a cold one.
12. The officer asks you about the vehicle you're pulling, you reply with "whats wrong with towing a boat?" to which he replies "Nothing, but we do require you put it on a trailer."
13. "Could you ask your friends to get out of the boat, sir?"
14. Your designated driver has horrible gas milage... and you wake up broke.
15. Your designated driver drops you off, & when your boss comes out you think your wife is cheating.
16. Then you think he stole your lawn gnomes.
17. And bought you a new car.
18. And you get fired in the morning.
19. You haven't legally driven since you turned 21.
20. Your wife doesn't even care that you're cheating on her.
+10,000 Jokes