ID: 7202
Bar
A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation.
"Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said.
"So, what's your name?" she asked.
"Beerf$%^."
ID: 2883
Bar
There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
ID: 6734
Bar
What's the difference between a "fox" and a "dog?" About 6 drinks.
ID: 593
Bar
A drunk man stumbles into the bar to the only other customer and asks if the man would buy him a drink.
The second man says yes.
They have a drink, and the first man decides to fill the quiet gap.
He asks, "So where you from?"
The second man replies, "Ireland."
The first man says, "WOW! Me too. Let's drink to Ireland."
They drink and the second man says, "So what part of Ireland ya from?"
The first man says, "Dublin. So...what school did you go to?"
The second man says, "St. Sebastians. Graduated in 1969."
The first man astonished says, "ME TOO! Damn, what a coincidence."
Just then a regular comes in the bar and asks the bartender what's going on.
The bartender replies, "Nothin' much. The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
ID: 397
Bar
A well dressed man walks into a bar in a rather rough side of town. The bartender watches to make sure no fights break out with him.
To the bartenders suprise, the man starts hitting his hand like hes dialing a telephone. He puts his hand to his ear and starts talking.
The bartender goes over to him and says, "What are you crazy? People see you doing that, they'll kick your ass."
The man replies, "No, no it's the state of the art telephone built into my hand. Here have a look."
The bartender has a nice chat with his mom on the mans hand and says, "wow, that's impressive." Then goes back to work.
10 minutes later the man goes into the bathroom and a bunch of gang-bangers go in after him. The gang leaves laughing and the man is nowhere to be seen.
Horrified to what he might find he runs into the bathroom and sees the man spread eagle out on the floor with a roll of toilet paper shoved up his butt.
The bartender asks, "Are you OK? What did they do??"
The man replies, "Huh? Oh, don't worry. I'm just waiting for a fax."
ID: 1657
Bar
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
The bartender said, "That should make you happy."
The man sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month is up today!"
ID: 1698
Bar
There was a little guy in a bar drinking his beer, when all of a sudden a big guy comes and knocks him off his stool and says "that was a karate chop from Japan"
The little guy get's back up on his stool again and start's to drink his beer again, when all of a sudden the big guy knock's him of his stool again, and says that was a karate kick from China,
So the little guy get's back up and leave's for a moment then come's back in and goes up to the big guy hits him and knock's him off of his stool out cold.... he then, tell's the bartender "when he gets up to ask me, that was a crowbar from Sears"
ID: 2375
Bar
A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
"You, sir, are drunk!"
"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"
ID: 757
Bar
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean, $200?"
+10,000 Jokes