ID: 243
Bar
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks, "This guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed, the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says: "Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"That tastes like pee!" he shoots back at the drunk.
The drunk replies: "It ish. Now how old am I?"
ID: 14438
Bar
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."
"Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that."
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"
"Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that."
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"
The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"
"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
ID: 6873
Bar
1. You've named that purple elephant that follows you everywhere.
2. Vision Imparment goggles don't change anything.
3. You earn $30 by counting your money again.
4. You use your beer belly as a coffee table.
5. You fly home every night.
6. Your wife keeps telling you not to light the house on fire but you don't listen. What does she know anyway?
7. Your house is fire proofed but you still manage to burn it to the ground.
8. You have a second, third anniversary.
9. The dog is drunk to.
10. No one you see can stop moving.
11. You offer the police officer that pulls you over a cold one.
12. The officer asks you about the vehicle you're pulling, you reply with "whats wrong with towing a boat?" to which he replies "Nothing, but we do require you put it on a trailer."
13. "Could you ask your friends to get out of the boat, sir?"
14. Your designated driver has horrible gas milage... and you wake up broke.
15. Your designated driver drops you off, & when your boss comes out you think your wife is cheating.
16. Then you think he stole your lawn gnomes.
17. And bought you a new car.
18. And you get fired in the morning.
19. You haven't legally driven since you turned 21.
20. Your wife doesn't even care that you're cheating on her.
ID: 2164
Bar
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Newfie walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the foam. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Newfie too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEF!"
ID: 2025
Bar
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"
ID: 461
Bar
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
ID: 4976
Bar
An Irish man walks out of a bar..............Hey, It could happen
ID: 2003
Bar
Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
ID: 8056
Bar
The secret to enjoying a good wine is:
1 - Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2 - When it does not breathe, give it mouth-to-mouth
+10,000 Jokes