ID: 14482
Bar
Lou sat at the bar furiously pounding down shots of whiskey.
His best friend, Jim, spotted him and said, "Lou, what's going on? Are you okay? I've known you for fifteen years and I've never seen you drink like this before."
Staring at his next filled shot glass, Lou replied, "My wife just ran off with my best friend," and tossed that drink down, too.
"But I thought that I was your best friend?" said Jim.
Lou looked at Jim through bloodshot eyes and slurred, "Not any more!"
ID: 1656
Bar
Bill walked into his favorite dive bar, took his regular stool, looked around, and asked Louie, the bartender, "Where's Beverly, the waitress?"
"She's dead," replied the bartender.
"Dead?" asked Bill.
"She died from herpes," said the bartender.
Bill replied, "You don't die from herpes."
"You do if you give it to Big Louie!" said the bartender.
ID: 597
Bar
A drunk phones the police.
He yells, "Come quick! Thieves have stolen my dashboard, steering wheel, brake and gas pedal, and my dang radio!! MY RADIO!!"
The police are just about to send out an officer when the drunk phones back.
He says very calmly, "Sorry officers. It turns out I just got in my backseat."
ID: 9
Bar
There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...
ID: 924
Bar
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him the price is $3.
The man pulls out a $20 bill and hands it to the bartender.
The bartender replies, "Sorry I can't accept that."
The man then pulls out a $10 bill and hands it to the bartender.
The bartender refuses to accept it.
The man finally pulls out a $5 bill and gives it to the bartender.
The bartender once again refuses to accept it.
When the man asks the bartender why he won't accept any of the bills the man is giving him, the bartender replies, "Sorry sir, this is a singles bar."
ID: 593
Bar
A drunk man stumbles into the bar to the only other customer and asks if the man would buy him a drink.
The second man says yes.
They have a drink, and the first man decides to fill the quiet gap.
He asks, "So where you from?"
The second man replies, "Ireland."
The first man says, "WOW! Me too. Let's drink to Ireland."
They drink and the second man says, "So what part of Ireland ya from?"
The first man says, "Dublin. So...what school did you go to?"
The second man says, "St. Sebastians. Graduated in 1969."
The first man astonished says, "ME TOO! Damn, what a coincidence."
Just then a regular comes in the bar and asks the bartender what's going on.
The bartender replies, "Nothin' much. The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
ID: 5
Bar
So, this guy walks into a bar.
And says, "ouch".
ID: 402
Bar
A man goes into a bar. He sits down and starts staring at a young punk with spiked red hair, multicolored clothes, and an earring.
The punk gets mad turns around and says, "Hey old man, what are you looking at?"
The old man says, "Nothing, it's just that when I was in the army, I got really drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was wondering if you were my son."
ID: 2087
Bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink, so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!" After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
+10,000 Jokes