ID: 10910
Bar
A huge black man entered in a bar with a huge and colorful parrot on his shoulder. The bartender was amazed, so he asked "Where did you get that thing?"
Then the parrot said, "Well they're walking all over Africa..."
ID: 5430
Bar
Two guys are out walking their dogs one day and decide to stop at a bar to get a drink. When they get there, however, there's a sign on the door that says, "No Pets Allowed."
The guys are about to go home when one of them gets an idea. He tells his friend to wait a few minutes and then follow his lead. He puts on his sunglasses and walks in with his German Shepherd.
The bartender sees him walk in with the dog and says, "Can't you read? No pets allowed in here!"
The guy says, "But I'm blind. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender thinks for a minute and decides to let him stay.
Meanwhile, the friend is watching through the window. He sees the plan work for the first guy so he decides to give it a try himself. He puts on his sunglasses and walks in with his little chihuahua.
The bartender looks at him and says, "No pets allowed. You're going to have to leave."
"But I'm blind," says the guy. "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Please," says the bartender. "You really expect me to believe that they gave you that little chihuahua as a seeing-eye dog?"
Without missing a beat the guy replies, "They gave me a chihuahua?"
ID: 348
Bar
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
ID: 260
Bar
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I have."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
ID: 440
Bar
A man walks into a bar and has a few drinks. The bartender gives him the bill but the man has left his wallet at home. So the man tells the bartender he paid already.
The bartender says, "If you say you paid I believe you."
The man leaves and sees a co-worker on the other side of the bar. He tells the co-worker the bartender can't keep track of who paid and who hasn't.
The co-worker drinks some more and gets the bill.
The co-worker says, "But I've paid already."
The bartender says, "Well I guess you could of. I believe you."
The co-worker leaves and sees an old friend of his on the street. The co-worker tells the friend about the nice little scam in the bar.
The friend goes in the bar and drinks alot. The bartender talks to the friend and tells him, "You know, 2 guys came in here earlier claiming they paid. The next guy who tries that is gonna get punched in the face."
The friend says, "Don't bother me with your problems. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
ID: 4708
Bar
A South African, an Australian and an Englishman are all drinking in a bar. Suddenly, the South African downs the remainder of his drink, tosses his glass in the air, draws his pistol and shoots the glass.
"In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same ones twice," he says proudly.
The Australian, who is obviously impressed by this, downs his drink, tosses his glass, draws his gun and shoots the glass.
"In Australia we've got so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink from the same ones twice," he says.
The Englishman pauses to give this some thought, then downs his drink, casually tosses his glass into the air, draws his gun, and shoots the South African and the Australian.
"In England we have so many South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice," he says.
ID: 5
Bar
So, this guy walks into a bar.
And says, "ouch".
ID: 9
Bar
There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...
ID: 2013
Bar
A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender smiles and says "Hey, ya know we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper stops and says "Really? You have a drink called Steve?"
+10,000 Jokes