ID: 3154
Bar
A young man entered a bar, walked to the counter and told the barman,
"May I have a question, sir? I heard that a drink of beer will bring you the courage to do something terrible that you hate to do? Is that right, sir?"
"Yes, I guess so," the barman answered with a smile.
"How much beer then?"
"It depends. Why don't you try and find out?"
"OK, then give me a glass of beer please."
Sitting in the corner, the young man kept asking for more beer. After the fifth glass, the barman looked at the man with a wink, "Well, how do you feel? Am I right?"
"Uh yes, I feel the courage growing in me, but not enough," and then he ordered another drink.
Three more glasses and then the man stood up, saying to the barman with a very strong voice, "All right, thank you for the beer, sir. I'll stop here. I think I'll make it now!"
This time the barman could not overcome his curiosity. "Yes, I can tell that from your face," he said, "but may I ask what is that thing that you hate to do so much, man?"
The young man said, "Just telling somebody that I have no money in my pocket, sir" he answered wryly.
ID: 16034
Bar
Waiter, this plate is wet.
That's your soup, sir.
ID: 8056
Bar
The secret to enjoying a good wine is:
1 - Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2 - When it does not breathe, give it mouth-to-mouth
ID: 8233
Bar
The following actually occured last year in a resturaunt in Redford, Michigan.
________________________________________________
So........There's an empty bar,at the far right a man
walks up, sits down, and orders a ginger ale.
Another guy sits down at the opposite side of the bar a few minutes later and orders a glass of white wine. He says aloud in a quiet voice, "How could our President try to stop gay marriage?"
Then the man at the far right answered, "Because marriage is bettween a man and a women and anyone who disagrees is going to have to change how they feel eventually if they want to go to heaven." (He sips his ginger ale, and puts his head in his hand to support himself.)
"But really why? That seems so biased. It just doesn't seem fair. Why must he do this?"
"Because my God deems such things unlawful, and apparently the President seems to agree with him."
"Really..."(noding his head in an inquisetive way, expecting to be enlightend). He asked, "What else does your God disaprove of?"
"Pork."
ID: 1637
Bar
So, this guy, Bill is sitting in a bar and pulls out this tiny little piano and a little guy about a foot tall. The little guy sits down and starts playing the piano quite beautifully.
The fellow on the next bar stool, Joe, says 'That's amazing. Where did you get him?'
Bill answers 'well, I got this magic lamp with a genie.'
So Joe asks 'that's great, could I use it?' Bill says 'sure ' and hands him the lamp. Joe rubs the lamp and out comes the genie. He continued, 'I want a million bucks'. Suddenly the room is entirely filled with quacking ducks!
Joe exclaims 'Hey! I asked for 1 million BUCKS! Not DUCKS!' Bill explained.
'Yes, the genie is a bit deaf. You don't think I really asked for a twelve inch pianist do you?
ID: 238
Bar
A drunk guy stumbles into the bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "No way, you've had enough."
So the drunk leaves.
The drunk then enters the bar from the rear door and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender refuses and asks the drunk to leave.
The drunk comes back into the bar through the front door and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "Listen, I'm not giving you a damn drink, you're already drunk enough."
The drunk says, "DAMN, MAN! How many bars do you work at?"
ID: 9573
Bar
A girl walks into a bar and sits down with her friend.
She is feeling down, so she talks to her friend. Her friend says "Go get a beer." She says she didn't want one. Then the friend says "Hey, who said it was for you?"
copyright fox corp.
ID: 5
Bar
So, this guy walks into a bar.
And says, "ouch".
ID: 511
Bar
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2 a.m., at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs.
Halfway up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't be so bad, except that he has a couple of empty bottles in his back pockets, and they broke so the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. He is so drunk that he doesn't know he is hurt.
A few minutes later, as he is undressing, he notices blood, so he checks himself in the mirror, and sure enough, his behind is cut up something terrible. He repairs the damage as best he can under the circumstances and goes to bed.
The next morning, his head is hurting, and his rear is hurting, and he is hunkering under the covers trying to concoct some good story, when his wife comes into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she says. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he says, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replies. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replies, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of Band-Aids stuck to the mirror."
+10,000 Jokes