ID: 7540
At Work
A job seeker was interviewing, and the interviewer asked him, "Tell me what is your greatest strength?"
The prospective employee said, "Sir, I am a little bit shy, but should I give you my honest answer?"
The interviewer says, "Of course, yes. I expect nothing but honesty from my staff."
The job seeker says, "Sir, my greatest strength is my wife."
The interviewer was quite impressed with the spousal respect of this man, thought he could be a great member of his team, corporate community and he deserved the job.
So with an intention of offering him the job soon the interviewer tried to wrap up with the last question, "Tell me now, what is your greatest weakness?"
The guy felt encouraged, and went on, "Sir, my greatest weakness is someone else's wife."
ID: 2384
At Work
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop - it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.
ID: 36
At Work
Jim is in a hot-air balloon, completely lost. He sees a man in a field below and flies down to him.
"Excuse me sir, but can you tell me where I am?"
The man in the field replied "You're in a balloon."
Jim said "You're an engineer, aren't you?"
"Why yes, I am. How did you know?"
"Because you gave me a perfectly logical, yet completely useless answer."
Jim continued flying, when he saw another man in a field. "Excuse me, sir, but can you tell me where I am?" he asked.
"Well, you're about two miles north of Ogdenville. If you go to the west side of town you'll find an airstrip that you can safely land on."
Jim replied "Thank you very much, sir. That was extremely helpful. Say, I'll bet you're a manager, aren't you?"
"Why yes, I am, how did you know?"
"Because your pants are on backward".
ID: 2065
At Work
The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted. The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique. "Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."
ID: 15038
At Work
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she's not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What in the hell is anal glaucoma?" he inquires.
"Well, I just can't see my ass coming to work today."
ID: 16388
At Work
Because Lexus created the park it your self car many Mexicans lost their jobs.
ID: 3211
At Work
A guy eats at a restaurant.
At the end of the meal, the guy looks at the check:
Salads . . . . . . $3
Steak . . . . . . $10
Works . . . . . . .$5
Cola . . . . . . . $2
-----------------------
Total $20
The customer asked the waiter "What's 'works'?"
"This time it didn't work" said the waiter and crossed out that row.
ID: 1250
At Work
The following are quotes made by real police officers:
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them a while."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"No, sir, we don't have quotas any more. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"Life's tough; it's tougher if you're stupid."
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
ID: 8786
At Work
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The accountant said, "I like both."
"Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
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