ID: 14799
At Work
The song, "Yankee Doodle" was originally sung by British soldiers to insult the colonialists (which was typical of the British in those days).
The Continental Army took to singing it to annoy the British (which was typical of the colonialists).
ID: 36
At Work
Jim is in a hot-air balloon, completely lost. He sees a man in a field below and flies down to him.
"Excuse me sir, but can you tell me where I am?"
The man in the field replied "You're in a balloon."
Jim said "You're an engineer, aren't you?"
"Why yes, I am. How did you know?"
"Because you gave me a perfectly logical, yet completely useless answer."
Jim continued flying, when he saw another man in a field. "Excuse me, sir, but can you tell me where I am?" he asked.
"Well, you're about two miles north of Ogdenville. If you go to the west side of town you'll find an airstrip that you can safely land on."
Jim replied "Thank you very much, sir. That was extremely helpful. Say, I'll bet you're a manager, aren't you?"
"Why yes, I am, how did you know?"
"Because your pants are on backward".
ID: 9292
At Work
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"
ID: 7084
At Work
A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.
"Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can handle," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board. At wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message
read, "Blame your predecessor."
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the board, the press, and Wall Street responded positively, sales picked up, stock prices rose and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious problems getting new product to market. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO wasted no time in opening the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and again the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the
company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The simple message said:
"Prepare three envelopes..."
ID: 10904
At Work
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes," the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
ID: 2065
At Work
The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted. The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique. "Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."
ID: 8741
At Work
With a lousy year under his belt a tractor salesman was traveling down a dusty back road in Iowa, when he came across a farmer working his field with an old, broken down tractor. He jumped out of his truck and gave his best sales pitch to the old guy.
The farmer stroked his chin and said, "The other day I was getting ready to milk Betsy. I was just getting started when she kicked me with her left leg. So I grabbed me a piece of rope and tied her leg to the stall. Just as I was starting again, she kicked me with her right leg. I grabbed another piece of rope and tied leg to the other side of the stall. I'll be darned if when I started again she smacked in the face with her tail. I grabbed another piece of rope and tied her tail to the rafter above. Mister, if you can convince my wife that I was just trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor."
ID: 856
At Work
Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicles who resigned on Tuesday? He tried to resign on Monday, but discovered he'd been standing in the wrong line.
ID: 4843
At Work
A man was riding in a cab one day when he decided to tap the cab driver on the shoulder to request an alternate route.
The cab driver screams his head off and loses control of the cab, causing it to slam into a lightpost.
After checking themselves out the man says, "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were so jumpy."
To which the cab driver replies, "It's not your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver after driving a hearse for 10 years."
+10,000 Jokes