ID: 7614
At Work
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. If somebody does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.
ID: 1459
At Work
R. B. Jones had just started a government job. Human Resources sent him a letter, instructing him that they needed his full name for their records, otherwise he could not be paid. They enclosed the proper form for him to fill out.
R.B. wrote back to explain that he HAS no other names, only the initials R.B. So he filled in the form as follows:
First name: R (only)
Middle name: B (only)
Last name: Jones
Sure enough, come payday, R.B. received a pay cheque made out to Ronly Bonly Jones!
ID: 11199
At Work
Doctor: Mrs Smith, you have acute angina.
Mrs. Smith: I came here to be examined, not admired.
ID: 7540
At Work
A job seeker was interviewing, and the interviewer asked him, "Tell me what is your greatest strength?"
The prospective employee said, "Sir, I am a little bit shy, but should I give you my honest answer?"
The interviewer says, "Of course, yes. I expect nothing but honesty from my staff."
The job seeker says, "Sir, my greatest strength is my wife."
The interviewer was quite impressed with the spousal respect of this man, thought he could be a great member of his team, corporate community and he deserved the job.
So with an intention of offering him the job soon the interviewer tried to wrap up with the last question, "Tell me now, what is your greatest weakness?"
The guy felt encouraged, and went on, "Sir, my greatest weakness is someone else's wife."
ID: 11649
At Work
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Hang in there, retirement is only 30 years away!
Aim low; reach your goals; avoid disappointment.
Teamwork means never having to take the blame yourself.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
ID: 2160
At Work
Barry calls his boss. "I'm having problems with my eyes."
"What's wrong with them?" his boss asks.
"I just can't see myself coming into work today."
ID: 12909
At Work
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
ID: 5096
At Work
Shannon received a phone call from the foreman plant that her husband worked at. He sounded grim and she immediately knew something was wrong.
"What happened? Is Patrick all right? Please tell me he's ok," she said.
The man on the line said, "Shannon, there was an accident at the brewery and your husband is . . . dead."
"Oh my goodness, what happened?" Shannon asked.
The foreman replied, "He fell into a vat of beer."
"Did he at least die quickly?" sobbed Shannon.
The man paused, then said, "Well, no . . . he got out three times to use the bathroom."
ID: 18193
At Work
Employee: *making out a rain check* "Okay, so I'm just going to look on the computer and check if any other locations have this item."
Nice customer: "Okay, thanks."
Angry customer: "Stop f***ing socializing and do your g**d*** job!"
Employee: "Sir, please don't be abusive, I'm just checking our other loc-"
Angry customer: "I don't care! DO YOUR JOB!"
(At this point, the angry customer moves toward the counter in a very threatening way. The customer behind HIM, a super-fit guy in a UFC jacket, steps in. Mr. UFC grabs the angry customer in a CHOKE HOLD and drags him outside, followed quickly by management, and to the applause of the staff and customers inside the store.)
(The angry customer was banned from the store and Mr. UFC got a gift card.)
+10,000 Jokes