ID: 7415
At Work
What crackers do firemen like in their soup?
Firecrackers!
ID: 9499
At Work
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or woman) you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."
ID: 16940
At Work
A boss of a computer company walked up to one of his workers.
"You're fired!" exclaimed the boss.
"I didn't do anything!" replied the confused worker.
The boss, happy with his answer, says, "I know. That's why you're fired!"
ID: 17396
At Work
INTEROFFICE MEMO
Subject: Special High Intensity Training
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. that you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEES EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for a promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)
*editors note*
Yes, editors, not authors.
I get many jokes-including this one-of other websites.
Almost everything except stories, the lisp one, and the Chinese people one.
This might be on here, but I checked in the Wocka search and found nothing.
Comment if you find the other one on this website, and support your claim with the I.D. number, cause I don't want bullshit on the forums.
Thank you.
ID: 13002
At Work
During work Mike and John are chatting,
Mike: "I've been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week."
John: "Oh!"
Mike: "For example, do you know who Graham Bell is?"
John: "No."
Mike: "He is the inventor of the phone in 1876. If you take night courses you would know this."
The next day the same discussiontook place:
Mike: "Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?"
John: "No."
Mike: "He is the author of "The 3 Musketeers". If you took night courses you would know this."
The next day, once again:
Mike: "And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?"
John: "No."
Mike: "He's the author of "Confessions", if you took night courses you would know this."
Now this time John got irritated and said, "And do you know who Steven Turner is?"
Mike: "No."
John: "He is the guy sleeping with your wife! If you stopped night duties you would know this!"
ID: 5690
At Work
A salesman, and engineer, and a technician are driving in a car when, just outside of town, they get a flat tire. The three of them get out of the car and scratch their heads.
The salesman says, "Maybe I should walk into town and get us a new tire. I know that I can bargain with the man at the parts store and get us a great deal."
The engineer stops him, saying, "No, before you do that, we'll have to do some computations, figuring the grade of the road, the asphalt temperature, and the average rate of speed we will be traveling to know what kind of tire you should buy."
The technician laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, no! What's wrong with you guys? Hell, we have a spare tire in the trunk - now all we have to do is start swapping tires until we find the flat one!"
ID: 11028
At Work
A Director said to the actress: "You have to jump from 100 feet into a swimming pool."
Actress: "But I dont know how to swim."
Director: "I know, that's why I removed all the water from the swimming pool."
ID: 8786
At Work
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The accountant said, "I like both."
"Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
ID: 12906
At Work
(To fully enjoy this joke, please read the Wocka jokes entittled:
December 1st
December 2nd
Enjoy!)
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3rd
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of "Alcoholics Anonymous" requesting a non-drinking table - you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Forget about the gifts exchange. No gift exchangements are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED!!!
Patty
(Continuation Wocka joke:
December 7th.)
+10,000 Jokes