ID: 473
At Work
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, is never
lazy. He's always
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob is always
working independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees.
He is great.
His assignments are always
on time, never
late.
You should hire him.
Often, Bob skips
his coffee breaks to compelte his
work.
He has worked dillegently.
Bob is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classified as worthy employee, and cannot be
dispensed with.
Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob should be
promoted, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader
KEEP READING...
Shortly thereafter, the HR department received the following memo from the Project Leader:
Sorry, but that idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines for my assessment.
Regards,
Project Leader
ID: 10788
At Work
I am not a believer in seances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest.
I was arrested for striking a happy medium.
ID: 12906
At Work
(To fully enjoy this joke, please read the Wocka jokes entittled:
December 1st
December 2nd
Enjoy!)
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3rd
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of "Alcoholics Anonymous" requesting a non-drinking table - you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Forget about the gifts exchange. No gift exchangements are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED!!!
Patty
(Continuation Wocka joke:
December 7th.)
ID: 58
At Work
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one
generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
8. Change the form so that it reads: "This horse is not dead."
9. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
10. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.
11. Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby
deducting its full original cost.
12. Provide additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
13. Do a time management study to see if lighter riders would improve productivity.
14. Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.
15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
ID: 7933
At Work
A nurse was giving a patient a check up and came to the task of taking his temperature. So the patient came in and she told him to take his pants and boxers off so he hesitantly did so. She then put somthing in his butt. She had some time, so she went to the bank and was going to withdraw some cash. As she went to get her pen to sign the reciept, she took out the rectal themometer.
ID: 3419
At Work
Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99".
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go sir," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."
Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100."
The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."
Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"
ID: 7878
At Work
When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. "Step aside lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first-aid!"
The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a
doctor, I'm right here."
ID: 13440
At Work
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.
The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy storms off in anger.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"
The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
ID: 4843
At Work
A man was riding in a cab one day when he decided to tap the cab driver on the shoulder to request an alternate route.
The cab driver screams his head off and loses control of the cab, causing it to slam into a lightpost.
After checking themselves out the man says, "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were so jumpy."
To which the cab driver replies, "It's not your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver after driving a hearse for 10 years."
+10,000 Jokes