ID: 231
At Work
When the body was first made all the parts of the body were fighting to see who would become the boss of the body. The fight for power was most intense between the limbs, the brain, and ..... the asshole.
The limbs said they should be boss because they control the human, and without them the body was useless and couldnt move or do anything.
The brain said it should be boss becauses it has to control the whole body and without the brain nothing in the body would function, neither the limbs or the asshole.
The asshole said simply, "I'm the boss."
The brain and limbs laughed at him. The asshole was so mad he closed up and the body became constipated. The brain couldnt think straight and became fuzzy, the limbs became cold, sweaty and clammy, the body was going to hell. So the brain and limbs decided the asshole was the boss.
Morale of the story is that it doesnt matter how good you are or what you do for others, only the asshole will become the person in charge.
ID: 9499
At Work
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or woman) you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."
ID: 10405
At Work
Three friends a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adam's rib, a surgical procedure." The engineer replied: "Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?"
ID: 8741
At Work
With a lousy year under his belt a tractor salesman was traveling down a dusty back road in Iowa, when he came across a farmer working his field with an old, broken down tractor. He jumped out of his truck and gave his best sales pitch to the old guy.
The farmer stroked his chin and said, "The other day I was getting ready to milk Betsy. I was just getting started when she kicked me with her left leg. So I grabbed me a piece of rope and tied her leg to the stall. Just as I was starting again, she kicked me with her right leg. I grabbed another piece of rope and tied leg to the other side of the stall. I'll be darned if when I started again she smacked in the face with her tail. I grabbed another piece of rope and tied her tail to the rafter above. Mister, if you can convince my wife that I was just trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor."
ID: 2214
At Work
There once was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. He retired following a happy thirty-year career. Shortly thereafter his company contacted him about a seemingly impossible problem with one of their million-dollar machines.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. After spending a day studying the huge machine, he marked a small "X" in chalk on a machine component and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly.
The company was astounded to receive a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark ..............$1
Knowing where to put it .....$49,999
ID: 10904
At Work
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes," the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
ID: 1276
At Work
As an architect watched a mechanic remove engine parts from his car, a surgeon, waiting for his own car to be repaired, walked over. They introduced themselves, and began talking about their lines of work.
"You know," said the architect, "I sometimes believe a mechanic's work is as complicated as the work that we do."
"Perhaps," the surgeon commented. "But let's see him do it with the engine running."
ID: 10805
At Work
A guy goes to work and kills everyone...what is this called...?
Going Postal...
ID: 9620
At Work
Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard. One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned shortly and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four." "All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a moment and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, he returned to the office and said, - "A long time. We're gonna build a house..."
+10,000 Jokes