ID: 15315
At Work
A man applied for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.
As soon as the man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office."
ID: 11028
At Work
A Director said to the actress: "You have to jump from 100 feet into a swimming pool."
Actress: "But I dont know how to swim."
Director: "I know, that's why I removed all the water from the swimming pool."
ID: 15875
At Work
I wouldn't have believed this unless I seen it with my own eyes.
I was walking down a street in the city I live in and noticed a store was going out of business. In the window was a huge sign "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE", directly below that sign was another sign that said "NOW HIRING!"
Talk about no job security!
ID: 12776
At Work
An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese." The First Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?" "Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese." "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like Jew." "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." "The Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg,
Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all da same."
P.S. Chinese Juice - Chinese Jews. Geddit? There's a joke about it on here somewhere!
ID: 15688
At Work
A new intern at Heart & Cross Hospital was looking for an experienced doctor to sign off on him sending a patient to surgery. He saw a nicely tanned man giving orders to someone else so he walked up to him. "Could you sign this for me?" he asked.
The man signed the sheet and the intern thanked him and walked away. The next day, the intern walked into the hospital and was informed by the security that he had been fired. The intern asked why, and the security guard told him that he had sent a patient to surgery without having a doctor sign off on it. "Yes, I did, I had him sign it," pointing to the man who he had sign the sheet and who was now mopping the floors. "Him?" asked the security guard. "That's Jorge the nicely tanned head-janitor."
ID: 15625
At Work
Things not to say to a policeman . . .
- Care for a doughnut?
- Met your quota? Happy now?
- Before you arrest me, maybe Mr. George Washington could change your mind.
- You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
- I want your badge number and your superior officer's name, NOW.
- Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
- Want to race to the station, Sparky?
- I bet your wife really likes these handcuffs?
- Hey, you must' a been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
- I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far behind I am.
- Let's not forget who pays your salary hare!
- Are you Andy ar Barney?
- Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just happy to see me?
- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
- You fascists always pick on us criminals.
- Oh God. It's about the body, isn't it?
- Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.
- You're gonna have to speak up. This is my favorite song.
- Thanks, officer! The cop yesterday only gave me a warning, too!
- What seems to be the officer problem?
ID: 15038
At Work
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she's not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What in the hell is anal glaucoma?" he inquires.
"Well, I just can't see my ass coming to work today."
ID: 16940
At Work
A boss of a computer company walked up to one of his workers.
"You're fired!" exclaimed the boss.
"I didn't do anything!" replied the confused worker.
The boss, happy with his answer, says, "I know. That's why you're fired!"
ID: 17368
At Work
DMV jokes get old really fast. Unlike the DMV. You have to go through a special line to become old.
+10,000 Jokes