ID: 5943
At Work
A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover the recent Southern California fires. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the firefighters as they battled the blazes.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground-level.
So he requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved, and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport, where a single-engine plane would be waiting for him.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I am a photographer for a national magazine," he responded, "and I need some close-up shots."
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"
ID: 8741
At Work
With a lousy year under his belt a tractor salesman was traveling down a dusty back road in Iowa, when he came across a farmer working his field with an old, broken down tractor. He jumped out of his truck and gave his best sales pitch to the old guy.
The farmer stroked his chin and said, "The other day I was getting ready to milk Betsy. I was just getting started when she kicked me with her left leg. So I grabbed me a piece of rope and tied her leg to the stall. Just as I was starting again, she kicked me with her right leg. I grabbed another piece of rope and tied leg to the other side of the stall. I'll be darned if when I started again she smacked in the face with her tail. I grabbed another piece of rope and tied her tail to the rafter above. Mister, if you can convince my wife that I was just trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor."
ID: 1463
At Work
Once there were 3 guys, a Cuban, an American, and an Italian. So they worked together,and it was lunch time, so the American opens his lunch box and sees peanut-butter and jelly sandwich and he says, "If I get a peanut-butter jelly sandwich one more time I'm going to kill myself."
Then the Italian opens his lunch box and sees spaghetti and he says, "If I get spaghetti one more time I'm going to kill myself."
Lastly, the Cuban opens his lunch and sees black beans and he says, "If I get black beans one more time, I'm going to to do the same.
The next day the all open their lunch boxes, and the Cuban sees black beans again, so he kills himself, then the Italian sees spaghetti again, so he kills himself also. Lastly, the American sees peanut-butter and jelly sandwich again so he kills himself too.
Then, at the funeral, their wifes are talking and the American wife says "Oh..! he should at least told me about his lunch, that way he wouldn't have killed himself."
Then the Italian wife agrees and says the same, and then the Cuban wife says, "But I don't understand, he makes his own lunch!"
ID: 5690
At Work
A salesman, and engineer, and a technician are driving in a car when, just outside of town, they get a flat tire. The three of them get out of the car and scratch their heads.
The salesman says, "Maybe I should walk into town and get us a new tire. I know that I can bargain with the man at the parts store and get us a great deal."
The engineer stops him, saying, "No, before you do that, we'll have to do some computations, figuring the grade of the road, the asphalt temperature, and the average rate of speed we will be traveling to know what kind of tire you should buy."
The technician laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, no! What's wrong with you guys? Hell, we have a spare tire in the trunk - now all we have to do is start swapping tires until we find the flat one!"
ID: 16167
At Work
"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.
"The disadvantage is that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."
"What is the advantage?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."
ID: 9796
At Work
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road, when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt, scraping along the mountainside.
The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "that will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
ID: 9767
At Work
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
ID: 16783
At Work
Meteorologists - People who tell something wrong and still get paid.
ID: 14824
At Work
How many Price Chopper employees does it take to wash a table?
Three; one to wash it and two to supervise.
+10,000 Jokes