ID: 14986
At Work
A young man was in the process of taking a verbal exam to join the local police force.
"If you're driving a police car, alone on a country road at night, and are being chased by a group of criminals driving sixty miles an hour, what would you do?" he was asked.
Without hesitation, the young man replied, "Seventy!"
ID: 13799
At Work
This Australian truck driver is looking for a long distance driving job in Adelaide. He gets offered a job driving a load of bowling balls to Darwin. He's not too keen on this, but he needs the money and so takes off.
A while along the highway he sees two Aborigines with a bike, in the middle of nowhere, so he stops and asks if they would like a lift. They say OK. The truck driver says, "All right, hop in, but you'll have to ride in the back."
A 100 km down the road he stops at a truck stop, which amongst other things, involves a load inspection by the local cops. He is asked where he is off to and he says, "Darwin".
The cops go round the back, open the doors, slam them shut quickly and rush round desperately to the driver, saying, "For Chrissake get going to Darwin straight away, and don't stop - two of your eggs have already hatched, and one of them has stolen a bike!"
ID: 4981
At Work
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Saddam Hussein. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.
And there you are sitting on your butt, at your computer, reading jokes. Nice, real nice.
ID: 11714
At Work
Albert Einstein was getting bored with making the same speech over and over again at different meetings, so one night, after a long day, his chauffeur jokingly said, "I've heard your speech so many times, I know it word for word! Why don't you take the night off and let me deliver the talk this evening?" Einstein agreed.
When they arrived at the venue, Einstein put on the chauffeur's uniform and hat, and sat at the back of the hall while the chauffeur took his place on the podium, effortlessly delivering the speech, then inviting the audience to ask questions.
He convincingly answered the first few, but then one pompous man stood up and asked a very difficult question on his theories of relativity.
The chauffeur was flummoxed, but calmly said, "Why, that question is so very easy, I will let my chauffeur answer it!"
ID: 1719
At Work
Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
ID: 12101
At Work
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, except one girl, laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."
ID: 7946
At Work
I love my Job, I love the Pay! I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss, he's the best! I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my Office and its location - I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray, and the paper that piles up every day!
I love my chair in my padded cell! There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers - I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and all its software, I hug it often though it doesn't care...
I love each program and every file, I try to understand once in a while!!
I'm happy to be here, I am I am, I'm happy to give lots of taxes to my Uncle Sam.
I love this Work, I love these Chores. I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my Job - I'll say it again - I even love these friendly Men. The men who've come to visit today, In those lovely white coats to take me away!!
ID: 12563
At Work
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear - no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
ID: 11956
At Work
Jerry Jones applied to a debt-collecting agency for a job, even though he had no experience.
He was very intense, so the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected, he'd get the job.
Two hours later, Jerry returned – with the full amount!
"Amazing!" said the manager. "How on earth did you manage that?"
"Easy," replied Jerry, "I told him that if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he'd paid us."
+10,000 Jokes