ID: 7946
At Work
I love my Job, I love the Pay! I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss, he's the best! I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my Office and its location - I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray, and the paper that piles up every day!
I love my chair in my padded cell! There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers - I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and all its software, I hug it often though it doesn't care...
I love each program and every file, I try to understand once in a while!!
I'm happy to be here, I am I am, I'm happy to give lots of taxes to my Uncle Sam.
I love this Work, I love these Chores. I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my Job - I'll say it again - I even love these friendly Men. The men who've come to visit today, In those lovely white coats to take me away!!
ID: 6948
At Work
A couple is at an Art exhibition, and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts 3 very black, very naked men, sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis, and the one in the middle has a pink penis.
As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist walks by and says "Can I help you with this painting. I'm the artist who painted it."
The man says "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why you have 3 African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis, while the other two have black penises."
The artist says "Oh, you are misinterpreting the painting. They're not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch.
ID: 7878
At Work
When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. "Step aside lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first-aid!"
The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a
doctor, I'm right here."
ID: 1719
At Work
Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
ID: 1716
At Work
There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary.
He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision. So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.
Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...' And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off, buster, I've got a headache!'
ID: 8886
At Work
Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
ID: 3668
At Work
New IRS auditor, eager to make a name for himself, decided to review the tax returns of the local synagogue. He assumed they were turning some unreported revenues somewhere, and was determined to find it.
He proceeded to interrogate the Rabbi, asking him what the Synagogue did with the wax drippings from the Shabbat, Havdallah and Chanukah candles.
The Rabbi, pleased to show the auditor that nothing went to waste, responded that the used wax is collected and sent to a candle factory and they send the temple new candles.
"What about the crumbs from the matzah you eat at Passover?" asked the IRS auditor.
"Simple," the Rabbi responded. "We collect all the crumbs, send them to the matzah bakery and they send us matzah meal."
All right, said the auditor, refusing to give up. I know that you're a moyel as well as a Rabbi. What do you do with the leftovers from the circumcisions?"
"That's easy too," said the Rabbi. "We send them to Washington, DC and they send us back little pricks like you."
ID: 2466
At Work
If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes", delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. This one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto-dial to call only 900 numbers.
IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.
It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??
It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair (for those men out there, this is hair removal cream) and your Nair with Rogaine.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously
close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from
your mattresses and pillows, It will also refill your skimmed milk with whole milk.
******* WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.*******
And if you don't send this to 5,000 people in the next 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.
Send to everyone .....
In case you are a blonde, this is a joke
ID: 8876
At Work
Two contracters were building a house. While they were sawing a board, the saw slipped and cut of one of the contracter's ears off. They were looking through the sawdust and one contracter came up with the ear. He asked his co-worker, "Is this it?" The other one said "No, mine had a pencil behind it!"
+10,000 Jokes