ID: 12825
At Work
One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre stayed late and all started to feel hungry. They decided to order in food by phone, but their boss thought that, since they worked with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After they contacted a fast food chain's web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screen: "Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days."
ID: 14727
At Work
Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."
ID: 9796
At Work
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road, when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt, scraping along the mountainside.
The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "that will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
ID: 14986
At Work
A young man was in the process of taking a verbal exam to join the local police force.
"If you're driving a police car, alone on a country road at night, and are being chased by a group of criminals driving sixty miles an hour, what would you do?" he was asked.
Without hesitation, the young man replied, "Seventy!"
ID: 36
At Work
Jim is in a hot-air balloon, completely lost. He sees a man in a field below and flies down to him.
"Excuse me sir, but can you tell me where I am?"
The man in the field replied "You're in a balloon."
Jim said "You're an engineer, aren't you?"
"Why yes, I am. How did you know?"
"Because you gave me a perfectly logical, yet completely useless answer."
Jim continued flying, when he saw another man in a field. "Excuse me, sir, but can you tell me where I am?" he asked.
"Well, you're about two miles north of Ogdenville. If you go to the west side of town you'll find an airstrip that you can safely land on."
Jim replied "Thank you very much, sir. That was extremely helpful. Say, I'll bet you're a manager, aren't you?"
"Why yes, I am, how did you know?"
"Because your pants are on backward".
ID: 14990
At Work
This is supposedly a true story, it happened in a small town of the province of Quebec, Canada, in October 1996. They showed the video surveillance tape on the news, and even the anchorman was laughing through it.
A robber came into a convenience store wearing a ski mask and a gun wanting to empty the cash register. He took the clerk to the back of the store and locked her up in the fridge. Unfortunately, when he came back to the front of the store, a customer had come in. So he took *off* the ski mask and the gloves, and pretended to be filling in for the clerk. The customer wanted a lottery ticket, so he tried to help her out, pressing a whole bunch of buttons on the machine (thus leaving fingerprints everywhere), but the machine was not cooperating.
Meanwhile, another customer walks in. Finally, he tells the first customer (after about 5 minutes of close-up shots from the camera) that the machine is not working and that he won't be able to help her. The robber *makes the sale* to the second customer and he leaves as well.
The robber then puts back on his gloves to take the money (after touching just about everything in sight *without* gloves), and hides his face with the palm of his hands as he is leaving. This scene lasted well over 10 minutes, during which, you see and hear the robber as well as in a movie.
The day after excerpts of the tape were aired, the phones at the police station were ringing off the hook. Apparently, even though no reward had been offered, people thought he was too stupid to deserve anything else!
He had to turn himself in that same day.
ID: 2742
At Work
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again.
As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
ID: 18190
At Work
You've Got The Wrong(est) Number
(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school's number.)
Me: "Thank you for calling. How may I help you?"
Customer: "How much for my daughter?"
Me: "Um..."
Customer: "She's 16. It's her first time. She needs training."
Me: "Sir, I think you want the driving school."
Customer: "Oh, what do you guys do?"
Me: "Adult websites."
Customer: "Oh...OH! Oh my God!"
ID: 690
At Work
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius.
The Russians used a pencil.
+10,000 Jokes