ID: 12776
At Work
An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese." The First Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?" "Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese." "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like Jew." "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." "The Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg,
Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all da same."
P.S. Chinese Juice - Chinese Jews. Geddit? There's a joke about it on here somewhere!
ID: 13002
At Work
During work Mike and John are chatting,
Mike: "I've been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week."
John: "Oh!"
Mike: "For example, do you know who Graham Bell is?"
John: "No."
Mike: "He is the inventor of the phone in 1876. If you take night courses you would know this."
The next day the same discussiontook place:
Mike: "Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?"
John: "No."
Mike: "He is the author of "The 3 Musketeers". If you took night courses you would know this."
The next day, once again:
Mike: "And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?"
John: "No."
Mike: "He's the author of "Confessions", if you took night courses you would know this."
Now this time John got irritated and said, "And do you know who Steven Turner is?"
Mike: "No."
John: "He is the guy sleeping with your wife! If you stopped night duties you would know this!"
ID: 8229
At Work
A woman is having a problem with her closet door, it was falling off every time a bus was passing by.
So she called a repair man.
The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls off every time a bus passes by.
"OK, I'm going to see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.
Just then, the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman: "Well, you're not going to believe it, but I'm waiting for a bus!"
ID: 12101
At Work
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, except one girl, laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."
ID: 1653
At Work
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain, "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream and we're gonna get killed!"
ID: 1239
At Work
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you.
3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachie."
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as often since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself at random the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN".
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza, donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
15) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
ID: 11028
At Work
A Director said to the actress: "You have to jump from 100 feet into a swimming pool."
Actress: "But I dont know how to swim."
Director: "I know, that's why I removed all the water from the swimming pool."
ID: 12538
At Work
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
ID: 1363
At Work
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
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