ID: 3301
At Work
Here is a short story to show you that the stodgy air traffic controllers and the flyers they serve can have a sense of humor:
The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"
ID: 2214
At Work
There once was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. He retired following a happy thirty-year career. Shortly thereafter his company contacted him about a seemingly impossible problem with one of their million-dollar machines.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. After spending a day studying the huge machine, he marked a small "X" in chalk on a machine component and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly.
The company was astounded to receive a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark ..............$1
Knowing where to put it .....$49,999
ID: 3213
At Work
10 sentences teachers say (and their true meanings)
1. This book is very commonly used
(I also studied from it 40 years ago)
2. It's important to understand what the material means in general
(I'm not good with details)
3. Some might say...
(My guess is...)
4. The answer to that question is not in the syllabus
(I don't know the answer to your question)
5. We'll discuss that question next week
(I don't know the answer to your question)
6. I'll let you search in the dictionary and find out
(I don't know how to spell that word)
7. Some of you could have succeeded more in the test
(You all failed)
8. Are there any questions about the material we learned last lesson?
(Did any of you review the material as I asked?)
9. Today we'll split up into small studying groups
(I don't feel like teaching today so keep yourselves busy)
10. The homework is due on Monday
(Ruining your weekend is the only fun I have left in teaching)
ID: 6592
At Work
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.
ID: 3801
At Work
This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a crew building a house."
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those useless sons-a-bitches at Home Depot ever bring us any drywall that's worth a shit!"
ID: 13345
At Work
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants."
Police have the man's charred trousers in custody...
ID: 17682
At Work
Dad to his family: The phone bill is exceptionally high. You have to limit its use. I don't use this telephone. I use the one a the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this phone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home telephone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So what's the problem? We all use our work telephones!
ID: 12843
At Work
1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clanks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it's a friend, take a break.
5) If it's the boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it's handwritten, type it.
8) If it's typed, copy it.
9) If it's copied, file it.
10) If it's Friday, forget it!
ID: 11182
At Work
TRUE STORY
I was working in a restaurant for several years.
On a very busy night, I was helping out with the seating. I showed seats to a party of four and when I went to give them the menus, I realised we only had one menu left. As I placed the menu in front of one of them and told the other three that I would get them menus soon, they began laughing.
They told me that the woman that I gave the menu to was blind!
+10,000 Jokes