ID: 13475
At Work
I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment.
One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it, I started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch.
As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it.
"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.
Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind (I know not from where.) "Yes," I said, "that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."
There was a long pause, then his face cleared and he said, "You know, I always wondered about that."
ID: 7535
At Work
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
ID: 14954
At Work
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 a.m. on the dot; he had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 a.m. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway - nearly killed myself."
The boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"
ID: 10405
At Work
Three friends a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adam's rib, a surgical procedure." The engineer replied: "Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?"
ID: 14598
At Work
Joe: What are you doing?
John: Taxes.
Joe: Why?
John: Because I have to......
Joe: That's stupid. I did mine over a year ago.
ID: 15433
At Work
A business man in Chicago had occasion to write a Japanese friend in Tokyo. Mindful of the Oriental's appreciation of flowery language and of his own duty to the cause of good public relations, he ended his letter with the wish,
"May Heaven preserve you always."
To the delight of the business man's office staff, the Japanese responded with,
"May Heaven pickle you, too."
ID: 3836
At Work
We've just been notified by Security that there have been six suspected terrorists working out of your office.
Five of the six have been apprehended.
Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Our agent advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the sixth cell member, Bin Workin, at your office.
Security is confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot. You are obviously not a suspect at this time
ID: 14824
At Work
How many Price Chopper employees does it take to wash a table?
Three; one to wash it and two to supervise.
ID: 14727
At Work
Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."
+10,000 Jokes