ID: 15315
At Work
A man applied for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.
As soon as the man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office."
ID: 16285
At Work
Winters are fierce in northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate felt he was doing a good deed when he bought a pair of earmuffs for his foreman. One cold, blustery day, he noticed that the foreman wasn't wearing them. In fact, he couldn't recall a time he'd ever seen the man wear the earmuffs.
Walking up to his foreman, he asked, "Didn't you like the earmuffs I gave you?"
"Oh, they were a thing of beauty and kept my ears nice and toasty warm!"
"Then why aren't you wearing them?"
"Well, I did wear them that first cold day, but then someone offered me a drink and I didn't hear him!"
ID: 15688
At Work
A new intern at Heart & Cross Hospital was looking for an experienced doctor to sign off on him sending a patient to surgery. He saw a nicely tanned man giving orders to someone else so he walked up to him. "Could you sign this for me?" he asked.
The man signed the sheet and the intern thanked him and walked away. The next day, the intern walked into the hospital and was informed by the security that he had been fired. The intern asked why, and the security guard told him that he had sent a patient to surgery without having a doctor sign off on it. "Yes, I did, I had him sign it," pointing to the man who he had sign the sheet and who was now mopping the floors. "Him?" asked the security guard. "That's Jorge the nicely tanned head-janitor."
ID: 16452
At Work
A machine operator comes home from the factory and tells his wife, "Honey, I've got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news, I got $25,000 severance pay!"
His wife said, "$25,000 in severance pay? That's great! So what's the bad news?"
He said, "Wait till you hear what was severed!"
ID: 17362
At Work
21st Century...
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary/Allowance - Very less !!!
ID: 15367
At Work
"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
ID: 12843
At Work
1) If it rings, put it on hold.
2) If it clanks, call the repairman.
3) If it whistles, ignore it.
4) If it's a friend, take a break.
5) If it's the boss, look busy.
6) If it talks, take notes.
7) If it's handwritten, type it.
8) If it's typed, copy it.
9) If it's copied, file it.
10) If it's Friday, forget it!
ID: 263
At Work
One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.
"Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important."
Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."
ID: 13571
At Work
A truck driver was going south on I-75, when he came upon a weight station.
When he pulled in and got on the scales to be weighed, the scale master told the driver that he was 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver replied, "I can take care or that." The scale master asked he how could he fix the problem? The driver said, "Let me go around back, and I'll fix the overweight problem."
The scale master agreed to let him fix his problem. About half an hour later the truck driver got back on the scales, and the scale master said, "Driver, you are still 900lbs. over weight." The truck driver said, "I don't understand what went wrong. I let 50lbs. out of each tire on the rig." After thinking the problem over the scale master said, "Well, 18 tires times 50lbs. would equal 900lbs. I guess my scales must be wrong. I'm sorry driver, you may continue on down the road, and have a nice day."
+10,000 Jokes