ID: 12586
At Work
The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza man: I don't think so.
** Click **
ID: 13299
At Work
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked,
"Do you have any military experience?"
The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years."
"I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?"
The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles."
The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am."
"Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability."
The interviewer replied, "Well... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out what to do."
ID: 14824
At Work
How many Price Chopper employees does it take to wash a table?
Three; one to wash it and two to supervise.
ID: 12146
At Work
After the last teacher quit, a new teacher was hired. On her first day of work, she saw "AAFTWC" on the board.
"What is the meaning of this?" the new teacher asked. A white kid stood up and replied, "An apple from the white children."
On her second day, the teacher walked in, and saw "AOFTBC" on the board. She asked who wrote it and what it meant. A black kid stood up and said, "An orange from the black children.
On the third day, the teacher almost fainted when she saw "F***1T" written on the board. "THAT'S IT! WHO WROTE THIS, AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?"
A Mexican stood up and told her, "From us chicano kids, 1 tamale."
ID: 16372
At Work
Teacher: Justin if I had ten tennis balls in one hand, and twelve in another what would I have?
Justin: Huge hands sir
ID: 14856
At Work
An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."
"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"
"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"
ID: 12101
At Work
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, except one girl, laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."
ID: 13154
At Work
"You were speaking much too long on the phone just now, Miss Ponsonby," said Mr.Jones.
"But it was a business call, Mr. Jones."
"Well, please don't address our clients as 'sweetikins'in the future."
ID: 3213
At Work
10 sentences teachers say (and their true meanings)
1. This book is very commonly used
(I also studied from it 40 years ago)
2. It's important to understand what the material means in general
(I'm not good with details)
3. Some might say...
(My guess is...)
4. The answer to that question is not in the syllabus
(I don't know the answer to your question)
5. We'll discuss that question next week
(I don't know the answer to your question)
6. I'll let you search in the dictionary and find out
(I don't know how to spell that word)
7. Some of you could have succeeded more in the test
(You all failed)
8. Are there any questions about the material we learned last lesson?
(Did any of you review the material as I asked?)
9. Today we'll split up into small studying groups
(I don't feel like teaching today so keep yourselves busy)
10. The homework is due on Monday
(Ruining your weekend is the only fun I have left in teaching)
+10,000 Jokes