ANIMAL

ID: 18172

Animal

The Blind German

What do you call a blind German?

A not see!

ID: 11196

Animal

Which One?

Boy(howling): A crab just bit my toe!
Father: Which one?
Boy: How should I know?!?!?! All crabs look alike to me!!

ID: 14357

Animal

Cop Out

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

ID: 1835

Animal

Panda

A panda walks into a bar and eats lunch. When he is finished he shoots the waiter and leaves.

The owner ran after the panda and asked him why he did such and thing. The panda replied, "Look up the word 'panda' in the dictionary."

The owner did so and it read, "Panadas are black and white animals. They eat shoots and leaves."

ID: 1728

Animal

The Horse and the Rabbit

A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my dick and pull yourself up." The rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes.

ID: 946

Animal

Cat Dictionary

A cat's dictionary.

Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.

Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.

Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.

Human Being: Automatic door opener for cats.

Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.

Purrson: A male kitty.

Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

ID: 12239

Animal

Fish

Q: Why did the little girls put minnows in their pants?





A: So they could smell like big girls.

ID: 80

Animal

Duck and Grapes

A duck walked into a store one day and asked the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk said, "No." So the duck walked out and came back the next day and said, "You got any grapes?" and the clerk said, "No." So the duck walked out and came in next time and said, "You got any grapes?" and the clerk said, "No, and if you come in again and ask if we have any grapes, I'll staple your feet to the floor." So the duck walked out and came in again and said, "You got any staples?" the clerk said, "No..." so the duck said, "You got any grapes?

ID: 1892

Animal

Little Johnny and his wagon

A man is walking down the street. Further down the street he notices Little Johnny. Little Johnny is sitting in a red wagon, wearing a fireman's hat. The wagon is tied to a dog, by its balls.

The man says to LittleJohnny "Little Johnny you could go alot further, if you tied the rope around the dogs neck."

Little Johnny replies "If I did that, I wouldn't have a siren"

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