ID: 11657
Animal
Man 1: "My budgie lays square eggs!"
Man 2: "Really! That's amazing! Can it talk as well?"
Man 1: "Yes, but only one word."
Man 2: "What's that?"
Man 1: "Ouch!"
ID: 17691
Animal
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
To "lay it on the line".
ID: 15490
Animal
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
ID: 7815
Animal
While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a cow and began a conversation.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
The Indian looked shocked.
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
The Indian looks even more shocked.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
The Indian looks extremely shocked.
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Indian
Horse: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
The Indian looks totally and utterly amazed.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your cow?"
Indian: "Cow liar."
ID: 4930
Animal
What do you get when you cross a fish and a grizzly?
A Bearacuda.
ID: 12910
Animal
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries.
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.
Pekinese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog.
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle.
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists everywhere.
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors.
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, a dog that....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway.
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work.
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.
Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu = Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed.
ID: 16743
Animal
Private Benny and Private Harry are leading a donkey down a muddy road near their barracks when the animal suddenly just drops dead. An officer sees this happen, and while Benny and Harry are standing there wondering what they should do, the officer goes up to them. He quickly sizes up the situation and instructs them to get some shovels from the camp and bury the poor animal.
Later, while they were digging the hole, Benny says, "Wow, is this one big mule." Harry says, "It's not a mule, Benny, it's a donkey."
As they continue to argue, "donkey," "mule," "donkey," "mule," another officer, this time a priest, stops to ask them what they are arguing about. They tell him of their disagreement.
The priest looks at the animal and says, "It's neither a donkey or a mule. According to the bible, it is obviously an ass. Now get back to work."
As they continue to dig, another officer arrives on the scene and asks them, "What are you men digging, a fox hole?"
"No sir," replies Benny, "not according to the bible."
ID: 16527
Animal
Can You Decipher This Phrase?
B O N E S
Broken bones!
ID: 16273
Animal
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth, with Tom even keeping a log of the "conversation."
Just as Tom thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife had a chat with next-door neighbour's wife.
"My husband spends his nights . . . calling out to owls," said Mrs. Rowe.
"That's odd," Mrs. Hollis replied. "So does my John."
Then it dawned on them.
+10,000 Jokes