ID: 13663
Animal
Cock-a-doodle-doo, it's time for chicken,
Cock-a-doodle-doo, it's time for a feast,
Eat a ninety-piece bucket then you can tell,
He's been to Cluckin' Bell!
Chicken is a bird with a tiny brain,
So we assume he doesn't feel any pain.
We shrink their heads and we breed 'em fast;
Six wings, forty breasts and then they're gassed.
Cock-a-doodle-doo we're psychotic crazies,
Cock-a-doodle-doo factory farming's insane.
We denied it all before our stock price fell,
Come down to Cluckin' Bell!
ID: 4853
Animal
There were 3 ants in a house. They all had to decide where they wanted to sleep. One ant decides to sleep in the cabinet, one in the cookie jar, and one in the toilet.
The next morning they all woke up and meet on the stove top to ask each other how their sleep was. The one who slept in the cabinet said his was hot. The one who slept in the cookie jar said his was sweet! The one that slept in the toilet said that " First it got dark, then it rained, a big gust of wind came, and if it wasn't for that big log.....I would have drowned!!!"
ID: 10868
Animal
I sprayed my dog with spot remover. Now he is gone.
ID: 17546
Animal
Q: What is big and grey and comes in quarts?
A: An elephant.
ID: 16774
Animal
Recently, Snow White's seven dwarfs met up with three of their friends and went to the cinema to see Bambi. From the clues below, can you determine the order in which they stood in the ticket queue?
Grumpy was in front of Dopey. Stumpy was behind Sneezy and Doc. Doc was in front of Droopy and Happy. Sleepy was behind Stumpy, Smelly and Happy. Happy was in front of Sleepy, Smelly and Bashful. Bashful was behind Smelly, Droopy and Sleepy. Sneezy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was in front of Grumpy, Stumpy and Sneezy. Dopey was in front of Droopy. Sleepy was in front of Grumpy and Bashful. Dopey was behind Sneezy, Doc and Sleepy. Stumpy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was behind Doc.
Doc
Happy
Smelly
Sneezy
Stumpy
Sleepy
Grumpy
Dopey
Droopy
Bashful
ID: 17059
Animal
Why did the chicken do a poo right in front of a hole on a really busy footpath?
Because he wanted people to slip on the poo and fall in the hole.
ID: 1075
Animal
A man had just got his car stuck in a mudhole during a drive in the country and he needed help getting it out. So he walked until he found a farm and asked the farmer for help. The farmer agrees to help the guy out. So he takes a horse out of the stable and leads him to the car. The farmer then ties a harness around the horse and the other end to the car.
The farmer yells, "Pull, Sandy!"
The horse just stands there.
The farmer yells, "Come on now, pull Twister!"
The horse once again just stands there.
Finally the farmer yells, "Ok dangit, PULL RANGER! You're just standing there!"
Finally the horse springs forward and with all the strength he has he pulls the car out of the ditch and onto the roadside.
The man thanks the farmer many times, but before leaving asks the farmer why he yelled out names of horses that weren't there.
The farmer just smiles and replies, "Oh, you see Ranger there is completely blind and a lazy horse. He wasn't going to pull if he thought he was the only one trying."
ID: 649
Animal
One day Little Red Riding Hood was walking in the woods. She put her head between some bushes and suddenly she sees the wolf with his eyes wide open and red.
She asks him, "Why are your eyes so big, wolf?"
The wolf answers, "Shut up and let me shit in peace!"
ID: 8256
Animal
Q.) Why did the dog go to court?
A.) Because it got a barking ticket.
+10,000 Jokes