ID: 16930
Animal
What do you call a dog in the sun?
A Hot Dog!
ID: 17835
Animal
Part 1
One day, Doraemon was walking down street. He saw Hello Kitty approaching him. Excited by the encounter, he walked towards Hello Kitty and said, "Good morning".
Sadly, Hello Kitty did not reply him. Why?
Answer: Hello Kitty has no mouth.
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Part 2
Unhappy that she broke Doraemon's feelings, Hello Kitty decided to bring along a video recorder with the words "Good Morning" recorded by someone else. She saw Doraemon crossing the street, so she approached him and pressed the button: "Good morning".
This time, Doraemon did not reply her. Why?
Answer: Doraemon has no ears.
ID: 6388
Animal
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!"
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like he'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till he looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
ID: 15373
Animal
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner, "Do your Shih Tzu dogs breed well?"
The owner says,"Sure they do."
After a minute, the man says, with a grin, "What about your bull dogs?"
"Yes they breed well, too."
The man, happy with this, buys both. The owner asks, "Why do you need to know that anyway?"
The man replies, "I'm going to go home and breed a bullshit!"
ID: 15117
Animal
A man was sailing down the river amazon in a canoe, when he was hit by a poison dart. He woke up some time later in a cage, surrounded by a tribe chief and his minions. The chief said "You have been tresspassing on our tribes private property. You will be doomed to death by ravens pecking out your insides. However, if you pass our 2 tests, you will be allowed to go. The first of which is a test of courage, of bravery, of strength. You must go into the first tent, and there you will find a lion, a lion with a thorn in its paw. The second challenge is one of compassion, thought and love. You must shag the 10 most beautiful ladies of our tribe. Now, let the challenges begin..."
The man goes into the tent and at first, there is much roaring and howling, but eventually it calms down. Then the man comes out and says "That's the first challenge done! Now where are those 10 beautiful ladies who I must pull thorns out of their paws?"
ID: 17689
Animal
Why didn't the duck cross the road?
To prove he's no chicken.
ID: 14830
Animal
Boys make good pets!
Princess in training!
At least I can still smoke in my car
Caution, Blind Man Driving.
"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."
All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!
"To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan
"No BLOOD no foul."
"Life's an Ocean, Sail It"
"We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip
Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
ID: 15953
Animal
A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen.
"Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the middle of the salmon."
Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again.
"Ma'am, the cat is dead!"
The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped.
Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat. "Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"
ID: 4406
Animal
If there are 12 cats on a fence and 1 cat jumps off, how many are left?
None, they're all copycats!
+10,000 Jokes