ID: 17546
Animal
Q: What is big and grey and comes in quarts?
A: An elephant.
ID: 5065
Animal
What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vador?
An elevator
ID: 3698
Animal
A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up. One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner told them, "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl said, "I'll go first." She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion's cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stopped dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawled up to her, and started licking her ankles. He continued to lick her calves, kissed them, and then rested his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth was on the floor. He said, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turned to the young man and asked, "Can you top that?"
The young man replied, "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."
ID: 3808
Animal
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemnly.
ID: 4387
Animal
There was once a very stupid parrot that could only say: "Who's there?"
So one fine evening, while its owner was out shopping, the gas delivery man arrived at the door. He pressed the door bell and waited for the door to be opened.
At that moment, the parrot said: "Who's there?"
The man then promptly replied: "Gas delivery man."
The parrot then spoke: "Who's there?"
The man then repeated himself again.
After several hours, the owner returned home. He was shocked to find a man outside his door, foaming in his mouth.
Puzzled, he said:" Who's that?" A voice from inside the house replied: "Gas delivery man."
ID: 679
Animal
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doin?" his mother asked; "you can't eat them if the seal is broken."
The boy explained, "I'm looking for the seal."
ID: 4892
Animal
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say Cheese!
ID: 59
Animal
What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a truck?
Bloody talented!
ID: 4391
Animal
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
+10,000 Jokes