ID: 18119
Animal
Breaking News! Daisy the Dalmation is entering the presidential election along with Mitt Romney and Barack Obama.Right now we are going to hear her campaign speech.
" Voting for your next president will be very difficult to chose so let me make it easier. You can vote for the white guy or the black guy. You vote for me you get both.!"
ID: 16629
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
RU[color=red]E[/color]
Are you ready: [R U + red E].
ID: 16528
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
lookkool
Look both ways!
ID: 1726
Animal
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear."
Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear."
Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?"
The baby polar bears replies, "Because I'm f-ing freezing!"
ID: 12828
Animal
Q: What does a 1000 pound bird say??
A: SQUAWK!!!
ID: 677
Animal
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
ID: 1
Animal
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef!
ID: 16048
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
SMOKE
G
Go up in smoke!
ID: 4199
Animal
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
+10,000 Jokes