ID: 10868
Animal
I sprayed my dog with spot remover. Now he is gone.
ID: 11886
Animal
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable for the cat, as possible.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lie on the floor in a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
ID: 2234
Animal
What's the difference between a Scot and Mick Jagger?
Mick Jagger sang "Hey, you, get offa my cloud."
The Scot says "Hey, McCloud, get offa my ewe."
ID: 649
Animal
One day Little Red Riding Hood was walking in the woods. She put her head between some bushes and suddenly she sees the wolf with his eyes wide open and red.
She asks him, "Why are your eyes so big, wolf?"
The wolf answers, "Shut up and let me shit in peace!"
ID: 59
Animal
What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a truck?
Bloody talented!
ID: 784
Animal
Q: Where do cows go on Saturday nights?
A: To the moovies
ID: 2310
Animal
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A Pork-Chop!
ID: 1024
Animal
If it sounds like a duck, has a beak like a duck and feet like a duck, and swims like a duck, you still better make sure that it ain't a platypus!
ID: 14896
Animal
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a jeep and a dog?
A flying car-pet!
+10,000 Jokes