ANIMAL

ID: 2522

Animal

Playground

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

ID: 10740

Animal

Make it Stiff

A boy went to his grandpa's & grandma's house. He asked his grandpa, while his hand holds a worm, "If I can make this worm stiff, would you give me $10?" His grandpa said, "Yes."

Then he sprayed the worm with hair spray, and the worm became stiff. The grandpa looked surprised. He then tells his wife about what happened, and together, they give the boy $20. Grandma then said, "Here's $10 from grandpa for making the worm stiff, as he promised, and $10 from me for the great idea."

ID: 7726

Animal

A Cats Diary

Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.

I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.

ID: 17688

Animal

Why Did the Dinosaur Cross the Road?

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens weren't invented yet.

ID: 536

Animal

Donkey Raffle

A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well then, just give me my money back."

"I can't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK then, just unload the donkey."

"What ya gonna do with em."

"I'm gonna raffle him off."

"Ya can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece and made a profit of $898."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back."

ID: 13808

Animal

A Talking Horse

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey - come over here, buddy." The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"

The horse replies, "Sure was, man. I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money cause I can still run."

The jogger thought to himself, "Boy, a talking horse."

Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer, "Hey, man, I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field."

The farmer replies, "Son, you can't believe anything that horse says - he's never even been to Kentucky."

ID: 2020

Animal

This is Meant to be Funny in a Stupid Way Again

Where does Batman's goldfish live ?


In the BAT-TUB!! ahahaha...

ID: 11656

Animal

Zoo

Last time my friend went to the zoo, he got in trouble for feeding the monkeys...








...to the lions.

ID: 12635

Animal

Who Scares Humans the Most?

A bear, a lion and a chicken were having a discussion as to which one of them scares humans the most.
"I only have to growl," said the bear, "and people start to get a bit nervous."
The lion said, "I just have to roar and people run away."
"That's nothing," replied the chicken. "I only have to sneeze and the whole world panics."

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