ID: 9119
Animal
Want to know a dirty joke?
A white horse falls into a mud puddle.
Wanna know a clean joke?
The horse takes a shower.
ID: 4368
Animal
Here are two versions of the same story--
A certain man was passing through a small town and wanted to upgrade his mode of transportation. So he looked all around this small town he was in and found that the only place he could buy a faster means of transportation was at the local monastery. They had a horse for sale there for quite a deal. When the man was leaving the monastery with his new horse the monk that was sold him the horse said "Now all you have to remember is- When you want the horse to move all you need to say is 'Hallelujah' and when you want it to stop say 'Amen.'" The man then gave the monk a half acknowledged nod and continued on his way.
After several miles the man sneezed and spooked the horse. The horse started running faster and faster. Then the man noticed a cliff ahead of him and stared to panic and said a prayer when the traveler said "Amen" the horse stopped right on the edge of the cliff. Then the man shouted and Praised God saying "Hallelujah!"
A certain man traveling ran into a stroke of bad luck. His horse died when he was still traveling, but luckily he was only a few miles off of a small town. He reached the town and inquired where he would be able to find a horse and he was told that the only person who had horses in the town was the preacher. The man went to the preacher and asked if he could buy a horse. The preacher said: "Why certainly I'll sell this one right here to you. But remember this; I trained my horses to move when you say 'Praise the Lord' and when you want the horse to stop say 'Amen.'"
With that the man thanked the preacher and said "Praise the Lord!" and the horse and the man immediately went riding away. While the man was riding along he noticed a cliff ahead of him and thought to himself "What was it that the preacher told me to say to get this horse to stop?" he then tried "Whoa whoa, Betsy!" but the horse kept on riding. The man finally so desperate said a prayer and at the end of his payer he said "Amen." The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man looked down the steep cliff and said "Praise the Lord!"
ID: 11387
Animal
What do you call a lonely fisherman?
A Master-Baiter
ID: 46
Animal
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
ID: 6365
Animal
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."
The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away."
The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how's Mom?" asked the man.
"She's on the roof and won't come down."
ID: 9865
Animal
A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink.
The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.
There was a wee pig running around the kitchen - running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using"
ID: 2007
Animal
A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?"
One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females.
So they put the four parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male parrots, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One male parrot said to the other, "Put the Bibles away! We've made it to heaven!"
ID: 1835
Animal
A panda walks into a bar and eats lunch. When he is finished he shoots the waiter and leaves.
The owner ran after the panda and asked him why he did such and thing. The panda replied, "Look up the word 'panda' in the dictionary."
The owner did so and it read, "Panadas are black and white animals. They eat shoots and leaves."
ID: 17530
Animal
Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There's an empty Mini parked outside.
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