ID: 6308
Animal
What kind of monkey eats chips?
A chipmunk!
ID: 10375
Animal
Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because the chiken retired.
ID: 1122
Animal
A bear and a rabbit are walking together and they find a magic lamp. They decide to rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "Thank you for releasing me I will give you both 3 wishes."
The bear thinks and says, "I wish all the other bears in this forest were lady bears." Then the rabbit says, "I wish for a little motorcycle that is perfect for me." The genie grants both wishes.
Then the bear decides his second will be for all the bears in the country besides him to be female The rabbit wishes for a little helmet that fits his head and has holes for his ears.
Then the bear says, "Why not have all the bears in the world be girls." Then the rabbit, thinking quickly, says, "I wish the bear was gay," and speeds off on his motorbike.
ID: 648
Animal
Duck #1: Quack
Duck #2: Quack
Duck #3: Quack Quack
Duck #1 takes out a gun and shoots Duck #3.
Duck #2: "Why did you shoot him?"
Duck #1: "He knew too much."
ID: 327
Animal
The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this warning...
"Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognise the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
ID: 4606
Animal
Three guys are in an bar sitting around a log fire with their dogs and get to talkin' about them.
First one says, "My dog is called Woodworker. Go Woodworker!" The dog grabs a log from fire and with his teeth and fashions a beautiful figurine.
Next one says, "My dog is called Stoneworker. Go Stoneworker!" The dog drags a rock from the fire front and creates a beautiful carving.
Third one says, "My dog is called Iron Worker." He puts the fire tongs into the fire and gets them red hot.
"Now," he says, "I'll just touch him on the nose and you watch him make a bolt for the door."
ID: 5309
Animal
What is it called when an insect kills themself?
Pesticide!
ID: 12247
Animal
So this chicken walks into the library, and she walks up to the librarian and she says: "Book."
The librarian says: "You want a book?"
"Book."
"Any book?"
"Book."
So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off she goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, "Book-book"
The librarian says: "Now you want two books?"
"Book-book."
So she gives the chicken two more novels. The chicken leaves but she comes back soon. "Book-book-book."
"Three books?"
"Book-book-book."
So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she'll follow the chicken and find out what's going on.
The chicken goes down the alley, and out of town and towards the woods, into the woods and down to the river, down to the swamp, and there is a bullfrog. The chicken sets the books down by him, and he looks at them and says: "Reddit...Reddit...Reddit."
ID: 2421
Animal
What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
"Let us prey."
+10,000 Jokes