ID: 5044
Animal
What does a cow do for entertainment?
Listen to moo-sic.
ID: 18108
Animal
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur, a tiger, a crocodile, a spider, and a elephant?
I don't know but you better get out of it's way!
ID: 5309
Animal
What is it called when an insect kills themself?
Pesticide!
ID: 6258
Animal
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.
A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
The moral of the story:
1.) Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2.) Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.
3.) And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.
ID: 6466
Animal
There was a fatal bus accident and the only survivor was a monkey. In order to fill in the blanks of the event, the police had hired a monkey trainer that could speak sign language with the monkey.
The trainer first asked the monkey if he had actually been on the bus. The monkey nodded yes.
The trainer then asked the monkey what was going on in the bus just before the accident. The monkey made hand motions to signal that there had been some heavy drinking of alcohol going on.
The trainer motioned, "I see, what else was going on?" To this, the monkey made gestures to show people smoking marijuana.
The trainer motioned, "Isee, what else was going on?" To this, the monkey depicted with his hands that everyone was having sex.
The trainer, conviced of what actually happened, then asked the monkey, "What were you doing while all this was going on?"
The monkey replied, "looking over my shoulder while I was driving the bus!"
ID: 12673
Animal
A man.
ID: 12536
Animal
Q: What to you call it when your pet jackrabbit dies?
A: A bad "Hare" day
ID: 6365
Animal
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."
The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away."
The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how's Mom?" asked the man.
"She's on the roof and won't come down."
ID: 11601
Animal
What do you call a sheep with no eyes?
A blind sheep (what else?)
+10,000 Jokes