ANIMAL

ID: 4853

Animal

Stressed Ant

There were 3 ants in a house. They all had to decide where they wanted to sleep. One ant decides to sleep in the cabinet, one in the cookie jar, and one in the toilet.

The next morning they all woke up and meet on the stove top to ask each other how their sleep was. The one who slept in the cabinet said his was hot. The one who slept in the cookie jar said his was sweet! The one that slept in the toilet said that " First it got dark, then it rained, a big gust of wind came, and if it wasn't for that big log.....I would have drowned!!!"

ID: 4930

Animal

Grizzly Fish

What do you get when you cross a fish and a grizzly?

A Bearacuda.

ID: 11599

Animal

Pigs and Centipedes

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?

A: Bacon and legs

ID: 14261

Animal

Sick Joke

Ahmed was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Tauseef Khan. As Tauseef stood beside the bed, Ahmed's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Tauseef lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Ahmed used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note, then died.

Tauseef thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Tauseef was visting Ahmed's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Ahmed died.

"You know," he said, "Ahmed handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing him, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're - standing - on - my - oxygen - tube!"

ID: 15117

Animal

The Lion and the Thorn

A man was sailing down the river amazon in a canoe, when he was hit by a poison dart. He woke up some time later in a cage, surrounded by a tribe chief and his minions. The chief said "You have been tresspassing on our tribes private property. You will be doomed to death by ravens pecking out your insides. However, if you pass our 2 tests, you will be allowed to go. The first of which is a test of courage, of bravery, of strength. You must go into the first tent, and there you will find a lion, a lion with a thorn in its paw. The second challenge is one of compassion, thought and love. You must shag the 10 most beautiful ladies of our tribe. Now, let the challenges begin..."

The man goes into the tent and at first, there is much roaring and howling, but eventually it calms down. Then the man comes out and says "That's the first challenge done! Now where are those 10 beautiful ladies who I must pull thorns out of their paws?"

ID: 16629

Animal

RU[color=red]E[/color]

Can you decipher this phrase?

RU[color=red]E[/color]

Are you ready: [R U + red E].

ID: 16677

Animal

AND ED

Can you decipher the following common phrase?

AND
ED

Underhanded!

ID: 17854

Animal

Don't Buy A Labrador!

Paddy tells Mick he's thinking of buying a Labrador dog.

"Oh, I wouldn't if I were you!", says Mick. "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

ID: 5439

Animal

Crabs

A lonely female crab was walking down the beach one evening when she noticed a male crab coming toward her—but he was walking straight and not sideways!

Impressed by his talent, she decided to marry him immediately.

The next morning she noticed him walking sideways like any ordinary crab! She asked, "What happened? Yesterday you were able to walk straight!"

He answered "What?! I can't get that drunk every day!".

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