ID: 1991
Animal
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that read $50.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first ... that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes he says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room, and waited for it to say something.
The bird carefully looked around the room, then it looked at her and said, "New house ... new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the parrot looked at both of them, and said, "New house ... new madam ... new hookers."
The girls were at first a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the whole situation. She then began to think about how to explain this to Keith, her husband.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. Before he had time to close the door, the bird took one look at him and said, "Hi Keith."
ID: 11657
Animal
Man 1: "My budgie lays square eggs!"
Man 2: "Really! That's amazing! Can it talk as well?"
Man 1: "Yes, but only one word."
Man 2: "What's that?"
Man 1: "Ouch!"
ID: 5054
Animal
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smell-icopter
ID: 16778
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
box box box box box
box box box box box
box box Shit box box
box box box box box
box box box box box
Shit in the box!
ID: 7022
Animal
A man and his love had a terrible spat:
She scratched his face and he knocked her flat;
She spat at him and he threw her around;
She jumped from behind and he fell to the ground.
How sad to see such trouble as that...
Between a man and his household cat!
ID: 8632
Animal
Q: Did you hear the story about the peacock?
A: It's a beautiful tail.
ID: 14625
Animal
A young boy asks his dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son; that's confidential!"
ID: 6972
Animal
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
ID: 8509
Animal
Two cows were in a field grazing.
First cow says, "MOO."
Second cow says, "You asshole, I was gonna say that."
+10,000 Jokes