ID: 10388
Animal
Once i bought a squirrel and I named it Melinda, and then I gave it food and then it died! Now I have a box named Joice Ann and I gave it some water and it fell down and then it died!
ID: 1075
Animal
A man had just got his car stuck in a mudhole during a drive in the country and he needed help getting it out. So he walked until he found a farm and asked the farmer for help. The farmer agrees to help the guy out. So he takes a horse out of the stable and leads him to the car. The farmer then ties a harness around the horse and the other end to the car.
The farmer yells, "Pull, Sandy!"
The horse just stands there.
The farmer yells, "Come on now, pull Twister!"
The horse once again just stands there.
Finally the farmer yells, "Ok dangit, PULL RANGER! You're just standing there!"
Finally the horse springs forward and with all the strength he has he pulls the car out of the ditch and onto the roadside.
The man thanks the farmer many times, but before leaving asks the farmer why he yelled out names of horses that weren't there.
The farmer just smiles and replies, "Oh, you see Ranger there is completely blind and a lazy horse. He wasn't going to pull if he thought he was the only one trying."
ID: 16631
Animal
Can You Decipher This Phrase?
DEINPTH VESTINIGATION
In depth investigation!
ID: 14906
Animal
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
ID: 16504
Animal
What does a dog do in your backyard that you don't want to step in?
Dig a hole.
If you step in the hole, you might twist your ankle!
ID: 15398
Animal
Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law -
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
ID: 12255
Animal
A duck, a skunk, and a frog go to the movies. Tickets cost one dollar. Which animal doesn't get in?
The skunk!
The frog has a green back, the duck has a bill, but the skunk only has a scent.
ID: 3283
Animal
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.
"That's the one!"
"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?"
"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me."
ID: 15224
Animal
Are Dogs Welcome?
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel located in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is very well behaved and well groomed. I would like to know if I would be permitted to keep him in my room with me at night."
The hotel owner sent a reply immediately, which said, "I have been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I have never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or anything else. I have never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly, nor have I ever had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
"Yes, indeed," continued his reply, "your dog is most welcome at my hotel. Should your dog be willing to vouch for you, you are welcome to stay here too!"
+10,000 Jokes