ID: 1024
Animal
If it sounds like a duck, has a beak like a duck and feet like a duck, and swims like a duck, you still better make sure that it ain't a platypus!
ID: 17691
Animal
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
To "lay it on the line".
ID: 3698
Animal
A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up. One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner told them, "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl said, "I'll go first." She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion's cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stopped dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawled up to her, and started licking her ankles. He continued to lick her calves, kissed them, and then rested his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth was on the floor. He said, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turned to the young man and asked, "Can you top that?"
The young man replied, "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."
ID: 7309
Animal
Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease...
* Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
* She refuses to let you milk her, saying, "Not on the first date."
* Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of her ears.
* Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
* Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
* Your cow demands to be branded with the "Golden Arches" logo.
* Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
* Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
* Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
* She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
* Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
* Your cow starts smoking her grass rather than eating it.
* Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.
* Your cow insists that she can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding her Hershey bars.
* Your cow asks you to brand her again, but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
* Your cow purposely blinds herself with a dart and yells "Bullseye!"
* Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar."
* Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
* Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out her nose.
* You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
* Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows' cuds.
* Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme, if she had a really good run at it.
ID: 17119
Animal
In the morning elephants put springs on their feet and jump around the jungle.
Now the most fearsome sound to a monkey is "Boing Boing"
ID: 16533
Animal
Can You Decipher This Phrase?
R
U
N
Run down!
ID: 16405
Animal
A dog goes up to a man with a pizza and starts whining for some.
Man to Owner: Can I throw him a bit?
Owner smiles proudly: Yes.
The man picks up the dog and throws him on the ground.
ID: 16529
Animal
Can You Decipher This Phrase?
pu
Back up!
ID: 16502
Animal
Jenny: How did the turtle cross the freeway?
Forrest: I don't know.
Jenny: Take the 'r' out of 'free'. Now, take the 'f' out of 'way'.
Forrest: There's no 'f' in way!
+10,000 Jokes