ID: 17528
Animal
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.
ID: 16278
Animal
An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral.
Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes there. About two months later, a priest saw the old man there with his dog and decided to go talk to the old man.
"Hello there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit your wife's grave and we just think that so sweet. We were all wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since you always bring it out here with you."
"No, actually I bring the dog out here to pee on the grave. I'd do it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"
ID: 16809
Animal
Which word is the odd one out:
football polo badminton baseball golf tennis cricket billiards rugby
Badminton.
This is the only sport which does not use a ball, it uses a shuttlecock.
ID: 16069
Animal
yo mama so hairy and fat, that when she went to a museum they yelled "the mammoth's alive!"
ID: 16419
Animal
A man is just about to break a record. Suddenly, a dog jump up and bites him on the neck.
Q: Is the dog owned by the former record keeper?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the former record keeper intend this to stop other people from breaking his record?
A: Yes.
The murderer doesn't want other people to break his record. Therefore, he has trained his dog, so that when the dog hears someone speaking the last digits of pi that the murderer can recite, it will bite him to death.
ID: 16752
Animal
Mike, a 3-year-old, proudly walked into the kitchen of his house carrying a caterpillar. However, his mother was disgusted and wanted Mike to take it outside.
"Mike, his mother is probably looking for him. Why don't you take him outside?" said the mother.
Three minutes later, Mike was back. "Look mommy!" he said, showing his mother two caterpillars. "I got his mommy too!"
ID: 16533
Animal
Can You Decipher This Phrase?
R
U
N
Run down!
ID: 16629
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
RU[color=red]E[/color]
Are you ready: [R U + red E].
ID: 16337
Animal
A salesman was traveling through the countryside, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.
"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it."
The farmer was dubious.
"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you, and get everyone in the county to buy a case. We will make you rich."
The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake.
Back to the house went the farmer.
The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield.
Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him - yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn - but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.
"Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?"
The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,
"Doesn't that calf have a mother?"
+10,000 Jokes