ID: 2319
Animal
Joe: Hi Jack. How did you like horseback riding?
Jack: Not that much. The problem was that the horse was too polite.
Joe: Polite?
Jack: Yep. When we reached the fence he let me go over first.
ID: 3242
Animal
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a German shepperd. The shopkeeper, replies that it will cost him $500. The man thinks for a minute, then asks how much a beware of dog sign costs. The shopkeeper calmly replies that it costs a whopping $1.98. The man thinks for a while longer, and asks for a beware of dog sign.
ID: 17688
Animal
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens weren't invented yet.
ID: 3931
Animal
A man had a very smart dog. He tried selling it for around $45, but everybody thought it was too expensive. The man couldn't lower the price because part of the deal was to buy it a new name tag, 5 lbs. of food, and a new toy.
After long thought he decided to get rid of the dog. He drove 20 miles out of town and dropped the dog off. When he arrived home, the dog was on the porch. He was baffled by this, so he went out of town 80 miles the next day and dropped his dog off in the woods. He went home only to find his dog on the porch.
Next day he was mad, so he drove 170 miles out of town taking the most complicated way possible and dropped his dog off. He started driving around trying to find his way home, but he couldn't. He called his wife on his cell phone and asked, "Honey, is the dog home?" His wife responded, "Yes, why?" The man said, "Put him on the phone - I need directions."
ID: 15953
Animal
A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen.
"Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the middle of the salmon."
Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again.
"Ma'am, the cat is dead!"
The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped.
Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat. "Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"
ID: 16603
Animal
A masked man all of a sudden gave a beggar 1 million dollars.
Man: Why did you give me so much money?
Masked Robber: I steal from the rich and give to the poor.
Man: I'm rich!
Masked Robber: Okay give me all your money.
ID: 17689
Animal
Why didn't the duck cross the road?
To prove he's no chicken.
ID: 11311
Animal
What did the fish say when he crashed into a wooden wall?
Beaver damn!
ID: 18172
Animal
What do you call a blind German?
A not see!
+10,000 Jokes