ID: 10375
Animal
Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because the chiken retired.
ID: 13376
Animal
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are here to welcome me." - Unknown
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer
"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." – Colette
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." -Joseph Wood Krutch
ID: 16632
Animal
Can You Decipher This Phrase?
BALLBBALLABALLSBALLKBALLEBALLTBALL
Basket Balls!
ID: 1
Animal
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef!
ID: 6145
Animal
Q: What do you call it, when a bison gets a loan?
A: A Buffa-loan!
ID: 16691
Animal
Make sure the lawyer YOU hire does not do any of these things:
1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you cocaine.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is,
they high-five each other.
4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
11. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally
McBeal once said ..."
12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
14. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
15. The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
16. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
Thank you for checking these precautions.
ID: 5309
Animal
What is it called when an insect kills themself?
Pesticide!
ID: 6374
Animal
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said, "Sidney, are we the type of snake who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?"
The second snake says, "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
ID: 16048
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
SMOKE
G
Go up in smoke!
+10,000 Jokes