ID: 5263
Animal
What do you call a horny fish?
A blowfish
ID: 13260
Animal
There were two fish. The first says:
"We're gonna swim 100 miles upstream, have sex, then die."
The second says:
"So we're gonna swim 100 miles upstream, then die?"
First fish:
"Yup"
Second:
"Are we gonna have sex?"
First :
"Yup"
Second:
"Ok count me in!"
ID: 18133
Animal
Why didn't Megan Fox run from the man-eating lion?
Because she was a woman.
*Told to me by a 7-year-old*
ID: 12032
Animal
Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top.
"What's in that box?" Mrs. Riddle asked.
"A cat," Mrs. Biddle answered.
"What for?"
"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared of mice. The cat is to catch them."
"But the mice you dream about are imaginary," said Mrs. Riddle.
Mrs. Biddle turned to her friend and whispered, "So is the cat."
ID: 14631
Animal
This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).
That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.
The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.
"Well," they said, "Let's try this out."
Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"
Quick as you like, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
ID: 12635
Animal
A bear, a lion and a chicken were having a discussion as to which one of them scares humans the most.
"I only have to growl," said the bear, "and people start to get a bit nervous."
The lion said, "I just have to roar and people run away."
"That's nothing," replied the chicken. "I only have to sneeze and the whole world panics."
ID: 16808
Animal
I was traveling from Chesterton to Newcastle recently when I came across a sign which had fallen off its post at the crossroads. It was marked to Newcastle, Chesterton, Knutton and Silverdale. Unfortunately I didn't know which road to take to Newcastle and had hoped the sign would help. Luckily, I had a great idea which helped me put the sign back up pointing correctly to Newcastle. What was my idea?
I simply pointed Chesterton back the way I had come and this left the sign in its correct orientation.
ID: 18131
Animal
Mik: "Do skunks have a good sense of smell?"
Mak: "No! If they did, they'd jump off a cliff!"
ID: 11656
Animal
Last time my friend went to the zoo, he got in trouble for feeding the monkeys...
...to the lions.
+10,000 Jokes