ID: 17701
Animal
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Because he's "chicken".
ID: 8641
Animal
Q: What's the difference between a rabbit and a cow?
A: One's a rabbit and one is a cow
ID: 9874
Animal
They have finally started practicing safe sex in Scotland...
They now paint red X's on the sheep that kick
ID: 8921
Animal
What does the male centipede say to the other male centipede when a female centipede walks by?
That's a nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs.....
ID: 6941
Animal
A man was watching television when there was a knock on the door. He answered it, but only a snail was there. So he picked it up and threw it into the street.
Two years later, the man heard another knock on the door. He opened the door and it was the snail again. The snail says, "What was that all about?"
ID: 10374
Animal
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
ID: 8097
Animal
How do you catch an elephant?
Dig a hole, put peanuts around it, fill it with ashes and when the elephant goes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash hole.
ID: 8215
Animal
Where do cats go to find their tail?
The retail store.
ID: 1384
Animal
Simon the humble Crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Simon in tears.
"We can't see each other any more..." she sobbed.
"Why?" gasped Simon.
"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a mere crab, and a poor one at that, and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Simon was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.
That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Simon the crab strode in.
The lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne.
Slowly, Simon the crab made his way across the floor, and all could see that he was walking, not sideways, but FORWARDS; yes FORWARDS, one claw after another!
Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he looked the King Lobster in the eye.
There was a deadly hush for quite a while.
Finally, the crab spoke - "Bugger, I'm pissed."
+10,000 Jokes