ID: 15650
Animal
What is black and red? An ape going down a hill!
ID: 7022
Animal
A man and his love had a terrible spat:
She scratched his face and he knocked her flat;
She spat at him and he threw her around;
She jumped from behind and he fell to the ground.
How sad to see such trouble as that...
Between a man and his household cat!
ID: 16930
Animal
What do you call a dog in the sun?
A Hot Dog!
ID: 3775
Animal
Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over.
"That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?"
"Afraid not," said Tommy, a pained expressions on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."
ID: 1081
Animal
A city mouse had a country mouse stay for the weekend, and spent the whole time offering urban advice. On the last evening of the country mouse's visit, they were dining in the kitchen when in
came the largest cat the country mouse had ever seen.
"Don't panic," said the town mouse, "Leave this to me."
Marching up to the cat she said, "Bow wow wow wow! The cat turned and ran from the room.
"How did you do that?" asked the country mouse.
"Like I told you," said the town mouse, "it pays to learn a second language."
ID: 15501
Animal
There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.
He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.
The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks.
As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.
The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!
ID: 4384
Animal
Once, there were three male dogs that set eyes on a beautiful female poodle. They all rushed over to her. Aware of her charms, she said, "I will go out with the first one of you who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an intelligent sentence."
Immediately the Lab said, "I like liver and cheese."
"No imagination at all," said the poodle.
Next was the muscular Rottweiler, who blurted, "I hate liver and cheese."
"That's worse than the Lab," she replied.
Finally a tiny Chihuahua smiled at his opponents, gave the poodle a knowing wink, and said, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
ID: 15938
Animal
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
ID: 1075
Animal
A man had just got his car stuck in a mudhole during a drive in the country and he needed help getting it out. So he walked until he found a farm and asked the farmer for help. The farmer agrees to help the guy out. So he takes a horse out of the stable and leads him to the car. The farmer then ties a harness around the horse and the other end to the car.
The farmer yells, "Pull, Sandy!"
The horse just stands there.
The farmer yells, "Come on now, pull Twister!"
The horse once again just stands there.
Finally the farmer yells, "Ok dangit, PULL RANGER! You're just standing there!"
Finally the horse springs forward and with all the strength he has he pulls the car out of the ditch and onto the roadside.
The man thanks the farmer many times, but before leaving asks the farmer why he yelled out names of horses that weren't there.
The farmer just smiles and replies, "Oh, you see Ranger there is completely blind and a lazy horse. He wasn't going to pull if he thought he was the only one trying."
+10,000 Jokes