ID: 5183
Animal
Q:What happens when two frogs collide?
A: They get tongue tied
Q: How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A: Unhoppy
Q: What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit?
A: A rubbit
Q: Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?
A: He liked a good croak and dagger
Q: What happened to the frog's car when his parking permit expired?
A: It got toad
ID: 18031
Animal
One time I was walking and I saw a deer then a turkey comes out and the turkey and deer interact by speaking in human words then all of a sudden a really bright light formed and the deer and turkey have fused to make a durkey a dear and turkey combined it has a head of a deer and the body of the turkey after that this was on the news and they said it could be seen from Africa(No permanent eye damage was reported)so then a passer by the next day(I was in that same area where the turkey and deer fused)took the durkey and that guy who ate it became that same turkey(The one the deer talked to before fusing)but the good ole friend the deer was gone that passer by became the turkey but the deer got eaten the normal way.This should keep you laughing for hours
ID: 13663
Animal
Cock-a-doodle-doo, it's time for chicken,
Cock-a-doodle-doo, it's time for a feast,
Eat a ninety-piece bucket then you can tell,
He's been to Cluckin' Bell!
Chicken is a bird with a tiny brain,
So we assume he doesn't feel any pain.
We shrink their heads and we breed 'em fast;
Six wings, forty breasts and then they're gassed.
Cock-a-doodle-doo we're psychotic crazies,
Cock-a-doodle-doo factory farming's insane.
We denied it all before our stock price fell,
Come down to Cluckin' Bell!
ID: 677
Animal
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
ID: 59
Animal
What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a truck?
Bloody talented!
ID: 327
Animal
The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this warning...
"Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognise the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
ID: 12231
Animal
Q. What's the difference between Bill and Monica.
A. One can't come clean and the other one can't clean cum.
Q. What's Monica's favorite instrument?
A. She's good at the piano, but she sucks at the organ!
Q. How will everyone remember Bill Clinton in history?
A. The President after Bush
Q. What's the new game there playing in the White House?
A. Swallow the Leader
Q. Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book?
A. It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing"
Q. What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A. Get out of my sun!
Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A. Got two fives for a ten?
Q. How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
A. By putting a plunger in the toilet.
Q. What is the name of Helen Keller's dog?
A. Nyah, nyu, yuh, yah.
Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
Q. What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?
A. "Not according to Dad."
Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?
A. Some people still believe in Santa Claus.
Q. What's the difference between Hillary and Bill?
A. Hillary doesn't get caught.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A. The greyhounds wait for the hairs to come out.
Q. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
A. The Spice Girls!
Q. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
A. His face.
Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.
Q. How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?
A. They were dating the same girl in high school.
Q. Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper takes a boat ride, the boat capsizes, who gets saved?
A. The United States of America!
Q. What does Hillary do after she shaves her pussy every morning?
A. Sends him to work!
Q. Why did all the faggots vote for Clinton?
A. Because faggots like assholes better than Bush.
Q. Why doesn't Bill like old houses?
A. He's afraid of the draft.
Q. When will there be a woman in the White House?
A. When Hillary leaves town.
Q. What does JFK Jr. miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
A. The runway.
Q. What was JFK Jr. drinking at the time of the crash?
A. Ocean Spray.
Q. How did JFK Jr. learn how to fly?
A. He took a crash course.
Q. What will it take to bring the Kennedy family back together?
A. One more mishap!
Q. Hear about Kennedy Airlines?
A. Their motto is "Your luggage will arrive before you do!"
Q. What has four legs and no ears?
A. Mike Tyson's dog.
Q. Why does Hillary always get on top?
A. Bill can only screw up.
Q. Did you hear about the latest JFK Jr. movie?
A. Its called Three Funerals and a Wedding.
Q. Why didn't JFK Jr. and his wife have a shower before getting on the plane?
A. They figured they would wash up on shore!
Q. What do you get when you cross Raquel Welch with Santa Claus?
A. A thank you from Santa!
Q. What does Woody Allen call an unborn baby?
A. A blind date.
Q. Did you see Dolly Parton's new shoes?
A. Neither did she.
Q. What's brown and half eaten?
A. The Queen Mothers Easter egg.
Q. What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?
A. Michael's been able to have kids.
Q. What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson.
Q. Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A. So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!
Q. What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
A. Figuring out which parent is his mother.
Q. What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
A. It's the little boy inside him.
Q. How did Michael get in trouble?
A. He was feeling a little Randy.
Q. Why does Michael Jackson scream?
A. Because it hurts.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
A. Neil walked the moon, Michael Jackson... fucked little boys.
Q. Did you hear about Michael Jackson's new band?
A. It's called the Jackson Five and Under.
Q. What did Saddam say when he came out of his hole?
A. Did I beat David Blaine?
Q. What did the woman tell Michael Jackson at the beach?
A. Get out of my son!
Q. Why does Michael Jackson like twenty six year olds?
A. Cause there's twenty of them.
Q. What does Michael Jackson and a Nintendo have in common?
A. They are both made of plastic and kids turn them on.
ID: 649
Animal
One day Little Red Riding Hood was walking in the woods. She put her head between some bushes and suddenly she sees the wolf with his eyes wide open and red.
She asks him, "Why are your eyes so big, wolf?"
The wolf answers, "Shut up and let me shit in peace!"
ID: 16902
Animal
A man goes to the store with a list of things he needs to buy for his wife, and as he is going in he sees a child with free kittens.
He continues and buys the things on the list.
On the way out he sees the free kittens again and no-one has taken any.
So he takes his things to his car, comes backs and takes the SIX kittens that are left.
He goes home brings in the groceries and then the six kittens. when his wife sees the six kittens she says "Why do you have six kittens, six kittens!"
Husband calmly replys, "Six kittens hell, those are six pale bearers for your dead pussy!"
+10,000 Jokes