ID: 1702
Animal
Police officer: "Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle".
Dog owner: "Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle".
ID: 17061
Animal
What do you call a chicken?
A chicken.
ID: 11391
Animal
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A: A collie-flower!
ID: 1836
Animal
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A: A jump rope
ID: 6439
Animal
There once was a boy named John. When he was young, he had been given a dog. He did not know what to name it and he opened a book called "The Wonders of the Body." He came across the word "sex" and decided to name his dog after it. After about 20 years, one day, his dog when missing. He went to SPCA and see if they had seen his dog. "What's your dog's name that you are looking for?" the lady at the counter ask.
"I am looking for Sex."
"But sir, we don't provide those kind of service here, I think you should go somewhere else."
"But I need Sex a lot, I can't live without Sex, you can't ask me to go away like that."
"I think you've miss understood. This is the SPCA, not some brothel, so please excuse me."
"Hey miss, you can't do that! I need Sex everyday! Sex is very important to me ... "
"Sir, but would you mind ..."
"Look lady, I had Sex since 5, I ... "
As he speaks, a man dragging a dog came out from behind. "Sir, is this your Sex?"
"Yes ... at least ... I've found my Sex."
ID: 16636
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
L
L
I
H
Uphill!
ID: 12207
Animal
Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
To keep his nuts warm!
ID: 16852
Animal
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone.
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.
ID: 16771
Animal
Yesterday my mother asked me to buy some stamps. Stamps, are available in 3p, 9p, 11p, 17p and 21p denominations. For three types of stamp I was asked to buy eight of each. For the other two types of stamp, I was asked to buy nine of each. Unfortunately I forgot which I was supposed to buy eight of and which to buy nine of. Luckily my mother had given me the exact money required to buy the stamps, £5.00 and the shopkeeper was able to give me the correct stamps. Which stamps did I buy?
Eight lots of 11p, 17p and 21p and nine lots of 3p and 9p. The shopkeeper rightly figured that I required eight lots of each of the stamps, which came to £4.88, he also knew I required two more stamps which added up to the difference. QED.
+10,000 Jokes