ID: 17704
Animal
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it had no frontal lobe.
ID: 1763
Animal
A while back, over in Great Britain, a woman complained to the telephone company about her phone. Sometimes, it would not ring when someone called.
The strange part, she said, was that when it did ring, the ring was invariably preceded by her dog barking. So she was convinced she had a broken telephone and a psychic dog.
Now, in Britain, the ring signal is a high-voltage low-ampere current sent from the local office to the phone. The wire which carries this signal is run from the pole to a large metal spike in the yard, which grounds the circuit.
In order to isolate the problem, the phone company sent a repairman out to climb the pole and manually send the signal down the wire. Sure enough, when he did this, nothing happened the first time. The second time, the dog barked just before the phone rang.
Investigation revealed that the dog was chained (with an iron chain) to the spike that grounded the circuit. So this is what was happening: the ground was dry, preventing the ring signal from grounding itself easily through the spike, so the current ran down the chain to the dog, paralyzing him.
When the current released the dog, he yelped and urinated, which wet the ground, so that the second ring signal made it through and the phone rang.
ID: 17701
Animal
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Because he's "chicken".
ID: 17854
Animal
Paddy tells Mick he's thinking of buying a Labrador dog.
"Oh, I wouldn't if I were you!", says Mick. "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
ID: 1384
Animal
Simon the humble Crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Simon in tears.
"We can't see each other any more..." she sobbed.
"Why?" gasped Simon.
"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a mere crab, and a poor one at that, and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Simon was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.
That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Simon the crab strode in.
The lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne.
Slowly, Simon the crab made his way across the floor, and all could see that he was walking, not sideways, but FORWARDS; yes FORWARDS, one claw after another!
Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he looked the King Lobster in the eye.
There was a deadly hush for quite a while.
Finally, the crab spoke - "Bugger, I'm pissed."
ID: 1195
Animal
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Bunny farts!
ID: 8065
Animal
Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.
ID: 11227
Animal
Q: When is a black dog not a black dog?
A: When its a grey hound.
ID: 5054
Animal
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smell-icopter
+10,000 Jokes