ID: 17697
Animal
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken's feet.
ID: 10762
Animal
Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls?
A: Sparky!
ID: 4906
Animal
What did the cat say to the other cat on the phone?
Can you hear me-ow?
ID: 7309
Animal
Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease...
* Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
* She refuses to let you milk her, saying, "Not on the first date."
* Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of her ears.
* Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
* Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
* Your cow demands to be branded with the "Golden Arches" logo.
* Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
* Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
* Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
* She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
* Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
* Your cow starts smoking her grass rather than eating it.
* Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.
* Your cow insists that she can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding her Hershey bars.
* Your cow asks you to brand her again, but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
* Your cow purposely blinds herself with a dart and yells "Bullseye!"
* Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar."
* Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
* Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out her nose.
* You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
* Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows' cuds.
* Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme, if she had a really good run at it.
ID: 4235
Animal
I know this isn't too funny, but it's one of those simple ones that put a smile on your face.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Holes all over Australia.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is getting ready to charge?
A: He pulls out his Diners' Club card.
Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide?
A: A giraffic jam.
ID: 1835
Animal
A panda walks into a bar and eats lunch. When he is finished he shoots the waiter and leaves.
The owner ran after the panda and asked him why he did such and thing. The panda replied, "Look up the word 'panda' in the dictionary."
The owner did so and it read, "Panadas are black and white animals. They eat shoots and leaves."
ID: 5424
Animal
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books: the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
ID: 2789
Animal
There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.
The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and continues in his direction.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
The car gets really close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a squirrel.
The squirrel says to the man says, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"
ID: 6422
Animal
What do elephants always bring on holiday?
A trunk.
+10,000 Jokes