ID: 14612
Animal
Two jackrabbits are running from a pack of coyotes they manage to hide under a cactus. One says to the other:
"Should we run for it, or wait till we outnumber 'em?"
ID: 18031
Animal
One time I was walking and I saw a deer then a turkey comes out and the turkey and deer interact by speaking in human words then all of a sudden a really bright light formed and the deer and turkey have fused to make a durkey a dear and turkey combined it has a head of a deer and the body of the turkey after that this was on the news and they said it could be seen from Africa(No permanent eye damage was reported)so then a passer by the next day(I was in that same area where the turkey and deer fused)took the durkey and that guy who ate it became that same turkey(The one the deer talked to before fusing)but the good ole friend the deer was gone that passer by became the turkey but the deer got eaten the normal way.This should keep you laughing for hours
ID: 12566
Animal
Q: What happens when you pour boiling water on a bunny?
A: A hot cross-buniken!
ID: 71
Animal
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam".
ID: 2033
Animal
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
ID: 17533
Animal
Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk?
A: A mouse coming back from vacation.
ID: 17309
Animal
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
ID: 17716
Animal
Milk production at a dairy farm was low so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking help from academia. A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly thereafter the farmer received the write-up, and opened it to read on the first line: "Consider a spherical cow in vacuum. . . ."
ID: 13260
Animal
There were two fish. The first says:
"We're gonna swim 100 miles upstream, have sex, then die."
The second says:
"So we're gonna swim 100 miles upstream, then die?"
First fish:
"Yup"
Second:
"Are we gonna have sex?"
First :
"Yup"
Second:
"Ok count me in!"
+10,000 Jokes