ID: 16629
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
RU[color=red]E[/color]
Are you ready: [R U + red E].
ID: 15869
Animal
<b>Little Birds</b>
Do you know someone who seems to know everything?
When asked why, they say, "A little birdie told me."
Did you know they probably aren't lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere - thus, these creatures are called "Flies Unseen Everywhere" or FUE for short. These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly.
Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend.
This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition - and those people who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don't get it? Those who's standard response to any given question is, "Huh?"
Why, I think it now should be pretty obvious to all, that the reason is simply because they don't have a clucking FUE.
ID: 14677
Animal
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."
"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."
"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."
ID: 5523
Animal
What goes 99-clump, 99-clump, 99-clump?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
ID: 14625
Animal
A young boy asks his dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son; that's confidential!"
ID: 15110
Animal
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well, son, when we trek across the desert, your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
A few minutes later, the young camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these long eyelashes?" "They're to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," replies the mother.
"Momma, why do I have these great big humps on my back?" asks the baby camel. "They're to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without eating for long periods," explains the mother.
"So, we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes and these humps to store fat," the young camel says.
"That's right, son," says the mother.
"Then why are we in San Diego Zoo?" asks the baby camel.
ID: 18108
Animal
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur, a tiger, a crocodile, a spider, and a elephant?
I don't know but you better get out of it's way!
ID: 17867
Animal
One fine day.... you're just walking by....
You look at this bird.... it shits in your eye....
You don't swear.... you don't cry....
You just thank God.... that cows don't fly....
ID: 7815
Animal
While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a cow and began a conversation.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
The Indian looked shocked.
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
The Indian looks even more shocked.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
The Indian looks extremely shocked.
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Indian
Horse: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
The Indian looks totally and utterly amazed.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your cow?"
Indian: "Cow liar."
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