ID: 15757
Animal
A child was born one day with a condition that limited him to only being able to whisper - unable to speak loudly or normally. At about 30 years old he finally goes to the doctor wanting to treat it.
"Can you treat this condition, doc?" he whispers very silently, barely heard. "Well, I can run a few tests and try to figure it out," the doctor says.
About an hour later the doctor says to the patient, "I have good news and bad news."
"What's the good news?" the man whispers.
"The good news is that we can cure it."
"What's the bad news, doc?"
"The bad news is that we'll have to amputate your penis," the doctor says.
"Oh no, I can't do that. Never mind," the man murmurs as he left the room.
A few days later the same man was out swimming deep in the ocean when he saw a fin. He knew it was a great white shark. Then the shark started to swim closer and closer...
"Shark! Shark!" he mumbled, but no one could hear him.
"Shark! Shark!" he kept whispering - then he shouted, "SHARK!"
ID: 5125
Animal
A dog is a man's best friend because it gives no advice, never tries to borrow money, and has no in-laws.
ID: 16778
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
box box box box box
box box box box box
box box Shit box box
box box box box box
box box box box box
Shit in the box!
ID: 16677
Animal
Can you decipher the following common phrase?
AND
ED
Underhanded!
ID: 14256
Animal
What's the most dangerous insect?
The hepatitis bee.
ID: 14850
Animal
Why did the cow cross the street?
To get to the udder side!
ID: 16071
Animal
wat do u call a female dog?
ID: 12983
Animal
There were three guys at an award ceremony for their school: a not-so-smart one, an average one, and a smart one.
The not-so-smart one proudly boasts, "I'm going to receive an award today!"
The average one was a bit skeptical about this and asks, "What kind of award will that be?"
Before the not-so-smart on was able to reply, the smart one said, "The Most Improved Award."
ID: 78
Animal
What do you call a blind deer?
No idea (no eye deer.)
What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
Still no idea! (not moving [still] no eye deer)
+10,000 Jokes