ID: 2800
Animal
Five toads arrived at the Heaven's Gates. The man in charge asked for each toad's name and what they had been doing.
The first gave his name and said he had been going in and out of puddles. The man let him through the gate.
He interrogated the next three toads and all three too said they had been going in and out of puddles. Since there was nothing wrong, the man let them all in.
Then he reached the last toad. She was a pretty one, in toad's sense, and when asked what her name was, she replied, "Puddles."
ID: 5125
Animal
A dog is a man's best friend because it gives no advice, never tries to borrow money, and has no in-laws.
ID: 11993
Animal
Yo mama is so skinny
Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared.
ID: 8641
Animal
Q: What's the difference between a rabbit and a cow?
A: One's a rabbit and one is a cow
ID: 16759
Animal
9 = tails of a fox.
ID: 15501
Animal
There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.
He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.
The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks.
As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.
The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!
ID: 8127
Animal
Dave had obtained a new hunting dog and was raving about it to his colleagues at work endlessly. The dog could do this, the dog could do that, the dog was amazing, etc. Finally, after three weeks of listening to this, Dave's coworkers demanded to go on a hunt with Dave and his dog so they could see the dog in action for themselves.
The following weekend, they all went duck hunting in the fields and after the sun rose, Dave turned the dog loose to hunt. The damn dog was gone for three hours and everyone, including Dave, was getting anxious about what had happened to the dog. Finally, the dog comes romping into camp with a stick in its mouth and immediately jumps on Dave's leg and started humping his leg and furiously shaking the stick in its mouth. The other members of the group were busting out laughing at this ridiculous display and berating Dave over how stupid his dog was. Finally, Dave quieted the group and explained the dog's actions thus:
He's telling me "There are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."
ID: 7804
Animal
What's gray, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
ID: 14599
Animal
A guy was walking around town with a frog growing out of his head. Another man walks up to him and ask him, "What happened to you?"
The frog answered, "Well, it started as a wart on my ass."
+10,000 Jokes