ID: 3698
Animal
A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up. One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner told them, "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl said, "I'll go first." She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion's cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stopped dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawled up to her, and started licking her ankles. He continued to lick her calves, kissed them, and then rested his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth was on the floor. He said, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turned to the young man and asked, "Can you top that?"
The young man replied, "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."
ID: 17520
Animal
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
ID: 2019
Animal
Where does Superman's goldfish live ?
In the superbowl....
ID: 7574
Animal
Why do Chickens have no breast?
Cause the Rooster has no hands!
ID: 11535
Animal
What's gray and comes in packets?
Instant elephant.
What's gray and comes in buckets?
An elephant.
What's gray and has a trunk?
A mouse going on holiday.
How do elephants hide in cherry trees?
They paint their toe-nails red.
How do elephants get down from cherry trees?
Sit on a leaf and wait for fall.
How do elephants hide in custard?
Paint the soles of their feet yellow and hide upside down.
ID: 504
Animal
There was once a big ol' tough bear strolling through the forest looking for some silly hunter to maul, when he suddenly got the urge to pass the last hunter he had eaten. He stopped by the side of the path and proceeded to dump away. Well, as he was sitting there, a cute little bunny came bounding along merrily on his way and stopped right beside the bear and also took a dump. Well, the bear was finishing up and hadn't really said a word to the little bunny so popped a question, "Do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur, little bunny?" The bunny looked up and replied, "Why no, certainly not."
Immediately the bear picked up the bunny and wiped his ass with him.
ID: 59
Animal
What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a truck?
Bloody talented!
ID: 7804
Animal
What's gray, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
ID: 679
Animal
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doin?" his mother asked; "you can't eat them if the seal is broken."
The boy explained, "I'm looking for the seal."
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