ID: 13005
Animal
Confucius say...
~He who value skin does not wash cat
ID: 16965
Animal
Q: What do you get when you cross an anteater and a monkey?
A: I haven't a goddamn clue.
ID: 16777
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
EHCA
Backache!
ID: 11656
Animal
Last time my friend went to the zoo, he got in trouble for feeding the monkeys...
...to the lions.
ID: 15941
Animal
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
ID: 16737
Animal
A man goes into a pet store, plants a bomb, and as he leaves, calls out, "You have one minute to get out!"
At that, a tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, "You BASTARD!"
ID: 15110
Animal
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well, son, when we trek across the desert, your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
A few minutes later, the young camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these long eyelashes?" "They're to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," replies the mother.
"Momma, why do I have these great big humps on my back?" asks the baby camel. "They're to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without eating for long periods," explains the mother.
"So, we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes and these humps to store fat," the young camel says.
"That's right, son," says the mother.
"Then why are we in San Diego Zoo?" asks the baby camel.
ID: 11657
Animal
Man 1: "My budgie lays square eggs!"
Man 2: "Really! That's amazing! Can it talk as well?"
Man 1: "Yes, but only one word."
Man 2: "What's that?"
Man 1: "Ouch!"
ID: 17224
Animal
A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets.
"Who's the other ticket for?" the ticket girl asked.
"For my pet chicken," he said, pointing to the bird.
"I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theater."
The man walked around the corner of the building, and stuffed the chicken into his pants. He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down.
The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark, unzipped his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.
The woman seated next to him looked down in horror. She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, "Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!"
Amanda replied, "Oh, don't worry about it. Just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."
The woman whispered back, "I know, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!"
+10,000 Jokes