ID: 6367
Animal
OK, let's consider the physical evidence.
The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year.
Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs; the tallest ones, anyway
ID: 15769
Animal
My friend Doug pointed up at a bird circling overhead and said, "Look, it's an eagle!"
"That doesn't look like an eagle," I said.
"Well of course not," he shot back amazingly quickly. "It's travelling incognito. Haven't you ever heard that "Eagles are Masters of De Skys?"
ID: 11656
Animal
Last time my friend went to the zoo, he got in trouble for feeding the monkeys...
...to the lions.
ID: 16087
Animal
Dogs...
...steal your food.
...eat all of your tennis balls.
...make you pick up their waste products.
...take all of your covers.
...eat out of the trash.
...beg.
...bark loudly at 1:00 in the morning.
...drink out of the toilet, while it still has poo in it.
...have accidents, on your floor.
And you call you dog your BEST friend,
I can't imagine what your other friends do.
ID: 12747
Animal
There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and young George was pretty excited.
"Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George.
"George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion." said Sam.
"Okay, I can do that." George answered.
Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few more instructions.
"Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end and you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle" said Sam.
"OK, OK, let's go!" said George.
"Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals will let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?" said Sam.
"Sure" says George.
Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remember's Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to say - "Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am."
ID: 12239
Animal
Q: Why did the little girls put minnows in their pants?
A: So they could smell like big girls.
ID: 15700
Animal
If you were attacked by giant mutants, what would you do? Most people would run. Some would hide, and the video recorders would record it and put it on television.
Last week, humans won a war against giant vicious demons called, "Razzoopis". Razzoopis are Godzilla-sized monsters that have rock hard bodies, and breath fire.
No one knows why it came, or how it was defeated, but the other humans had a feeling that the humans gave back its baby.
ID: 11387
Animal
What do you call a lonely fisherman?
A Master-Baiter
ID: 11763
Animal
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
He says, "My dog's cross-eyed, can you do something for him?"
"Let's have a look at him," says the vet, as he picks up the
dog, examines his eyes, and checks his teeth.
"I'm going to have to put him down," he finally says.
"What?" says the man, "just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No," replies the vet, "because he's really heavy!"
+10,000 Jokes