ID: 14256
Animal
What's the most dangerous insect?
The hepatitis bee.
ID: 1024
Animal
If it sounds like a duck, has a beak like a duck and feet like a duck, and swims like a duck, you still better make sure that it ain't a platypus!
ID: 7028
Animal
aaaaa
ID: 6972
Animal
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
ID: 1
Animal
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef!
ID: 13270
Animal
THE ADVENTURE BEGINS:
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head
to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000' foot
drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom,
killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"
THERE'S MORE
Moments later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's
been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Paddy, Watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot
from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat
parrotshooting either!"
IT IS NOT OVER YET
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two
friends when Sean Og appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean Og then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting . . . and now Sean Og and his fook'n hengliding!"
ID: 17516
Animal
Q: How can you tell that an elephant is in the bathtub with you?
A: By the smell of peanuts on its breath.
ID: 16775
Animal
Peter decided to walk to the local waterfall, 10 miles away. At the moment he started, his dog ran off from his side and proceeded to the waterfall at a constant 8 miles per hour. As soon as the dog reached the waterfall, it started the return journey to Peter, keeping to the same speed. The dog continued this odd behaviour until Peter reached the waterfall. If Peter kept to a constant 4 miles per hour, how far did the dog run in total?
20 miles: Peter took 2.5 hours to reach the waterfall. The dog was always running at 8 miles per hour, therefore it ran 20 miles.
ID: 17530
Animal
Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There's an empty Mini parked outside.
+10,000 Jokes