ANIMAL

ID: 13005

Animal

Sage Advice

Confucius say...
~He who value skin does not wash cat

ID: 16965

Animal

Um...

Q: What do you get when you cross an anteater and a monkey?
A: I haven't a goddamn clue.

ID: 16777

Animal

EHCA

Can you decipher this phrase?

EHCA

Backache!

ID: 11656

Animal

Zoo

Last time my friend went to the zoo, he got in trouble for feeding the monkeys...








...to the lions.

ID: 15941

Animal

Kind of Makes You Think 13

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

ID: 16737

Animal

Pet Store Bomb

A man goes into a pet store, plants a bomb, and as he leaves, calls out, "You have one minute to get out!"

At that, a tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, "You BASTARD!"

ID: 15110

Animal

The Baby Camel

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well, son, when we trek across the desert, your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."

A few minutes later, the young camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these long eyelashes?" "They're to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," replies the mother.

"Momma, why do I have these great big humps on my back?" asks the baby camel. "They're to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without eating for long periods," explains the mother.

"So, we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes and these humps to store fat," the young camel says.

"That's right, son," says the mother.

"Then why are we in San Diego Zoo?" asks the baby camel.

ID: 11657

Animal

Budgie

Man 1: "My budgie lays square eggs!"

Man 2: "Really! That's amazing! Can it talk as well?"

Man 1: "Yes, but only one word."

Man 2: "What's that?"

Man 1: "Ouch!"

ID: 17224

Animal

The Chicken At The Movies

A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets.

"Who's the other ticket for?" the ticket girl asked.

"For my pet chicken," he said, pointing to the bird.

"I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theater."

The man walked around the corner of the building, and stuffed the chicken into his pants. He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down.

The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark, unzipped his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.

The woman seated next to him looked down in horror. She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, "Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!"

Amanda replied, "Oh, don't worry about it. Just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

The woman whispered back, "I know, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!"

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