ID: 11386
Animal
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were alone
Just she and I
Her hair was brown
Her eyes were too
I knew just what
She wanted to do
So with my courage
I did my best
And placed my hand
Upon her breast
I trembled and shook
And felt her heart
Slowly she spread
Her legs apart
I knew she was ready
But I didn't know how
It was my first try
At milking a cow
ID: 17994
Animal
What s green and hangs from a tree???
Giraffe Boogers
ID: 6308
Animal
What kind of monkey eats chips?
A chipmunk!
ID: 3183
Animal
A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, "Have you done your chores yet?"
"No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?"
"You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs."
The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he kicks a chicken. Next, he walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.
Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"
"Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage."
Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"
ID: 8127
Animal
Dave had obtained a new hunting dog and was raving about it to his colleagues at work endlessly. The dog could do this, the dog could do that, the dog was amazing, etc. Finally, after three weeks of listening to this, Dave's coworkers demanded to go on a hunt with Dave and his dog so they could see the dog in action for themselves.
The following weekend, they all went duck hunting in the fields and after the sun rose, Dave turned the dog loose to hunt. The damn dog was gone for three hours and everyone, including Dave, was getting anxious about what had happened to the dog. Finally, the dog comes romping into camp with a stick in its mouth and immediately jumps on Dave's leg and started humping his leg and furiously shaking the stick in its mouth. The other members of the group were busting out laughing at this ridiculous display and berating Dave over how stupid his dog was. Finally, Dave quieted the group and explained the dog's actions thus:
He's telling me "There are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."
ID: 1309
Animal
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."
ID: 80
Animal
A duck walked into a store one day and asked the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk said, "No." So the duck walked out and came back the next day and said, "You got any grapes?" and the clerk said, "No." So the duck walked out and came in next time and said, "You got any grapes?" and the clerk said, "No, and if you come in again and ask if we have any grapes, I'll staple your feet to the floor." So the duck walked out and came in again and said, "You got any staples?" the clerk said, "No..." so the duck said, "You got any grapes?
ID: 4884
Animal
What does the turtle do in the Olympics?
The hurdle run!
ID: 7182
Animal
What did the male rabbit buy the female rabbit for her birthday?
14 carrot gold!
+10,000 Jokes