ID: 7391
Animal
NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.
VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.
BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark -- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...
LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never--- quite--- catch them. It spoils all the fun.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry. ...Eat a shoe.
ID: 17806
Animal
When was the price of milk the highest?
When the cow jumped over the moon.
ID: 11397
Animal
What do you call an elephant chasing a cat? Depends on what his name is.....
ID: 13005
Animal
Confucius say...
~He who value skin does not wash cat
ID: 3242
Animal
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a German shepperd. The shopkeeper, replies that it will cost him $500. The man thinks for a minute, then asks how much a beware of dog sign costs. The shopkeeper calmly replies that it costs a whopping $1.98. The man thinks for a while longer, and asks for a beware of dog sign.
ID: 17198
Animal
Top 10 Signs of Having Swine Flu
1. Tears flow from your small eyes during a nightly bedtime reading of Three Little Pigs.
2. A small curly tail is growing at the top of your tailbone.
3. When called to dinner, you head directly to the trough in the backyard.
4. Your thumbs and big toes are missing.
5. You apply mud instead of suntan lotion on a sunny day.
6. You develop a liking for truffles.
7. At each meal you literally lick your plate clean.
8. You emit short snorts between sentences.
9. When friends visit you, they remark, "Man, this place is a pigsty!"
10. Fever accompanied by the smell of bacon.
ID: 8898
Animal
Why are llamas big and brown?
Beacause if they were small & grey, they would be mice.
ID: 17546
Animal
Q: What is big and grey and comes in quarts?
A: An elephant.
ID: 8307
Animal
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because the chicken had the day off!
+10,000 Jokes