ID: 12239
Animal
Q: Why did the little girls put minnows in their pants?
A: So they could smell like big girls.
ID: 11023
Animal
Why did the piece of gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!
ID: 506
Animal
A guy responds to a job position at the city zoo. The ad mentioned the salary but not what he would be doing. He soon learns that the zoo's gorilla had unexpectedly passed away. The zoo had just spent millions on promotions that focused on the gorilla, and now they needed a gorilla. The guy really needed the job and the money was good so he accepted.
Every day, he would put on the gorilla suit, hang out in his cage, and be the gorilla. After a while, he started enjoying himself. He would scare little kids, roar at the crowds, and eat bananas. As time wore on, he became the main attraction at the zoo. He would swing on his trees and vines, and the people loved him.
One particularly busy Saturday, he was swinging around and accidentally swung over his fence and landed in the lion's cage. The lion slowly opened his eyes and saw the gorilla. The lion began to talk. The lion, now drooling and wide awake, slowly approached the gorilla that was backed up against the fence. The lion was ready to jump. The gorilla started yelling, "Help! Help! I'm not a gorilla. I'm a man! Help, help!"
Then the lion said, "Shut up, stupid, or we'll both get fired!"
ID: 1837
Animal
Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A: A sweater with pockets
ID: 2522
Animal
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
ID: 677
Animal
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
ID: 71
Animal
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam".
ID: 537
Animal
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas-pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
ID: 1131
Animal
The sky was dark
the moon was high
all alone
just her and I
Her hair was so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
she wanted to do
her skin so soft
her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
my hand on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
but slowly she spread
her legs apart,
and when I did it
I felt no shame
and all at once
the white stuff came
At last it's finished
it's all over now
my first time ever
at milking a cow
+10,000 Jokes