ID: 15145
Animal
Why is it dangerous to go in the jungle after 5 p.m?
Because elephants jump out of trees after 5 p.m.
Why do beavers have flat tails?
Because they go in the jungle after 5 p.m!
ID: 17300
Animal
Sir Lancelot was losing patience with Lady Guinevere. He had fought battles; he had jeopardized his reputation; he had ruined his friendship with King Arthur.
But it was all worthwhile just to have this time with his lovely lady. They had run away for a little while, but Lancelot was growing angry because Guinevere was spending all her time on a stupid crossword puzzle.
When she raised her quill to write in another word, he snapped. He couldn't take it any more.
He yelled in a harsh tone, "GIVE ME THE PEN GUIN!"
After that, she thought he had lost his mind, and left him.
ID: 16249
Animal
A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat, and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free - but then he felt sorry for the snake.
He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon, so he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat.
With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!
ID: 16647
Animal
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
ID: 16048
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
SMOKE
G
Go up in smoke!
ID: 16273
Animal
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth, with Tom even keeping a log of the "conversation."
Just as Tom thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife had a chat with next-door neighbour's wife.
"My husband spends his nights . . . calling out to owls," said Mrs. Rowe.
"That's odd," Mrs. Hollis replied. "So does my John."
Then it dawned on them.
ID: 12848
Animal
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
ID: 16528
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
lookkool
Look both ways!
ID: 16046
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
DOG
THE
The underdog!
+10,000 Jokes