ID: 46
Animal
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
ID: 3808
Animal
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemnly.
ID: 11599
Animal
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs
ID: 5125
Animal
A dog is a man's best friend because it gives no advice, never tries to borrow money, and has no in-laws.
ID: 17529
Animal
Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can't close the door.
ID: 6173
Animal
A city slicker decided to buy himself a pig, so he drove to the country until he saw a sign that said "PIGS FOR SALE".
Turning into the driveway, he spotted the farmer, told him what he wanted, and they agreed on a price. They went to the barn where the farmer picked up a pig by the tail with his teeth. "Yup, that there swine weighs 74 pounds."
Noticing the man's bewilderment, the farmer explained that it was a family trait, passed on through generations, to be able to precisely weigh pigs in that manner. The city slicker, however, insisted on a second opinion. So the farmer called his son over and the boy came up with the same result. The man was ready to buy the pig on the spot, but the farmer said to go on up to the house and pay his wife. The man could then bring the receipt back to the farmer and take the pig. After a long wait, the city slicker finally returned, but without a receipt.
"What's the problem, son?" asked the farmer.
"I went up there like you said," said the man, "And your wife was too busy."
"Busy doing what?"
"Well, don't quote me on this," he warned, "But I think she was weighing the milkman."
ID: 16989
Animal
There was a coconut tree and 4 animals.
1. A Elephant
2. A Monkey
3. A Tiger
4. A Mouse
Which one of these animals is going to climb up the tree to get the banana?
NONE!
"There was a COCONUT TREE"
"...the tree to get the BANANA"
ID: 4367
Animal
This is the epitaph on the gravestone of an army mule:
Here lies Maggie, who in her time kicked two colonels, four majors, ten captains, twenty-four lieutenants, forty-two sergeants, four hundred eighty-six privates, and one bomb.
ID: 6422
Animal
What do elephants always bring on holiday?
A trunk.
+10,000 Jokes