ID: 10868
Animal
I sprayed my dog with spot remover. Now he is gone.
ID: 12951
Animal
Some small ads that didn't quite come out right on paper -
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
ID: 7726
Animal
Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.
I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.
ID: 14115
Animal
In February 1993 a train knocked down and injured an elephant calf in the Sylhet region of Bangladesh. When the next train came along an hour later the calf's mother blocked the track, then banged her forehead against the engine for 15 minutes, until it could no longer run. Then she walked off into the jungle again, leaving about 200 passengers stranded for over five hours.
A man driving to work through the southern desert of Saudi Arabia ran over one of a troupe of monkeys. When he made the return trip later that day, the remaining monkeys were waiting for him. They spotted his car, jumped on it, and smashed the windows with their fists.
ID: 12673
Animal
A man.
ID: 15757
Animal
A child was born one day with a condition that limited him to only being able to whisper - unable to speak loudly or normally. At about 30 years old he finally goes to the doctor wanting to treat it.
"Can you treat this condition, doc?" he whispers very silently, barely heard. "Well, I can run a few tests and try to figure it out," the doctor says.
About an hour later the doctor says to the patient, "I have good news and bad news."
"What's the good news?" the man whispers.
"The good news is that we can cure it."
"What's the bad news, doc?"
"The bad news is that we'll have to amputate your penis," the doctor says.
"Oh no, I can't do that. Never mind," the man murmurs as he left the room.
A few days later the same man was out swimming deep in the ocean when he saw a fin. He knew it was a great white shark. Then the shark started to swim closer and closer...
"Shark! Shark!" he mumbled, but no one could hear him.
"Shark! Shark!" he kept whispering - then he shouted, "SHARK!"
ID: 8307
Animal
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because the chicken had the day off!
ID: 8096
Animal
A male blue whale, can ejaculate 40 gallons of sperm during sex.
Only 10% of that will get to the female.
The other 36 gallons is left in the sea.
No wonder the sea's so salty.
ID: 14132
Animal
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to the other side!
Why did the Mexican Chicken cross the Border?
To get to the U.S.
+10,000 Jokes