ID: 17901
Animal
It's so easy, it makes pie look hard.
ID: 6972
Animal
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
ID: 16998
Animal
Why do you go to a black person's yard sale?
To get your stuff back!
ID: 16632
Animal
Can You Decipher This Phrase?
BALLBBALLABALLSBALLKBALLEBALLTBALL
Basket Balls!
ID: 9623
Animal
A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?" "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. "Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?"
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?" The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouf, can I thee her twat"?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrathe that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?
ID: 11744
Animal
Two kangaroos were living in a zoo pen with a 20-foot high fence.
One morning, both kangaroos were found wandering around the zoo, and were quickly put back in their pen, and the fence was put up to 30 feet.
Next morning, they were found outside again, so the fence was made 40 feet high.
The fence got up to 60 feet, and still the kangaroos were outside in the morning.
One kangaroo says to the other, "How high will they make this fence, do you think?"
"Don't know," says the second. "Depends when they discover they're not locking the gate."
An elephant walks into a pub and orders a drink. He's sipping his beer when a man starts playing the piano.
The elephant looks over, and bursts into tears.
"Why are you crying?" asks the barman. "Does the tune have some special significance for you?"
"No," wails the elephant, "it's just that I recognize the keys!"
(Ivory!)
ID: 6145
Animal
Q: What do you call it, when a bison gets a loan?
A: A Buffa-loan!
ID: 10998
Animal
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
ID: 16677
Animal
Can you decipher the following common phrase?
AND
ED
Underhanded!
+10,000 Jokes