ID: 16046
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
DOG
THE
The underdog!
ID: 9302
Animal
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know, ask the chicken!
ID: 937
Animal
A local psychic hotline opened up a new number especially for frogs, called "The Psychic Frog-line." A frog called, wanting to know his future.
"You will meet a beautiful young girl," predicted the psychic.
"This is great!" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party? At the pond?"
"No," replied the psychic. "Next semester in a biology class."
ID: 8921
Animal
What does the male centipede say to the other male centipede when a female centipede walks by?
That's a nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs.....
ID: 8943
Animal
An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF ***
There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
ID: 2421
Animal
What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
"Let us prey."
ID: 496
Animal
Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"
Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. They pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with its head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!
The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!"
So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.
"Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?", one of the men asked. The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?" The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.
The farmer said, "Well boys, I don't think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."
ID: 723
Animal
Tonto and the Lone Ranger were lost on the prairie one day. The Lone Ranger says to Tonto, "Use your Indian instincts and get us out of this mess."
Tonto bends down and puts his ear to the ground. He turns and says to the Lone Ranger, "Buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger says to Tonto, "How do you know?"
Tonto says, "Ear sticky."
ID: 4926
Animal
What do you call a horse that escaped from jail?
A Zebra.
+10,000 Jokes