ID: 10261
Animal
Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for?
Well, that's probably how dogs spend most of their lives...
ID: 4232
Animal
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the armadillo that it was possible.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from Colonel Sanders!
Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
Because it was a double-crosser.
Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
To take over the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the beach?
To get to the other tide.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens hadn't evolved yet.
ID: 16502
Animal
Jenny: How did the turtle cross the freeway?
Forrest: I don't know.
Jenny: Take the 'r' out of 'free'. Now, take the 'f' out of 'way'.
Forrest: There's no 'f' in way!
ID: 4738
Animal
Q. Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs?
A. Because you might step in a poodle.
ID: 17196
Animal
How do you know if you have the swine flu?
You wake up in pigtails and then break out in rashers!
ID: 4199
Animal
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
ID: 3775
Animal
Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over.
"That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?"
"Afraid not," said Tommy, a pained expressions on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."
ID: 17689
Animal
Why didn't the duck cross the road?
To prove he's no chicken.
ID: 17306
Animal
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, "Hey, koala! What are you doing?"
The koala said, "Smoking a joint - come up and have some,"
so the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala, where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while, the little lizard said that his mouth was dry and he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped to the river bank. Then he asked the little lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, "Hey you!"
The koala looked down at him and said,
"Shiii-iit, Dude! How much water did you drink?!"
+10,000 Jokes