ID: 1131
Animal
The sky was dark
the moon was high
all alone
just her and I
Her hair was so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
she wanted to do
her skin so soft
her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
my hand on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
but slowly she spread
her legs apart,
and when I did it
I felt no shame
and all at once
the white stuff came
At last it's finished
it's all over now
my first time ever
at milking a cow
ID: 16888
Animal
Jenny walks into a pet shop and says to Bobby, the owner, "I want to buy a canary." "We have many types," says Bobby, "is there any particular one you're after?"
"Yes," replies Jenny, "its got to be a very good singer. I'm prepared to pay good money for a great singing bird."
"Lady, I've got the very one," says Bobby, "I've been in this business for a long time and this bird has the best singing voice I've ever heard - we don't call it 'Pavarotti' for nothing. I'll get it for you."
As he begins to climb a ladder to reach a small cage on the top shelf, Jenny says, "I hope you're not wasting your time. Just because you're climbing a ladder like a monkey won't make me feel obliged to buy this canary if it's not a real singing canary."
Bobby brings down the cage, places it on the shop counter and says to Jenny, "Just you listen." With that, the bird begins singing one beautiful song after another. Pleasantly surprised, Jenny murmurs, "What luck - this canary really can sing." But then, a few seconds later, Jenny shouts out, "Hey, this canary's only got one leg - are you trying to cheat me?"
Bobby replies, "Lady, do you want a singer or a dancer?"
ID: 1081
Animal
A city mouse had a country mouse stay for the weekend, and spent the whole time offering urban advice. On the last evening of the country mouse's visit, they were dining in the kitchen when in
came the largest cat the country mouse had ever seen.
"Don't panic," said the town mouse, "Leave this to me."
Marching up to the cat she said, "Bow wow wow wow! The cat turned and ran from the room.
"How did you do that?" asked the country mouse.
"Like I told you," said the town mouse, "it pays to learn a second language."
ID: 70
Animal
Two cows were standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
ID: 11971
Animal
How do you make a reindeer fast?
Don't feed it.
ID: 13380
Animal
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - Dave Platt
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." – Unknown
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." - Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemmingway
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." – Anonymous
ID: 2545
Animal
Guy1: Thats a bunch of cows.
Farmer: No, a herd.
Guy1: Of course I've heard of cows.
Farmer:.No, I mean the cow herd
Guy1: I have no secrets from cows
ID: 1309
Animal
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."
ID: 11938
Animal
The other day, I saw my friend with a big puffy red nose.
I asked her what happened and she said, "I stopped to smell a brose," then I said, "wait, there's no b in rose!"
She said, "Well, there was in that one!!
+10,000 Jokes