ID: 10768
Animal
What do snakes use for birth control?
An Anacondom!
ID: 17525
Animal
Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?
A: None. It's full of elephants.
ID: 10366
Animal
Why did the squirrel cross the road?
Because it was NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ID: 9187
Animal
A crab and an ant lost their homes. The crab says to the ant, "I'm going to find us a place to sleep tonight." They're walking and the crab sees a naked lady walking towards them. "Hey, ant. You see that lady? We're going to crawl up to her bush and go to sleep there tonight." Once up there, the crab say's to the ant, "You see that door? You go up there and sleep tonight and I'll sleep in her bush." That night when they were asleep the lady had a guy friend come over and they had sex.
That morning the ant say to the crab, "How did you sleep, Crab?"
The crab says, "Great. How did you sleep, Ant?"
"Well," the ant says "in that door you sent me at about two o'clock in the morning, someone stuck there fist in there and beat my ass. After that, they spit on me!"
ID: 9033
Animal
Q. Where does a fish like to sleep?
A. In a river bed!
ID: 10212
Animal
Q: What's a Polar Bear's favorite cereal?
A: Ice Krispies
ID: 10068
Animal
Which animals eat with their ears?
All of them, since no animal takes its ears off to eat!
ID: 9865
Animal
A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink.
The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.
There was a wee pig running around the kitchen - running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using"
ID: 8653
Animal
A man settles into his seat on the plane, when another man sits down and puts his black Labrador Retriever in the seat next to him. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he is allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog". "His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."
Once the plane has taken off and levels out, the agent says, "Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and turns to the man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."
"Say, that's pretty neat," replies the first man.
Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, but this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."
"I like it!" says his seatmate."
The agent then tells Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walks up and down the aisles for a bit, sits down for a moment, and then comes racing back to the agent. He jumps into his seat and proceeds to poop all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behavior, and can't figure out why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, "What's going on?" The agent nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"
+10,000 Jokes