ID: 15501
Animal
There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.
He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.
The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks.
As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.
The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!
ID: 12848
Animal
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
ID: 17689
Animal
Why didn't the duck cross the road?
To prove he's no chicken.
ID: 11150
Animal
Once, my parents were driving, and they wanted a cup of tea, so they drove to a cafe. When they ordered, a horse walked in and sat at the table across from them. The horse then ordered a cup of coffe. My parents thought it was a bit strange, so they asked the waitress if this was normal, and the waitress said, "No, he usually orders lemonade."
ID: 8256
Animal
Q.) Why did the dog go to court?
A.) Because it got a barking ticket.
ID: 6222
Animal
It was spring in the old west.
The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails, looking for cattle that survived the winter.
As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared, and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.
"Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."
The cowboy decided to take a chance; he knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding."
The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes."
The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.
Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable.
He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted...
"Oh My God... I was riding the MARE!
ID: 15758
Animal
Yo Momma is so smelly that when she entered a pig sty, all the pigs had to evacuate...
ID: 10359
Animal
We have found the perfect mate for
all of you ladies out there.
This mate...
will always stop watching t.v. and cuddle
with you without expecting something in return.
Is always happy to hear about
your day when you get home.
Never complains about your cooking, or lack of.
Never gets mad when you roll over in
bed and say you're too tired.
Never yells back at you when you are
having a mood swing due to pms.
Finally ladies here is your perfect mate....
A PUPPY!!!
ID: 13035
Animal
Question: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Answer: Elephino
(Hell-if-I-know)
+10,000 Jokes