ID: 13035
Animal
Question: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Answer: Elephino
(Hell-if-I-know)
ID: 17526
Animal
Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini?
A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.
ID: 15953
Animal
A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen.
"Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the middle of the salmon."
Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again.
"Ma'am, the cat is dead!"
The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped.
Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat. "Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"
ID: 15117
Animal
A man was sailing down the river amazon in a canoe, when he was hit by a poison dart. He woke up some time later in a cage, surrounded by a tribe chief and his minions. The chief said "You have been tresspassing on our tribes private property. You will be doomed to death by ravens pecking out your insides. However, if you pass our 2 tests, you will be allowed to go. The first of which is a test of courage, of bravery, of strength. You must go into the first tent, and there you will find a lion, a lion with a thorn in its paw. The second challenge is one of compassion, thought and love. You must shag the 10 most beautiful ladies of our tribe. Now, let the challenges begin..."
The man goes into the tent and at first, there is much roaring and howling, but eventually it calms down. Then the man comes out and says "That's the first challenge done! Now where are those 10 beautiful ladies who I must pull thorns out of their paws?"
ID: 16772
Animal
Polly Perkins was after a talking parrot, so she went to the local pet shop in the hope of securing such a find. She was in luck. The shop assistant assured her that the parrot would learn and repeat any word or phrase it heard. Polly was delighted. However, a week later, the parrot still hadn't spoken a word. Polly returned to the shop to complain, however, it appeared that the assistant was accurate in what he had said, and refused a refund. Why didn't the parrot talk?
The parrot was deaf and as such couldn't repeat a single word it had heard!
ID: 15700
Animal
If you were attacked by giant mutants, what would you do? Most people would run. Some would hide, and the video recorders would record it and put it on television.
Last week, humans won a war against giant vicious demons called, "Razzoopis". Razzoopis are Godzilla-sized monsters that have rock hard bodies, and breath fire.
No one knows why it came, or how it was defeated, but the other humans had a feeling that the humans gave back its baby.
ID: 17530
Animal
Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There's an empty Mini parked outside.
ID: 11765
Animal
A man walks into a bar and notices that there is a game of poker taking place at a table in the corner of the room.
To his amazement, one of the players is a German Shepherd, studying his hand intently.
He asks the barman, "Is that dog actually playing poker?"
"He certainly is, sir," replies the barman.
"I am amazed," said the man.
"Oh, it's quite true, every night, the same group comes in here and they all play poker."
"Does the dog win much?" asks the man.
"No, he's terrible, every time he gets a good hand, his tail starts to wag!"
ID: 16521
Animal
Put the characters C - D - I - M - L - V - X in the right order - but not alphabetical.
I - V - X - L - C - D - M.
Roman numerals.
+10,000 Jokes