ID: 14256
Animal
What's the most dangerous insect?
The hepatitis bee.
ID: 6145
Animal
Q: What do you call it, when a bison gets a loan?
A: A Buffa-loan!
ID: 5716
Animal
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
ID: 1075
Animal
A man had just got his car stuck in a mudhole during a drive in the country and he needed help getting it out. So he walked until he found a farm and asked the farmer for help. The farmer agrees to help the guy out. So he takes a horse out of the stable and leads him to the car. The farmer then ties a harness around the horse and the other end to the car.
The farmer yells, "Pull, Sandy!"
The horse just stands there.
The farmer yells, "Come on now, pull Twister!"
The horse once again just stands there.
Finally the farmer yells, "Ok dangit, PULL RANGER! You're just standing there!"
Finally the horse springs forward and with all the strength he has he pulls the car out of the ditch and onto the roadside.
The man thanks the farmer many times, but before leaving asks the farmer why he yelled out names of horses that weren't there.
The farmer just smiles and replies, "Oh, you see Ranger there is completely blind and a lazy horse. He wasn't going to pull if he thought he was the only one trying."
ID: 17157
Animal
This guy at work argued with everybody that his pink oxford shirt was actually "salmon." Finally, human resources brought in a grizzly bear to settle the dispute.
ID: 11763
Animal
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
He says, "My dog's cross-eyed, can you do something for him?"
"Let's have a look at him," says the vet, as he picks up the
dog, examines his eyes, and checks his teeth.
"I'm going to have to put him down," he finally says.
"What?" says the man, "just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No," replies the vet, "because he's really heavy!"
ID: 5352
Animal
A man phoned up an exclusive escort agency and asked for a woman.
"No problem," said the receptionist.
"There's just one thing," said the man,"she has to be 6' 6" tall and weigh 48lbs."
"Mmm,let me see --yes we can do that for you, but it will be expensive," said the receptionist.
"That's o.k," said the man.
"When do you want her?".
"Tomorrow night at 7pm," said the man.
The next night the doorbell rings and a painfully thin 6' 6" black woman is standing on his doorstep.
"Come in, take off all your clothes and go down on all fours," said the man.
She complies with his request.
He opens the kitchen door and a scrawny black labrador emerges.
The woman thinks, "Oh shit, what have I let myself in for?"
The man points at his dog and says, "Now that's what you'll look like if you don't eat all your dog food."
ID: 14253
Animal
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
ID: 6308
Animal
What kind of monkey eats chips?
A chipmunk!
+10,000 Jokes