ID: 10740
Animal
A boy went to his grandpa's & grandma's house. He asked his grandpa, while his hand holds a worm, "If I can make this worm stiff, would you give me $10?" His grandpa said, "Yes."
Then he sprayed the worm with hair spray, and the worm became stiff. The grandpa looked surprised. He then tells his wife about what happened, and together, they give the boy $20. Grandma then said, "Here's $10 from grandpa for making the worm stiff, as he promised, and $10 from me for the great idea."
ID: 17522
Animal
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
ID: 11655
Animal
A man was buying a horse and was given a few simple instructions.
To make the horse walk, he would say "few."
To make the horse run, he would say "many."
To make the horse stop he would say "amen."
On the man's first ride all was going well. "few!" the man shouted and the horse began to walk. "many!" the man shouted and the horse began to run. But the man had forgotten the word to make the horse stop as it ran towards the edge of a cliff.
The man shouted in terror "Lord! Please save me! Amen!"
And of course the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff-face. The man then mopped his brow and said "Phew! that was clo- AAAAARRRRGHHH!!"
ID: 8968
Animal
Q: What's the difference between a black owl and a white owl?
A: White owl: Who who
Black owl: Who that who that
ID: 8376
Animal
One beautiful morning, a husband and wife decided to go for a drive in the country. Unfortunately, no matter which road they took, they kept seeing dead possums lying on the shoulder.
After several miles of this, the husband turned to his wife and said, "Now I think I know the answer to the age-old question 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'"
"What is it?" she asked.
"Well," he replied, "it was to prove to the possums that it could be done."
ID: 362
Animal
A young man went to a house to pick up his blind date. The girl wasn't quite ready, so her father invited the lad to sit on the couch and wait. Dad sat in his easy chair and proceeded to read his newspaper, while the family dog, Rover, jumped onto the couch and sniffed out the stranger.
Suddenly, the young man felt the urge to fart and didn't know what to do, however, since the dog was nearby, he decided to squeak it out and feign innocence.
"Brrroough," went the fart! Dad peered over his newspaper and said, "Rover! Get off that couch!"
The young man was relieved. Obviously, Dad thought Rover had done the deed. Soon, another fart rumbled in the young man's guts, and he let it rip, assured that Rover would once again be blamed.
Sure enough, Dad peered over his newspaper and said more sharply, "Rover! I said get off the couch!"
Happily, the young man decided that he could fart whenever the urge arose and he let yet another one fly.
Finally, Dad threw down his newspaper in disgust and bellowed, "Rover! FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET OFF THAT COUCH BEFORE HE craps ON YOU!!!"
ID: 2800
Animal
Five toads arrived at the Heaven's Gates. The man in charge asked for each toad's name and what they had been doing.
The first gave his name and said he had been going in and out of puddles. The man let him through the gate.
He interrogated the next three toads and all three too said they had been going in and out of puddles. Since there was nothing wrong, the man let them all in.
Then he reached the last toad. She was a pretty one, in toad's sense, and when asked what her name was, she replied, "Puddles."
ID: 10212
Animal
Q: What's a Polar Bear's favorite cereal?
A: Ice Krispies
ID: 10868
Animal
I sprayed my dog with spot remover. Now he is gone.
+10,000 Jokes