ID: 15867
Animal
DON'T CHEAT!
Draw a pig. Yes, that's right.
On a blank piece of paper, draw a pig, then scroll down and read the interpretation of your pig!
Draw your pig first! And don't look at the next part until you are done! It won't be fun if you look first.
Now if you're done...start to scroll down.....
YOU'RE CHEATING! DRAW THE DAMN PIG!
ID: 11812
Animal
There is a major difference between the way a dog thinks and the way a cat thinks.
A dog says, "You feed me, shelter me, pamper me, and love me. You must be God."
A cat says, "You feed me, shelter me, pamper me, and love me. I must be God."
ID: 18049
Animal
Miley Cyrus shaves more often than Justin Bieber.
It seems he is using her older sisters in his videos.
Most of the Justin's concert are free because no one is willing to pay for it.
Police are now using Justin Bieber's songs as torture devices.
Even deaf cannot resist the song of Justin Bieber.
Kim Kardashian received death threats from Justin Bieber fans after he jokingly tweeted that she was his girlfriend. One Justin Bieber fan tweeted that she will use her lunch money to hire a hit man.
Q. What's the difference between Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga ?
A. One of them has balls and it ain't Bieber.
Justin Biebers new song is "if i were a boy".
You've got to feel sorry for JB .............. She's under extreme pressure with all the hype surrounding her.
Q: How to make Justin Bieber cry?
A: Tell him Santa's not real!
Justin Beiber fell off the ladder trying to reach puberty .
Justin Beiber will star on next transformer movie , his name in transformer will be "Faggatron" .
Q: When will Justin Bieber win the Grammy ?
A: After Justin Bieber hits the puberty , damn he will never win Grammy then.
JB wants new Barbie Doll kit as christmas gift .
ID: 15953
Animal
A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen.
"Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the middle of the salmon."
Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again.
"Ma'am, the cat is dead!"
The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped.
Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat. "Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"
ID: 11887
Animal
Laws of Feline Physics II
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedient Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigeration Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket, and a cat will jump onto the bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag or Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
ID: 16249
Animal
A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat, and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free - but then he felt sorry for the snake.
He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon, so he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat.
With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!
ID: 16273
Animal
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth, with Tom even keeping a log of the "conversation."
Just as Tom thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife had a chat with next-door neighbour's wife.
"My husband spends his nights . . . calling out to owls," said Mrs. Rowe.
"That's odd," Mrs. Hollis replied. "So does my John."
Then it dawned on them.
ID: 11765
Animal
A man walks into a bar and notices that there is a game of poker taking place at a table in the corner of the room.
To his amazement, one of the players is a German Shepherd, studying his hand intently.
He asks the barman, "Is that dog actually playing poker?"
"He certainly is, sir," replies the barman.
"I am amazed," said the man.
"Oh, it's quite true, every night, the same group comes in here and they all play poker."
"Does the dog win much?" asks the man.
"No, he's terrible, every time he gets a good hand, his tail starts to wag!"
ID: 13808
Animal
A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey - come over here, buddy." The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"
The horse replies, "Sure was, man. I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money cause I can still run."
The jogger thought to himself, "Boy, a talking horse."
Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer, "Hey, man, I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field."
The farmer replies, "Son, you can't believe anything that horse says - he's never even been to Kentucky."
+10,000 Jokes