ID: 7246
Animal
A gazelle goes out for her usual afternoon walk. About an hour later, she realizes that she is lost out in the open. Unskilled in the ways of the real world, she asks a cheetah, "Excuse me sir, do you know what time it is?" With a grin, the cheetah said, "It's lunchtime."
ID: 15167
Animal
A farmer and his friend were leaning on a fence chatting.
Suddenly, the local Game Warden showed up and insisted on checking the farmer's property and, in particular, a certain field. The farmer refused to allow him access to the field but the Warden insisted he had the right, saying, "I'm the Game Warden and I have a card! This card allows me to go in." Before the farmer could stop him, the Warden was off into the field.
Soon, a horrifying scream pierced the air and the Warden, being chased by a massive bull, reappeared running for his life. "Help, help!" he cried.
The farmer shouted back, "Show him your card! Show him your card!"
ID: 4930
Animal
What do you get when you cross a fish and a grizzly?
A Bearacuda.
ID: 4384
Animal
Once, there were three male dogs that set eyes on a beautiful female poodle. They all rushed over to her. Aware of her charms, she said, "I will go out with the first one of you who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an intelligent sentence."
Immediately the Lab said, "I like liver and cheese."
"No imagination at all," said the poodle.
Next was the muscular Rottweiler, who blurted, "I hate liver and cheese."
"That's worse than the Lab," she replied.
Finally a tiny Chihuahua smiled at his opponents, gave the poodle a knowing wink, and said, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
ID: 1728
Animal
A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my dick and pull yourself up." The rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes.
ID: 59
Animal
What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while
breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a truck?
Bloody talented!
ID: 6367
Animal
OK, let's consider the physical evidence.
The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year.
Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs; the tallest ones, anyway
ID: 784
Animal
Q: Where do cows go on Saturday nights?
A: To the moovies
ID: 8898
Animal
Why are llamas big and brown?
Beacause if they were small & grey, they would be mice.
+10,000 Jokes