ID: 12327
Animal
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!
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Q: Why did the punk rock star cross the road?
A: Because he was stapled to the chicken!
ID: 2804
Animal
A man selling hats went to a jungle for a rest. A monkey came and stole a hat. The man couldn't catch the monkey. He realized the monkey followed the man's actions. He threw the hat to the ground. The monkey threw the hat to the ground. He picked up both hats and went away.
The man then had a grandson who followed the family business and sold hats. The grandson went to a jungle to rest while selling hats. A monkey came and stole a hat. The grandson thought of his grandfather's story, and threw the hat on the floor. The monkey ran and picked up the hat. It then slapped the grandson, saying, "You think you're the only one having a grandfather?"
ID: 7574
Animal
Why do Chickens have no breast?
Cause the Rooster has no hands!
ID: 8215
Animal
Where do cats go to find their tail?
The retail store.
ID: 677
Animal
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
ID: 11320
Animal
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
To prove he was chicken!
ID: 3689
Animal
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a fool-proof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot it. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?"
The guy in the front said, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
ID: 5523
Animal
What goes 99-clump, 99-clump, 99-clump?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
ID: 2234
Animal
What's the difference between a Scot and Mick Jagger?
Mick Jagger sang "Hey, you, get offa my cloud."
The Scot says "Hey, McCloud, get offa my ewe."
+10,000 Jokes