ID: 1195
Animal
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Bunny farts!
ID: 17530
Animal
Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There's an empty Mini parked outside.
ID: 2007
Animal
A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?"
One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females.
So they put the four parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male parrots, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One male parrot said to the other, "Put the Bibles away! We've made it to heaven!"
ID: 14625
Animal
A young boy asks his dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son; that's confidential!"
ID: 15151
Animal
Is the reason they make oriental flavored noodles for Americans to get back at them for eating our dogs?
ID: 4368
Animal
Here are two versions of the same story--
A certain man was passing through a small town and wanted to upgrade his mode of transportation. So he looked all around this small town he was in and found that the only place he could buy a faster means of transportation was at the local monastery. They had a horse for sale there for quite a deal. When the man was leaving the monastery with his new horse the monk that was sold him the horse said "Now all you have to remember is- When you want the horse to move all you need to say is 'Hallelujah' and when you want it to stop say 'Amen.'" The man then gave the monk a half acknowledged nod and continued on his way.
After several miles the man sneezed and spooked the horse. The horse started running faster and faster. Then the man noticed a cliff ahead of him and stared to panic and said a prayer when the traveler said "Amen" the horse stopped right on the edge of the cliff. Then the man shouted and Praised God saying "Hallelujah!"
A certain man traveling ran into a stroke of bad luck. His horse died when he was still traveling, but luckily he was only a few miles off of a small town. He reached the town and inquired where he would be able to find a horse and he was told that the only person who had horses in the town was the preacher. The man went to the preacher and asked if he could buy a horse. The preacher said: "Why certainly I'll sell this one right here to you. But remember this; I trained my horses to move when you say 'Praise the Lord' and when you want the horse to stop say 'Amen.'"
With that the man thanked the preacher and said "Praise the Lord!" and the horse and the man immediately went riding away. While the man was riding along he noticed a cliff ahead of him and thought to himself "What was it that the preacher told me to say to get this horse to stop?" he then tried "Whoa whoa, Betsy!" but the horse kept on riding. The man finally so desperate said a prayer and at the end of his payer he said "Amen." The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man looked down the steep cliff and said "Praise the Lord!"
ID: 15696
Animal
Once a bird pooped on me, so I threw it back.
ID: 9625
Animal
HORSE RACE Line up:
In lane 1. Passionate Lady
In lane 2. Bare Belly
In lane 3. Silk Panties
In lane 4. Conscience
In lane 5. Jockey Shorts
In lane 6. Clean Sheets
In lane 7. Thighs
In lane 8. Big Dick
In lane 9. Heavy Bosom
In lane 10. Merry Cherry
AND THEY'RE OFF!!!
Conscience is left behind at the gate. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is knocking on the door.
AT THE HALFWAY MARK:
It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is moving in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.
AT THE STRETCH:
Merry Cherry pops under the strain. Bare Belly is making a final push. Big Dick is in and Passionate Lady is coming.
AT THE FINISH:
It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes through with one final thrust and wins by a head...
Bare Belly shows...
Thighs weakens...
Heavy Bosom pulls up..
And Clean Sheets never had a chance.
ID: 16771
Animal
Yesterday my mother asked me to buy some stamps. Stamps, are available in 3p, 9p, 11p, 17p and 21p denominations. For three types of stamp I was asked to buy eight of each. For the other two types of stamp, I was asked to buy nine of each. Unfortunately I forgot which I was supposed to buy eight of and which to buy nine of. Luckily my mother had given me the exact money required to buy the stamps, £5.00 and the shopkeeper was able to give me the correct stamps. Which stamps did I buy?
Eight lots of 11p, 17p and 21p and nine lots of 3p and 9p. The shopkeeper rightly figured that I required eight lots of each of the stamps, which came to £4.88, he also knew I required two more stamps which added up to the difference. QED.
+10,000 Jokes