ID: 16488
Animal
What is represented by this?
HEAR T
Broken heart!
ID: 12959
Animal
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? . . .
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road
and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DONALD RUMSFELD:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.
JUDGE JUDY:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's why they call it the "other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that!
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2006,which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of chicken.
The Platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \..... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
ID: 12951
Animal
Some small ads that didn't quite come out right on paper -
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
ID: 15869
Animal
<b>Little Birds</b>
Do you know someone who seems to know everything?
When asked why, they say, "A little birdie told me."
Did you know they probably aren't lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere - thus, these creatures are called "Flies Unseen Everywhere" or FUE for short. These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly.
Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend.
This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition - and those people who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don't get it? Those who's standard response to any given question is, "Huh?"
Why, I think it now should be pretty obvious to all, that the reason is simply because they don't have a clucking FUE.
ID: 17835
Animal
Part 1
One day, Doraemon was walking down street. He saw Hello Kitty approaching him. Excited by the encounter, he walked towards Hello Kitty and said, "Good morning".
Sadly, Hello Kitty did not reply him. Why?
Answer: Hello Kitty has no mouth.
------------------------------------
Part 2
Unhappy that she broke Doraemon's feelings, Hello Kitty decided to bring along a video recorder with the words "Good Morning" recorded by someone else. She saw Doraemon crossing the street, so she approached him and pressed the button: "Good morning".
This time, Doraemon did not reply her. Why?
Answer: Doraemon has no ears.
ID: 17873
Animal
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken and the road can't agree on anything.
ID: 16405
Animal
A dog goes up to a man with a pizza and starts whining for some.
Man to Owner: Can I throw him a bit?
Owner smiles proudly: Yes.
The man picks up the dog and throws him on the ground.
ID: 16048
Animal
Can you decipher this phrase?
SMOKE
G
Go up in smoke!
ID: 13804
Animal
Several years ago, Baltimore Zoo decided to encamp colonies of tiny Green Monkeys and large Drill Baboons together on an island, the theory being that the primates would stay put because neither could swim.
But the morning after the exhibit opened, zoo officials found little Green Monkeys off the island and wandering around the zoo. The next two mornings, it was the same thing. Finally a vigilant keeper discovered the problem stemmed less from cage design than monkey manners. The baboons, unwilling to share food, were grabbing the Green Monkeys by their tails and hurling them like Olympic hammer throwers off the island during suppertime.
The monkeys were no worse for their daily shuttle, but the colonies were separated anyway. The island is now a penguin reserve.
Swing, swing, swing, *toss* Wheeeeeee! :)
+10,000 Jokes