ID: 15961
Animal
Just after Creation the Lord noticed that the original male-female pair of snakes were not reproducing. He summoned them and said, "I thought I told everyone to go forth and multiply?" The snakes replied, "Yes Lord, but we cannot." The Lord was annoyed and thundered, "and why not?" to which the snakes answered, "You see, Lord, you made us Adders."
We could have stopped here (small groan), but actually the Lord got real sore and threatened, "I don't give a shit, just go forth and multiply!"
A week later when the Lord visited, Lo! - was he pleased. Adders here, adders there, adders everywhere. He called for the original pair. "Congratulations," he said, and then not without some bafflement inquired, "how did you do it?" The ingenious pair replied, "It was simple, Lord. We used logarithms."
Alternative ending, "Fibonacci coached us."
ID: 11893
Animal
What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him? I didn't do it on porpoise!
ID: 17528
Animal
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.
ID: 15151
Animal
Is the reason they make oriental flavored noodles for Americans to get back at them for eating our dogs?
ID: 12974
Animal
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You nique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way!
ID: 10375
Animal
Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because the chiken retired.
ID: 16226
Animal
Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms. At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, "Nice pigs, Mr. President."
Clinton replies, "I'll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razor Back Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary. So, now what do you think?"
The honor guardsman answers: "Nice trade, Sir."
ID: 16246
Animal
A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.
"Afraid not," said the farmer.
"I'll give you a thousand bucks!" said the city fella.
"I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too good," replied the farmer.
"I know horses, and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!"
"Well, all right, if you want him so bad."
The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. "You sold me a blind horse!"
"Well," said the farmer, "I told you he didn't look too good."
ID: 14903
Animal
Why was the fish expelled from school?
He was caught with seaweed!
+10,000 Jokes